Funny/Crazy Support Tickets

[FatuousTwat]

I VEEDIOED ME SOME MEETINS! MAKE ME CD PLAYER SHOW VEEDYUNS!

[Yegolev]

Me: I cannot get in remotely, I'm going to need you to check equipment in the data closet.
User: hang on a second i gotta find a flash light.

I'd have jumped to "is your power out" at about this point, but I have a very low opinion of people.

User: Second to find it in the dark where the power is off to our building.

. . puts the user on hold and yelled a lot . . .

This is the point where I would have lost my job due to customer abuse... unless it was an internal client.  I'd have let him have it in any case.

[Ookii]

I'm bringing this back for this:

When I logged on to my computer this morning, my offline e-mail storage was gone and I can not open it back up.  This happened to me a few weeks back and I saved all of the e-mails with instructions to open it back up in my offline e-mail storage.  Please let me know what I need to do in order to recover my offline e-mail storage.

[murdoc]

Our Service Desk passed this ticket onto me with a medium priority.

Received a call on the Packer's line. Not sure who it was. Judging from the sounds, it sounded like someone accidentally hit redial. They aslo weren't answer to me hellos.

[NowhereMan]

They aslo weren't answer to me hellos.

  I can only imagine that was sent to you by Tarzan.

[Brogarn]

I don't have a lot of interaction with our users due to being more of a backline support kind of guy. I usually support other people in our department, especially the application guys. Who are, without exception, morons. It's bad enough seeing the retarded things regular users send in, but when people who should know better continuously prove that they read a book to get their jobs, you can't help but want to take a six pack, a deer rifle and climb the nearest clock tower.

Here's some gems from our DBA. Note that his first and only language is English:

Oracle uses java and there a fews errors with gathering the ORACLE_HOME software we are troubleshooting.
Oracle Support wanted to know if there were many disks on this box.

The scripts for the DB backup can never run until 3AM due to the db cleanup script that is added with this script.
Instead I will need to run a manual backup when this is needed out of the 3AM time.
The backup script that ran on 8/14 during the day ran the db cleanup script and messed up some other jobs.

I will be still working on this today.
I will let you know if it needs to be bounced but I doubt that it will.

The agents do not impact the DB stack. This is small software that commutates with the GC on test server.
With Grid Control being R5 the agents should be R5. I don't know all the data the agents gathers but
they work better with Grid Control R5.  Grid Control+ Agents

[Ookii]

The higher up they are on the totem pole the worse they are at typing for some odd reason.

not sure how to do that ?
keep in mind - I am GroupWise ignorant ?

some coaching when you have time ?

[Yegolev]

In the slot, five by five.

[Jherad]

The higher up they are on the totem pole the worse they are at typing for some odd reason.

And the lower. Senior management at my place tend to get a PA to do the emailing/talking for them - but the hell desk monkeys continually prove that they have absolutely no command of the English language. By the time a call arrives to me, it has frequently been garbled into unintelligible faceroll.

[Bunk]

A recent entry in the Cancellation Reasons field:

MLS is not an agent license as yet 

The eventual translation I received: "The Agent does not have an MLS license as of yet"

Apparently order of words is irrelevant to call center employees

____________________

We offer a product that synchs our database with a database on a Palm. For data integrity reasons, the system warns you after two weeks of not synchronizing, that you need to synchronize the device. It gives you five warnings before it locks out the DB on the Palm.

We had a guy write in a multi paragraph letter today complaining that it was his right to decide whether and when he would synchronize his device, and that it was none of our business how often he did it. He insisted that we fix our program immediately...


additional funny note - the spell checker just changed my misspelled "parapgraph" to "pa rapgraph"

Rapgraph?

[bhodi]

I am seeing the following errors on starting the jboss server without
even deploying any applications. Can you please look into this and
resolve them.



followed by 720k of unreadable gibbrish:

