f13.net

The official trailer came out the other day.

NSFW warning:  It's the redband trailer, so some gore and swearing.

https://youtu.be/H0VW6sg50Pk (https://youtu.be/H0VW6sg50Pk)

Looks ok, I suppose. At least it's not written by Lindelof. In any case, it's an Alien film, so I'll go see it.

My problem with the trailer is that it basically is assuming that we have all forgotten about the Alien and that ship and facehugger is a big mystery. That bloody ship would be a radioactive crater by now, and certainly nobody would be going into it alone. I actually think it would work better these days if an Alien invasion was going on in the background as the audience knows what's going on. Its a bit like trying to make a Zombie Apocalypse a big mystery, it just wont work

It actually reminds me a bit of an old Alien ripoff movie called "Leviathan," where the monster was people turning into the creatures due to a disease experiment gone wrong. Or they could be going all "The Thing" here.

I was expecting a sequel to Prometheus but instead this movie looks like a sequel to Alien or even Aliens instead of a sequel to Prometheus or prequel to Alien.

Okay that's confusing let's try it like this.

Was expecting:

Prometheus -> Alien: Convenant -> <Unamed 3rd in Prometheus trilogy> -> Alien

Instead trailer looks like:

Prometheus -> Alien -> Alien: Convenant

or

Prometheus -> Alien -> Aliens -> Alien: Convenant

Yeah, I'm not even sure the producers/directors/writers know when any of this shit is set in relation to the other movies.

I'll go see it because I'm a sucker.  Just like I was when I went to see Prometheus.  Yeah...the continuity is strange and I don't expect this to actually be good.  On the off chance that it is though, I want to be there to see it.

Trippy has got me thinking about Alien nuns.   :why_so_serious:

Looks like a mess overall. Why can't directors understand why Alien was so damn good... suspense > gore/action.

Gore is easy. CGI is easy.

This looks crap.

This coming from someone who likes Prometheus.

It's meant to be the sequel to Prometheus. The android is the same David as Prometheus.  No we don't know why or how and I expect as much dumb scientist action as we got from Prometheus. 

Looks like a reboot/remake of Alien more than anything...?

That was my impression too, yes.

eh

I could've sworn Prometheus -> Covenant
                                                  -----Alien----------->

I thought there was crossover

There's supposed to be 4 movies before Alien (not 3 like I implied above).

http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/heat-vision/ridley-scott-alien-covenant-is-first-3-films-before-linking-up-original-alien-844051

Here's the problem. I don't need to know the answer to any of those questions. I liked the mystery. I liked imagining it. Once you explain things, it loses the intrique. See: Star Wars prequels, horror remakes which give villains back stories, etc.

I'm not sure that is the issue.

Nobody gave a shit how planet of the apes came to be, but that didn't stop a decent film being made.

The problem here isn't that they keep making films about questions that don't need answering, the problem is that all sequels bar Aliens just seek to remake the original film without adding any new idea of value.

Too much flash and 'splosions in the new ones, not enough suspense of the first. Sequels will never be able to capture the atmosphere of Alien. Can't have people imagining things... gotta have pictures.

https://youtu.be/EkXgRlRao5I

Prologue.

So the prologue to the sequel of a prequel.

 :uhrr:

Another full trailer dropped yesterday. A little bit more background on the crew and a full view of the Xenomorph you've probably already seen plastered all over the place. Still looks exciting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=svnAD0TApb8

Still too bright and flashy. I'm for the Alien tradition of dark and foreboding atmosphere... not just a few dark rooms. I'll probably see this at some point, but not in a theater.

Land on alien planet. Walk around without helmet on.

Don't forget that if you see something opening up that looks like a mouth and/or snake and/or penis and/or vagina to inspect it as closely as possible with your unprotected face.

People are a lot dumber and less cautious than you really think. Just reading /r/OSHA is enough to teach you this, so I find that part COMPLETELY believable in this movie. They're random space hippies, not scientists who should have been trained better.

I mean, there's at least one story a month of an idiot who looks down the barrel of a loaded weapon to see if it's jammed. Again, people who should know better doing dumb shit.

You owe me an afternoon....

--Dave

Hah. Same thing happened to me when I found it.

"The Da Vinci code in space"

https://youtu.be/b79aw9dZLfE

So a pass I guess.

