And so it has come to this

[HaemishM]

My sports jones is killing me.

This weekend has got to be seen as a low point in my history as a sports fan. I'm not sure it could get much lower, unless I started scanning the dial in search of curling matches between the Croatian Transsexuals Union and the Catholic School Girls of Hentai University, Osaka. This weekend, I needed sports. I wanted to spend an hour sitting lazily in front of some form of sporting competition, and there just wasn't anything to satisfy.

No, I do not like Basketball. The NBA is a pathetic joke, a hip-hop styled parody of the game I loved watching as a kid when Magic Johnson, Julius Irving, Abdul-Jabbar and Larry Bird lit up the courts. Now it's full of selfish retards with broken English whining about not getting love as they take their 50th shoot in the game while triple-covered and the rest of their team looks on forlornly for the days when passing was an oft-used skill. LeBron James has shown promise, but not enough to make me watch. I'm not interested in collegiate athletics, other than watching the NFL Scouting Combine to see what draft pick my beloved Packers should be taking but will inevitably pass up for another useless third string wideout.

Hockey, how I miss thee. I need it. I'll even take the hockey product of 2003-2004, with all its clutching and grabbing and trapping. With still a week to go before spring training games are televised, I can barely count on daily updates from MLB, sandwiched between week long specials on steroids in the game, which really don't tell me jack shit but give the broadcasters ample reasons to show me Barry Bond's King of the Juiceheads inauguration speech.

So what do I end up watching for a few hours this weekend after discovering it in the 400's of my satellite channel menu?

Mexican Futbol. Futbol de Liga Mexicana.

FUCKING SOCCEER. 

Because all the good socceer associations make you pay to watch their games, the only worthwhile sports I could watch this weekend was Mexican socceer broadcasts. IN SPAINISH. A language that, despite my one year tutelage in high school, I can neither speak, write or understand. I have to wait until a team scores before I even know which team is which. And then pick a team based on whether or not I like their uniforms. And try to figure out why home slice didn't get a yellow card when he tackled that other brother right near the goal. And why that team didn't get a corner kick when the ball went sailing over the net touched by the opposing goalie.

And I enjoyed it.

Goddamn you, Gary Bettman. Goddamn you, Bob Goodenow. Goddamn you, NHL players and owners.

Goddamn you all to Mexican Hell.

[Strazos]

I <3 Hockey too, Haemish...which seems kinda odd for you, cause aren't you one of them Southern "Good Ole Boys"?

Regardless, I agree with what ya said...I miss me some Flyers' Hockey on Comcast Sportsnet.  to the max.

[WayAbvPar]

I was a EPL fan for a few years, then spent a year in an apartment with shyte cable that didn't carry Fox Sports World (the savages). I still enjoy the international matches, but have trouble keeping an interest in club league games (rarely if ever see them live, don't get the same club every week (hard to 'follow' one), etc.).

Well played soccer is a joy to watch. Seen a few games live (US v Honduras, Celtic v Man U, a couple of US women's games), and have always enjoyed them. If you have never played soccer, however, I can see it being boring as sin. A basic knowledge of strategy, game flow, and the realization of just HOW GOOD these people are really helps the appreciation.

Bettman- pull the goals out a couple of feet from the boards, start enforcing holding/interference rigidly, and GET RID OF THE FUCKING INSTIGATOR PENALTY. More scoring and more fighting is the only way to reach the average American fan.

[schild]

Well played soccer is a joy to watch. Seen a few games live (US v Honduras, Celtic v Man U, a couple of US women's games), and have always enjoyed them. If you have never played soccer, however, I can see it being boring as sin. A basic knowledge of strategy, game flow, and the realization of just HOW GOOD these people are really helps the appreciation.

I played Varsity Soccer for all 4 years of highschool. Starting. I was on track to play in college before a back injury. I understand the game. Watching soccer on tv is like watching flies fuck. The people are too small, the ball moves too quickly for the cameras to track and I've never heard a decent announcer for the game. Not even in Britain. I love soccer with all my soul, but it has no place on TV. Now live, that's another story altogether. Watching professionals play soccer live is goddamn near an art form.

[Paelos]

I too was a Captain on my Varsity squad in high school. I was a keeper though, so I'm all kinds of messed up in the head for throwing my body in front of 60 mph projectiles. I have the scars to prove it.

Soccer on TV blows, and the coverage of the good leagues blows here. Hockey is awesome, and I need it back. I did however watch NCAA basketball this weekend and witness three of the best games back to back to back I've ever seen. OSU over Illinois, Florida over Kentucky, and UNC over Duke were things of beauty, all down to the last shot.

[Shockeye]

I think Haemish should stop whining and embrace NASCAR.

