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Title: Traffic jam caused by dildo. Really. Post by: Shockeye on May 24, 2005, 11:29:47 AM Quote from: News Press Suspicious package indeed: Device that forced I-75 and Daniels shut was a prosthetic penis (http://www.news-press.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20050524/NEWS01/50524006/1075) By SARAH LUNDY SLUNDY@NEWS-PRESS.COM Published by news-press.com on May 24, 2005 The suspicious object that jammed traffic Monday on Interstate 75 and Daniels Parkway was not explosive, according to the Lee County Sheriff's Office. The device — found on the side of Daniels Parkway under the northbound I-75 overpass — a was prosthetic penis. There's no word yet on whether the penis was designed to serve medical or recreational needs. A motorist called the Lee County Sheriff’s Office shortly after 3 p.m. about the suspicious package on the side of the road under the northbound Interstate 75 overpass. The cylinder was more than a foot long in a plastic bag and wrapped with duct tape. It looked like pipe bomb. Deputies arrived and alerted the bomb squad, which used a robot to disable the cylinder. The north- and southbound lanes of Intestate 75 were closed for about an hour between Alico Road and Colonial Boulevard. Traffic was blocked on Daniels Parkway at the overpass for an hour while the device was removed. Title: Re: Traffic jam caused by dildo. Really. Post by: WayAbvPar on May 24, 2005, 11:36:13 AM Quote There's no word yet on whether the penis was designed to serve medical or recreational needs. ROFL. Title: Re: Traffic jam caused by dildo. Really. Post by: HaemishM on May 24, 2005, 11:43:54 AM Yeah, I wondered exactly why the fuck the newspaper had to throw that little bit of snarkiness in.
Title: Re: Traffic jam caused by dildo. Really. Post by: voodoolily on May 24, 2005, 11:44:34 AM I am just envisioning this little bomb-disabling robot going up to retrieve the dildo and giggling uncontrollably. Robots and dildos: two great tastes that taste great together!
Title: Re: Traffic jam caused by dildo. Really. Post by: MaceVanHoffen on May 24, 2005, 01:14:37 PM I am just envisioning this little bomb-disabling robot going up to retrieve the dildo and giggling uncontrollably. Robots and dildos: two great tastes that taste great together! I'm envisioning the robot getting stuck on something while trying to pick the dildo up, then having to go back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth ... Title: Re: Traffic jam caused by dildo. Really. Post by: voodoolily on May 24, 2005, 01:18:01 PM Dude, now the Stamos? Seriously, douchbag week is over. :-D
You crack me up, man. Title: Re: Traffic jam caused by dildo. Really. Post by: Fargull on May 24, 2005, 02:07:47 PM I am just envisioning this little bomb-disabling robot going up to retrieve the dildo and giggling uncontrollably. Robots and dildos: two great tastes that taste great together! John Candy's voice agrees with you. Title: Re: Traffic jam caused by dildo. Really. Post by: Paelos on May 24, 2005, 02:08:41 PM It's a fake penis, but it's still keeping the dick quotient high for Useless News. Keep up the good work.
Title: Re: Traffic jam caused by dildo. Really. Post by: MaceVanHoffen on May 24, 2005, 02:41:18 PM I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again. This happens all the time. It's detachable. This comes in handy a lot of the time. I can leave it home, when I think it's gonna get me in trouble, or I can rent it out, when I don't need it. But now and then I go to a party, get drunk, and the next morning I can't for the life of me remember what I did with it. First I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it. So I called up the place where the party was, they hadn't seen it either. I asked them to check the medicine cabinet 'cause for some reason I leave it there sometimes But not this time. So I told them if it pops up to let me know. I called a few people who were at the party, but they were no help either. I was starting to get desperate. I really don't like being without my penis for too long. It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak. After a few hours of searching the house, and calling everyone I could think of, I was starting to get very depressed, so I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast. Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place, where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street, I saw my penis lying on a blanket next to a broken toaster oven. Some guy was selling it. I had to buy it off him. He wanted twenty-two bucks, but I talked him down to seventeen. I took it home, washed it off, and put it back on. I was happy again. Complete. People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached, but I don't know. Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass, I like having a detachable penis. Title: Re: Traffic jam caused by dildo. Really. Post by: Roac on May 25, 2005, 07:00:27 AM Quote The cylinder was more than a foot long ...dude... |