f13.net

 Whats the funniest/dumbest way you've ever intentionally or accidentally gotten rid of a (in)significant other?

 I was reminded of this today when a certain song played on the radio today. I had taken the girl out roller skatin, and after bout an hour of absolutely bubby fun, she fell directly on her ass. Painfully so apparently, as she asked to be taken home, and was moving very gingerly. Kudos to me for not laughing. We get in the car, all buckled in, and shes still sobbin a bit. I turn left onto the main street right as REM gets goin on "Everybody Hurts". I couldn't stop laughing for the whole ride home...and that was that.

 So...next?

One of my ex-girlfriends dumped me on the 2nd weekend of college. 27 or so days later we got back together. After about a year of dating (well, the 3rd year of dating), I took her out to a very nice dinner. Dropped her off at home. Then got online and dumped her over AIM.

It's not funny.

But she was a cruel bitch. She dumped me over the phone. I dump her over AIM.

Yes, I was 5 when this happened.

I never beat around the bush and always initiate a breakup (well, except once, which was with my first girlfriend -- I cried my heart out, but since then I've been a very cruel man). Not really any "funny" stories I can think of atm...

In high school, I heard a particular girl who I didn't know very well but thought was acceptably hot was very interested in me.  I asked her out.

Then came a month of awkward "kinda dating" crap.  Where we were supposedly dating, but never spent time alone, couldn't hold a conversation, and found that we had absolutely ZERO chemistry.

I gave her a call one night, as I sometimes did.

"How was your day?"
"Okay.  You?"
"It was alright."
"Yeah."
"Yeah."
"So you know why I called, right?"
"Yeah."
"So we're done here?"
"Yeah."
"Okay, see you tomorrow!"
*click*

I then later heard that I used her for her body.  Interesting, considering we kissed once and went no further than that.

Let's see, I have some premium expertise in this area on both ends of the spectrum.

I've been dumped by a girl, not over the phone, but in a message left on my cell phone.
I've drunkenly accused a woman I took out of sleeping with a fraternity brother of mine, which she actually did not. Then she did.
I've gone to a date night with a chick who ended up telling me to my face she was leaving with another guy. Of course, she was a bitch anyway and I was done with the evening.

I've dumped a girl actually using the phrase: "we looked good on paper"
I recently convinced someone that I couldn't date them because I was a gigolo.
I've dumped a chick in an email.
I received a letter from a girl who cheated on me saying she was sorry. I corrected it for grammar, and then I sent it back to her with a D-.

That's all I can remember for now. I'd have to dig back into high/middle school brain for the rest.

I guess this isn't funny as much as pathetic (both on her part and mine I suppose).

A girl I was dating called to tell me that she didn't feel well.  So I decided to buy her a Taco Bell dinner for a surprise (since we were both in college and Taco Bell was 4TW).  I got there and knocked on the door.  No answer.  I looked in through the window (right by the door, no big stretch, not like I climbed the lattice or anything) and saw her sleeping on the couch.  I knocked louder and was let in.  She was all cold shoulder all night.

Later I found out I was "a stalker".  (don't forget, at this time as far as I knew we were still dating) WTF? 

I currently am often called on to read my wife's mind, but that's the only time I was expected to read a girlfriend's mind to find out we were broken up.

Well I would say that when someone isn't feeling well, Taco Bell doesn't jump into my mind as the food of champions. Unless you need some "spring cleaning."

I got dumped once an hour before the start of my finals. Needless to say that it did not put me in a good test taking frame of mind.

kaid

I'm usually good about break-ups, mature and all that (not cheating helps, heh).

But there was one kinda unintentional funny situation. We were at Ozzfest at Giants Stadium (the first Black Sabbath reunion tour, with Pantera, Manson (pre-suck), great show. We had shitty seats, but I haven't yet met the security I can't circumvent (front and center at the Tool/Korn(presuck) Lolla ftw, it was totally locked down hehe).

Anyway, parenthetical asides, err, aside (ok maybe one more), when the main stage was gearing up for Sabbath, we made our way (at my urging) to the railing, maybe 12' off the ground (if you've ever watched a football game there, you know the walls I mean). There was a ring of security about 30' in watching the walls. I waited until a number of kids jumped the opposite wall, all the guards on our side turned to bolster the line over there...and I went over the wall.

