f13.net

The dentist in this story is my uncle.  There was a segment on Good Morning America about this, and they showed footage.  He has received a call from the Montel Williams show asking if he'd be interested in appearing on one of their shows about "extraordinary animal stories".  Shortly after it occured, he was on the front page of the Arizona Republic, just below the fold.

http://abclocal.go.com/wpvi/news/01182005_animal_fishdentist.html
http://www.abendblatt.de/daten/2005/01/19/388694.html
http://abclocal.go.com/kabc/news/011805_nw_puffer_smile.html

On his site you can actually watch a clip of a television news story about it.
http://www.photographicsmiles.com/tv.htm

That's the ugliest goddamn fish I've ever seen.

Truly useless news. Bravo to you.

I'll be on the national news, if they ever find out what I did last summer.

(Cue ominous music)

Your uncle is a hero!  Give him my congrats... just for the halibut!

I think that pun floundered.

Wet Dream
by Kip Adadda

It was the April the 41st, being a quadruple leap year.
I was driving through downtown Atlantis.
My Barracuda was in the shop, so I was in a rented Stingray, and it was overheating.
I pulled off into a Shell station.
They said I'd blown a seal.
I said, "Fix the damn thing and leave my private life out of it, okay pal?"

While they were doing that I walked over to a place called "The Oyster Bar" -- a real dive.
But I knew the owner -- he used to play for the Dolphins.
I said "Hi, Gil!" You have to yell, he's hard of herring.
Gil was also down on his luck.
Fact is, he was barely keeping his head below water.

I bellied up to the sandbar.
He poured me the usual -- Rusty snail, hold the grunnion, shaken, not stirred.
With a peanut-butter and jellyfish sandwich on the side -- heavy on the mako.
I slipped him a fin - on porpoise.
I was feelin' good. I even dropped a sand dollar in the box for Jerry's squids.
For the halibut.

Well, the place was crowded.
We were packed in like sardines.
They were all there to listen to the big band sounds of Tommy Dorsal.
What sole.
Tommy was rockin' the place with a very popular tuna, Salmon-chanted evening,
And the stage was surrounded by screaming groupers -- Probably there to see the bass player.

One of them was this cute little yellowtail, and she was giving me the eye.
So I figured this was my chance for a little fun.
You know, piece of pisces.
But she said things I just couldn't fathom.
She was too deep. Seemed to be under a lot of pressure.
Boy, could she drink. She drank like a- She drank a lot.

I said "What's your sign?" She said, "Aquarium."
I said, "Great! Let's get tanked!"
I invited her up to my place for a little midnight bait.
I said, "C'mon, baby, it'll only take a few minnows."
She threw me that same old line, "Not tonight. I've got a haddock."

And she wasn't kidding either, cause in came the biggest, meanest looking haddock I'd ever seen come down the pike.
He was covered with mussels.
He came over to me, he said "Listen, shrimp, don't you come trollin' around here."
What a crab. This guy was steamed. I could see the anchor in his eyes.
I turned to him, I said "A-balone. You're just bein' shellfish."

Well, I knew there was going to be trouble, and so did Gil, cause he was already on the phone to the cods.
The haddock hits me with a sucker punch.
I catch him with a left hook. He eels over.
It was a fluke, but there he was, lyin' on the deck, flat as a mackerel. Kelpless.
I said, "Forget the cods, Gil, this guy's gonna need a sturgeon."

Well, the yellowtail was impressed with the way I landed her boyfriend.
She came over to me, she said "Hey, big boy, you're really a game fish. What's your name?"
I said, "Marlin."

Well, from then on, we had a whale of a time. I took her to dinner. I took her to dance.
I bought her a bouquet of flounders. And then I went home with her.
And what did I get for my trouble?
A case of the clams.

Bruce

Damn it Bruce! I am gonna have that stuck in my head all day now. Haven't heard it since the Dr. Demento days. Wow.

I want to see him tackle a beaver.

General anesthetic might be required.

I'll let him know and see if I can set it up.

If you can supply the beaver, it'll be easier to convince him.

"Nice beaver!"
"Thanks, I just had it stuffed!"

Bruce

I used to think my uncle was the corniest man alive.  I was wrong.  It's Bruce!

Signe... I am your uncle!

Bruce

 :cry:

Hey, at least I didn't cut off your hand before I told you.

Bruce

that joke is -much- better with the visuals from the movie:

He says "nice beaver" while behind a woman in a very short skirt on a ladder to an attic.

She says "Thanks, I just had it stuffed!" and then passes a taxidermist mounted beaver to him from the attic.