Those wacky Jews were on to something.

[WayAbvPar]

It is important to have goals.

[Paelos]

  This thread is evil

[Yegolev]

But thankfully free of photographs.

[Signe]

[stray]

That monkey looks like he's been......abused.

Call Animal Protection!!

[Samwise]

The big grin on his face is a dead giveaway that he's been abused recently.

[Fabricated]

This topic sucks.

[stray]

At least it's not about woodcocks.

It could be much, much worse.

[EDIT] Hodu L'Adonai Ki Tov

[Llava]

Umm...Yeah, I've never had a blowjob. 

I didn't say you couldn't get one, but it's easier if you're driving the sports model.

Thus the "Help your son get head" instead of "Allow your son to get head"

[stray]

Heh. Y'know, now that I think of it, I can't recall one time where I "asked" for certain...favors. How much "easier" does it get than that?

One has nothing to do with the other (I really hope you're joking here).

[edit] And no, I'm not saying I'm some kind of pimp here. I'm just saying that things...happen.

[edit] Except in two cases.....Of which I have zero experience in.

[Hanzii]

Umm...Yeah, I've never had a blowjob. 

I didn't say you couldn't get one, but it's easier if you're driving the sports model.

Thus the "Help your son get head" instead of "Allow your son to get head"

With the addenum: ... from American girls.

Without the proper statistical backing I'll still be bold and claim that we do not live in some blowjobless zone over here.

So my anecdotal evidence beats up your anecdotal evidence, and then we're back with Signes most sensible, please don't mutilate torture your helpless infants!

[schild]

Mutilation implies a crippling. Which isn't even remotely near what we were discussing. But really, this thread talks more about penis than any thread on the internet should. It needs bewbies.

[Strazos]

Boobies

Boobies

and

Boobies

Naturally, all of the above links are NSFW.

[stray]

Nah, not American girls. I see what you're saying but....Well.

Screw it. I think I've offended enough people in this thread (Or not?).

Ah..To hell with it:

The two cases where you're going to have to "ask" (in an otherwise good relationship) are:

1) Marriage (Not always the case!.....But there's a very real boredom/leverage thing going on there)

2) Two people who met as virgins (or at the very least, young and inexperienced).

Now if those two criteria don't fit, then there are some very unique problems going on then (and it sure as hell isn't lack of circumcision....That's so funny it's not even offensive).

[Ironwood]

Well, just because you don't remember being tortured by a big man with scissors as an infant, doesn't mean it didn't have an affect on your personality.  I wonder if the having your foreskin suddenly whacked off raises your chances of becoming a serial killer?

It mostly just raises your chances of becoming a banker.

Wheeeeeeeeeee.

Forward the Roflcopter.

[Signe]

Stop that, Strazos! 

Here are some wine bottles that look like boobies to calm everyone down:

[Samwise]

Mutilation implies a crippling. Which isn't even remotely near what we were discussing.

If you Google the word "mutilation" most of the results seem to be pages about circumcision.

If you Google "boobies" on the other hand, you get this picture.

[HaemishM]

That is truly disturbing.

[Polysorbate80]

Might as well supply some more Den-type material with one of my favorite Dr. Demento tunes:

Bras On 45
By Ivor Biggun


Bra size fourty-five, Bra size fourty-five,
Bra size fourty-five, Bra size fourty-five

Well I went out for a boogie, a week ago last Tuesday
I was doing the Wigan Hustle and the Palais Glide
I met a girl in big suspenders and her boswams were stupendous
Like two bald-headed men sitting side by side

She wore a bra size fourty-five, and she could jump and jive
And when she stopped dancing, bits of her kept wobbling about
She said you drive me crazy, burn some rubber on me Baby
She grabbed my little whistle and she began to shout...

Hit me with your rhythm stick, Hit me, Hit me
Je t'adore, Ich lebe dick,  Hit me, Hit me, Hit me
Hit me with your rhythm stick, I'm six feet tall and five feet thick
Hit me, Hit me, Hit me...

Bra size fourty-five, Bra size fourty-five

I couldn't do nothing but stand and stare, she gave a hug like a grizzly bear
I couldn't see much, I thought I was dead, I had boobs upside my head
Boobs upside my head, boobs upside my head

Oh what a front she had, enough for me, my brother and Dad
A chest of drawers no doubt, one with the top drawer half pulled out
Oh what a front she'd got, believe me son, she'd got the lot
Right before my eyes, and she was bra size fourty-five

Erm, excuse me, what do I do now?
Man be cool - gotta get down and have a rap
I beg your pardon? I think I'll do a talking bit instead...

She was the big economy size, her boswams were gigantic
Like two fat little boys, wrestling under a blanket
The flickering strobes lit up the globes that thrust from her pullover
I think her name was June 'cos she was busting out all over
She said "Can you feel the force, do y'wanna take one step beyond?"
I said "Goodness gracious great balls of fire, there's a whole lotta shaking going on"
She said "Knock on wood, I'll blame it on the boogie, now what do ya think about that?"
I said "Ooh heck, it must be jelly, cos jam don't shake like that"
Not so much of the night fever, more like a belt with a tyre lever
She was not at all pendulous, in fact she was tremendulous

Bra size fourty-five, Bra size fourty-five,
Bra size fourty-five, Bra size fourty-five

She wore a bra size fourty-five, and when they played 'I will survive'
She went crackers, and her animal desires became much keener
She said "John I'm only dancing, but I'd rather be romancing"
She had me inside out and upside down in the back of my Cortina

Hit me with your rhythm stick...

