f13.net

I'ts official.  Married people live longer.  I saw on the news last night (or I'd give a link) that unmarried people, especially men, are more likely to die before those who are married.  Divorced people and those who are widowed, also mostly men, are in danger of a premature death, as well.

So get married, you guys!  Especially Schild, even though he's still very young.  It just annoys me that there isn't anyone to nag him.  He needs a good nagging and he doesn't always respond to my placeholdier naggery on AIM. (I'm just trying to prepare you for the long horror ahead called "life, my old son."   Anyway... get married before you die.  And those who are married, stay married or you'll die, too.  Trust me... I'm a wife.  If Gordon tried to divorce me, he'd die!   :cry:  I can almost guarantee it.  And those of you who, by some miracle, don't die... well, you'll wish you had.  I can almost guarantee that, too.   :-)

And they say that the little piece of paper doesn't mean a thing.  Ha!

So if married men live longer, what does that mean for polygamists?

Don't mess with me, Merusk.  You KNOW what will happen.  You'll die... I can almost guarantee it.

More than one wife to put up with? 

I don't know if they live longer, but I'll bet they spend the whole time begging for death.

The unmarried are generaly more depressed too. Studies and all that.

I'm fine at least. It's my married friends that I feel sorry for.

All men die. Not all men get arrested and start yelling racially caustic remarks.

X-thread reference!

I have to nag my girlfriend to nag me.

I thought married men lived longer and married women had shorter lives....Lucky for us guys eh Signe?

Yeah, I can't wait to start nailing all that hot retirement home ass.

Please stop rubbing it in that you're a bloke.  I still shed a tear now and then.  I don't know how you fooled me all that time.  God, I have no "dar" of any kind at all. 

And perhaps married men do live longer than married women... but I have a plan....

Sorry, I can't.  :cry:

Sure you can! You just need to steel yourself into accepting a loveless, sexless marriage. Hell, that is where they usually end up anyway!  :-D

Men may live longer, but they wish they were dead...


Who wants those last years filled with incontinence, impotence and brittle bones anyway?

I fail to see how that will increase my life expectancy.

I think that comment right there added 5 more seconds. Excuse me while I go grab a smoke.

The actual time won't change, but it will feel like an eternity!  :evil:

Pfft, marriage...

Mother nature can keep those extra years. They come at the end anyway.

Married men live longer for the same reason that declawed housecats live longer: because the cat lady is always watching!

I think that's so cute. You're still scared of girl cooties.

I'm not, but my investment portfolio is.

How can you call your collection of McDonalds Happy Meal toys your investment portfolio?

Get your 16-year-old Internet spouses here (http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,20138854-2,00.html) (though I mostly linked it for his t-shirt).

My parents raised two children together without being married, who am I to break tradition? I gladly sacrifice a few years to honor my forefathers. I'm a loving son like that.

I love the cynical nature of the internet, as shown through the Google Ads that come up in a thread encouraging people to get married.

Ads like

"Find out why so many wives cheat"
"Unfaithful Husbands"
"Your relationship is over"
"Divorced People Meet"

I'm not sure marriage is such a good idea, just look at some of those AOL searches.. I particularly liked the couple that was both cheating on each other.

Hey, I have the first 12 Captain Planet comics too!

I never said I was diversified.