f13.net

Transporter 2.  WORST. MOVIE. OF. THE. YEAR.

I am one of those easy to please movie critics.  You know, the kind that finds something of worth in nearly every single movie I watch.  Definately not so here.  I mean, holy fuck, I saw this for free, and I STILL want my money back.

The plot made very little sense.
The action in most scenes was far too over the top in most scenes, and many scenes were SOO fucking badly put together that half the time you were wondering exactly what the hell was going on.
The acting was terrible (the only guy in the entire movie who seemed to remotely aproach decent acting was the French Cop)

The whole thing was just a travesty.  I liked the first movie.  From what I remember there were no mind boggeling impossible to do in real life stunts or shit like that.  The sequel makes the first movie look like fucking Oscar material.  Hell, the sequel is so bad it makes XXX: State of the Union look good.

Do yourself a favor.  Take the money you may have been thinking of spending to go see this move, and use it to buy plague infested rats to mail to EA.  At least that way, you will have done something productive with your cash.

When I saw the preview was just a big Audi commercial, I .. could have expected as such.

I like how he jumps straight up in the air to avoid the two cars coming for him, letting them crash.  How high was that jump?  10?  15 feet?  The guy is friggin' Spider-Man.

Damn it! I really wanted to see this.

I didn't even really like the first one.  Although I seem to remember my main complaint being that it was an action movie with not enough action.  So who knows, this one might actually be more my thing.

I highly reccomend staying away from this one then.  It has action, but half the time the action is really badly put together (the other half of the time, the action just makes your brain go "wtf splode")

Aw come on.  I liked it.  For some reason I really like Luc Besson movies. They are all soooooo far over the top they have reached some level of Da-Daistic transcendance of movie stupid that I enjoy.  Watching a movie where people laugh at how absurd some of the stuff in the movie is is a real treat.  The Mila-lite badass henchwoman in lengerie, the greaseball villan, Stratham being basically indestructo-man and carrying clean shirts in his trunk.  How can you not like that?

Bah I was really looking forward to this, I love Jason Statham. The first movie was pretty good for what it tried to accomplish.

Ebert gave 3 stars.  That usually means "Pretty entertaining, a good film for its genre but certainly not without its problems."  He's a fan of goofy action flicks, though, so you'd have to be in the same mindset.

Just read the local paper review.

D-, subheading was "Effects Team Owes Apology to Action Genre"

I liked the first one because of the sense of style that was used in most fights, and the bus depot fight in particular, but the plot was unbelievably nonsensical.  The second movie fixed the plot - now it makes sense but is so bad I would almost prefer the non-sense of the first movie, and all but one short fight with a fire hose is genre standard guns and explosions and kung-fu BS.  Though the scenes with the inspector were fairly funny.

In short:
TS1 4/5
TS2 2/5

So how many "thumbs up" does that translate to?

What the hell has happened to Roger Ebert? That, if anything, is his great contribution to the world of film. Did he give it up?

As for the Transporter 2, I LOVE goofy action movies myself....I like neither Statham or Besson though, so I never saw the first.

Are you asking if he gave the "thumbs up" thing up?  He only does that on the TV show.  In his reviews in the paper he always gives stars, which I assume is the standard at the paper he works at.

Andy at atomictoy (http://www.atomictoy.org/) put together a synopsis that I thought was pretty funny.

Besson only produced the Transporter movies. I liked the first one well enough for what it was, a turn-yo'-mind-off action flick. I really like Jason Statham, but he needs better roles.

For me, it was pretty good until last half-hour.  Then they ran out ideas and money, started riping papes from Action Movie Cliche Handbook, and inserted them with piss-poor special effects.

I also felt cheated that nipple-girl died like a chump after they spent so much time building her up.

He has a writting credit on both of them as well.

Like I said, never saw the movie, but I agree. It's always sad to see nipple-girls die.

You know what still has me reeling?

Creepshow 2. Lake monster segment.

Ha ha...Creepshow 2 fucked my brain up for life. That was too messed up. Wow how creepy he's molesting her while she's asleep AGH HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK JESUS CHRIST!!!

Heh, Creepshow2, I forgot all about that movie.. must have been blocked.  The goo.. the goo.. "I Beat You!" Heh.


Those movie synopsis are fantastic.
Gold, Jerry, Gold!

God, Elektra really was a complete piece of shit that had nothing whatsoever to do with the characters it was based on.

And it doesn't help that Jennifer Garner is a man in a push-up bra.