And there in my car, the windows all steamed up, I thought I would drown,
She let it all hang out in bras (size fourty-five)
And there in my car, I thought "this is it", an instant replay,
My foot out the window in bras (size fourty-five)

Oo-rah, Oo-rah, Oo-rah, ay,
Over the hills and now I'm on my way
I got out my tent pole and chewed her [Tempole Tudor]
Oo-rah, Oo-rah, Oo-rah, ay,
Over the hills and now I'm on my way
Come on, let's do the Bristol Stomp

She wore a bra size fourty-five, I thought I never would revive
When I tackled that young lady with the bounciest of blouses
But she left me for a geezer who had much more chance to please her
With his own master blaster and a pair of baggy trousers

Oh what fun they had...

Bra size fourty-five, Bra size fourty-five,
Bra size fourty-five, Bra size fourty-five

[voodoolily]

Ich libe dick

You love dick? 

Shouldn't that be dich?

[Samwise]

Ich libe dick

You love dick? 

I think that was the intended sentiment, yes.

[WayAbvPar]

The best Dr. D song ever-

Kinko, Kinko, the kid loving clown,
if the kids just love me back,
I'll never wear a frown.

Kinko's in his kinko car,
pockets full of change,
lots of dirty pictures and sticky candycanes.

All the kids love Kinko for the presents that they get,
silly leather clothes to wear and happy cigarettes.

Hi boys and girls!!
My name is Kinko the Clown and I really love you boys and girls.. really... really... hehe

We go to Kinko's club house sometimes after school,
we play in Kinko's crawl space,
there's never any rules.

We have to sit on Kinko's lap,
there's never any chairs,
Kinko likes to tickle us and give us funny stares!

'Mommy! Mommy! Kinko hurt me!'

Aw, but that was in Indianapolis and thanks to the liberal reciprocity laws,
Kinko can be with you boys and girls today or anytime...

Jimmy Johnson ran away and didn't say goodbye,
Kinko went to look for him and help the FBI.

But Kinko had some handcuffs on,
his eyes were full of tears,
said, 'I'll be back to play with you,
sometime in twenty years...' awwwwww!!

Kinko, Kinko the kid loving clown,
your parents want to beat me up and run me out of town.

Kinko, Kinko the kid loving clown,
tar and feather Kinko and run him out of town!

So wrong it is right.

[Samwise]

Pssch!  Clearly a blatant ripoff of the classic folk tune "The Lollipop Man":

The lollipop man has a great big stick,
He charges the kids only a penny a lick.
He gets it out whenever he can,
He’s a dirty old bugger, he’s the lollipop man!

[schild]

Willy Wonka makes
Everything he bakes
Satisfying and delicious
Talk about your childhood wishes
All you Hungry sons of bitches.

[Hanzii]

We got gushin' gonads, tingling tushes
Hairy balls and hairy bushes
S & M, whips and chains
Pregnant ladies with menstrual pains
We got hand jobs and nipple tweaks
Finger bangs and slappin' cheeks
We got rape, necro & both ways
And lots of hung studs for all you gays
We got incest & bestiality too
We got Sade & the sweetest taboo
We got girls who'll eat your pee and poo
And guys who'd love to fuck your shoe
There's she-males, lezbos, & shaved beav
And D-cup mamas with so much cleave
Senior citizens who love to watch
And sniff those skid marks from your crotch - yeah!

Ain't got no woman next to me
I just got this magazine
And what's on the TV screen
But that's okay with me

[Paelos]

DEN DEN DEN DEN!

[Llava]

(I really hope you're joking here).

Yeah, we still need to assign a "not serious" color.  Sarcasm just doesn't cover all the bases.

Though I am circumsized and quite okay with being circumsized, I really don't care if people circumsize their children or not.  I'm actually more leaning towards not doing it, because I've heard a great deal of sensation comes from that skin you'd otherwise be missing.

But for me, it works.  I don't miss my foreskin.

[Samwise]

If nothing else, I wouldn't get my kid circumcised because it's a one-way decision.  If I leave him uncircumcised and he at some point wants to convert to Judaism, he can always get it lopped off as an adult.  If I get him circumcised at birth and as an adult he wants to undo that decision, he's gonna have a lot more difficulty.

[Signe]

At least as an adult he can get all drugged up to dull the pain.

[schild]

Didn't we already have this conversation?

Stop worrying about the baby. He won't remember it two days later. An adult will remember it the rest of their life, even if they are drugged up.

[MrHat]

( . Y . )

So much sausage in this thread.

[Fabricated]

[Shockeye]

City Questions Circumcision Ritual After Baby Dies

By ANDY NEWMAN
Published: August 26, 2005

A circumcision ritual practiced by some Orthodox Jews has alarmed city health officials, who say it may have led to three cases of herpes - one of them fatal - in infants. But after months of meetings with Orthodox leaders, city officials have been unable to persuade them to abandon the practice.