[stray]

No, I do not like Basketball. The NBA is a pathetic joke, a hip-hop styled parody of the game I loved watching as a kid when Magic Johnson, Julius Irving, Abdul-Jabbar and Larry Bird lit up the courts. Now it's full of selfish retards with broken English whining about not getting love as they take their 50th shoot in the game while triple-covered and the rest of their team looks on forlornly for the days when passing was an oft-used skill.

I think you're complaints might apply in some cases, but condemning the league as a whole? That's stupid.

There are far more examples of good sportsmanship and teamplay than not. If you liked the game once, then you're doing an injustice to yourself by condemning the entire sport because of a few jackasses.

[Kenrick]

The truth.

That's stupid.

 

[HaemishM]

I think Haemish should stop whining and embrace NASCAR.

I'd sooner have gay sweaty man sex with a Mexican futbol player. On TV. Live. Preferably in a widely-publicized pay-per-view special event.

I've played socceer, though of course, I'm not very good. I don't mind watching it on TV, and I'd dearly love to see some Liverpool games. But of course, you have to pay through the nose for that. And watching it on a Spainish broadcast was just a low point.

I got re-interested in hockey a few years ago, despite being a good ole Southern boy, thanks to decent ESPN coverage. I still think Buccigross is one of the best hockey announcer/sport evangelists there is, as well as a damn funny writer. But ESPN and the NHL need to get their shit straight with hockey. Even when they had it on, any game they televised had a 75% chance of involving Colorado, Detroit or the fucking New York Rangers, and a 25% of containing 2 of those 3 teams. Hard to make money as a small market team when your biggest revenue source, i.e. the TV contract, only appeals to a fraction of the total fucking viewing audience. Hi, I dig the Minnesota Wild, and I'd also like to see some Candian teams. Please show them to me.

Basketball... feh. The game is uninteresting to me these days. I grew up a huge Lakers fan, and thanks to Kobe's ego and his penis, I cannot stomach that team. I want to burn them all with napalm. Labron and Shaq are about the only guys I could root for without being physically ill.

[stray]

The truth.

That's stupid.

 

No, this is the Truth:



And he's a square too.

[Kenrick]

As is he:

[Triforcer]

Between Haemish's mansex comment and Spongebob, this thread got too gay too fast.

[stray]

Basketball... feh. The game is uninteresting to me these days. I grew up a huge Lakers fan, and thanks to Kobe's ego and his penis, I cannot stomach that team. I want to burn them all with napalm. Labron and Shaq are about the only guys I could root for without being physically ill.

See...That makes more sense. Disillusioned fan. I can understand that.

Just become a Spurs or Heat fan -- you'll be much happier 

I don't see why only Lebron and Shaq wouldn't piss you off though. Tim Duncan, Paul Pierce, Ray Allen, Dwayne Wade, Steve Nash, Michael Redd, Manu Ginobli, Dirk Nowitski -- Just to name a few -- All just as good, all unselfish, and all have their shit together.

I could go on dropping names of the good guys all day, but as far as prima donnas go, I can count the number on one hand (Hmm...OK, maybe two).

[Alkiera]

Heh, ESPN should get a deal going with the AHL... heck, with a minor influx of players from the NHL, the games have apparently been really good.

Then too, it'd be nice to see Rochester get some recognition, the Americans(our AHL team) are kicking butt this year.  They've won the last 17 games at home, and are doing very well on away games as well.

Alkiera

[schild]

I'm unsure about when people started judging stuff for the good in it, Stray. We judge by faults. Games - obviously - are the easiest example. A console only FPS may be the greatest FPS ever. But having to aim with a control pad sucks. If a PC version is inferior, but exists, I'll probably buy it instead. Kobe Bryant is a turd who probably ruined basketball for a lot more people than any amount of good has ever helped basketball. Bill Gates is one of the most charitable people in the world, yet the Open Source community, specifically the /. crowd, thinks he's the devil.

[Ralphie]

I heard that there is a non-NBA basketball event that takes place every March, which no self-respecting sports fan would dare ignore.

--Ralphie

[murdoc]

I miss hockey too :( Especially since it was the first time in YEARS I was actually looking forward to watching the Flames play.

[Paelos]

I heard that there is a non-NBA basketball event that takes place every March, which no self-respecting sports fan would dare ignore.

--Ralphie

Pfft. The World Curling Championships are in April

Broom it up, bitches!

[HaemishM]

I heard that there is a non-NBA basketball event that takes place every March, which no self-respecting sports fan would dare ignore.

--Ralphie

College. I just have never really gotten into college sports. I know why I don't like college football... way too many powerhouses feasting on shitty teams two levels below them. Basketball, not so much, but I'm still bored by the game. I can appreciate it, but I don't get excited about it.