Horrific writing aside, which I've felt to be pretty much a hallmark of the Alien franchise, what he likes about the series is precisely what I disliked about the series. That it wasn't about the aliens and their world and history, but rather about the characters.

So uh, heavy handed philosophical horseshit aside, he basically just further endorsed the movie for me.

Personally, I only ever gave a shit about the aliens. I even rooted for them on original veiwings.

I wish the guy mountain climbing with James Franco had been Seth Rogen.

Half in the Bag Episode 126: Alien: Covenant (https://youtu.be/b79aw9dZLfE)

Angry Joe Review, Spoiler free (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cAQGAOPu1k0) TL DR He hates it.

http://Angry Joe Review - Spoilers & Discussion (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmI2z1vZeCM)

"Midnight screenings" review (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tON-W0qDqhg) Contains Spoilers. One of them really loved the first 2 acts. The other didnt much care for them but they both agreed that the third act threw the WTF meter into the red. They think this is R Scott's middle finger to everyone "OK, assholes, this is what you wanted! Enjoy!"

Mr H Review - Spoiler free (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PRQ2N3hSuiM) Le loves it. Thinks its a great action movie with great performances from everyone.

Everyone agrees that the cinematography is fantastic, and in general the performances were good.

These guys said exactly what I was saying.

"They didn't dig Sigourney Weaver out from the crypt and shove her in front of a camera."

Also, they liked everything up until the end also.

The entire series suffers (outside of maybe Alien) from a disease that causes the last act to be shit. Especially 3 and Resurrection (and I guess, now, Covenant).

Personally I thought the whole movie kinda sucked, not just the end.

Prometheus was better than this thing.  
Caveat: obviously there will be a BladeRunner tie in, but

Simply put, this movie gets a solid C. If you can ignore how stupid it is and somehow tolerated Prometheus due to a un-diagnosed head injury. Otherwise its a D, because Prometheus is stupid and about as ignorable as the rest of the alien franchise past Aliens and its sequel doesn't remotely fix that.

Another Red Letter Media video about, this one isn't really a review but a 5 minute long pointing out of idiotic plotpoints.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmwyWerz5KI

sadly not at all a good movie, probably not even worth a netflix watch idk where these are going so wrong but damn. Prometheus was a better movie even though not much happened and what did happen was kinda ?????

Super by far and away the worst movie I've seen of four in 2017, also the only one I didn't catch in imax because it didn't warrant being shown in imax. I worry I might have enjoyed Baywatch despite its flop status more.

I hope the next movie gives us some backstory on the alien barber species.

The next movie will be a crossover between Alien and Doctor Who which explains why the Aliens were created thousands of years in the future and yet exist thousands of years in the past. Also the android thought they were great bieng made of  Silicon and acid because boobs.

Wow what a shit movie!

Having just watched all the Alien movies, none of the crews in any of them were ever not idiots. Except maybe Resurrection. They still weren't tipping the scales of "smart" though.

Well I suppose, but

It was Ash that allowed Kane in. And he was an android acting under orders.  So. You know.

Also, spoilers.

Better? I thought of that more as a PSA than a spoiler.  :why_so_serious:

Humans being stupid in the face of an unknown danger is pretty much the trademark of this entire franchise. Ripley was cast as a survivor, not a brilliant aggressor. The only beings in any of the Alien franchise that fought against them with any measure of real intellect was the temple trialists in AVP1.

Well, if you were faced with a xenomorph on a routine exploration mission and the android didn't give you the deets, how smart would you be?

Edit: This is not an argument FOR the Alien movies. Stupid researchers and soldiers are part of why I think the movies aged so fucking badly.

Lol.  No, I meant I was giving away spoilers about Ash.  But I didn't give a fuck.   :why_so_serious:

Sure there is. Xenomorphs are everywhere in the universe and only the stupidest among us will find them. That's the routine. It's actually a very short script, they wrote it in perl.

Very true, but I still take issue with the god damn captain barking at Ripley to let them in. Dallas really should have had a handle on it. Then again, they were miners and he was probably more the foreman than an actual ship captain.

Also, his friend had a fucking alien on his face.  That affects ya somewhat.

Ya, I don't have a problem with them bringing him in for medical, what they should have done was slap him in quarantine and Cryosleep for the journey home to let actual doctors deal with whatever the fuck happened to him. That would have sat fin with Ash's programming so I don't know why he didn't suggest it. Thats the only part - Ash not suggesting Freezing him - that never sat right with me in the first film. Its perfectly logical and gets the Alien back to the Company.