The city's intervention has angered many Orthodox leaders, and the issue has left the city struggling to balance its mandate to protect public health with the constitutional guarantee of religious freedom.

"This is a very delicate area, so to speak," said Health Commissioner Thomas R. Frieden.

The practice is known as oral suction, or in Hebrew, metzitzah b'peh: after removing the foreskin of the penis, the practitioner, or mohel, sucks the blood from the wound to clean it.

It became a health issue after a boy in Staten Island and twins in Brooklyn, circumcised by the same mohel in 2003 and 2004, contracted Type-1 herpes. Most adults carry the disease, which causes the common cold sore, but it can be life-threatening for infants. One of the twins died.

Since February, the mohel, Rabbi Yitzchok Fischer, 57, has been under court order not to perform the ritual in New York City while the health department is investigating whether he spread the infection to the infants.

Pressure from Orthodox leaders on the issue led Mayor Michael R. Bloomberg and health officials to meet with them on Aug. 11. The mayor's comments on his radio program the next day seemed meant to soothe all parties and not upset a group that can be a formidable voting bloc: "We're going to do a study, and make sure that everybody is safe and at the same time, it is not the government's business to tell people how to practice their religion."

The health department, after the meeting, reiterated that it did not intend to ban or regulate oral suction. But Dr. Frieden has said that the city is taking this approach partly because any broad rule would be virtually unenforceable. Circumcision generally takes place in private homes.

Dr. Frieden said the department regarded herpes transmission via oral suction as "somewhat inevitable to occur as long as this practice continues, if at a very low rate."

The use of suction to stop bleeding dates back centuries and is mentioned in the Talmud. The safety of direct oral contact has been questioned since the 19th century, and many Orthodox and nearly all non-Orthodox Jews have abandoned it. Dr. Frieden said he hoped the rabbis would voluntarily switch to suctioning the blood through a tube, an alternative endorsed by the Rabbinical Council of America, the largest group of Orthodox rabbis.

But the most traditionalist groups, including many Hasidic sects in New York, consider oral suction integral to God's covenant with the Jews requiring circumcision, and they have no intention of stopping.

"The Orthodox Jewish community will continue the practice that has been practiced for over 5,000 years," said Rabbi David Niederman of the United Jewish Organization in Williamsburg, Brooklyn, after the meeting with the mayor. "We do not change. And we will not change."

David Zwiebel, executive vice president of Agudath Israel, an umbrella organization of Orthodox Jews, said that metzitzah b'peh is probably performed more than 2,000 times a year in New York City.

The potential risks of oral suction, however, are not confined to Orthodox communities. Dr. Frieden said in March that the health department had fielded several calls from panicked non-Orthodox parents who had hired Hasidic mohels unaware of what their services entailed.

Defenders of oral suction say there is no proof that it spreads herpes at all. They say that mohels use antiseptic mouthwash before performing oral suction, and that the known incidence of herpes among infants who have undergone it is minuscule. (The city's health department recorded cases in 1988 and 1998, though doctors in New York, as in most states, are not required to report neonatal herpes.)

Dr. Kenneth I. Glassberg, past president of the New York section of the American Urological Association and director of pediatric urology at Morgan Stanley Children's Hospital of New York-Presbyterian, said that while he found oral suction "personally displeasing," he did not recommend that rabbis stop using it.

"If I knew something caused a problem from a medical point of view," said Dr. Glassberg, whose private practice includes many Hasidic families, "I would recommend against it."

But Rabbi Moshe Tendler, a microbiologist and professor of Talmud and medical ethics at Yeshiva University, said that metzitzah b'peh violates Jewish law.

"The rule that's above all rules in the Torah is that you cannot expose or accept a risk to health unless there is true justification for it," said Dr. Tendler, co-author of a 2004 article in the journal Pediatrics that said direct contact posed a serious risk of infection.

"Now there have been several cases of herpes in the metro area," he said. "Whether it can be directly associated with this mohel nobody knows. All we're talking about now is presumptive evidence, and on that alone it would be improper according to Jewish law to do oral suction."

The inconsistent treatment of Rabbi Fischer himself indicates the confusion metzitzah b'peh has sown among health authorities, who typically regulate circumcisions by doctors but not religious practitioners.

In Rockland County, where Rabbi Fischer lives in the Hasidic community of Monsey, he has been barred from performing oral suction. But the state health department retracted a request it had made to Rabbi Fischer to stop the practice. And in New Jersey, where Rabbi Fischer has done some of his 12,000 circumcisions, the health authorities have been silent.

Rabbi Fischer's lawyer, Mark J. Kurzmann, said that absent conclusive proof that the rabbi had spread herpes, he should be allowed to continue the practice. Rabbi Fischer said through Mr. Kurzmann that the twin who died and the Staten Island boy both had herpes-like rashes before they were circumcised and were seen by a pediatrician who approved their circumcision. The health department declined to comment on its investigation.

[Strazos]

I was going to eat breakfast, but have since decided against it.