[stray]

I heard that there is a non-NBA basketball event that takes place every March, which no self-respecting sports fan would dare ignore.

--Ralphie

Now the NCAA I have problem with. It's nothing to do with player attitudes or anything like that, but my hatred for how they play the game. It's almost exclusively about three pointers these days, especially with the top-tier teams. Until they adjust the three point line to NBA length, I'm going to ignore college games.

[Kenrick]

Women's college basketball I enjoy for some reason.  No, not in a sexual way.  It's just more pure of a sport.

Plus it doesn't hurt when your alma mater is #6 in the country, and women's basketball (well, baseball too) are the only major sports my school is any damn good at whatsoever.

[WayAbvPar]

The people are too small, the ball moves too quickly for the cameras to track and I've never heard a decent announcer for the game.

I love Tommy Smyth (or the Pikey, as my roommate calls him). His accent is so thick you can barely understand him, but his enthusiasm is undeniable.

Women's college basketball I enjoy for some reason.  No, not in a sexual way.  It's just more pure of a sport.

Ugh. Women's basketball is probably my least favorite sport in the world. Slow and low, not to mentioned populated by perhaps the fugliest collection of broads this side of GLAAD meeting. It is like watching retarded children play- the effort is admirable, but there is no beauty or artistry in the play. It is strange, since I don't mind watching women's soccer or curling. Basketball just looks like it is in slow motion.

[Shockeye]

Between Haemish's mansex comment and Spongebob, this thread got too gay too fast.

Perhaps it's time to become part of the PlanetOut network.

[Daeven]

Basketball. Huh. You know, basketball would rock if it were on ice. WIth big sticks. And a puck. Yeah, that form of bball would be fantastic.

Goddamn NHL.

BRING BACK MY AV'S BITCH!

[El Gallo]

I loved hockey back before it became a clutch-and-grab shitfest.  The last few seasons have been about as fun as pounding nails through my scrotum.  Wuwu, another 1-0 game, not because anyone played good defense, but because every time anyone with an ounce of talent touched the puck, they got straight-up tackled with no whistle.  The one goal being some lame bounce off someone's ass that somehow managed to get past the goalie's 5-foot-wide pads.  I guess I still love hockey, I just hate the NHL.

Women's basketball is interesting in that they tend to play much sounder tactically.  You'll see a lot of plays where everyone touches the ball, with multiple people moving without the ball.  Which hasn't been seen in the NBA since Magic got AIDS.   It does get pretty slow though.

[Bunk]

I think Haemish should stop whining and embrace NASCAR.

I'd sooner have gay sweaty man sex with a Mexican futbol player. On TV. Live. Preferably in a widely-publicized pay-per-view special event.

 

Well said. That goes for all racing for me. This thread is about sports people, not cars going in a fucking circle.

I feel your pain Haem. Im Canadian. What the hell am I going to do? A thirty year ritual has been turned on its fucking ear for me. Its cold out, its Saturday night, I've got my beer, but the tv just sits there staring at me blankly... Im lost.

At least you enjoy teh Great American Pastime - Roidball.  Personally, Id rather watch curling.  Seriously. All I have left to look forward to in the next few months is Canadian Football.  Shoot me now.

[Sky]

I'm watching more pron lately.

You're not fooling anyone, mister!

[Strazos]

The last few seasons have been about as fun as pounding nails through my scrotum.  Wuwu, another 1-0 game, not because anyone played good defense, but because every time anyone with an ounce of talent touched the puck, they got straight-up tackled with no whistle.

I may be biased, but I thought last season's playoffs were good, especially the Flyers' run and the Finals.

But yeah, I'm definately biased...I was at 4 Flyers playoff games.

Finally seeing the Flyers take a shit on the Devils in the playoffs? Live? Probably one of the best moments of my life.

[Arnold]

Dude, find a nearby high school and go watch a game of whatever they are playing atm.  It's cheap, you're supporting local kids, and it's live.

[Ironwood]

Dude, find a nearby high school and go watch a game of whatever they are playing atm.  It's cheap, you're supporting local kids, and it's live.

If you wear a long trench coat and approach players after the game for some 'after game puppies', it even gets exciting.

[Rasix]

You know, you don't have to take all threads to a bad place.  It's really OK if you don't.  It makes my job easier. 

[Arnold]

Dude, find a nearby high school and go watch a game of whatever they are playing atm.  It's cheap, you're supporting local kids, and it's live.

If you wear a long trench coat and approach players after the game for some 'after game puppies', it even gets exciting.

My parents still attend football games of my old high school.  They live in a small town and there's not much live entertainment there.  But it's all about the competition, and not how many total points are scored, right?

[TheWalrus]

Unless those points are with cheerleaders.