I'm an agile person (known often as monkey boy, heh) so I just turned so my back was to the wall, dropped my legs over, dangled from the railing, and dropped to the ground, no problem. She tries to mimic what I did, and at that moment I remembered she's a total klutz. She let go of the railing before dropping her legs, fell straight down on her back. I helped her to the medical area, she was hurting.

Then Sabbath went on.

For the first time in decades.

Since there was nothing for me to do but wait, I went and watched the show. That was that. Hey man, it was friggin' Sabbath! A guy should get some slack for that.

My roommate had a girlfriend who cheated on him once. We were in New Orleans on a spur of the moment spring break trip. She was supposedly on a "girls" trip to Padre Island. Something told him to go into this one restaurant off Bourbon Street, and there she was with her ex boyfriend.

He broke up with her and wouldn't talk to her. Back in Dallas, she called and emailed for weeks wanting him back. He finally relented and they went out a nice romantic dinner to fix things up. They went back to her place, and did what people do after a make-up. He gets up, gets dressed, and as he is leaving says "Thanks for the evening. I think we should stay broken up."

Awhile back, this guy I'd been with for three years tried to dump me on MY FUCKING BIRTHDAY. I convinced him he was being an asshole and making a huge mistake, so he stayed and then dumped me for real almost a year later, two days after I got into a car accident. It was one week after Valentine's Day, and one week before our would-be four-year anniversary. We had been engaged and living together, so to get even I claimed him as a dependent on my taxes (he was a student at the time and I was working full-time). Instead of owing $300, I got a $900 return, and he was ineligible for financial aid that year for being claimed as someone's dependent.

One of my ex's dumped me on her birthday.

There's no word for the whole situation except surreal. But then, she's my "girl who got away" so I've no hard feelings for her, and since you people don't deserve nice things, you don't get the story either.

This post is just to inflict Fat Affleck on all of you again.

Hey, hey, HEEEY!

If she liked you, it would've been a sweet gesture.  She didn't.

I was dating a girl that I really didn't like very much, but who was really into me.  It was a bad call on my part, I should've just been honest, but I was feeling shitty from a previous relationship and the ego boost was nice.  Regardless, I didn't like her all that much so as time went on I found myself trying to avoid her.  She tried to get me to come out with her one day and I didn't have a valid excuse aside from "I just don't want to" so I told her I was feeling sick.  So she shows up with orange juice when I was trying to avoid her.  Basically, the same situation as yours in reverse.

She didn't like you, but felt bad about it.  She was looking for ways to tell you, and that just happened to present itself.  There's
nothing wrong with what you did.  Except maybe having bought Taco Bell for a person feeling sick.

EDIT

I don't know why the quote fucked up originally, but it did.

(http://starophileimages2.free.fr/wallpapers/ben_affleck_002.jpg)

OOoo boy, do I have a few stories when I get back....

From playing Jade Empire!  :evil:

I'd say something about my most recent ex, but I'm sure Schild or Joe would chime in with something about taiwanese men. I'll save myself the humiliation.

Though there was this one ex I dumped on valentines day. I didn't realize what day it was due to my horrible memory. I've never heard someone cry so much while swearing so profusely.

And you wonder about the Taiwanese Men. You sad, sad bastard.

It was a honest mistake! May not have been a good one. At least she talks to me still, even if it is to call me an asshole.

Lesee...here's the run down I guess...

7th grade (lol)....Kinda liked this chick all year long. Her friend coerces me, against my better judgement, to ask her out...via a messge in her damn yearbook...Yeah. She initally says yes and we set a date....a few days later she turns aroung and shoots me down because "we're too different". I do believe I cried. In a back room at school. Not because I was sad, oh no, I never cry out of sadness (ok, almost never). I was just frustrated. I do believe I've been scarred for life.

