f13.net

[Editor's Disclaimer: This rant was composed under a combination of sleep deprivation, hunger, alchohol, caffine, and porn touched off by some parental guilt-tripping with regards to possible grand-children.  There is also a very real chance that this piece is based on a local statistical anomaly do to socio-economic-solar flares or some such.  But your still reading anyways.]

Hollywood's teen/college dramas are seriously fucked up.  This is not news, and has been a topic of much mental and verbal masturbation from culture mavens for a long time.  But what probably should be news is the sheer magnitude of their fuck ups - the distance of interstellar proportions that exists between the real world we inhabit and the one on the otherside of the Silver Screen.  These teeny-bob movies generally feature mature photogeneic looking 21-26 year-old caucasians playing 14-20 year olds that should be of all shapes, sizes, races, religions, and creeds.  I am twenty-one and there is not a single teeny-bop lead outside fucking Disney that I can name that looks as young or younger than me.  But this is the least of their sins.

What really and truly pisses me off is the way that everybody in every movie and every teen-angsty television show is always lusting after each other in unrealistic, irrational, comedic-dramatic ways that are none the less COMPLETELY PREDICTABLE.  The uncool lead always gets the cool costar in the end, the bullies are thwarted, the competition won, the world saved. YAWN.  Shot of lead and co-star moving to a secluded place, pan away to unfunny comic relief side kick for obligatory joke, pan back to couple, now partially or completely obstructed for the highly stylized and exaggerated movement suggesting sex (e.g. rocking van).  Slow pan out, cue catchy pop theme song.  PUKE.  BARF.  RETCH.  HURL.

The overall message of these soul-less braindead creations is that in this happening, modern, understanding age of [insert year here] everybody excvept a few unsympatheic villian characters will get laid in the near future, and no you don't have to get married to get any nookie.  To the creators of these fine, multi-million dollar  dreams I say - what fucking planet are you from?  Or has the need for creating a nearly universally accepted movie so clouded your judgement that making movies based in the REAL WORLD has become untenable?

You see, I just graduated from college but have not yet found a job.  As such I've been spending a lot of time thinking about the last four years - what I've learned and the people I've met and the things that have happened to me.  And the one unifying theme between all of the aspects of my life that I have examined is that none of them have lived up to my expectations.  I got a B average in the 40-somethingth university in the country by doing no stidying but cramming, worked 20 hours a week at a difficult but tedious job, and had a grand total of two girl friends for a few monthes each.    I am neither ugly nor handsome.  I am told I am a little neurotic, but am mildly funny and an engaging and knowledgable conversationalist.  I am told I am polite and mildly generous when I pay attention, but lapse often into forgetfulness and obliviousness. 

And I never got any where near getting laid.

But all is not lost - what if I am the exception that proves the rule - the villian or arch-rival whose loss catalyses another's gain?  But it is not so.  Over the last four years I have had 9 roomates, 20ish people I would consider friends, and at my job I worked with between 300 and 400 students total.  Of which I can say, beyond a reasonable doubt, at least 4 people I know got laid, and another 10-12 are possibles.  The single most promiscuous person I meet slept with, at maximum, 3 young women while I knew him.  Four years of exposure to these people, talking with them, eating with them, asking questions about them, and watching their behavior and from my little sample I conclude that between 3%-5% of them likely have had sex.  At a time in our lives when our culture - our books and our television shows and our movies tell us we should be at our wildest, that would should be experimenting and trying new things and new people and new relationships, we simply arn't.

We see a movie or a show, we watch half-heartedly as the hero beats the villian and Good triumphs over Evil, and when the credits roll and our systems are still pumping the endorphins and other chemicals of excitation and happiness, we say to ourselves "This is a fake, a sham, and its not real.   But something good and mundane somewhat like this will happen to me" and we leave happy.  And then, if we chance to look ourselves in the mirror too closely some day later we may feel a little doubt and despair that our lives arn't living up to our expectations - that we still have no chance with the Prom Queen/Childhood Friend/Generic Love Interest.  So we wash away our feelings of doubt and remorse with pop songs, and drink more deeply from our cultural well of happy endings and True Loves and Easy Lays.

And the cycle endures.  So long as we don't change our ways, or try to hard, or look ourselves in the mirror to closely we can entertain ourselves with false visions of Could Bes and Maybes and Possiblys.  But our friends arn't so easily convinced, so we channel our Comedy/Romances and study our sitcoms and inspect todays teen idols, and apply what we've learned to our everyday life.  The guys will walk with a swagger and talk down to each other in the presence of women, and compete to look confident and attractive and masculine but not macho, whist they suck in their tummys so that no one sees that they haven't been following their Atkins/South Beach/Fad diet and 5 workout/week plan like they swore to themselves they would.  And while the guys lounge around while women walk past, swinging their hips to and fro in brightly colored short shorts that follow their thighs like second skins, breasts jiggling are Lifted and Separated by bras a cup size too big, chemical masks on their faces reflecting more colors than the rainbow can hold.

And when we are done for the day, and we leave the classroom or the bar or the workplace or the club for the last time, we separate and go home our separate ways to our happy movies and peppy underdog television stories - you to yours and I to mine.  Just me, myself, and my right hand.





PS: Anyone responding to this angst ridden rant with vacuous platitudes or anecdotes about their love life turning around or picking up or meeting The One will be biblically pressed to death under a pallet containing printouts/tapes/and magazines of all the smut available to me.  And believe me, when its all assembled upon your sorry broken body, there will be nothing left but a large and slightly chunky red smear.  I HATE platitudes.

Angst suits you and mayl eventually serve you well.  Keep up this sort of lifestyle out of uni and you could be in for a life of fame, fortune, cheap women and liver disease.  It'l keep you edgy and interesting to read. 

Oh... and here's a kitten:

(http://www.gonewacko.org/T2003/Cuties/CatCutie.jpg)

Man, that was almost painful to read.  I don't mean emotionial evocative or anything like that, just bloody painful.

My short answer would be who cares, but in deference to the love at F13 I'm just going to comment that, as a UK person, I find the idea that someone would do the college/uni thing and NOT get laid insanity.  It's madness.  What the fuck were you doing ?  Studying ?  Why ?  FFS.

That IS the time to go wild and break out.  I feel sorry if you don't.  At my Uni, it was RIFE and despite being a shy quiet guy on the inside, I loved it.

And if you are honestly benchmarking your life against Hollywood, I suggest suicide.  Seriously.
Never mind finding 'the right one' if you haven't found 'anyone' by this time, you're just not fucking trying.


Oh, and seriously - American TV & Film gives the wrong impression of sex.  As an overseas viewer, I know that Americans all have sex with a full set of underwear on and that they are so mucky that they must instantly shower afterwards.  Always.  And sometimes before.

This should be in Useless news...

Waiter or Bartender

Both = Pussy

Wow.. I can not imagine going through college and not getting laid.  May karma turn around for you.

Don't worry, Daydreamer. Everyone says they got laid at uni....

(geez, you guys are SO mean!)

Daydreamer, your college experience was very different from mine.  Granted, I was pre-AIDS, post-Summer of Love, and I hung out with druggies and loons, becauswe I was a druggie and a loon, but there was a lot of sex going on, even among the less druggy and loony.

Mind you, none of us, (well, except for Shawna, who lived in my closet [it was a BIG closet] for a term) looked like movie stars.

Obviously, if you overthink it, you will never get laid. 

Instead of researching and posting a lament for the death of your cock, perhaps you should have been out partying and having fun....

Winnar.

I think he's just looking in the wrong places.  English Lit and Sociology majors are very nearly a sure thing and Liberal Art students will fuck anything.  That's why they call it Liberal Arts!

Anyway, Daydreamer, because of your hatred of platitudes, here is a Platypus on a keychain.

(http://www.giftlog.com/images/platypus/platypus-keyr.jpg)

Here's to unreal expecations of love and romance in modern day media turning us all into sociopaths.

This bud's for you:

(http://www.nibley.com/Bud0674.jpg)

Those who never try, often lament that they never succeeded. 

 I'm with Ironwood, I got laid in college as much as I needed/ wanted to.  See, the thing is you have to go out and talk to people for it to happen.  An object of sexual desire doesn't just land on your doorstep, tied-up and waiting to be used unless it's on Mastercard.

You lament, bitch, piss an moan about it on a web board instead of going out and asking a girl home, yeah you're going to discover you're not getting laid very much. 

Wow, teh #hate is strong in this thread.

But anyway, I feel your pain so much that it is almost creepy. I do know 2 guys who get vast amounts of "action," but it's not with people from my school. I go to a decent-sized school, but I don't know where any of these people are who are going "crazy and experimenting."

