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AMC theater chain doesn't get dirty joke (http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/nm/20050713/media_nm/film_aristocrats_dc_8)

By Nicole Sperling Wed Jul 13, 8:57 AM ET

LOS ANGELES (Hollywood Reporter) - "The dirtiest joke ever told" won't be told in an AMC theater.

AMC Theatres, which will become the country's second-largest theater chain after its pending merger with Loews Cineplex, has decided not to exhibit "The Aristocrats," an upcoming unrated documentary about a particularly blue joke, on any of its screens.

According to the movie's distributor, ThinkFilm, the Kansas City-based AMC originally agreed to play the film in two markets -- Atlanta and Chicago -- but later backed out of its obligations.

AMC countered that though the two companies engaged in early conversations, AMC never reached an agreement with ThinkFilm to play the "Aristocrats." AMC spokeswoman Pam Blase said that whenever a film is unrated, the company's policy is to send the movie up to its corporate offices. Blase said in this case AMC Film Group chairman Dick Walsh made a business decision not to play the film.

Blase added that even if "Aristocrats," which showcases a string of comedians telling the same vaudeville-era dirty joke, performs well when it opens in limited engagements July 29 in Los Angeles and New York, AMC will not try to secure it for one of its 3,500 screens.

"We are trying to program more specialty films in our theaters, but we are very selective," Blase said. "We've made a business decision and evaluated all the factors and we will stick with that decision."

Closely held AMC seems to be the only major theater chain offered the picture that has given it a thumbs down. According to ThinkFilm, "The Aristocrats," directed by Paul Provenza and executive produced by Provenza and Penn Jillette, will open in New York at a Loews theater in Times Square as well as at the Mann Theatre in Santa Monica and a Pacific Theatre screen in Los Angeles. (Pacific Theatres does not confirm bookings that are more than five days in the future.)

When the movie, which bowed at January's
Sundance Film Festival to strong reviews, expands Aug. 12 to additional markets, the nation's largest theater chain, Regal Entertainment Group and other companies are on board to play it. The Knoxville, Tenn.-based company will play the film at its Cinema Art screens that show specialty product.

"We occasionally play unrated films in these locations and this one was never an issue for us," Regal chief operating officer Greg Dunn said.

Theater chains often decline to play certain films, especially if they suspect the films won't do any business in their market.

But ThinkFilm contends that AMC, rather than making a simple business calculation, is engaging in censorship, and that given AMC's status as the country's second-largest chain, that could impact the film's fortunes.

"AMC has some very strategic theaters that we'd like to access," ThinkFilm president and CEO Jeff Sackman said. "They've said ('The Aristocrats') is too small, but this film is not smaller than others that they've played. The real problem is somebody is deciding on a personal basis what's appropriate and what isn't."

Some circuits, like Texas-based Cinemark USA, have policies in place stating they will not play any unrated or NC-17-rated films in their theaters. As a result, ThinkFilm didn't approach Cinemark.

But AMC does not have such a policy. The chain has played such challenging recent fare as Universal Pictures' "Inside Deep Throat," which carried an NC-17 rating, and the unrated version of
Mel Gibson's "The Passion of the Christ."

ThinkFilm said AMC's decision could have broader consequences about what pictures are available to moviegoers once AMC takes over Loews Cineplex and its 2,200 screens.

Reuters/Hollywood Reporter

Since I am too lazy to google for it, anyone care to summarize what the joke/comedy routine "The Aristocrats" is and why it would be considered unacceptable to be shown in general public?

It's the simplest, raunchiest, most notorious joke in the world. A man and his family walk into a talent agent's office. Agent says, I don't book family acts. Man says, Just let us show you. Wearily, the agent accedes. The man and his wife undress and perform every form of bizarre, outrageous sex act. The kids join in, possibly also Gramps and the dog. They finish in a literal pyramid of filth. Aghast and astonished, the agent asks, What do you call your act? The man, with a bright flourish, shouts out, " The Aristocrats!"

The Aristocrats: Blow by Blow (http://www.radaronline.com/web-only/showbiz/2005/07/the-aristocrats-blow-by-blow.php)

Why has The Aristocrats been called the dirtiest movie ever made? The answer’s in this spoiler-rich index.

by Andrew Goldman

As its July 29 release date approaches, The Aristocrats continues to generate a swirl of controversy for being quite possibly the dirtiest movie ever made, an impressive feat considering it contains not a single frame of nudity. Just last week, AMC, which will soon be the nation’s second largest theater chain, announced it wouldn’t be showing the 90-minute film on any of its 3,500 screens.