At some point in my freshman year of college. Supposedly, this chick likes me, as I am told, and someone gets her number for me, because my gut tells me, once again, that this is probably not a teriffic idea. Anyway, I bring the chick out for dinner. It was...quiet. Then we go to a movie. I let her choose. She doesn't care, so what does my dumb ass pick? ....Blade 2...yeah motherfucker, I brought a meek little girl to see Blade 2. Blade was kind of decent, 2 was Garbage. I drive her straight home afterwards, and inadvertantly become very distant and detatched. Takes me almost a month to finally find my balls and tell her that we have no chemistry, even though we both already knew this. Strike 2 for Strazmeister.

The rest is just silly drama that I guess wouldn't really count as "breaking up" as much as it would count as me "fucking up".

Oh yeah, being the eternal nice guy and wearing a proverbial "friends' zone" sign on my forehead doesn't help I suppose.

Fuck you NJ....right in your stupid ass.

Ditto.  How does one get that sign off his head, pray tell?  I just realized that almost all of my close friends at law school are girls, and asian.  Maybe I need to start treating women like crap...

Wish I could tell you. I think it's too late for me. My single-parent mother beat the nice into me from a very young age.

  Apparently the sure way to get the girl is get extra fat, put 75w90 in your hair, (which must be at least shoulder length) get obnoxious tattoos that are visible even when fully clothed, be jobless and steal from her, and kick her ass on occasion.

 I wouldn't know as I haven't tried the above recipe. But it seems to work for a number of guys in my area.

Having a fat affleck avatar works for me.

Really though, it's just a matter of honing in on the "sure things" and "not QUITE sure things" and ya know, not talking to them like a pissant moron. You'd be surprised how far talking to a girl on an equal level will take you.

Treating girls like shit only works on stupid girls and girls who are slumming. You don't want either.

There's also that first impression problem. Most men turn into bumbling retards when they talk to a girl for the first time. Going into it thinking you aren't getting any no matter what won't help. Nor will thinking "I'd hit that shit." Rather, you should try, ya know, making a vain/bold/ridiculous assumption and just riding with it. If you're looking to pick up strangers, that's really the only way to do it. Come up with something only someone on deep background would know about the girl, if you're wrong, meh, there's others. If you want a keeper, you have to tough out the friend stage and slowly work your way back. Most men quit when they think they're "friends." That doesn't work, you just have to be willing to drop her like a bad habit if the relationship doesn't work out. Sometimes eye candy is better than candy in the long run. Your judgement call.

As far as I go (since someone will no doubt say something about my authoritativeness on the subject - which, I'll say, is dubious at best), my current situation is total ass. It's a fucking mind game. But I'm going to go for it. It's what we in the industry like to call a "doozy."





Ok, so I'm not a man-whore. But seriously, these next few weeks are going to be mentally devastating.

Since when is the line at the unemployment office an "industry"?

Smooth.

But anyway, it's amazing how many times I've been, for lack of a better term, KS'ed by a lesser guy because rather than be aggressive, I like to do things in an odd manner: Namely, get to know the person a bit before I try anything, and not throw "game" at chicks. Apparently, "game" is a big thing where I come from, and unfortunately my UT2k4 game does not apply.

Rimshot.

You probably still bring home more than I do, with my $100 paychecks, whee.

I got lucky.  First semester of my first year of college, Philosophy 101, I saw a girl I recognized from high school.  She was a friend of an ex-girlfriend, and she was exactly my type.  Since I was with the aforementioned ex when I originally met her, I couldn't make a move.  I could now, and I uncharacteristically did.  Walked up to her right after class and started a conversation.  I was cute, not overbearing.  I said, "Hey, I know you."  We went from there.  The chemistry was immediate.  Sat next to her the next day, and I knew I wanted to ask her out.  So I did.

And she shot my down.

So I kept hanging around, stayed a really close friend, and kept asking.  And asking.  And asking.  And I noticed that the "No"s became "Not Yet"s.  Then early in October we went to a haunted house together, then to a park at night.  And she finally said yes.

We've been together 4 and a half years since then, and I've screwed up a fair amount of times.  But she loves me, and forgives me when I say something stupid.  And she thinks my geekiness is adorable.

And really, I knew we would be that perfect.  I knew it within the first month of being her friend.  I don't believe in any religion or fate or any of that crap, but I do believe that you'll know it when you meet the right person for you.  Keep your eyes open, that's my advice.  That and, if you look at your relationship and think it's caused more stress than it's alleviated, you're not in the right kind of relationship.