I'll admit, I've personally gotten jack and shit from anyone at my school in the 4 years I've been attending there.

So, I'll leave you with one word of advice: Amsterdam.  :-P

But in all seriousness....you've all heard my shit about my school before, so I won't repeat myself. Just keep in mind that YMMV, since I'm a commuter to my school, rather than a resident (I've been told by people from other schools that this is a huge hinderance). And I still have 1 semester left..and I go to school with people from NJ...joy...

I got action in school. I don't think you know her, she's in Canada.

I lived on campus freshman year, then moved to apartments and the like for my next 3 years.  I dunno if being on campus helped, but I sure did know a ton of people after freshman year.  Yeah, ok, it helped, now that I think about my living arrangement for sophomore and junior years....

Being a commuter only hurts you if you never hang around on-campus after classes.  If you make friends with folks and meet them regularly outside of class you will have a great time.

If have a schedule that demands you go from class to class to class then drive off to your job, and you never go to any parties, yeah you're not going to meet anyone and college will be a miserable, miserable experience.

Not having fun in college is only to blame on yourself.   Sure, there's the driven Type-A personalities who dual major and rush through college in 3 1/2 years like it's a job who think college is an impedement to 'the rest of their life.'  Chances are, though, since you're reading this board, this ain't you. 

This is the truest thing ever posted on a message board. Also, sharing a house or an apartment with a person of the opposite sex is a guaranteed fuck eventually. It may take a while, but eventually a "sexual tension reliever" or "curiosity" fuck always happens. Always, even if they're in a relationship. The one exception is if you're a tool.

No shit. I guess TV and movies should show nothing but documentaries? This shit is fiction, I thought that was understood. Whatever lead you to believe that fictional media was supposed to show life as it actually is? How boring would that be?

Aside from that, I also didn't get much action in college ... after I dropped out was a different story though. My wife and I, newly married, were kind of frisky, seems like everyone we met wanted to fuck ... threesomes, foursomes were the norm.

Ah, those were the days. Having kids tends to put a damper on that kind of thing. :(

I go to my classes, and maybe work during my breaks at my office, then I go the fuck home, because I've usually been on campus for more hours than I would like. Then I don't go to parties, because that requires going back to campus, ugh.

Also, my aversion to beer (and heavy drinking in general) and small talk don't help much either. Being a history major helps even less. Being a geek makes it the Ultimate Evil Trifecta.

Chicks from outside of NJ are...easier.

Oh man, you have to spend time on campus.  Not doing so is a bad idea.  Yeah, campus sucks compared to off-campus, but part of the fun of going to shit on campus is to talk shit about how bad campus sucks.  Then you invite the girl you've been chatting up over to your place that is off, yet near campus....

This has been proven to work.  Eventually.

And if it doesn't, well, you now know another girl who has friends you can meet.  Sometimes the Mike Damone theory actually applies in that situation.  /fasttimes reference

EDIT -- had to add qualifiers

Damn, I had a really good anecdote too. 

Bolded correction mine.

Also, if you paid me to just think of something I could do, that I would actually want to do, on campus outside of class, I wouldn't make any money.

Just two things I want to say here. PLATITUDES.  You're welcome.

People can sense desperation and nothing, not anything, is less of an aphrodisiac than desperation.  Not even being a "really nice guy" although that's a close second.

And for some odd reason, it never rains but it pours.  Once you have one girlfriend, suddenly women see how attractive you are.  I don't know the reason for this but it is sure as, er, rain.

On the plus side, you don't have to worry about stds.  Or complications in your life.

[Why in the world are your parents talking about grandchildren?  You're only 21.]

I think I've figured out the unspoken details.

Get rid of your requirements in women if you're looking to get laid. Fat chicks need lovin too. Double baggers do as well. Also, butterfaces. Basically, I'm pretty sure that's its not that you want sex. You want the sex you see people around you getting, which doesn't seem to be working out.

Butterfaces I can deal with, but the rest? Sorry, that sounds like a step down from his hand if you ask me. Though fat is a realitive thing. It doesn't take much to be "fat" to me. Out of my weightclass = no go.

It's all about proportion.

Oops, totally forgot about that one, somehow.

Is there such a thing as a Quadfecta?

I think that may be one of the particular problems of the younger generation in general (i.e whatever comes after "X"). Everything is "instant" to them. From dot com boom era "instant success" to chapter skipping DVD's.

Everything is instant. Except sex. And people.

Then again, that's been cheapened and simplified too. If you're willing to sell yourself out a bit, sign up on an Internet dating site. That's pretty much sex on queue.

This is true. This is how you end up with 2 women in 24 hours, neither of whom you particularly care about.

I've gone through a pretty long dry spell here - but I'll admit that I don't particularly give a shit. I have neither the time nor patience for your average woman right now.

A. What's a butterface please.

B. Where the hell is your confidence Daydreamer? Did you lose it in some virtual backseat somewhere along with common sense? I am not saying this to be mean I am saying this to be honest. Every man I know that has been successful with women (and I know a lot of them considering most of my friends ARE male) has had one thing going for them: confidence.

If you breathe and walk upright convinced of your own self worth women find that unbelievably attractive. The one thing we don't do well is deal with men that pity themselves for their lack of a social life. A great smile never hurts either.

Hollywood quite often writes high school in the way that pervy little directors that used to be no-confidence weenies write it as they see it should have been for them. It isn't real life. Get yourself out from under your rock and talk to someone. Preferably female.


Kisses!

It's not. I actually made a concerted effort to see what it was like for an article I almost did a few years back. It's only sex on queue if you're willing to drop all requirements on women and enjoy a buffet of disease. Because really, internet dating sites that are set up for one thing - dating and sex (see: lavalife, match, etc) are as skeezy as skeezy gets. AFAIK, eHarmony is the only place that you won't be trolling for crabs.

Edit: SPT, butterface.

I'd fuck her, butterface. Say it out loud.

Butterface - smokin' hot body, face that'll scare small children.

We have a winnar! Remember Fat chicks are like mopeds. Fun to ride you just dont tell your friends. :D

Don't you have a rock to crawl back under?


Editing...

I have never before today heard the term butterface, but now that I have I am a happy girl.

A. Already answered.

B. I'm assuming it died in high school. I sure as hell know mine did, probably.

Though for me, "lack of confidence" is often confused with "lack of aggression."

Ladies, this is what happens when you don't give it up enough. Just think, a couple  minutes of akward fumbling and this whole rant could have been avoided.

One word Straz:

Amsterdam!

;-)

Unfortunately, photography/recording is not allowed within "those" parts of the RLD, else I would have a few sizeable videos to sell...

We should probably set up a Paypal donation box for a Real Doll for Daydreamer.

I'd suggest looking for a meaningful relationship. I'm guessing you are doing something wrong. For some pointers on how to act around members of the opposite sex, you might want to watch Hitch. I think his advice is fairly good, be engaging, interesting and interested. Plus - being in love is an awesome feeling.

From what I read, Daydreamer doesn't want love. He wants poon.

Which a woman can sense 5 miles away.

Try this line:  "Wanna fuck?"

Just cuts to the chase.  Won't work 19 out of 20 times for men.  Will work 19 out of 20 times for women.

[Obligatory warning: you probably don't want to fuck the 1 out of 20 that says yes.  But maybe you actually do.]

Even if it is good advice, I find it hilarious that you suggest him yet another Hollywood take on the whole thing  :-D

I guess my only advice is:

Turn off the fucking TV.

Go out and have some fun. Even if you don't get what you want "right away", just do it anyways. It's good for you.

Don't be such a dick.

It would do you all good to remember:  Fat bottomed girls make the rockin' world go round!

Oh and Strazos... Please to shuddup, already.  You're no great shakes.  Stop sounding like you have a queue of supermodels just gagging for your manhood. 

Other than that, you're still forgiven.

And whatnot.

Nothing wrong with late bloomers.  Take up scuba diving, join a dive club, take lots of cheap crazy $300 weekend vacations.  At the same time stay out of the bars, get involved in your community, and keep your kitchen and your underwear clean.  Stay busy and don't let moss grow on your toes.  Trust me do all this and you'll soon have more happiness than you'll know what to do with.

Course you won't be able to hear anything.

Sounds like the booze consumption was way too low during the past four years.

I always thought that was the most bullshit thing.  This bud of mine back in the pre-aids days had it work for him at least one out of four, but he was a cut dude with that kind of smile.  I needled him mercilessly and he called me on it.  Worked that first time I tried.  Sweet!

The next time I got slapped.  And the next time I had to run for my car with three guys chasing after me.  I still can't hear "Uneasy Rider" with a chuckle a glance over my shoulder.  "an' when I did all that hair fell out from underneath"

Ah youth.