org.jboss.deployers.spi.DeploymentException.rethrowAsDeploymentException(DeploymentException.java:49)
   at org.jboss.deployers.spi.deployer.helpers.AbstractParsingDeployerWithOutput.createMetaData(AbstractParsingDeployerWithOutput.java:362)
   at org.jboss.deployers.spi.deployer.helpers.AbstractParsingDeployerWithOutput.createMetaData(AbstractParsingDeployerWithOutput.java:322)
   at org.jboss.deployers.spi.deployer.helpers.AbstractParsingDeployerWithOutput.createMetaData(AbstractParsingDeployerWithOutput.java:294)
   at org.jboss.deployers.spi.deployer.helpers.AbstractParsingDeployerWithOutput.deploy(AbstractParsingDeployerWithOutput.java:234)
   at org.jboss.deployers.plugins.deployers.DeployerWrapper.deploy(DeployerWrapper.java:171)
   at org.jboss.deployers.plugins.deployers.DeployersImpl.doDeploy(DeployersImpl.java:1439)
   at org.jboss.deployers.plugins.deployers.DeployersImpl.doInstallParentFirst(DeployersImpl.java:1157)
   at org.jboss.deployers.plugins.deployers.DeployersImpl.install(DeployersImpl.java:1098)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractControllerContext.install(AbstractControllerContext.java:348)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.install(AbstractController.java:1631)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.incrementState(AbstractController.java:934)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.resolveContexts(AbstractController.java:1082)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.resolveContexts(AbstractController.java:984)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.change(AbstractController.java:822)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.change(AbstractController.java:553)
   at org.jboss.deployers.plugins.deployers.DeployersImpl.process(DeployersImpl.java:781)
   at org.jboss.deployers.plugins.main.MainDeployerImpl.process(MainDeployerImpl.java:702)
   at org.jboss.system.server.profileservice.repository.MainDeployerAdapter.process(MainDeployerAdapter.java:117)
   at org.jboss.system.server.profileservice.repository.ProfileDeployAction.install(ProfileDeployAction.java:70)
   at org.jboss.system.server.profileservice.repository.AbstractProfileAction.install(AbstractProfileAction.java:53)
   at org.jboss.system.server.profileservice.repository.AbstractProfileService.install(AbstractProfileService.java:361)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractControllerContext.install(AbstractControllerContext.java:348)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.install(AbstractController.java:1631)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.incrementState(AbstractController.java:934)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.resolveContexts(AbstractController.java:1082)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.resolveContexts(AbstractController.java:984)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.change(AbstractController.java:822)
   at org.jboss.dependency.plugins.AbstractController.change(AbstractController.java:553)
   at org.jboss.system.server.profileservice.repository.AbstractProfileService.activateProfile(AbstractProfileService.java


I don't know java but I guess I'll figure this out... I'm just shocked it spit three quarters of a meg of 'service didn't start' data. I fucking hate Java.

[Jherad]

Heh, I work as an app packager deploying with BMC Marimba, which is on a Java platform. Kicks out the same kind of huge ass error logs on both clients and servers every now and then.

[Sky]

Hey, guess who else is dealing with Java problems? Checkbox in an app is broken, works in windows but not OSX.

[Khaldun]

On the other side of things, don't forget that a single thing that someone in support does and doesn't tell you about can be a source of serious headaches. Last year, I forgot my admin password for my Mac desktop (I think I'd used some kind of alternative capitalization from what I normally use for this particular p-word) and got locked out while trying to remember which capitalization I'd used for it. So I sigh, call up support, and someone comes over to get me back in and reset the password. Without telling me, the support person figured they'd do me a favor and link my network password with my desktop password through the automated password recovery/reset system that we now have. So this week, I'm resetting my network password because I know the automated prompt for a change is coming in a few weeks anyway. A few hours later, I'm installing a new application and I get prompted for my admin password. Doesn't work. I'm like FUCK, I KNOW this password, I had literally just used it earlier that day when booting up the machine. I try again, checking caps lock. No dice. I sigh, and try a slightly different capitalization of the same. No. One more variation, and yes, I'm locked out. It's one of those lockouts that expires eventually to let me try again. So I wait a while, try again. No dice on any of the variations I can think of. Now I'm wondering what the fuck is going on. I call support and I'm sure they're like "That dumbass has forgotten his password again". I say, look, I know I haven't, do you have ideas about what's going on? No, they say, it's just you, do you want us to come rescue you, password-forgetting baby? I say, eh, I have students here to talk to, I'll call you back. I deal with the students, then I think about this a bit. I go back and look at the P-Synch reset and I notice that it recorded a change of password on TWO targets. Then I realize what they did the last time, and that they tied the two passwords together. Again, without telling me about it.

There's a certain amount of user-support stuff like this going on, where the user is actually responding to something that's a non-intuitive change to the way their machine works, is stumbling around trying to figure it out, sounds really dumb, but the problem does come back to something significant that was done by system administrators that no one told the users about.

[Lantyssa]

Seriously?  I would ream the guy that linked my accounts without asking a new one.  If they're not using the same account I have a fucking reason for it.

[Khaldun]

I actually don't care if the admin password and the network password are linked. I do care if someone links it and doesn't tell me and then haw-haws at me because I can't figure out why the admin password suddenly stopped working.

[Brogarn]

Bump for one that just came into the Help Desk queue:

Description: Colleen's desk printer keeps printing pages. She has shut it off to stop wasting the paper.