My Goodness, that's heart-warming.


Can you also come back and tell us the story of exactly how she ends up dumping you ?

Cheers.

Mild flirting can work wonders to stay out of the friend zone. You have to keep the sexual tension level above zero.

I had this through most of highschool if not all of it.  I finally got a clue in college, the best way to get past the friend zone on the forehead is to ask them out first.  Don't walk up and chat, walk up and ask them to dinner, movie, coffee, bar, sex.  Don't walk up and chat about the weather.  As Schild mentioned, if the first does not want to go out, then move on to the next.  I find myself going out with a lot of girls till I find one I am compatable with and then we really date.  I don't go out the first time pressing for home plate though, maybe first with an option for second.  If I don't enjoy a conversation with them, I am not hopping in the sack with them.

Don't date chicks from your law school.  Just don't.  I can tell you, from my own experience, that it's a BAD idea.  Very bad.  Extremely bad.

I agree, don't date law school chicks. Even if you aren't in law school.

I think the only thing that gets this stigma off of your head is self-confidence. Or maybe becoming a complete prick. I had this sign hung on me for years, which is why I don't have any good ditching stories. Until I met my wife, most of my romantic stories were pretty sad, pathetic exercises in me liking someone that didn't return the affection.

I believe women can sense self-confidence instinctually, and think that if you don't have it, there must be a good reason for it. Of course, as life with my beautiful wife has taught me, I know jack and shit about what women think, so take what I say with a value-sized grain of salt.

Shame I already have a Haemish sig quote, or I'd add this, KEKE!

But yeah, you're probably right about the whole self-confidence schtick. My confidence is very...situational.

Confidence in my gaming? Check

Confidence in my Academic...stuff? Check

Confidence when it comes to "being more than a friend with a woman"? .....roflcopter

I tend to look for the "sure thing", and even then I have only happened across it about....once. And it would have been for a one-night relationship...and I was drunk....and I still turned it down.

Stupid Integrity.

No, that statement makes perfect sense. I recall from my human sexuality class back in college that one of the biggest attractors for womeon was confidence.  Stick 10 guys in the same rags and you can't tell which one makes the most dough as a provider, but you can tell which one has the most outgoing personality and confidence, and therefore is most likely to be able to provide.

It's also akin to the predator sense I suspect men have.  You just *know* when someone else is scared, helpless and vulnerable and therefore able to be walked upon/ used at your leisure.  You might ignore it out of 'niceness' and being unwilling to take advantage of someone, but that doesn't mean it's not there.  This accounts for the biggest assholes perfectly picking women that will, by and large, stay with them despite the beatings, verbal and emotional abuse.

I almost had a sure thing once, except she was drunk and offering. Just like you, I turned it down. I turned it down because I knew that if I took advantage of her, nothing would ever come of a relationship. SInce nothing ever did come of a relationship anyway, I probably should have just hit that and moved on. Honor makes blue balls and whatnot.

I'd have probably needed to doublebag it had I taken her up on the offer though, if you know what I mean, so it worked out for the best, I'm sure.

I fell in love my current sig other because he was quiet(ish), geeky, and hell of sarcastic. He usually only said smart-assy stuff. And when I would say something gross, like I just tasted garlic when I burped, he would always say, "haaawt". Oh! Actually, come to think of it, I realized he was hot all at once when I gave him a friendly goodbye hug and he smelled so sexy I thought I was gonna wet myself. He was wearing Aqua di Gio (Georgio Armani). And he got my back when assholes made inappropriate comments to me. I also happen to have a huge nerd-fetish. But the friend zone is not a bad place to be. He told me that if I hadn't made the first move, he prolly woulda waited months before asking me out. You just gotta have a nice little surprise, like smelling like sex. Just don't wear too much! If I can taste you before you enter the room, you've already failed.

So my formula for success:

1)Be smart and nice; wear glasses. Be in the friend zone.
2)Tell her she's hot (not that she "looks nice"). That is as much flirting that's necessary. Girls know when you want them.
3)Smell sexy, but only detectably so when she's close
4)Get her back when sleazebags hit on her. She'll thank you for it.

