f13.net

http://www.greyschool.com/

Be sure to check the faculty page.

What kind of shitty website has a black background?  :roll:

I want to be taught by Lilana D'Venus:

http://www.greyschool.com/faculty-info.asp?ID=12 (http://www.greyschool.com/faculty-info.asp?ID=12)

ETA: Yep, she's a pink wizard which apparently means I can have sex with her or something!

"As an ordained minister, she enjoys officiating weddings and conducting pet funerals"

Methinks I detect a slight conflict of interest there.

I wonder if she (http://www.greyschool.com/faculty-info.asp?ID=82) can compulsively heal my "problem." Not to mention her last name..

She's nice looking but she's blue. They're all about emotion and calmness or something. Bah!

She can't smite you, so you can just leave her and tell her your moons don't align or some shit.

I bet she can too smite him.

I couldn't go on.

Just when I thought nobody could make us attorneys look like bigger asshats....

http://www.greyschool.com/faculty-info.asp?ID=66

ETA, but I guess that's better than the chick with elf ears (http://www.greyschool.com/faculty-info.asp?ID=30)

Edit 2 -- Their book has the same cover as either Baldur's Gate or Icewind Dale, I forget which.  Link (http://www.greyschool.com/store/product.asp?Category=3&ID=0)

She looks more like Gollum than she does an elf.

They're kind of similar, I guess.

(http://ec3.images-amazon.com/images/P/0970347316.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg)  (http://i7.ebayimg.com/03/c/04/a5/94/11_7.JPG)

I'm trying to figure out if this is a total hoax as in some dude found all these pics and stuff and threw this site together or if these are scammers trying to get people to give them money.

I don't think it's a hoax. Google on "Oberon Zell-Ravenheart".

Can the relatives of these poor confused creatures sue J.K. Rowling?

Also, whats an Hay guy? Some sort of straw golem?  :-D

I thought up all sorts of funny things to say about them.  I was even going to post a pic of the one with the odd eyes and the one with the strange nose growing out the side of her head, but I'm scared of them.   :oops:  What if they find this place?  What if they curse me?  No, I'll play it safe.  My nutty sister might know some of them, anyway.  She's always giving me odd teas and strange tinctures to try and cure all my ills.  I take them because she loves me.  She also goes to those drumming thingys and herb classes and does Rake.  BUT... at least she doesn't believe in all the goddess stuff.  She's an atheist.   :-)  I'm very sensitive to any sort of smiting.

I'm half tempted to buy their "grimoires" just to leave on my coffee table for when Jehovah's witnesses knock on my door. You guys should read the amazon reviews. One guy says the only knock against the book is it is wrong about some supernatural creatures, like how vampires are killed by sunlight. It's quite amusing, if you go by the reviews, this book will have you riding a broom in no time! Oh, and this Oberon dude? Apparently he coined the term neo-pagan, came up with the "gaia thesis" and is basically the shit in the pagan world. Alesteir Crowley only wishes he was this guy.

From Amazon:


Who knew unicorns and mermaids were so easy to find? Man, scientists really are retards!

Uh huh.

I was dying to read one review by someone who wasn't a pagan or a magician or whatever. But couldn't find one.

He really has raised unicorns.  At least, he has had bone grafts done to cause a horn to grow out of the center of a goat's head, which later got to tour with the circus.  Magical creatures, that.

Ahh...fuck that Grey School! We need to form a rival school of wizardy and badassery. I mean...who can't master beast mastery? A bag of goddamned treats. I want to be Headmaster of Pwnage....but I think that title should probably go to Slayerik or one of those other mean old pks. Also, any non-christian belief system that bases things on the 'new millennium' needs a kick to the balls for basing things on an arbitrary date based on another belief system.

I like Dr. Crow Dragontree. We need more mental health therapists that play lute, juggle, wear dragon masks and develop their own magicks.

*stops himself from making a SirBruce reference.*

To late, me thinks ...

If you wanted to be a wizard, why the hell would you want to learn from people that advertise on the internet?

One would imagine secrecy is at a premium given our history of, you know, setting them on fire.

Here's a pic!

(http://www.fuckchrist.com/bin/witch_burning.jpg)

I'll stick with these guys. They're fully contacted. (http://www.servantsofthelight.org/)

I'm not sure what fully contacted means, but out of the two "schools" this one looks more real. To clarify I mean that if I was going to try it out on the off chance that it wasn't all BS I'd try this school. These people don't seem to be going out of their way to be "magickal" and "fantastical". They seem more down to earth. For this kind of group.

Heh, yeah. They're as real as it gets. I just used fully contacted because it was on the front page; From what I remember, in their belief system, that means they are sanctioned/assisted by angelics (from the 4th wave, I think?) in their astral plane explorations.

"Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat"

I said it before in IRC, I'm very upset I didn't find avatar material there I liked.

Elves can't be Necromancers.  Everybody knows that.  I'm starting to think this school might not be reputable.

What about dark elves?  Sure, it's a bad EQ reference, but you could also make some nerdy D&D drow reference, I guess.

Yeah. But can they cast Magic Missile at the Darkness?

But she's clearly not a dark elf. Look at her.  White as the day is long.  She can be as chaotic evil as she wants, Necromancy is out of the question until she loses those retarded looking elf ears.  I demand they fire her from her "Professor of Dark Arts" position.

Who ever heard of a fat elf anyway?

Voodoo for fun and profit!  Raise your own crop harvesting army of dull-witted, slow moving farm workers!

Blood magick!  Use the power of life's essence for fame and fortune while avoiding those pesky blood-borne pathogens!

Dim Mak!  Silence pesky coworkers through the power of oriental touch (additional oriental touch with full release can be obtained for a nominal fee from Ling, our hostess)!


ETA:  Hang it up, Sky.  I was excited to join you at "The University of Magick and BadMofodom", but we'd be wasting our time.

THEY TEACH JEDI!
(http://www.greyschool.com/registered/images/JonathanFesmire.JPG)

What is beast mastery?  Do they even have beasts?  What kind of beasts?  What do they get the beasts to do for them?  Should I even want to know that? 

I'm getting really creeped out.

With my Advanced Beast Mastery, I can compel dogs to fly into a feeding frenzy by dropping a special group of reagents on the ground. With extra lessons, I can compel them to walk beside me untethered. Finally, in the Advanced class I will show you how to teach your dog to ignore you completely, rendering it immune to Mental Suggestion and Domination.

When do I get tenure?

Fair enough.  And besides, I'd rather not think about what it would look like if she went into the sun and all of her clothes disintegrated.  /shudder

She could be a Warhammer dark elf as they're white as any other elf.

We teach Sith.
I can summon a library cat by shaking my bag of reagents. I once had a dog that would fetch sticks. But I do bow to Daeven's Advanced knowledge.

We need to like, do a complete roster of possible positions and those who'd fill them.

So far i've got;


Beast Mastery: Head Wrangler Sky

Sith Antics: Darth Gulp

Headmaster of Pwnage: ?

I could totally fill the "Dealings with the ex-soviet Mafia". Not exactly a pwn position, but should be useful to any would be villain/evil wizard in today's world  :-D

I'd be a good henchman.

I'm not Beast Master, that's Daeven.

And me for Sith antics?  I think not.

It's Santeria or nothing.

Can I be a Professor Emeritus of Pagan Atheists?  What, you think I want to actually WORK?  Besides, it makes the school look longer-lived and more prestigious to have former faculty filling out their roster.

Or maybe Women's Studies.  Studying the student body (and faculty and staff...) would be lots of fun.

Can I be Dean of Slackers?

Dude, so totally my gig.  Unless lawyers are more along the lines of dark arts teachers.

Provost of Procrastination?

Awesome!  Alliteration ftw.   :-D

I'll be the school nurse  :-D

I'm allready used to working with weirdos, drunks, sex maniacs, and exhibitionists, and that is just my coworkers.

r u hawt female? If not, you need not apply for that position.

I'll be the Sith Lord of Awesomeness. Darth Sky! Or do you have to change your nick like lil orphan Anniken did?

Darth Awesome.

I'll be speaking in our Sithtine Chapel.

Can I be that weird faculty member that just does not fit in anywhere but the students think is kinda cool? I'll call myself Bill and wear suits like every day.

I'll be the Saint of Angst.

I'll be Theurgist Paelos, Master of Protective Magic...and brewing beer.

Minister of Spirits.

Hm. Scholar of Snarkiness?



Dude, we're talking about serious shit here.  Warhammer is make believe.

Where's that hierarchy of nerdiness pic when you need it?  I think these people need to be affixed at the bottom level somewhere.


On that note, I wouldn't mind being the janitor.  I even have a curiously human-acting cat I can bring along.

It's how you become The Beastmaster (http://imdb.com/title/tt0083630/).

What's the type of magic that gives me a crazy shuriken thing that I seem to mentally control? (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0085811/)

Dibs on the eyepatch helm (http://imdb.com/title/tt0080846/)!

(http://www.badmovies.org/movies/hawkslayer/hawkslayer7.jpg)

BEST CHEESY FANTASY MOVIE EVAR!

That movie was wicked hawk.

(http://www.badmovies.org/movies/hawkslayer/hawkslayer4.jpg)

I could use this in the "I've been shot at again thread too......

named Jimbo?!

Blah on you for selective quoting.