Quiet you, I make no such claims.

Other than that, nice going on the Queen reference.

The queue of supermodels are all paid. Amsterdam.

As a way of further explanantion, it comes from the phrase "she has a really hot body but her face..."

Or what we over here call a BoBFoCW or "bobfock"

Body off Baywatch, Face off Crime Watch.

Add: or, "a paper bag job." I hang out with classy people.

I challenge you to find reciepts or witnesses.

It depends how you define "is"........

It wasn't THAT bad....   :oops:

I'll tell you a secret, that may nontheless end up a platitude.

Get used to it. As someone who never got laid in college either, and who has lived longer than you, I can safely say that very few things in my life have ever turned out the way I expected them to. VERY VERY FEW. So few as to be statistical anamolies. Life doesn't happen the way you plan it, daydream it or see it portrayed elsewhere.

Teen comedy movies? They should change the name of that genre to geek fantasies. That's all they are. The people who have enough "talent" to write movies for Hollywood were too geeky in high school and college to get laid, thus these are wish fulfillment stories. Go into them expecting smaltzy, ribald stupidity that bears little to no resemblence to reality and you'll be entertained. As wish fulfillment fantasies, these movies are supposed to tell you that things will work out like you expect, and if they don't, they'll be better than you expected.

That is almost never the case. You know what you should strive for in your life? To even things out. Hope that for all the bad shit that comes along, including not getting laid, there will be some good shit to counterbalance it. The scales won't always be perfectly even, but cherish the moments when it tips to the good, and survive the moments it goes tits up.

I think my scales are broken.

You're probably too fucking fat.

I've read the rest of the thread now. Some mean motherfuckers in here. Let me join the crowd.

I see the problem. You want poon, but you don't just want poon, you want poon with the right person. Unacceptable. You'll never get poon that way, nor will you meet the right person. Finding the two together is not going to happen when you are looking for both, it's lightning in a bottle. Pick one or the other, because if you manage to get one, the other MAY come along. Or it may not.

Choose a goal. Do you want some trim, or do you want to be with the right person? If it's just trim you are after, the right person shouldn't matter, because obviously the right hand has served well enough so far, just about anything is an upgrade. ++ points if she happens to be generous with the head-giving. If said trollop isn't the right person once you're done, you've only spent the money for whatever date you were on, and the trip to the clinic afterwards. If she is the right person, double plus gud. Now, if you just try to find the right person without worrying about the poon, your right hand will get plenty more work, and you'll be picking a lot of flowers, because the right person doesn't often think you are her right person.

So again, set your priorities. Poon or person? If the former, being picky means playing solo. If the latter, being picky is a good long-term reward waiting to happen, with a lot of short term work for the fist brigade.

Also, wear rubbers and don't do drugs. Unless the poon is hammered too.

Not doing things on campus means your dating pool is shrunk by about 99%, and your opportunities for impromptu date to big production special meeting to ask for a date ratio is going to be really shitty.

SPT hits the nail on the head.  Be confident, have fun, and talk.  Overall though, just be social, even if it is so painful it makes you want to pull your teeth out.

I had a lot written here but decided I didn't want to post it all because, for the most part, I'm just agreeing with what's already been said.

It's easy to let yourself sink into the mire of sexless despair.  Don't.  You don't have to be super-social, but make yourself open to conversation if someone tries to start one.  Be confident.  Stazos, you're still in school so it's easier for you.  Talk in your classes, but only when you really know what you're talking about.  Make points.  Be smart.  Eventually, you will be approached.  It's probably not as easy as going to bars and parties etc, but it's better than slipping into a class and slipping out without saying a word or ever being noticed by anyone.

Being a geek makes it tough, I know.  Admit it or not, somewhere inside we all at least partially believe the crap we've heard all our lives about girls not wanting geeks.  It's bullshit.  It really, really is.  You just need to find the right kind of girl, and they're NOT that rare, and they're not necessarily geeks themselves.

You have to ignore the self doubt and be confident.  Walk upright, like you're proud.  Speak with conviction on things that you know.  Listen intelligently and ask questions on things that you don't know (but don't ask stupid questions just to make yourself apparent- ask questions from a different point of view).

Be confident and you will attract women.  It makes a huge difference.  So you're not getting laid- so what?  Is it that important?  Hell, it's not like you've really TRIED to get laid recently.  Stop worrying about it, start being confident, and you'll find the opportunities will come to you.

Platitude or not, it's the truth.

Mostly good posts all around, even if a bit on the harsh side. Espeically Strazos, Signe and Haemish - thanks guys.  And the second girlfriend I mentioned in the rant I am still seeing, so no dating tips needed.  Thanks though.

I stated at the outset I was trying to writing about Hollywood being further is off base than most realize, but looking back on the rant now that I'm sober and well rested, it strikes me that I went a little off topic talking about myself.  For that I apologize. 

The main thing I was trying, and apparently failing to get at, was that it seems like eveyone around me was lying their ass off to make their lives seem more like the movies that they wish they were - the guys exagerating their experiences and chances, and when they go out with a girl they let their mate's imaginations run wild by not contradicting their overinflated imaginations.  The girls, seemed instead to exagerate any emotional investment in their relationships through physical proximity and much girl-talk.  As if every guy could be The One, and as if to say to their friends that "Hey, this guy feels something for me".  I think I was trying to say that, even if eveyrone knows on some level how fake hollywood is, most of the people I know were activly lying to themselves and others because they still want their trials and tribulations to end happily, even though the real world doesn't work that way.  And because of this detachment from reality, everything to do with romance at college has adopted an almost bizzarro world quality to it, as people try ot make it into something its not, myself included.

So what I want your opinion on is this - despite education and supposedly knowing better, how many college students still try to twist their lives into a Howards Huges Feature Film?  I'm guessing most of them.

"Kids are stupid"?

Oh wait, adults are too.

[EDIT] If you're trying to make sense out of it, then don't. "People are just desperate" is the simple answer, I think.

In the meantime, just try to be sincere yourself....It'll eventually pay off. [EDIT] Very close to "platitude" territory maybe....Apologies.

There were women I met at college, attractive, intelligent women, who really did not belong there at an institution of learning for one reason alone. They went to college to find a husband. That's it. All their major, their interest in whatever, was bullshit, even if they didn't want to admit it to themselves. They were there to find a husband. You'll see that a lot.

{Looks back on previous umpteen number of years in school]

My mileage varies...by a lot.

Maybe it's my school, but it's the generic fratboy douches getting all the attention, at least in my experience.

Dunno.   Don't care really.  I dropped out of pop culture a long time ago.  For those that haven't figured life out yet, it's not my lace to tell and I'm not burning brain cycles worrying about it.

I live at a completely different pace than most people.  I do my time at the job, spend my later afternoon/evening outdoors working in my berry arbor, managing my trees, helping the family with the animals.  Then after I tuck the kids in, get a bottle of fine red wine, and game until I'm tired and go fall into bed with the wife who's just finished puttering with her hobbies.  We talk, nuzzle, <none of your business> then the next morning we get up and do it all over again.

I've never been happier, I've never felt more in touch with myself and the world around me.  I don't watch a lot of TV, just a couple of shows.  It's often a year before we see the latest blockbuster, usually just before they slip off the big screen.

There is no happiness in pop culture.  That's not its point after all.  Pop is about selling the shiny, about manufactured cool and artificial knowledge.

We in this community know all about the bait and switch of the shiny.

Well Daydreamer after that bit of clarification you're post is 110% less angsty and so shouldn'tgarner as much of teh #hate as I originally thought it deserved.

But yeah, people are stupid and/or desperate, they'll lie to make their lives seem better. Hell I don't know if it's Hollywood so much as most men want their male friends to think that if they're going out with a woman they're hitting that and women just like to think that they're in a relationship for the emotional stuff (spineless clarification: I'm sure some men are hitting that and plenty of women are in an emotional relationship, I'm talking about the one's that aren't but prefer to think they are).

Personally I've got a rather weird view of University life. I go to Durham (http://www.durham.ac.uk) in the UK which is a collegiate university (assorted colleges all part of one University). The college I'm in happens to be a Christian college and small, so about half of my year are Christian fundies. Social life can be quite limited to colleges with the result that most available girls get taken quick. The remainder think that holding hands outside of marriage is dirty and filthy so they're not really high on any potential dating list (that and having interests outside of worshipping Jesus and converting others makes one unsuitable for them). I guess it's weird as I'm constantly being confronted with people who want to bone each other but absolutely deny any kind of such feelings, instead they talk about how much they want to get married.