So what’s all the fuss about? Penn Jillette and Paul Provenza’s low-budget documentary features over 100 comics—including Chris Rock, Jon Stewart, George Carlin, Whoopi Goldberg, Phyllis Diller, Drew Carey, Robin Williams, Bill Maher, and Sarah Silverman—performing their own improvised versions of the same joke, known as “the Aristocrats.” The premise of the joke, which dates back to Vaudeville, isn’t all that shocking. It concerns an uncommonly affectionate—and oddly leaky—family act auditioning before a talent agent. After finishing, the agent asks them what they call their act. “The Aristocrats,” the agent’s told. What’s so dirty about that? Well, as anticlimactic as the punchline sounds, it’s the details of the performance that have provided generations of comics the improvisational latitude to go bluer than any man or woman before.

Radar dispatched a team of dark-suited operatives to a recent screening in order to document what could have possibly scared AMC away. Readers in New York and L.A., and anyone with a sensitive stomach, may want to steer clear of this complete film index. Those of you in the hinterlands: grab some popcorn, and enjoy. Oh, and you’ll probably want to wear a raincoat …

Anal blood, used by son to splatter audience

Analingus,     performed by son on father
   performed by daughter on father
   performed by father on daughter
   performed by son with mother’s feces in his mouth on infant

Anus,     Cow’s, penetrated by unidentified person’s fist
   Daughter’s, penetrated by father’s fist
   Daughter’s, penetrated by grandfather
   Dog’s, finger inserted into by daughter
   Dog’s, penetrated by grandfather
   Dog’s, penetrated by son
   Father’s and son’s, alternately licked by daughter
   Father’s, used to play bagpipes
   Father’s, used to catch ping-pong balls
   Grandmother’s, penetrated by son
   Mother’s, penetrated by son
   Mother’s, penetrated by father
   Mother’s, penetrated by son
   Son’s, penetrated by father

Audience, invited to masturbate niece and nephew

Axe handle, used by father to hit daughter’s head

Baseball bat,     used by father to beat three daughters
   used by father to beat wife

“Be a Clown,” sung by family in unison

Bicycle,     ridden by grandmother while urinating on family
   ridden by woman with outsized vaginal cavity from which men emerge spitting vaginal mucous on audience

Birth Canal, mother’s, infant son half reinserted into by father, who then anally penetrates son

Boil, popped by father on own back

Bucket of Feces,     put over own head by daughter who then goose-steps around the stage
   thrown by son into mother’s face

Buddhist Monk, raped orally and anally by indigenous tribesmen, then killed

Bullet Hole, shot in son’s head by father then used for intercourse

Burst Hemorrhoid, affixed by father to tip of nose

Cartwheels, performed by mother in the nude

Catholic priest, raped orally and anally by indigenous tribesmen

Copulation,     performed by dog and daughter
   performed by father and daughter
   performed by father and daughter while daughter fellates son
   performed by father and gorilla
   performed by father and mother
   performed by grandfather and mother
   performed by son and grandmother
   performed by son and mother

Cunnilingus,     performed by father on wife
   performed by son on daughter

Curry Powder, sprinkled by unidentified Indian man onto penis of unidentified African-American man

Defecation,     by Betsy Ross
   by entire family on stage in unison
   by family dog on family
   by father into wife’s mouth
   by father on dead daughter
   by father on stage
   by man into woman’s vagina
   by mother and father defecate on stage, with children frolicing in result
   by mother into metal bucket
   by mother into son’s mouth

Defecation and Urination, by dog on stage

Desk Drawer, slammed repeatedly by father to flatten penis

Diarrhea, attack of which propels son in circles around stage

Dog, penetrated by talent agent penetrates man anally while cat licks man’s testicles

Donkey, urinated on by father

Dried Semen, chipped off mother’s desk by father

Ejaculation,     by father onto daughter’s rectum
   by father onto entire family
   by father onto mother’s face
   by six dwarves on stage, one by one