Good luck!

I'm not entirely sure how you did it, but....

If I was a nail, that post was like a damn Vorpal Sledgehammer of Pwnage +7 or something.

Except the glasses bit...they would clash with my Perfect++ eyesight.

But how about sunglasses? About half the chicks I know in my history classes are calling me fucking Keanu now. I'm nto sure if that's a complement or a backhanded insult, or what...

Once again, Fuck You New Jersey, Fuck you in your stupid ass and just die. And fuck you Rowan University, by extension.

It's an insult if you're trying to act.

It's a compliment if you are attempting to save humanity.

Sunglasses are stupid, unless they're exceedingly stylish (aviators look good on most people). So, no.
Hopefully girls are calling you Keanu because of physical similarities, not intelligence.

Oh, Haem already got that one for me.

No way, they're sweet Oakleys, and they fit me perfectly. I look less retarded with them on, but that's just me.


No, it's a physical thing, so it's a compliment, I guess. I'm not a big fan of Keanu.

This is the key. Of course, you could go a bit overboard (http://www.blowmeuptom.com/index2.html)*, but that is a personal choice. Like someone else said upthread, keeping the sexual tension up is key.


*certain parts of Leykis 101 got me laid a few times; enough for me to generate the self-confidence to not have to rely on acting like a prick to get attention. YMMV.

I have a pair of glasses that I never wear. I've been told I look sophisticated with them on and for that I haven't worn them since. Lilly, you give me hope. I'm overly quiet, geeky and very sarcastic. Though it seems my recent ex thought the sarcasm was a 24 hour thing. No matter what I said to her she would sit there and rant about how I'm always being sarcastic. Despite me telling her otherwise, she'd go on and on.

Anyway, I've never had luck with girls. For the most part people are known for saying I "stumble" into relationships by accident and get horribly lucky. I tend to think this is a very bad thing as it just means I can't actively go out and pick up a girl with relatively good success. I'll try and remember some of the advice given here. I think I'm golden on the smelling good part. The past 3 girlfriends I've had would often sniff me for the way I smelled. Speed Stick Cold Fusion and Soft Soap body wash Ocean Fresh for teh win!

I find crying yourself to sleep at night helps. Especially with self-confidence.

Heh, I even forgot a very bad story...which I'm not about to retell...but I'll give you a hint...

Think Animal House.

Yes, something in that movie, in a way, really happened to me in real life.

Le sigh.

I hope they weren't ALL tissue.

You had sex with a 14 year old on the football field? Are you posting from Federal Pound-me-in-the-ass Prison?

roflcopter in a public computer lab, hehe, anyway....

Nope, nothing illegal, and no tissue involved.

But I was drunk and watching Speedvision at the time. A girl friend of mine still cannot fathom how it could have happened even though I was drunk and not actively particpating.

That poor horse.

My girlfriend has a thing for Curve For Men.  I don't know why, all colognes smell the same to me.  But it works.  She's all over me whenever I'm wearing it, which is now every time I'm going to see her.

What has helped my non Brad Pitt looking self do well with women is:

Do nice things for single female friends without an expectation of relationship. Slip in some subtle flirts.
Be funny and witty (in moderation)
Be intellectual. Share worldly experiences. Teach them about wine. Write clever emails and stories.
Have your stuff together financially with plans for the future. Women love security.
Don't talk a lot about computer gaming.
Frequently offer to beat up their ex-boyfriends.

I find that simply ignoring women works well too.

No no, really, it does work. Especially on women who are use to being the center of attention.

(And by ignoring, I mean being civil and not flirting or drooling on them like every other guy).

At least, as long as you aren't a creep - then they are just thankful.

True story. I've been hitting on this girl all year at school. Well - I finally throw in the towel three weeks before school ends. I am out at a bar one night. Her roommate comes up to me and we end up going back to my place. She and I have a great drunken mash and surprise the heck out of my other roommates when they walk in on the two of us in the morning (My other roomies had been the two girls roommates the previous year). So a week goes by and the girl I had been hitting on calls me and says, "Shelly says you are the best kisser she has ever met, wanna go out?"

