...there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone,including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.
The Onion. Always willing to trade fear for subscribers. Just wait until the Large Hadron Collider opens our world to a complete Unified Theory and Graviton Nuns start pushing around pre-engineered, environmentally conscious babies in strollers. You'll get your answers then.
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