No, that does make sense.  There would be little reward in bringing it back like that only to find out the life-cycle is that the facehugger just melts into goo after five minutes with no actual benefit.

He wanted to see what would happen.

A theme carried over to that FuckAwful film Prometheus with Magnetos actions.

There is a huge difference between a bunch of space truckers completely out of their element and a group specifically chosen to colonize a planet that wouldn't survive a camping trip.  This people were stupid with regards to thing that were not even alien related and the whole plot revolved entirely around that stupidity.

I point you back to the goddamn geologist in Prometheus who brought along a map bot then promptly got fucking lost in the very area his map bot had already mapped. Also was doing recreational drugs while in the belly of an alien cave system.

Acting like an utter numpty in spite of all prior established expertise seems like the only thing besides the xenomorph that all the Alien movies have in common.

Prometheus was just as bad, but once again i argue that their stupidity is different from prior movies.  You shouldn't expect any better from the space truckers from Alien or the prisoners from Aliens 3, and even the soldiers from Aliens were completely unprepared for what they were facing and sabotaged from the beggining.  The idiots in Prometheus and Covenant are idiots about things they should be experts on, it's not idiocy born out of facing the unexpected but out of simply being utterly incompetent at basic shit before they even run into a single xenomorph.  The casts of earlier movies failed at dealing with an utterly overwhelming force, the cast of Prometheus and Covenant failed at being scientists and colonists from step 1.

Even the prisoners from £ actually formulated a plan. it was an insane plan that involved nearly all of them getting killed to bait the monster, but it was a plan that you could see violent nutcases coming up with based on the situation. I always thought Alien 3 had a really good movie in there fighting desperately to get out...

Well trained scientists and professionals going to pieces and screaming all over the place? Um, no.

I liked Alien 3.

The Assembly Cut is an improvement and there's such a talented cast that it's hard not to get at least some enjoyment out of it.

Alien 3 was 100% made watchable by the cast. Otherwise it was an abortion.

This is the only reason I find Cabin in the Woods rewatchable despite absolutely despising basically everything Joss Whedon has ever touched (I realize Alien 3 is not Whedon, Resurrection is, but this is a point about casts and that's the first thing that popped in my head).

Fuck you. Cabin in the Woods is goddamned brilliant. You fuck off.

Parker suggests it.

The crew in Alien (1) acted pretty decent if you consider they are were just space truckers. You have to consider that in RL you do not walk around with the same mindset as someone consuming a Horror / Zombie movie.

Watched this last night and the main thing I came away with was that this could have been ok for a mid-budget scifi horror if it hadn't been part of the Alien franchise (and the story could have actually had some surprises then).

This movie is a train wreck of answering questions nobody really cared enough to ask with answers that don't really gel with things that were shown just one movie ago, characters doing the dumbest possible shit they could be doing at any given time, and characterization that is so thin that multiple times they have to try to give the deaths some weight simply by making the deceased the spouse of a main character. Oh, and there's a few minutes of Alien action at the end which is kinda cool if you never watched the trailers.

I thought it was fine. Four more movies and he'll make an actual Alien. I feel like we're punishing it for being exposition when he was like "these first movies are exposition." But then, my favorite part of all the Alien movies is the posters, soooooooooo. By that metric it's the best one. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

It's exposition that's unneeded though. Explaining that the Aliens didn't naturally evolve and instead came from some black goo biological weapon another alien race had which was then further manipulated by an Android does nothing to make any of the original movies better. It just further solidifies that prequels in general are bullshit because if any of this information were vital it would have been in the original movie.

I feel like if Ridley Scott had thought he was creating a universe, they would have been.

He didn't create a universe, he created an anthology series where 4 different directors did their take on Ripley vs. Xenomorph and each of those takes is in a completely different subgenre from the rest. Now he's just making fanfic level backstory that should have been relegated to a chapter of some Alien art book or something. Instead Scott thinks he's making the Silmarillion of the Alien franchise or something because he thinks paying lip service to the ideas of gods and creation is somehow the same as actually having something to say about the subject.

When I say this about Star Wars, people split a fucking lip.

Doesn't mean you're wrong.

I have a lot of the same issues with Rogue One that I have with Alien: Covenant.

Rented this last night, knowing very little except "it's related to Prometheus" thinking "oops, I forgot to see that new Alien movie; at last some proper sci-fi to watch!"

