Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
July 20, 2025, 10:43:16 AM

Login with username, password and session length

Search:     Advanced search
we're back, baby
*
Home Help Search Login Register
f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Movies  |  Topic: Crash 0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.
Pages: [1] Go Down Print
Author Topic: Crash  (Read 3441 times)
Fabricated
Moderator
Posts: 8978

~Living the Dream~


WWW
on: October 31, 2009, 11:44:13 AM

Just to start it properly since I didn't see this movie in the tread listing after a search.



Quote
Several stories interweave during two days in Los Angeles involving a collection of inter-related characters, a police detective with a drugged out mother and a thieving younger brother, two car thieves who are constantly theorizing on society and race, the white district attorney and his irritated and pampered wife, a racist white veteran cop (caring for a sick father at home) who disgusts his more idealistic younger partner, a successful Hollywood director and his wife who must deal with the racist cop, a Persian-immigrant father who buys a gun to protect his shop, a Hispanic locksmith and his young daughter who is afraid of bullets, and more.

"The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist." - George Bernard Shaw
Fabricated
Moderator
Posts: 8978

~Living the Dream~


WWW
Reply #1 on: October 31, 2009, 11:47:17 AM

So yeah, I finally had to take a copy of this movie I got 2 years ago out of its shrink wrap because I need to do a report on it for a...Management and Organizational Behavior class.

I don't know if I can make it. This movie is positively cringeworthy. IN A CITY, WHERE PERFECT RACIAL STEREOTYPES COLLIDE WITH THEIR POLAR OPPOSITES, SANDRA BULLOCK CONTINUES TO PROVE SHE CAN'T DELIVER A LINE.

Fuck me, this is going to be hard to finish.

"The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist." - George Bernard Shaw
Broughden
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3232

I put the 'shill' in 'cockmonkey'.


Reply #2 on: October 31, 2009, 11:49:54 AM

Write, "This movie sucked donkey balls. The end."
Report done.

The wave of the Reagan coalition has shattered on the rocky shore of Bush's incompetence. - Abagadro
Fabricated
Moderator
Posts: 8978

~Living the Dream~


WWW
Reply #3 on: October 31, 2009, 11:57:51 AM

It's sorta worth 10% of my grade, sadly. I have to answer specific questions about it as well.

I'm barely halfway in and I'm pausing/running through scenes slightly fast-fowarded (with the sound on) due to the douchechills I keep getting.

This is the entire fucking movie so far:

*SOMETHING REALLY RACIST HAPPENS*
Victim: *rants about racism*

or

*SOMETHING REALLY RACIST HAPPENS*
Victim: *pouts or rages because they're the exact polar opposite of the stereotype applied to them*

Complete with cutaways focusing on the racists in the movie that either try to make their racism ironic, or humanize them by making it seem like it's mostly a result of frustration with life's difficulties.

Ugh.

"The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist." - George Bernard Shaw
pxib
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4701


Reply #4 on: October 31, 2009, 12:03:33 PM

There is a marvelous short film buried inside this shitty movie.

The story of the locksmith's invisible cape and the shopkeeper's wrath is an achingly beautiful fable.

if at last you do succeed, never try again
Fabricated
Moderator
Posts: 8978

~Living the Dream~


WWW
Reply #5 on: October 31, 2009, 02:24:03 PM

This is the worst fucking movie I've seen in years. I take back what I said about Crank 2 having that title.

What a hackneyed, predictable piece of shit this movie is. I guessed literally the entire movie's events about 15 minutes in and I was 100% correct. Even the part I was supposed to be really sad at just made me laugh. Fuck. And I have to answer questions about this tripe.

"The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist." - George Bernard Shaw
Sir T
Terracotta Army
Posts: 14223


Reply #6 on: October 31, 2009, 02:27:38 PM

There is a marvelous short film buried inside this shitty movie.

The story of the locksmith's invisible cape and the shopkeeper's wrath is an achingly beautiful fable.

This.

I thought there was some really good performances in there though.

Hic sunt dracones.
Fabricated
Moderator
Posts: 8978

~Living the Dream~


WWW
Reply #7 on: October 31, 2009, 03:05:46 PM

Don't ever see this movie. This is what happens, the order isn't quite correct, but you should fucking thank me for watching it for you.

-The guy found dead at the beginning of the movie is the younger brother of the black detective.

-Luda and the detective's brother are carjackers. Luda rants about racism the entire movie while they jack cars.

-The black detective makes a deal to (maybe) unfairly prosecute a white narc cop who shot a black cop who was (maybe) dealing drugs, to make his little brother's record go away. Of course this is before his little brother got killed later that day.

-The DA (who needed the decision of the black detective to keep himself from losing the black vote) has a racist wife. She and her husband get carjacked by Ludacris and the mentioned little brother. She's a racist and has a confrontation with an Asian woman who has a fender bender with her, and then with the Hispanic locksmith who changes her locks afterwards. She falls down the stairs later and finds out her Hispanic housekeeper is the only person who really cares enough to help her.

-Luda and the little brother hit a Korean man (I believe, all look same, lol. irony) trying to open his van. They argue and eventually drop the man off at a hospital before speeding away. Due to the blood in the car though they get nothing for it.

-A racist cop and his newbie partner pull over an affluent black couple (one is a high-powered director which makes this movie make even less sense. If this is LA/Hollywood, he'd be able to fuck that cop 8 ways from Sunday for this) whose vehicle looks like the one Luda and the kid jacked from the DA and his wife. The cop basically treats them like shit and "frisks" the wife. The wife gets pissed off her husband doesn't try to stop it and they fight. The husband directs a scene with some black actors in it and gets a suggestion to reshoot a perfectly good scene because the actor didn't "talk black enough". He reshoots it.