So yeah, not all dating is My-life-is-a-teen-movie in University. Then I guess I'm talking from a fairly 'special' environment.

Then chances are there's at least one girl in one of your classes waiting for you to approach her.

I've been in a relationship for nearly 5 years now.  We originally met in high school, since she was friends the brother of a girl I was dating.  Basically, we were introduced, and that was that.  We spoke once or twice after that (she asked me if I had seen someone around, wasn't a conversation or anything).

First day of college I noticed she was in a class of mine.  As soon as class was over, I went to talk to her.  I sat by her the next day and continued talking with her.  Over the course of about a month and a half, we became friends and went out to a couple things.  I asked her out a few times and she said "No(t yet)."  One night in early October the two of us went to a haunted house, and I took her to a park when we were done there.  I asked her out again and she finally agreed.  Our 5th year will be October 6th, she's moving in with me in about a month and 11 days.

If I hadn't grown the balls to walk up to her and initiate conversation, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have sought me out (even though she did apparently have a crush on me since high school, and when she asked me where someone was it was just an excuse to talk to me).

If you've got your eye on someone, and you don't know if she has a boyfriend, find out and approach her.  Sometimes you can get them to come to you, sometimes not.  Most people are actually quite decent and will try to reject you gently if they're not interested.  There's not much to be nervous about, at the very least you get to put some curiosities to rest.

And believe me, there are plenty of girls who loathe the generic fratboy douches.

SPT, Signe, Voodoo, you want to back me up on that?  (At least one of them will be sarcastic and say that they love the fratboy douches, but now that I've pointed that out they might not.  What will you do now? Sarcasm=PWNED.)

This might get me zinged but in my experience 20-40% of women work for the same reason. Yes, they have to suppost themselves, but the husband hunt is a big part of job selection.

You would be amazed at the number of parents who raise their daughters specifically for this purpose.

I'm not even talking subconciously.  My girlfriend's parents are quite insane.  They still don't approve of her coming over to my house alone.  Oh no, we might have SEX.  We've been dating for NEARLY FIVE FUCKING YEARS!  Clearly I'm just using her!  And people will talk!  Her dad had the sheer gall to insult her on this, and I'm just going to stop there because I'm getting really fucking pissed off at them, and that's not a good thing.

But yes.  To use them as an example: They wanted her to get all As in school, and they wanted her to go to college, but they got PISSED when she wanted to get a job.  Then they dealt with that.  But they don't want her to move out of their home until she is married (and I'm not even talking about moving in with someone- they don't want her to move out ON HER OWN until she's married).  It's absofuckinglutely rigoddamndiculous.

Deep breaths.  Think of head tilty owls.  Non-linear game stories.  Games without grinding.

Okay, I'm good.  Unrelated rant.

Oh yes, and Hollywood is bullshit.  There, I'm on topic.

I don't know any Fratboy Douches but I don't like the sound of them!  Other than that you and Haemish have given good advice from the poon and non-poon point of view.

"The owls are not what they seem."

It's not easy raising parents but I'm proud you two have stuck to your guns.  Good for society and all that.  Bravo.

I like the platitudes (and the platypus on a chain, that was classy). So I'll agree with everything Haem said from the ageing dude with wife and kids point of view.
And with whomever said "it never rains, it pours".
I was you for most of college. NIce, friends with a lot of girls, saw very little action, was probably stupidly busy looking for Miss Right, when I should be looking for Miss Right Now. Then I met this girl, completely the one I wasn't looking for. Had one crazy weekend (which involved a bottle of vodka on the backseat of Portisheads tourbus), she broke up shortly after.
Being suddenly very selfconfident, complety indifferent (ie not looking for The One) and a wee bit pissed with women in general was the best thing that could have happened poonwise. Only meeting my wife-to-be and deciding that monogamy probably was worth it, broke my new track record.

So my advice would be. Hide desperation. If you can't be confident, fake it - alchohol helps, you just have to find the magic point where you believe you can do anything, but doesn't drool and mumble, so you can't convince a girl of the same.
... and stop worrying.

Hehe, I found this fairly amusing.

Careful, Strazos.  I'm still in the process of forgiving you.

Believe it or not, I've tried this...

Both Alcohol and Drugs have no effect on my personality whatsoever. Sure, my balence becomes slightly off, and my head feels a bit swimmy, but I'm still the same coherant, overly-analytical person....sucks.

And to top it all off, it takes a lot of alcohol to get me even buzzed, and I don't even like to drink to get drunk. A nice White Russian is enough for me.

I agree.  Most people who appear confident are faking it.  If they can pull it off, there's no reason you can't.

And notice how both SPT and I mentioned walking upright?  It's weird, but it's important.

I took my cues from the opening cutscene of Vampire: Bloodlines.  The shot with the Prince explaining things to your character and you following behind him, both walk with this confident, almost haughty swagger.  Of course you won't be able to copy it exactly, and you'd probably look ridiculous if you tried to, but it's a good starting point.  And I tested it on my girlfriend, and it works.

Since the original poster says he hates platitudes, I wont say anything other than "wrong!"


There's probably a bar, on a planet in the Sigma Tau system, and 2 Impregnator Greeples are in there knocking back some fermented sulphur beverages exagerating how many Birthing Greeples they have had. Its not a Hollywood thing. When the whole reason for our existence seems to be procreation, no one is going to admit they never get any, or if they have had some, it wasnt good, they were crap and it happens once a blue moon (or above, once in a 3 moon conjunction).

This is what ultimately worked for me.  Up until my junior year of college, it was a dry, dry season.  Not really any reaction to my presence from the opposite sex.  Then I started hanging out with a friend that was a big time partier and I dragged myself a long.  Most of the first half of my junior year was lost in a booze soaked binge.  I get drunk very easily and I'm not a bad drunk, as in I don't embarass myself and still contain 90% of my brain but none of the inhibitions or conscience.  Most girls that probably thought I was gay or asexual earlier were all of the sudden making passes at me.  I even got disdainful glances from the prudes in my Honor's dorm (seriously, I'd highly suggest not being in an honor's dorm if you want some action, too many puritans).  Too bad I met my wife early second semester, I could have gone on quite a tear.  Ironically with my wife, I noticed something in her that made me resist making a pass at her or engaging in a drunken make out session.  I got her number and it went from there..

Funny enough, it was also advice from my dad that brought me some sage advice that has been mirrored here: "you're going to kiss a lot of frogs, before you find your princess".  Put the blond, sorority cock-holster bitches out of your mind and your world opens up.


Heh, that reminds me of a girl I knew who kept tell me to stand up straighter and push my shoulders back.  This was a bit harder for me, since no one knew I had a degenerative spinal disease that required surgery after my sophomore year.  Perhaps being a bit straighter helped me out that year (Junior) also. 

*Shrug* I've given lots of advice to guys on how to improve their love lives and I can give you no better example then my brother. He's a gorgeous 22 year old that had no confidence so he let women drag all over him and ended up a doormat.

Then one day he listened to me when I said "Get a Spine".

And he did.

And now he has women swarming over him.

Confidence is it boys.

So, to sum up:
If you want poon, be a douche. Perferably drunk and without standards.
If you want poon with Missus Right, stop looking cuz she doesn't exist.
Flip lifestyles and date SPT's brother.

It's all starting to make sense.

By the way, confidence doesn't pick up your stereotypical hottie in a bar unless she's with friends. Girls don't lower standards or change their own when they're with friends. They'll often try to bat out of their league, like men do. Basically, play the minors and do a lot of laundry at the seedy shithole laundromat down the road. Also, hang out at places like libraries, parks, and restaraunts with cute waitresses (not bars, restaraunts). Cuz you ain't picking up Sally the Socialite down at your local college dive.

Good advice all of it, and thank you.  Except for the slight problem of me having a girlfriend as I tried to explain on the second page - though I imagine if or when this relationship ends I will have a chance to put it to use.  I was trying to make a more generalized statement about people lying to each other and themselves about their sex lives using my (mostly) unsuccessful experience as a starting point.

So how often and how much do people lie to themselves and others about their sex lives?  And why do we continue to drop billions of dollars on movies and books and outtings each year, as consumers, reassuring ourselves of these pretty little lies?

Is it wrong for me to want to kick the shit out of you?

....Because sometimes stepping into an alternate reality is well.. interesting at least?

....or we need a good laugh?

And I'm not sure what society you come from or live in but how many people do you know are completely and brutally honest about their own sexual needs/situations/persuasions?

Not really.  You'd be surprised how often I get that too.

