Bread

[Sky]

Research on bread indicates that:

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.

[Signe]

Seeing how it was Sky, I naturally thought this post was going to be about that terrible geriatric aged band, Bread.  For once, however, he's made a post that is useful.  In fact, it is a steaming pile of scientific fact. 

[Trippy]

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

Unless they live in Lake Wobegon.

[Lantyssa]

As a celiac, I must say DOWN WITH BREAD!

The stuff is pure evil.

[Oban]

6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

That is because they die before they turn thirty, right?

[Brogarn]

That's actually a pretty awesome post and says three things to me: Correlation does not equal causation, you can't bubble wrap the world in happy safety and statistics can be made to prove anything. Nicely done.

[Lantyssa]

An equally worthy cause: Ban Dihydrogen Monoxide (DHMO)

Research conducted by award-winning U.S. scientist Nathan Zohner concluded that roughly 86 percent of the population supports a ban on dihydrogen monoxide. Although his results are preliminary, Zohner believes people need to pay closer attention to the information presented to them regarding Dihydrogen Monoxide. He adds that if more people knew the truth about DHMO then studies like the one he conducted would not be necessary.

Each year, Dihydrogen Monoxide is a known causative component in many thousands of deaths and is a major contributor to millions upon millions of dollars in damage to property and the environment. Some of the known perils of Dihydrogen Monoxide are:

    * Death due to accidental inhalation of DHMO, even in small quantities.
    * Prolonged exposure to solid DHMO causes severe tissue damage.
    * Excessive ingestion produces a number of unpleasant though not typically life-threatening side-effects.
    * DHMO is a major component of acid rain.
    * Gaseous DHMO can cause severe burns.
    * Contributes to soil erosion.
    * Leads to corrosion and oxidation of many metals.
    * Contamination of electrical systems often causes short-circuits.
    * Exposure decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes.
    * Found in biopsies of pre-cancerous tumors and lesions.
    * Given to vicious dogs involved in recent deadly attacks.
    * Often associated with killer cyclones in the U.S. Midwest and elsewhere, and in hurricanes including deadly storms in Florida, New Orleans and other areas of the southeastern U.S.
    * Thermal variations in DHMO are a suspected contributor to the El Nino weather effect.

[Abagadro]

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

The stats geek in me needs to point out that half of children score below the median test score.

[lamaros]

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

The stats geek in me needs to point out that half of children score below the median test score.

Wouldn't it be half or nearly half. It's an odd world out there.

Just so long as we're being pedantic?

[tar]

This has almost got to be based on The Dread Tomato Addiction from 1958, unless that was based on something even earlier...

[Johny Cee]

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

The stats geek in me needs to point out that half of children score below the median test score.

Wouldn't it be half or nearly half. It's an odd world out there.

Just so long as we're being pedantic?

You might want to look up the definition of median.

[lamaros]

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

The stats geek in me needs to point out that half of children score below the median test score.

Wouldn't it be half or nearly half. It's an odd world out there.

Just so long as we're being pedantic?

You might want to look up the definition of median.

123456789

Median is 5

1234 below the median. 4/9 = 0.444 = less than half.

12345678

Median is 4.5

1234 below the median. 4/8 = 0.50 = half.

Edit:

Also, consider the situation we have.

20 People do a test, score like follows:

#People, Score

1, 20
1, 19
1, 17
2, 15
6, 11
1, 10
7, 7
1, 3

The sequence is: 3,7,7,7,7,7,7,7,10,11,11,11,11,11,11,15,15,17,19,20
The median is: (11+11)/2 = 11

But only 5/20 score above the median. 9/20 score below. That's not half. We can change the figures (give everyone the same score) so that no one scores above or below the median. We can do lots of things.

The basic point is that it wont always be exactly half. In most tests with a huge number of people (bread eating children) it will approach half, but it doesn't mean it will be it exactly. Hence the point of pedantry.

Oh, btw I looked up the definition for you:

The middle number in a given sequence of numbers, taken as the average of the two middle numbers when the sequence has an even number of numbers.

Hope that helps.