Extra-Large Vagina, used by several men as hideout

Feces,     applied by father in preparation for blackface routine
   danced in by father
   eaten by son
   eaten out of grandmother’s rectum by father
   Grandfather’s, eaten by daughter
   Mother’s, removed from bucket and juggled by son while urinating into daughter’s mouth
   rolled around in by family
   rolled around in by father
   skated through by family
   slid through by family
   slid through by female family members
   Son’s, applied by mother on family members
   splits performed into by family in unison

Feces and Urine,     eaten off family by dog, who then jumps through hoop
   rolled in by family

Fellatio,     performed by Eddie Fisher on goat in MGM studio lot to the dismay of wife Debbie Reynolds
   performed by father on infant son
   performed by mother on donkey
   performed by mother on father
   performed by sister on brother
   performed by son on father
   performed on father by unborn baby as father penetrates pregnant mother anally

Finger, pulled by daughter to cause passage of gas

Fishhook, used by father to pierce penis

Fishhook-Pierced Penis, used by father to copulate with daughter

Fisting, particular enjoyment of by Mickey Rooney

Flaming Elephant Penises, juggled by unidentified man

Flattened Penis,     used by father to beat children
   used by father to knock out son’s eye, then penetrate eye socket

“God Bless America”, sung by grandparents while engaged in intercourse

Kazoo, placed in anus by grandmother to perform “Begin the Beguine” while fellating grandfather

Kerosene, added by son to bucket of urine and feces then ignited

Kiddie Pool, filled with Beef Entrails and Aborted Fetuses, waded into by family

Liberty Bell, cracked by signers of Declaration of Independence who hit it sliding through Betsy Ross’s feces

Light, flipped on by Amish father

Liquid Feces, gargled then swallowed by mother

Lit Cigar, inserted by father into mother’s anus

Liza Minnelli’s Swollen Clitoris, compared to Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade float

“Make Them Laugh,” sung by family in unison

Masturbation,     performed by father into shot glass
   performed by son onto mother multiple times
   performed by son with outsized genitalia until the head of penis explodes
   performed on son by mother
   performed simultaneously by male family members onto dead grandmother
   performed simultaneously by male family members onto dish
   Mutual, performed by Siamese twins who are attached at derriere

Midget Uncle With Three Penises Protruding From Head, appearance on stage by

Mixture of Feces and Urine, applied to face by father

Mop Handle, inserted into unidentified man’s anus by unidentified African American man

“Nearer My God to Thee”, sung by daughter while juggling torches

Pinky Fingers, inserted by mother into father and son’s anuses as they ejaculate

Pope, penetrated by talent agent

Projectile Vomiting, by mother all over audience

Puddle of Semen, Feces, and Urine, coitus and oral sex performed by family in

Rabbi, raped orally and anally by indigenous tribesmen

Radio, listened to by Amish mother

Ring of Fire, jumped through by dog

Semen,     drunk from shot glasses by mother
   Father’s, eaten by mother out of daughter’s anus
   Father’s, eaten by son off mother’s face
   Father’s, spat out by infant after being born by mother
   Male Family Members’, eaten by female family

Semen and Sweat Mixture, used by family to bathe

Shetland Pony, yielded live by grandmother during failed abortion, then ridden off stage by grandfather

Shoes, shined by Liza Minnelli with own vaginal mucous

Sixty-Nine, performed by father and daughter on each other

Smoke Rings, blown from mother’s vagina, then jumped through by son

Songs,     sung by four unrelated men who fashion helmets out of their outsized genitalia
   sung by mother as daughter masturbates father and son simultaneously

Striptease, performed by mother

Tampon, removed by father from wife’s vagina and thrown at wall, to which it sticks

“Tea for Two,” played by wife using her vagina as an instrument

Trapeze, used by family to performed act while urinating on audience

Unspecified Animal Manure, swum though by family

Urination,     by dog on family
   by family onto one another in unison
   by three men on stage

Vagina,     Daughter’s, penetrated by father’s fingers
   Daughter’s, penetrated by father with hot curling iron
   Daughter’s, penetrated by mother’s fist

Vomit,     causing entire family to vomit when smelled
   eaten by family member after vomiting

Vomiting,     by son and daughter on stage in unison
   by the entire family in unison
   by three men on stage

Wallet, stolen by Hispanic male who then defecates on stage

“What a Wonderful World,” gas passed to tune of by son and daughter

Xylophone, played by son with penis

I don't get it.