My advice is to do what I'm doing - working on a psuedo-magic the gathering based strategy game, listening to Apocalyptica play Master of Puppets, and wearing an Iron Maiden t shirt. Ok, I'm not doing that last one but I could run to the closet and get the trifecta.
---

In all sersiousness I will say these things:
Anyone can get laid if they want to enough.
"Nice guys finish last" because most self-described "nice guys" are actually annoying whiners.

People need to learn to enjoy life for what it is. Nothing is more depressing sometimes than reading magazines, watching TV, and feeling like there is some cotton-candy existence you've totally missed out on. Live life instead of worrying what you should be doing or what other people are supposedly up to.

Your hand right can give you a better hand-job than any girl anyway.

Margalis, you have better articulated what I've been trying to say.

"Turn off the TV" and "Don't be a dick" was probably a little too concise.

Man, I turn off the computer for the day and I miss most of this thread. Very very interesting stuff.

That being said I think a lot of you are jaded dicks, but that's standard. Getting to know people is very key, and not just in the meet them in a bar way. I've had great relationships with women based on mutual friends mostly. I think using your connections that way is key rather than just randomly hitting on people. It's the difference between selling by cold-calling and selling to someone you know by casual aquaintance. The ice is broken, and the door is open. Make sure to seize your moments then, you don't get many.

And I don't lie much about my sex life, being that I don't have one.

Don't confuse popular culture movies, books and TV shows as reflecting real life.  They don't.  They reflect somebody's idea of how they wished their life was.

And don't get involved in the whole scene of allowing popular culture to dictate to you how life should be lived.  Sure, there are people who do that.  It's not real, though, and they're confused.

Movies, TV and books are for escape, not for directions on How One Lives Life.

Living life is just a string of moments made up of drinking good coffee, stressing about bills/love/lack/loss, once in a while watching a nice sunset, relaxing in the quiet, dancing in the loud....  It has very little to do with how Hollywood portrays life at all. 

[And Daydreamer, I still don't get why your parents are bugging you about grandchildren at the tender age of 21.]

lol Day, I think you really fucked your point by posting all that personal stuff.


 :mob:

Holy shit, where'd that come from.

Probably the same place most of us keep our regrets and disappointments, would be my guess.  Not really a bad idea to take them out and look at them in the light of day, now and then.

That's not fair...

Standards, etc...they get in the way, as it were.

Swing and a miss. If you want to get laid that badly, there aren't standards.

Standards and ideals are necessities to the young, and luxuries to the old.  Or that's how it's working out for me, at least.

We're talking about a quick fuck here, not a lifelong relationship. Again, if you want to get laid badly enough standards go out the window.

Edit: You should see some of the guys and girls my friends in high school and college messed around with and never talked to again.

Let me put it this way:

If I don't like what I'm banging, then why should I bother with the hassle at all.

Our own casanova Schild sure seems to have a lot to say.

You're still missing the point. If you don't like what you're banging, you're obviously not that desperate for sex. That's the point. If you can choose to have or not have and be happy either way - you are not desperate. That's where your making the mistake. I'm not faulting you for having standards. Nor am I calling you desperate. Nor am I saying you have bad standards. I'm simply saying you're missing the point of wanting that badly to fuck something.


Thanks for trying to be cutting but calm it, junior. Nothing above (this comment) was a comment about you personally but rather elaboration on what Margalis said.

Edit: Clarity.

You are all fucking mental.

As for Daydreamer;  when you mentioned you already had a girlfriend, THAT should have been the point at which you asked the mods to delete the thread.  What a pointless waste of time.



Edited to Add :  Savage Love is particularly relevant this week, I feel.

I'm disappointed in you, Daydreamer.  I was feeling sorry for you because you were the only boy who couldn't get any at uni, but now I just want to pinch you really, really hard.

I want to leave pinch marks, too.

While I am no moral paragon, it is worth remembering that every quick fuck has the potential to become a lifelong relationship.  That is the bitch about heterosexuality.

If you want to put your standards in the hands of a stranger... you could always try this....

http://www.greenlighter.org/index.php?sid=8fb26b610055fec5c23e3409eea2d9f9 Note - this link may not be a workplace appropriate place to visit. No pictures, but subject matter.

You know, Paelos. That is not a very Christian thing to say. Really. What would god think?

Probably that a lot of us are jaded dicks.  It's probably a fairly accurate statement, after all.

I'm not jaded. I'm a happy monkey.

Can we please discuss the creepiness of greenlighting.

Or maybe Rainbow/lipstick parties (http://www.nerve.com/screeningroom/books/rainbowparty/) Note - this link may not be a workplace appropriate place to visit. No pictures, but subject matter.

The purpose of entertainment/fiction seems to really escape you, doesn't it?

Again, to echo what schild says, if you have standards, you really aren't that desperate for sex. The guys who go out to bars and ARE getting laid? They start the night with standards, and as each hour that passes to last call lowers those standards until what's left in the bar meets whatever standards they have left. If all you want is sex with a woman, not much else should matter. But then, if your standards have dropped that far, you've got a lot bigger problems than not getting any tail.

And yes, Paelos, we are jaded dicks, how nice of you to notice. That doesn't make our observations any less relevant though.

People lie to themselves all the time. sidereal said it best in his review of House of Sand and Fog.


That's why people lie to themselves. Not a lot of people can face up to even their minor flaws, much less their major ones. Not everyone can look themselves in the mirror and say "The only reason I'm here is to plow this chick's field." They lie to themselves because humanity is generally lazy, and don't want to see their flaws because they might have to make the effort to change.

I would, but your greenlighting link doesn't work for me and I'm too lazy to google it right now.

hmm - it appears down.

Basically. You wear a green shirt with the collar up, to signify you will sleep with whoever puts it down. Doesnt matter who, doesnt matter when.

Greenlight link seems screwed for me too.  Here is what you can get outside the subscription on the Rainbow/Lipstick link:


 I never get invited to the good parties, bt at least my old man isn't so great an ass as to wish for me to never have oral sex.

What kind of sick, twisted bastard doesn't want his son to get a hummer ever in his life?

Hoax (http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=1604378).

Phew - now I can go back to wearing my green collared polos again.

I am very old and very bitter at all the action these high school punks are getting. My outrage is mitigated somewhat by the fact that they have to wear ridiculously oversized trousers to fit in, however.

When I was growing up all we had was Spin the Bottle.

Sheesh. Youth of the 2000's. What will we do with them.

I had no idea she was this cool!  (No idea what hoovering is and I forget what salad tossing means... buggery, I think.  I won't google, though.  It always seems to bring me to places I don't want to be, these days)

PS  Don't worry, PopTart... these sorts of things aren't limited to kids, anymore.  Oprah has made it ok for adults to have kinky sex now, too!  Woo hoo!

I'm getting close to "old and bitter", but this stuff was happening in my highschool days too (early 90's).

My generation would probably have to take the blame for ridiculously oversized trousers as well.

Salad-tossing is Oral-Anal, with or without 'dressing'.   Chris Rock does a wonderful comedy bit about it.

But who will take the blame for the trend of people wearing white t-shirts that go down to the knees?

It's like they're wearing a damn dress...I just want to strangle the kids with their own oversized shirts.

And what's all this about men growing their hair long and smoking pot? It's an outrage I say! Outrage!!11!1!!!

(http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/7761/crystal25ld.jpg)

(http://img292.imageshack.us/img292/4369/wmama04kanyewestlarger72dpi3bt.jpg)

I look ill in green (and I mean that in a bad way).

Sigh. Late as usual. DayDreamer, I once deflowered a Croatian Reed College student solely because I found out he was a physics major. Slutty girls who bang smart boys exist, and they don't all have diseases (nerdy boys don't seem to spread 'em the way the rest of y'all). Those days are behind me, of course, but take heart. FYI - hippie girls almost always put out, as long as you can get past the armpit hair and stench of nag champa. And they usually have comfy futons.


I prefer syrup.

I call bullshit.

Not on whether or not you did what you say, but on the existance of

I hate teh frat boys. Viciously. Date rape, anyone? I'm so biased, in fact, that when my bar hired a new guy who looked like a fratty meathead, I was automatically quite rude to him and even tipped poorly (which is unheard of for me, as I spent 4 years working in service). When I found out he was just a Muscle Mary we actually became friends.

Q: How many frat boys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Frat boys don't screw in lightbulbs, they screw in puddles of vomit.

Call all the bullshit you want, Strazos. Shows like the OC are making it chic to be a geeky boy, and girls are catching on quickly. Of course, it doesn't hurt to be as cute as Adam Brody, but whatevs. Hell, I even thought the Jewish kid on the Wonder Years (Paul) was hot when I was a kid. Maybe my love of nerdy boys is in my DNA or something.

