f13.net

Why are the same two idiots given these films to ruin?

I actually enjoyed this movie.

When it was called Van Helsing.

(http://popwatch.ew.com/photos/uncategorized/155541__spade_l.jpg)

You enjoyed Van Helsing? 

Dear God, no one should have to sit through Van Helsing.

Anderson could have been a decent director. I thought Event Horizon and the first Resident Evil were decent if not spectacular. Then I saw AVP and Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Well, I say I saw RE:A, but I couldn't get more than like 20 minutes through it. It was total shit.

I don't know how they're going to sell a dude with a whip beating up Dracula.

Maybe if they make it Serena Belmont and turn it into a sex thing...

INDIANA JONES VS DRACULA!!!! MONEY HATS!!!!!

Hmmm....

I don't mind Paul W.S. Anderson's movies.  It's not fucking art,  it's fairly entertaining actiony/scifi-ish/horror.  Same vein as the 80's/early 90's Arnold movies.

Except for AvP.  It's kind of painful.

Anderson usually has a couple shots or scenes that will redeem some of the shittier portions of the movie.  Sam Neill wandering around with no eyes, the end of RE: Apocalypse with the security monitors/guard, etc.

I dare someone to defend "Soldier" with Kurt Russell. C'mon... I dare you.

An American couldn't make this movie good (err...Nor a German...Just to be clear). Especially a crappy American director.

Even if that wasn't the case though, it's a tough sell.

It was silly, stupid, brainless, goofy, fun schlock.  I had a good time because I went into the film knowing that a film with Dracula, Frankenstein, and a werewolf would not be a serious drama.

And, imo, they set the tone with the goofy melodramatic opening scene in black and white.

Would I want to watch it more than once or twice?  No.  But it was fun once.

Van Helsing was so bad I didn't even watch it once  :lol:

[edit] One day I will. I promise.

I'm really not that much of a jerk.

I still don't really know how the carriage caught on fire in that one scene, though.  I think it used the Simpsons rule: when it is dramatically appropriate for something to catch on fire, it will.

I enjoyed Van Helsing just like I enjoyed The Mummy, The Mummy Returns and Deep Rising. Cinema they are not, but entertainment for a sleeping brain they can be.

Bingo.

Err, I liked that movie.  Probably for the same reasons you just named off that you liked Van Helsing, but still, it wasn't that bad.

I think the biggest complaint isn't that Anderson is a gibbering deviant fucktard,  like certain others who shall remain nameless.  It's that he almost gets things right,  and then screws it up.

All of his movies have some great moments,  they're just weighed down by the garbage.  Yes, even Soldier.

You people need to watch some more Sci Fi channel.  The made-for-TV shit they play will make your eyes bleed,  and give you more appreciation for the relative merits of some of the films in this thread.

I really liked Soldier.  The premise was acceptable, the special effects were good enough to not make me angry, and Russel did a good job as the silent killer trying to deal with humanity.

Granted, alot of the plot was flimsy, and I didn't feel any connection to the shipwrecked junk-worlders at all.  I still liked it for what it was; a somewhat emotional action movie about a discarded soldier.

Speaking of which, there's a D&D movie on there right now (not the Marlon Wayans one, but a made for Sci Fi one). I haven't watched much, but so far it's provided a few giggles.

Btw, has someone mentioned this new flick in another thread already? It's remarkable that someone here hasn't given it it's own thread actually.

I enjoyed the Mummy flicks.  My brain would really have to go into an elder god slumber to enjoy Van Helsing.  It was just THAT bad.  That is of course, in my opinion, but my Mom who loves the brainless action flicks turned it off while ironing.  I think she popped in True Lies instead.  She's my barometer for crappy action flick tollerance.

Yah, I'm going to have to catch that Dungeon and Dragons flick on Sci-Fi.  That looks uber terrible in a way that might be kind of fun.

Pally already got killed (and almost killed his whole group) Leeeroooyy style. Heh.

Pretty weak production value, and at times, it has a very LARP feel to it. Some of the characters are well played though (like the Rogue guy...I think he's supposed to be a Halfling.....Or whatever halflings are called in D&D).

Halflings.

Giggle.

Van Helsing merits my worst film ever title.

Really.

I hate it that much.  You shouldn't even enter into a dialogue with me about it.  It's gonna go nowhere.

The Mummy I liked.

Life is strange sometimes.

What's this D&D thing called ?

Mummy sucketh. Van Helsing was self depreciating enough to be bearable.

Dungeons & Dragons: Wrath of the Dragon God (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0406728/).

I don't have a "worst movie ever" title for anything. Just like I don't have a best. There are so many crappy movies in either the artistic and/or production sense (and I've suffered through many), but none have truly and deeply offended me on a personal level. I reserve the title to whatever eventually accomplishes that.

For now, it's just easier to mention the usual: Manos: The Hands of Fate. The Entire Look Who's Talking series of films (I hear that the Baby Geniuses films are worse, but I do not dare...Yet). Polly Shore movies. Tom Green movies. All ex MTV VJ/employee movies (except Kari Wuhrer ones). Even Ed Wood films are better than these.

Eh, these are too easy and the list goes on. I'm not bothering with it.

I think that the truly worst films are the ones that have all the right elements (like money and a decent cast), but STILL amount to complete shit. An old 60's film called Candy (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0062776/fullcredits) accomplishes just this: For crissakes, it has (who I believe is) one of the best screen actors of all time in Marlon Brando, it has James Coburn, Walter Matthau, Richard Burton.....But it's so fucking bad. I'm not sure how they accomplished it.

The thing about movies like Van Helsing, The Mummy, and I'm sure Castlevania, is that they're ultimately brainless and tasteless, and it's really pointless to debate the merits of one over the other.  It's entirely a matter of personal taste(lessness).

Hooray for jobbing British actors!!

I loved the Mummy and thought the Mummy Returns was decent. Van Helsing was a pus-oozing venereal sore of a movie that I wanted to like and just couldn't. It was just so fucking bad, especially the intentionally campy accent on the Dracula villain. It was just shit. Total utter shit. Like Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Soldier was pretty bad too.

House of the Dead is still the worst movie of all time, thank you, Uwe.

See, I'm fine if you do campy material, but at least as an actor or a director, approach it seriously. The villain in the Mummy? Not campy, despite the things he was saying being campy, or the whole fucking idea of the movie. It wasn't done campy, it was done tongue in cheek but with a respect for the inspirational source material. Van Helsing had none of that. It was lazy, in that it relied on the premise of "it's just meant to be a fun homage to the source material which is patently ridiculous, so we don't have to be anything but ridiculous and we can say it was done in the same vein." You know, like Kill Bill, which is also just as shitty, only I forced myself to sit through both parts.