f13.net

Let me preface this by saying, "yes, I realize some of you will find this despicable."  And really, I'm totally fine with that.  But, if like me, you find yourself immature behind your years, and somewhat of an asshole besides, well, then this is for you!


Add MY IP RELAY to your buddy list on AOL IM.  Type in "call"  then the phone number of the person you'd like to spend the next 4 minutes laughing/crying at/with.  Then, and here's the kicker, you can type in whatever you want the operator to say, and they will repeat it to whomever you dial verbatim.  Imagine the possibilities!

So far, my highlight reel includes having a female operator tell my girlfriend that her "pussy is a chamber of financial ruin," as well as various other calls including the complete lyrics of "In Da Club" by 50 Cent and "My Pony" by Ginuwine.  The only caveat is you have to be ok with abusing a network built exclusively to help deaf/disabled people and which is provided as a free service for them. 

Let's spin yarns of our most hilarious escapades amidst the safety of internet anonynimity!

If you're going to be an asshole, couldn't you be marginally original while you're at it?

Here's a place (http://george.hotelling.net/90percent/geekery/ip_relay_calls.php) that's apparently got recordings of the same operator abuse as your selections... from a couple of years ago.

This is why we can't have nice things.

And I would've beaten Righ to the punch but I was too busy not laughing at the recordings. That's not funny. That's pathetic. Real funny are the recordings at:

http://www.netjeff.com/humor/audio/AirportPrank.html (http://www.netjeff.com/humor/audio/AirportPrank.html)

Uh dude, don't knock it until you try it.  And I specifically tried to weed out you uppity types by noting you must be immature to appreciate this.  It's pretty goddamn hilarious. 

(http://oddworks.com/picz/asshat.jpg)

So...no one has ever done this before?  But you've all been sorely tempted right?  Am I right or am I right?

No, not really.

There's immature, and then there's "too far gone from human decency to see the way back"

I briefly worked at a call center that assisted with calls for the hearing impaired.  The hearing impaired person makes a call and speaks normally, and the operator hears the response from the hearing-normal person, and repeat and/or type what they (normal-hearing) say, and words then appear as text on a screen on the hearing-impaired person's phone.  Pretty cool and useful service, really. 

We had plenty of douchebags like you  :-P

Know what else is awesome?

Parking in handicap spaces.  They're right up front.  You gotta wonder why more people don't do it- fuck, they're almost always empty, and they're great spots!

Is it wrong to park in those "FOR MOMS ONLY" places that are totally not enforced by any sort of law? I know I park in them when a lot is full or I'm in a rush.

I'm not actually asking, I could care less if it's wrong or right. It's very nice of supermarkets to keep spots open right up front when I need to run in and get some beer. And any mom that... ya know, I don't feel like going there today. Titan Quest has given me the warm fuzzies.

I know what tone your putting this post in, so my venom isn't directed at you.

However :  People who do this need to die.  Really.  I mean it.  Die.

You know what else is awesome? That they don't put parking meters in front of handicapped spots but they still put the handicapped spots at the front of a parking lot.

And then cops park there.

Those are two seperate thoughts, btw.

One day you'll find an angry mom on crutches waiting for you at your car.  She'll probably kill you with her handbbag and let her children eat your body.  It's what you deserve.

Sorry for being a bad person.

They don't have those around here.  However, I think I know where you were going with it and I'll say they DO have very lax requirements for Handicap plates in KY.  Those moms don't have any problem getting the tags and using the additional spaces that are provided under KY law.  (Used to be 1 space for every 100 normal spaces when I designed lots in OH. I've noticed an average of 4/ 100 in KY)

Never heard of a "mom" space. Is it for pregnant women, or women too lazy to make their children walk in an orderly fashion across a parking lot?

Pregnant and young children, toddlers maybe. Does it matter? If states wanted to deal with this sort of silly bullshit, every woman in the third trimester would be considered handicapped.