-A Persian storeowner tries to buy a gun from a predictably racist shopkeeper because his store got robbed. They argue and he storms out, leaving his daughter to buy the gun. He has the same Hispanic locksmith as the DA work on his door. Since he doesn't understand English very well and believes the locksmith is trying to cheat him, he gets infuriated when the locksmith rightly tells him that both the lock AND door are busted and the door will have to be replaced if he wants to secure the store. The locksmith throws the receipt in the trash and storms home.

-The newbie cop, disgusted with his partner, tries to get reassigned or report him. His superior officer who happens to be black insists that he embarrass himself to get reassigned rather than report the officer or get reassigned because of his disgust since it would endanger both their careers otherwise. He actually does so.

-The Hispanic locksmith is a nice guy and consoles his daughter, who is sleeping under her bed because she's scared of bullets after one came through her window in a previous night. He gives her a "impenetrable invisible cloak" to protect her and she calms down.

-The racist cop is pissed off because he has to take care of his ill father, who ran a janitorial company staffed entirely by black people until the city made a policy that gave preference to black OWNED companies in that area and ruined him. He has words (read: is a racist piece of shit to) a black secretary at the HMO over it.

-The wife of the black director gets in a major car crash after arguing with her husband, and is trapped in the car. The same racist cop shows up and risks his life to pull her out of the burning wreckage after calming her down.

-The next day the Persian storekeeper finds that someone gasp, smashed his broken door open and vandalized his store (Arab get out, etc). The insurance company tells him that since he didn't fix the broken door the locksmith warned him about it's negligence and that they won't pay for it. Infuriated he digs the receipt out of the trash and goes to find the locksmith with the gun in hand.

-The black director is driving home, furious at being such a gigantic pussy. Guess who he gets carjacked by? Yep, Luda and the brother. Luda made it a point earlier to mention that he has never robbed a black man. The director finally snaps and fights with both the carjackers who refrain from just shooting him (because he's black, or because they're scared of actually shooting someone, both, either, who knows). The newbie cop notices, Luda tries to take the car, only to get blindsided by the director who drives off with Luda in it (leaving the brother behind who runs off). The newbie and another police car corner the director and Luda. The director takes Luda's gun and gets out of the car, and the newbie cop basically tries to save him from being shot by the other officers. The director fumes and bitches at the newbie but eventually diffuses the situation and gets back in his car and drives off. He lets Luda out, gives him his gun back, and tells him that he basically embarrasses him.

-The Persian shopkeeper finds the locksmith as he gets him and holds him up on the street. He goes to shoot him when his daughter runs outside and jumps in front of him right when the shot goes off. Turns out the gun has blanks loaded in it. The shopkeeper is stunned and runs off after the locksmith runs back inside the house with his daughter. The shopkeeper's daughter finds him later, and he's relieved, even ecstatic the gun "didn't shoot", claiming his angel protected him.

-The newbie cop picks up the detective's brother who is hitchhiking. They eventually get in an argument over the St. Christopher figure on his dashboard (Luda rants about that earlier, making the younger brother take the figurine off the DA's dashboard). During the argument the detective's brother goes to pull out the figurine he still had from the DA's car, and the cop panics and shoots him to death. The cop dumps the body and burns the car.

-Luda rides the bus home (another thing he ranted about), notices that there's a lot of different people on it. He gets out and jacks the van the Korean man was trying to open the previous night, not knowing it. He drives it to the chopshop and finds that the back is filled with illegal Thai immigrants/slaves. The chopshop dealer offers him $500 a head (probably $5000+ total). He refuses and drops them off in Chinatown, letting them go and giving them some money.

That's the movie. Yes, it's just as retarded as it sounds. Fuck this movie.

"The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist." - George Bernard Shaw
Selby
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2963


Reply #8 on: October 31, 2009, 03:33:33 PM

There were some decent performances here and there in it, but overall it was a movie designed to get people up in arms about racism.  And it did it in about as cliched a way as you can.  I am glad I didn't spend any money on it.
schild
Administrator
Posts: 60350


WWW
Reply #9 on: October 31, 2009, 03:41:51 PM

It wasn't about racism.

It was a bandaid movie, they got a bunch of people together to do something "edgy" in an effort to win an oscar.

It worked.

Bandaid movies being "bandaids for a career."
Fabricated
Moderator
Posts: 8978

~Living the Dream~


WWW
Reply #10 on: October 31, 2009, 04:34:54 PM

It's like a racist Rashomon, only with no real personal perspectives from the characters.

"The world is populated in the main by people who should not exist." - George Bernard Shaw
Margalis
Terracotta Army
Posts: 12335


Reply #11 on: November 03, 2009, 12:43:24 AM

Cronenberg version FTW.

vampirehipi23: I would enjoy a book written by a monkey and turned into a movie rather than this.
ahoythematey
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1729


Reply #12 on: November 03, 2009, 04:59:28 PM

Really.  I don't know what "Crash" you people are talking about, but the one I'm thinking of is all about car-crash fetishists, with James Spader being masturbated by his wife with soap, and one of the most out of place boob-shots I've ever seen in movies.

That was a good movie.
« Last Edit: November 03, 2009, 05:08:14 PM by ahoythematey »
Pages: [1] Go Up Print 
f13.net  |  f13.net General Forums  |  General Discussion  |  Movies  |  Topic: Crash  
Jump to:  

Powered by SMF 1.1.10 | SMF © 2006-2009, Simple Machines LLC