Geekyboys/Fratboys. Just two different ends of the spectrum of negativity imo.

No, that much I understand, hell thats why I play video games mostly, though I would prefer few more stories with a slightly greater basis in reality.  I meant it more along the lines of why do we immitate these archtypes in public as well as idolize them in private?  Why do we lie to each other to make ourselves out to be sexier and more desired than we are?  Is there really nothing more to it than fear of seeing our own flaws?

Though this whole thread has been a study in unintended side-effects, in that I foresaw exactly none of this when I wrote the original rant, and both my previous attempts and clarification and redirection seem to have done more harm than good.  Serves me right for writing while under the influence I suppose.

Don't worry, Stray. Punky skater boys will always get the poonaynay. You don't hafta hate.

(http://www.strangehorizons.com/2002/20020930/bloodhag.jpg)

Ugh...shows like that make me physically ill.

I've never watched the OC. Fuck network TV (mostly).

I can't throw stones at another generation when it comes to bad pants:

(http://80sguy85.tripod.com/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/parachutepants.jpg)

Bold mine. Hasn't going to Europe taught you anything? Don't knock it if you ain't tried it.

I know what the premise is, and it's the same angsty teen drama BS I've disliked for...years I guess.

Law and Order on TNT, ftw.

Fratboys make me physically ill. It goes back to when I was 16. My best friend who yes, was in a Frat at UCONN told me about this award called the "Blue Harpoon". Basically it was an award that went to the frat boy that "harpooned" the ugliest, fattest girl on campus. I just shook my head, hit him over the head with a book and sighed sadly for his pathetic soul that would be eaten alive by demons upon his death.

I'd take geekboy over fratboy any day.

Progression..

Frat Boy......Beer Gut....Tire Salesman

Geek Boy....MIT.....No Beer Gut....Engineer

Ladies - Have your standards.

I like me some sunglasses too.

I love the blue GA's I bought in Florence.

My response to this is that these public archetypes are more a product of how people think life should be. I guess it comes down to whether you think it's a case of life imitating art or art imitating life. Personally I think it's the latter and that teen movies are the products of how people wish their lives could be. Whether we had these movies where the geek bangs the hot chick and the nasty frat boys get nothing but their right hand, people would still be wandering around wishing their life was like this and probably lying to others to convince them it is.

Off course that's all on topic, I'll add that I need to get a new watch and I don't understand how people do without watches. I can use my mobile phone to tell the time but it just doesn't feel right having to get it out of my pocket everytime I need to know what the time is.

If single celled life forms are your thing, I'd adivse you to keep things hot and steamy, with long walks around the petri dish.

This is a regular occurance in Italy....these Nigerian (or whatever) guys will be lining the streets, trying to sell tons of fake designer goods. Stringing them along, making them think you're going to buy something, makes for a few laughs.

Ok, now you lot are just talking bollocks.

Also makes for some good prices.

"Hey lady, Gucci, Prada, I make you good price."

My fiancee got a few bags from those guys by the Uffizi.

Weren't we just giving YOU advice on how to make things hot and steamy?

Sheesh. What a difference a day makes.

Speaking as a guy who used to be in a fraternity (and not a Christian one if that's what you are thinking, I was one of two in the place) most of the crap you hear like the "awards" or "naked hazing" is bullshit. It's made up by other fraternities to either ruin other guys reps, or to make a joke. We don't bang fat chicks as a joke, we don't put fingers up each others asses, and I can say I have zero desire to see pledges doing anything naked.

That's not to say they don't bang anything in sight because they are hornballs. That much is fairly accurate. However, lets not judge all books on the covers.

Voodoolily - two questions:

Is that a Battle Royale avatar? (still need to see that movie, badly)

What the fuck is a Muscle Mary?

I think a muscle mary is a really built gay guy.

Something like that. (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=muscle+mary)

1) Yes- and yes, you do.
2) Paelos was able to sum it up perfectly. Many fags refer to the gym as "church", which aptly describes many homos' religious dedication to working out. There is nothing hotter than a really built guy who you could never fuck. (Except a really nerdy one that you can)  :-)

Edit: Changed 'ever' to 'never'. dang but did you ever notice how one letter can make such a difference?

Here's what I learned in college:
1.  Chicks dig confidence.  And you can't teach confidence.  You've got it or you don't.  When my glass was half empty, girls ignored me.  When it was half full, they dug me.  Given a choice between an average or even ugly confident guy, and a dilly-dallying depressed hot guy, most chicks choose the mover and the shaker.
2.  Don't go to a small liberal arts college full of valedictorians, like I did.  Hyper-achieving women tend to be frigid, neurotic, and obsessed with grades/career/appearances.
3.  Work out.  You'll look better, feel better, and extra testosterone will propel your libido.

You can teach confidence. Well..you can teach confidence by giving confidence. It's like a gift.

By the way, Schild.

The picture of the watch. I love it. Awesome watch.

You can't teach confidence, but you can fake it.  Just convince yourself that you rule.  For whatever reason.  Your faults are really not a big deal, and you've got a hell of a lot to offer any girl.

Think of yourself as a good catch.

Casanova looked a bit like Jon Lovitz. He had neither a stable job or a stable income.

And he's the biggest player the world has ever known (I mean, for heaven's sake, the guy could seduce nuns).

If that doesn't inspire confidence, nothing will.

Or ask a girl if she will go to Phantom of the Opera with you.

Funny story, already did a local public sing-along performance with friends and got nothing a few monthes ago (I was the only strait single person in the room, natch).  But we set a date to get together with a few others to go bowling then, and thats where I met my current girlfriend.

So mad props to Andrew Lloyd Weber, and stuff.

If the girl you're after reminds you even a teeny weeny bit of me, don't ask her to go to The Phantom of the Opera with you.  She will hate those sorts of musicals and will probably call you a pussy faggot.  (she'll feel rather guilty afterwards though and, unless she's married to Righ, will offer you a sympathy fuck)

(http://www.wijfzonderlijf.be/users/Quagmire/images/thumbs/familyguy009.jpg)

Al-right!

That was pretty much my experience too.  We were more Summer of Love than Animal House.

Not that we didn't have regular beer-soaked dance parties.

That's actually what it is.  Early on I heard the old Chinese warning "Be careful what you pretend to be for that is what you become" and I heard the positive side of the message, embraced it, and it's worked wonders.  I still practice it, it still works.

Men forget that the Diva attitude is not limited to women. That's sad. If I'm having a less-than-confident day, I just put on a skirt and strut like I'm on a fucking catwalk, and my mood improves instantly.

I might give that a shot, but in Georgia they frown on that. And by frown I mean beat you yelling QUEER!

 :-D

I mean just pretend that you're the most fabulous creature on the planet.

Brain fart:  people who post on these forums tend to be highly analytical.  Whatever we do, we pick apart with a surgical knife, looking for ways to improve it.  Trouble is, this does not work well for romance.  So listen to these guys, take off your analyst hat, put on your cowboy hat, and pretend you're Clint Eastwood.  His new wife is maybe 30, and he's about 80.  There's a role model ;)

Sidle right up to a girl and go, "the question is, do you feel lucky? Well, do ya?"

Might have better results if one was to carry a magnum as well.

I know it would work better for or on me with a Magnum.

(http://www.veltz.dk/jpg/extras/magnum-01.jpg)

I love absolutely everything aBOUT ...being Burt.

Burt?

Tom Selleck and Burt Reynolds are the same person, don't you read the papers?

Shut the fuck up Donny, you're out of your element!

As it seems the problem for most isn't actually getting a girl out on a date but sealing the deal afterwards, just be funny, charming, and do this (http://members.aol.com/linnyandmo/rose.html).

All girls practically look the same naked, don't be so picky, you aren't going to marry her for godsake.

My fraternity was full of guys who played EverQuest (one guy I knew had a pee jar and ended up flunking out... sad), Starcraft, and Counter-Strike.  We also had the beer-soaked dance parties, but I usually found somewhere else to be those nights because the beer was generic domestic swill and I was a beer snob before I turned 21.  It was all about the housewide LAN parties.  Awww yeah.

Closest thing we had to naked hazing was the rule that if you were beaten 10-0 in foosball, you had to run to the end of the block and back in boxer shorts.  The night that I got smoked by our resident champion and had to make the run of shame, there were some sorority girls on the same route flashing passersby as part of some similar stunt.  So it was a positive experience, really.

Go to your room.

 :sad_panda:

Yup. That's why poor Hugh Hefner lives in the street... pictures of naked women, who'll ever pay money to see that?