I've enjoyed every previous Alien movie. I should confirm that I like Alien 3, Alien:Resurrection, and Promethius.

Alien: Covenant was fucking awful. A story that detracted from all the others, made bad use of aliens, and was stupidly predictable at every turn. Not even worth a rental. I wish I'd waited until it turned up on an SVOD service, and even if it does I'd recommend re-watching The Expanse instead.

Yeah this isn't a good movie.

I saw it recently too, borrowed it from someone whose friendship I am now doubting.

It was fucking awful, and I was watching it with very low expectations to start with.

Had to switch if off, was that bad.

I'm pretty sure Ridley Scott peaked with Blade Runner. I have a pet theory on this, but I'm pretty sure that I'm right.

As far as Covenant: lol. Literally burst out laughing during the slip-on-blood scene. Worst part is, one can't even blame the actors. I liked McBride, his character was the only one who actually did something that related to his character's skill set. The rest were just given nothing to work with. It was like someone read the wiki synopsis of Alien, and decided to make a movie based on the synopsis.

I thought it opened well but basically everything from after the lander got blown up was dogshit and then kept getting worse and worse and cornier and cornier and stupider and stupider.

I mean sure he peaked with Blade Runner but that's like one of the best movies ever so idk. He did make good movies after that though most of his stuff is def watchable all the way to like Body of Lies. After that... Counselor was an bizzare thing that I guess sort of kept me watching? Then his brother... and I mean I think now he's phoning it in completely. There's no excuse for whatever the fuck Covenant was.

The movie he directed before Alien: Covenant was The Martian.

I suspect the quality of his movies depends a lot on who he has working for him.

(https://img.sharetv.com/shows/characters/large/police_squad.johnny_the_snitch.jpg)

"Johnny, how can I add some tension to the final scene?"

I will hear nothing against The Martian.  It was awesome.

That's actually where I switched it off, sounds like the right decision. Thought it opened well aswell, everything after landing on the planet for me was ridiculous. Also the gore seemed unnecessary.

I agree, the Martian was great, but his other output this century has been awful. Prometheus and Robin Hood especially are movies that are literally painful to watch. I haven't watched Covenant but suspect it will be more of the same.

I will hear nothing positive about Prometheus.  It was Awful.

The visuals in Prometheus were fantastic.  BWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAA

This century includes Black Hawk Down.

And Gladiator.

This thread prompted me to download the movie and sort of fast forward skip watch it.  Yes, the opening was actually quite fine.  It got really fucking stupid really fast.  Like, laziest cliche "It's hard to setup scenes, we're just going to write it that everybody acts conveniently stupid" writing ever.  And the twist at the end was really badly done.  Just, what the fuck is the point of these movies!?

Endless, endless gazing at Michael Fassbender.

And creating a deep philosophical... something.

I feel like somewhere out there in a parallel universe there is a version of Prometheus where he wears the big head from Frank through the whole film.  In fact, that's just what Fasbender does all of the time in this universe.

I did not like that film at all.

This is basically my theory. With excellent actors (i.e. Theron, Pearce, Elba, Fassbender in Prometheus) he has a chance of getting a movie carried through. It wasn't enough to save Prometheus from being insulting, but it was enough to lull people into watching it. It is notable that no big actors other than Fassbender signed up for the movie (presumably Fassbander is going with the Jeremy Irons school of picking movies in this case). For example, same thing with Kingdom of Heaven - questionable writing made watchable by excellent actors (only Legolas is miscast) and good cinematography.

But if you take Fassbender out of the two latest movies, you essentially get some kind of b-grade effort like Pandorum. Not bad in theory, but not really worth all the fuss. In fact, things like Pandorum are immensely more watchable because at least they understand what they are as a movie, have the courage to do their own thing.

I forgot about Gladiator. Add it to his "win" column this century for me. That's a great movie.


Total side note: Pandorum as a movie has entered my "Good-bad" movie list along with Event Horizon and other movies that I really enjoy despite not thinking they're great films.

I like it when it starts. I like it when it's happening. I am not quite sure about it afterwards.

Alien: Covenant I didn't like at any point.

I actually really like the Director's Cut of Kingdom of Heaven. It was the first movie I'd seen Eva Green in though so that helped a lot.

Surely you've at least seen... clips of The Dreamers.

Surely.