They have mom spaces all over Britain.  They even cover them at grocery stores and malls so they can get to the shops without gettin rained on.

See! This is what happens when you let women drive.....and vote.

/flees!

That's a lie and you know it.

</snicker>  We should form a misogynist club!

Ebay rules!


(http://www.eng.usf.edu/~wjohnso7/images/misogynist.jpg)

No, I can safely say that I've never been tempted to use a humanitarian service to be a douchebag.

Seems like everyone else does though. I was talking to a couple people who worked an IP Relay place and they said, for the most part, sometimes it's the funniest job in the world. THey get paid well and probably 9 out of 10 calls are fake.

One time this guy had to say "poop" over and over again for 5 minutes.


"poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop poop "

That's solid humor.

Idle hands and whatnot.  If only I could figure out how to put you to use, Duse.

People who do that tend to get their cars keyed and their tires flattened. Then the police, rather than showing sympathy write them a ticket. Ahh..now that's good times, watching justice in action.

As for the OP, the only thing I got out of your post was "a dick like that has a girlfriend? She must be totally desperate or worthless herself."

I've never laughed harder while reading a message board. Thanks.  There's something gravely wrong here.

It is, in my opinion, entirely possible for something to be both insanely funny AND disgustingly inappropriate at the same time.  That doesn't mean you should let the former (funny) win over the latter (disgusting) at all times.  Or at least if you do, recognize that you are a bad human being.

See above.

You are not a bad human being if you let the funny win over the disgusting. That would make Jon Stewart a bad human being as he makes the funneh out of all the awful truths he can manage to jam into 21 minutes.

Also, saying poop for 5 minutes IS funny. It'd be even FUNNIER if it weren't a prank im relay but rather an actual deaf person who was just pissed off at Pizza Hut or something.

Edit: Let me just say, that if there's something funny to be found in an awful situation, I'll pick that over the sad stuff every time. Who the fuck wants to feel awful about something? I sure as shit don't.

Re-reading my own post, it comes off a bit judgemental sounding...I should have highlighted the "at all times" part. This sort of humor is, unfortunately, right up my alley.   And that makes me feel a tiny bit bad.

So, wait, this isn't one of thoe Microsoft Sam voices? It's a real person relaying ANYTHING you say?

What Jon Steward does and what Douchematic here does is very different. Jon Stewart hears about something awful (usually in politics) and relates it in a very funny, usually very intelligent manner. What Douchematic does is take a service that is critically needed by deaf people and use it for his mastabutory poop jokes. They're not similiar at all. Though I will concede that a pissed off deaf person saying poop for 5 minutes would be pretty damn funny.

Swing and a miss.

You know what's really great?  Selfish, closed-minded people that think it's really cool to be that way. 

Doesn't anyone think beyond themselves anymore?

It's a brave new world isn't it? 

Nix is canadian.

So yeah, the original poster griefs people in real life, way to go, etc.

Way back when I used to work at a pager company (they wanted to get into the ISP business as well, this is back when ISPs were just starting and were TRENDY). So as part of this I got a free text pager. Thing is, the way this text pager worked is you left a voice mail, and a human operator typed in the contents of the voice mail into the pager and you got the page.

This was all well and good until I dated a freaky psychotic woman and then, after finally realizing freaky psychotic in fact trumps having a date on Fridays, broke up with said woman. She then proceeded to rather consistently leave creatively obscenely threatening pages for me. After a while I had to go down to the paging center and ask that her number be blocked. Did I mention that 99% of the transcribers were female? Yeah, that was a fun day.

I feel like defending myself but I guess it's pointless.  It's funny as crap though, and I'll stand by that until the day I die.  God bless America.  USA! USA! USA!

I've not had the opportunity to use a service for deaf people. Guess I just don't do the things I should, right? Or we could say "He's canadian!" and be done with it..

FYI, isnt this man going to school to be a lawyer?  Discuss.

You are surprised that lawyers are generally the type of people who like to see exactly how far they can push?