Is there anything more funny than an excited, naked man?  Maybe it wouldn't be so silly looking if the darn thing would stay still instead of moving about on it's own like that.   Do you ever wonder how we keep from laughing long enough to have sex with you lot? 

It's not bloody easy, I tell you!

They always stop laughing when you

Bah, I'm not finishing this thought, to THE DEN WITH YOU I SAY.

(http://www.wijfzonderlijf.be/users/Quagmire/images/thumbs/familyguy009.jpg) GIGGITY GIGGITY GIGGITY GIGGITY!

People, there is no place for humor in the bedroom.  Sex is serious business, and should be treated accordingly.  Now someone hand me my pants.

Cut them ?

ROFL.

I love wife-abuse jokes.

Q. What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
A. Nothing you didn't tell her twice already.

Now I have to dig out my Belzebubba tape and listen to "RC's Mom"......


"Gonna beat my wife..unh..gonna hit her with a lead pipe...."

Why no-one.  Certainly no-one with my credit card.   Or at least, that's the fucking story we tell the wife, Got it ?

What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?

Slap her.

I think this one has run its course. Time to take it out behind the barn and give the Old Yeller treatment.

I'll miss this thread. it was truly terrible.

Damn it, and I had a great rant about the stupidity of my generation I was working on!  I could have made more people hate me!

Curses.

We're definately the most stupid social generation. And we've turned TV into a travesty with our taste. That's not saying TV before was less shitty, just that we've so much shit that we need something like 400 channels.

There, 3 sentences. Don't you have a girlfriend to be hanging out with?

I was aiming for something more along the lines of our inability to hold intelligent conversations about anything more complicated than our favorite show X or our favorite tech toy Y.  With the occasional "Grr! Bush (good/bad)! I (love/hate) him!" thrown in to cement social bonifides as a (completely un)informed young adult.  Hell just yesterday I was discussing favorite tv shows with my girlfriend and mentioned that I used to watch Buffy but stopped around my senior year of high school (2000).  Do we discuss likes and dislikes about the show? Favorite episodes? Favorite one-liners? No! She insists on monologueing for over THIRTY minutes about all the plot points that occured after I stopped watching, spoiling them all.  And despite my best efforts to shift the conversation failed. I asked to see the episodes she talked about (She owns all seven seasons on DVD) she batted that down. I mention our shared interest in Joss Whedon's other work (Firefly) and she bats that down. I mention SMGs work on The Grudge and our shared interest in the Japanese horror movies it and the Ring movies are based on and she waves it off.

I don't think it is her fault, and despite the problem I greatly enjoy spending time with her, but it is like that with almost everybody I talk too these days. I want to talk WITH people, not AT them - and I want them to talk WITH me not AT me.  And I want to sleep with them if they are cute and female.  But mainly I want to talk, to pick their brains and tear their mind apart and see how they tick.  How are we alike?  How do we differ?  Do we like/dislike the same things for the same reasons or different reasons?  My got to know my first girlfriend because she loved Tomb Raider and Final Fantasy as I did, but she liked them because of strong female characters and I like them for their reinvention of the adventure genre and their story/art respectively.  And when people monologue about the WHAT of things, like Buffy or any other show or game, I zone out a little.  If a gave a flying fuck who was the Big Bad Demon in Buffy season Six was, or how Dawn came into the series, I would WATCH THE GOD DAMN SERIES.  When I talk with someone about a show I want to know WHY.  Why did she like the whole show and not fall away from it as I did?  Why did she buy and watch the Angel series DVDs when she never liked the series even remotely as much as she liked Buffy?  WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY?  Tell me damn it, give me a window however tiny into your soul!  When you recite plot summaries and soulless character bios you are closed to me and I hate it. I am dating YOU, I want to know YOU, not Sarah fucking Michelle fucking Gellar!

I really have little beef with TV today beyond the completely fake 'reality tv' shows.  Listening to my fellow students try to justify liking a character from, say Desparate Housewives, despite their sins and their neurotic foibles was both entertaining and informative.  The show, and most tv these days, maybe cheesy as all hell, but at least it usually has enough depth and variety that Hollywood can no longer get away with.  When people say "I like X" or "I hate Y" with minimal knowledge of the show I can start picking them apart, getting them to justify themselves, drawing them out of their shells and starting an honest to god conversation with them.  But nobody does that anymore.  They don't want to hurt other peoples feelings so they avoid value judgements at all costs.  No longer to people talk about the WHYs of tv, they only talk about the WHATs and as a result people no longer talk WITH each other they talk AT each other.  And everytime I stop talking, when I fail to monologue sufficiently and ask a question or get a response people take it as ignorance on my part and take it as their chance to monologue about the WHATs of their favorite TV show.  And every time that happens my mental capacity for holding a meaningful conversation shrinks a litte, and my hatred of humanity as a whole grows a little more. 

When I have to seek out my parents or parent's friends or my bosses or my professors because they are the only fucking human beings on this miserable rock that I know are capable of the normal give and take that a conversation should entail, our generation is well and supremely FUCKED.

EDIT:  Feedback more than welcome, please.  Too angsty or not enough?  Too much personal detail or not enough?  Worth posting in the general forums or should it be deleted, the hardrive wiped and the computer burned?

I like the what's as much as the why's. But then, I'm shallow.

I'm utterly and totally desperate for the why's. For dating, but also for friendships too. I've bailed out on quite a few people for that reason alone.

On that note, I'm with you all the way Daydreamer.

Heh, I just IMed WAP to un-den this, but Shockeye read my mind.

I think it's funny that Daydreamer posted such a long rant about his dislike for being talked at in the den (where only You People can respond).  :-D

Daydreamer, to rerail this thread, it sounds a little to me like your relationship with this girl is unsatisfying but is worth hanging onto for the prospect of sex. Is it worth it? That's for you to decide. But I've said it before and I'll say it again: she's out there, dude. The girl who's smart and funny, cute, likes to fuck and thinks you're a fucking stallion. Don't settle.

And then you get married and it all changes. Beware.

Oh, boo, Shockeye. We know you love your snuggy-wuggy. And you've already mentioned that she's hot. You can't fool me with your gruff little mask, Punky!

Edit: Life always changes. Relationships are dynamic. If they didn't evolve we'd lose interest pretty quickly. I'll always remember the first couple of times I spent with my SO alone, and how nervous and giddy I was, but I would never trade that for the security and depth of what we have now. Don't poo-poo on it!

Unless you're into that sort of thing. Cartman's mom sure is.

All sarcasm aside, I guarantee if you had a blog and wrote like this, you would get many chicks.  This is high quality angsty emo chick "ohmygod, he thinks EXACTLY LIKE ME!!" magnet material.  Also, your avatar mesmerizes me. 

I pretty much can't stand my peers for the conversational malaise that they seem unable or unwilling to transcend. Then again, I'm pretty sure that when I speak they are trying to define the last word I just used without having a brain hemorage.

Did I mention most of my friends are older than me? Go figure.

Like ohmygod, Daydreamer! That whole rant was just like this one time, On Buffy...


People don't know how to relate to people beyond pop culture references anymore.  It's a sad, sad thing and I just forsee a time when we all talk like those anecode aliens from TNG.  :wink:

That was an off color joke.  I'm in the relationship because we enjoy the same movies and such, and she's smart and funny.  Again, I meant it as less of a complaint about my life and more as a launching point for a more general discussion.

Which is precisely why I won't set up a blog.  I don't want emo chicks or hangers-on, I want a have a friggin conversation with someone smart enough to tie their own shoes in the morning without trouble, and willing is shout me down when I get out of line.  Thanks though.

PS the dog is a maltese, which is the same breed as my dog.

I'm a guy, ass.

And a sweet piece you must be as well.

This is sad but I know EXACTLY what episode you are talking about. Ha ha...

Honestly I think the notion that people can only communicate via pop culture references is also a fabrication of pop culture. It's very self-referential. Seriously, turn off your TV for a few weeks and stop reading magazines, and just talk to some people.

I don't know jack shit about pop culture and I can relate to people fine. Actually, that's not true, I don't relate to people at all, but that's because I'm an anti-social schizotypal person, not because I don't know what happened on the OC. Although I do know what's happening in the world of pro-wrestling.

This thread was enlightening. I just finished my entrance exam for college this morning and I await my (or what I hope to be) acceptance letter. Then I'm going to push for some residence action and live it up! Thank god for government assistance!  :thumbs_up:

What's wrong with you people? The long established correct answer to this is...


Psycho!

I've said it once before, but it bears repeating...

Fuck you Campus Kid. Don't you dare start going to class in PJ's because you're too fucking lazy to shower and change your clothes in the morning.

And I agree with you, once again, Daydreamer. I don't talk to my peers very well (for a variety of reasons, some of which you listed). My better conversations usually, if not always, come from people older than myself; realitives, friends of the family, professors, and people who just happen to be mature and older than myself.

It's a shame, and I hate Pop Culture

I like pop culture from 10-20 years ago. I'm ashamed of pop culture as it stands today. Most of it's just white trash and walking stereotypes. Somehow, amazingly, the one thing corporations were good at, they managed to ruin.

I've had a slightly different experience of talking with people but I think it may be more down to the people I hang out with at Uni and at home. At home I've got a few good friends I hang out with I enjoy talking to, it's the normal 'old friends' type talking about people we know and trading stories. Failing that it's mostly talking about news or games.

At Uni I've had a rather bizarre experience that most of my friends seem to have some sort of fucked up life (a few tend to get very depressed, one might be an alcoholic, etc.) so I get to spend my time talking about why such and such is fucked up or if they're doing ol at the moment. Of course there's lots of normal conversations as well, we even manage to talk about politics, philosophy and other Universtiy type topics on occasion.

Of course I also know people I won't call friends who like to spend all their time talking about the latest plot point in the OC so I'm guessing my exprience is atypical even where I am.

Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra!


I know very little about current pop culture, either, and I can relate to other professionals just fine. The problem comes in when I have to deal with anyone under the age of 22-ish.  (those above that have the problem usally have other issues.)  Perhaps it's just a symptom of the age itself, or my own age rather than a societal downward spiral.  I don't know.   I was really just looking for a way come-off as angry and slip in a nice bit of irony. (Damn people and their inability to speak without referencing pop culture! It's like <pop culture reference>)

I like fart jokes.  She likes fart jokes.

A match?

Or heartbreak?





This post brought to you by the undeniable need to use that heartbreak emoticon.   :heartbreak:

Even the older pop culture is full of stereotypes and stuff.  You have probably, like most people, romanticized it because it marks some happier period in your ilfe (being a kid).

So, Daydreamer posted that his girl is a retard and we're supposed to not point this out to him.

Hey, mate, you think you have so much in common because you get to go deep in her.  It wears off.

Just sayin'.

Want some very free advice from someone who gives relatively good advice?


When you have an inability to communicate in a relationship beyond your favourite tech toy or tv show I am not sure what problem you think it signals but to me it flashes the word INCOMPATIBLE.

The OMG factor of getting laid wears off and the image of perfection dies as the relationship lingers. THAT, my friend, is when true love begins. When every good thing stops being amplified and the newness is gone, and all you are left with is reality. And the reality that who you are with makes you laugh, cry, want to pull your hair out and stomp on her/his head, really, really good conversation and unbelievable laughter. These are the things that make a relationship work.

And it sounds like you pretty much don't have that.

Seems to me also, however, that in addition to being on a message board you should also be speaking to HER about this and your feelings in regard to it. And if you somehow can't talk to her, then you need to bow out gracefully and find someone you can talk to because it just won't work.

Laugh and the world laughs with you.
Fart and it's goodbye everyone.

If she stays with you through fart jokes, you have a winner ;-)

Well no doubt in my mind that SPT is female.  Two posts, two completely different points of view on the same topic and circumstances.

Was that an insult or compliment? I am weary this morning and cannot find it in my mind to comprehend it.

Obvious that she's a woman because she said the exact same thing as me, except she took for fucking ever to say it.

Women - The reason phone bills have discount plans.

Shut up asshat. I wasn't directing advice to you and I'll thank you to keep it shut until I ask you to speak.

Men. Should be seen and never fucking heard. Especially in the mornings.

Rules which make a message board a tricky thing.  I never hear you speak here.

It's also NOT the morning.

For me it is. And you've invaded it.

Poland and France next, you mark my words...

Albania needs a good invasion. And it's just small enough so that you'd be done by dinner.

Hah! I'd never do that shit. I'm all about dressing nice and smelling great. That stuff has got me laid in the past and I'm sure it'll work for the future. RES HERE I COME! (OH SNAP! That's punny!)

The only thing that can make PJ's and no-showering worse?

Going to class with that stuff, and wearing fucking bed slippers or something, rather than SHOES.

Fucking clown shoes.

Aren't you in Florida?

Indeed I am.

And the only thing we've done outside the apt? Go get food.

Go out.

I have not read the weather report, but since I park under a concrete deck and my truck tells me it is 99F in the shade in Atlanta... I'd guess you better not go outside in FL.

Truth++

NOTHING TO DO.

Quite literally, they are in the middle of fucking nowhere. A few stores, and then just fucking Everglades.

And don't you dare say, "OMG you're in Florida, go to the BEACH!!*" I'm not a beach person, damnit.

Also, being on an almost-nocturnal sleep schedule, and having everything close at like 9pm, doesn't help.

*I've been to fucking Capri....I don't see Cocoa Beach measuring up very well. Also, apparently they don't want to go because the waves suck for surfing ATM.

Nah I won't say go out. I will only say I am sorry and I wish you were having more fun then you are. When do you leave hell?

Sunday afternoon.

Dude I'd be having so much fun in the Everglades. I've always wanted to see them (wetland biologist and all). You can watch scarlet ibises and catch treefrogs and paddleboat around!  :lol:

SuperPopTart did a lovely job of reiterating what I said about the relationship being dull, and what makes long-term stay that way. You mean boys need to lay off. Although Ironwood, you've really been cracking me up today with your snarkiness.


...and if he stays with you through the farts, you have a winner.  (mine are startlingly loud, although my bark is worse than my bite, if you catch my drift)  :-D /giggle and blush

Ugh....TMI isn't in your vocabulary, is it Voodoo?

Cue Mulder picture.

I will always be the girl that outgrosses the guys. Get used to it.

Righto.

(http://www.samaritamania.com/wallpaper/celebrite/karen_mulder/karen_mulder_009.jpg)

Throw a few more cuss words in there and I would have sworn it was Maddox.

Everyone says this.  I'd lay down cash that you peel paint and are a skid-queen.  You have nice friends.

Well I've passed my own Dutch oven tests, so there that is. I mostly only belch in front of my friends; farts are for that special someone (actually I'm still pretty shy to fart in front of Sauced, but I'm making progress).

You know, of this whole lot, I think I'd actually get along with you in the real world.

Awww, shucks! That's nice, Yeg. spacebo balshoye.

Stop, you'll make me look mushy.

Love is in the air.

That avatar is already doing a fine job of that. What, is that Shannon Doherty's grandpa?

rotflmao    strong resemblance  ;)

Love smells like eggs.

My avatar is indeed Shannon Doherty's grandpa, once she found out what he got her for her birthday.

Genes for the wonky eye?

Know what? I'm gonna post this in the funny pictures thread instead.  It fits better there, even though this thread made me think of it.

Right now I'm imagining the Billy Connolly bit where he's explaining how it really was Scottish guys with bagpipes that won the British the Empire...


And Strazos? Go to the fuckin' beach.
Just shut up and go. If it's too warm, get a wetsuit and some SCUBA gear and go under. But go.

The approximately 14 days of summer we get here is over, and I have intention of listening to a guy from Florida complaining about the weather. If you're not in the middle of a hurricane, just shut up and go out.
Only thing worse is listening to Australians complain that Sydney is too hot.

Bolding mine.

Sorry, we didn't go today, so I guess I'm not going to see it (people didn't roll out of bed until like 4pm).

I don't even care as much that it is hot, because I was in fucking Rome for a month, plus Sorrento, Capri, and Pompei, so I can deal with heat.

I simply don't like the beach. I find it to be painfully boring, and I'm not a fan of sand and beach-side showers. Also, I'm not a great swimmer...and have no interest to scuba anyway.

I don't think I am missing much.

(http://www.cmdrslack.com/images/areyouforthescuba.jpg)

Sydney Weather.
Thursday
Fine mostly sunny day. Light to moderate west to northwest winds.
Current Temperature: 18 C
Forecast Max: 20 C

Friday
Fine, mostly sunny. Moderate W/NW winds, freshening later in day.
Min: 9CMax: 20C
Saturday
Fine, mostly sunny. Light winds.
Min: 9C Max: 21C
Sunday
Early fogs. Fine. Partly cloudy. Light NW/NE winds.
Min: 9C Max: 20C

Mind you, this is the middle of winter...

Great!
It's just about the same here... in the middle of the fucking summer!

I couldn't find this before, but I meant to post it in this thread pages ago.

Being a wingman SUCKS ASS.

But it is a neccessary evil.

That's easily one of the best commercials ever.

If only Coors didn't taste like thinned goat urine...

True. I prefer my goat urine full strength.

Ah there we go - inclusivity ftw.