I agree the confidence thing is huge.

Bold mine. It's funny, but I really think that part of my attractiveness to my sweetie is that I game. I think I went from regular female friend who is cute to potential girlfreind material the moment I mentioned I was playing Wind Waker for the second time. If he hadn't been talking about gaming, I wouldn'ta had a chance to bring it up. But then, I suspect that most geeky guys think it's cool when chicks game.

Someone kill this thread, before it shows up as a joke on SomethingAwful.

I meant barring Chocolate Yuna and her ilk.

Yes, having a girlfriend who is a gamer is a very good thing.

My girlfriend isn't a gamer, but she does play games on occasion.  I don't think she ever got past level 8 on City of Heroes.  MMOGs aren't for her.  She never beat RE4.  She loves the game, but it creeps her out.  She loves Wind Waker.

I think the one thing that has always amazed me is that girls always want what other girls have.

When I was in the Air Force, my squadron just about always flew at night, so I'd be going in to work about 4 in the afternoon, landing around 2 AM, and just have enough time to go catch a beer or two (bars closed at 4 AM) before hitting the sack.

As it turns out, the only place that was actually open with anyone there was a strip club, and hey, I've got no problem with strip clubs, so I wound up being a regular. They had a couple of pool tables in the back, and I'd just play for an hour or two, have a couple of beers, and hang out with whatever dancer wasn't busy/was bored.

As should be obvious to most, your chances of actually getting a date out of a dancer when you only know her from the place she works is absolutely nil, so while I would flirt, etc., I never seriously worried about actually dating any of them (well, ok, so there was this one I wanted badly...), so basically I just hung out playing pool, and occasionally getting invited to parties and stuff (nothing big).

After about a year and a half of absolutely -zero- action in any form, I was walking back to the bathroom, and one of the strippers came out of the dressing room (the door was next to the bathrooms, and in a semi-secluded alcove), took a quick look around, and then walked up and wrapped herself around me, planting a big ass kiss on me that left no doubts whatsoever about what she wanted. I wound up taking her home that night, and we had a great time, yadda yadda.

The next night, one of the girls that I had known for 6+ months started flirting with me heavily, and invited me out to her place after work, so of course I went, and of course I didn't turn her down when she made it obvious what she wanted.

A week after that, yet another one of the girls I knew there walked up to me while I was ordering a beer, and dropped her hand down to my crotch and started rubbing me...and then dropped her phone number into my pants pocket and walked away. Since she was by far way out of my league, there was no chance in hell I wasn't tagging that, so I wound up hooking up with -her- as well.

Less than a week later, one of my roomates moved out, and I happened to let it slip in the club, and 2 days later two of the dancers moved in with me. While it wasn't a "relationship", I quickly wound up heading directly home on the nights at least one of them wasn't working   :evil:

Moral of the story: Not ONE of these chicks was interested in me until that first one, and then within a month I was the hottest thing around--and while I have a decent confidence level, I'm not god's gift to women in any form..so to this day the only thing I can think of that triggered all this is that they all wanted what the others had.

Dayum.

You win.  You're the f13 pimp.

Your story doesn't fit here. And, lest we forget, the women in the story were professional sluts. Sluts fuck anyone. Maybe it was the uniform, or that you weren't stuffing money in them.

Never happened before, and will never happen again (hell, I didn't get laid for the first time until I was 20), but boy will I never forget that summer...

Bah, you were the one that started talking about what attracts you to men, and it triggered remembering the story :P

And lest we forget, that stereotype isn't in fact all that apropos to most dancers.

Women are much better than men at reading expressions and body language. That's why they pick up on the self-confidence thing so well.

A pet peeve of mine is people who complain about being "just friends" and say it's because they are nice guys. That really doesn't have a whole lot to do with it. My personal experience is that many self-described "nice guys" aren't just nice but have some pretty obvious failing like intense shyness, social ineptitude, etc.

I would also say that mistreating women to get them is a dumb idea, but there is something to be said for not being doting. It's always good to leave someone wanting more. You can't try too hard, because then it makes it look like you care too much, which can be weird and creepy. You want to look like a guy who has other stuff going on and is happy with their place in life, not a guy that OMG needs this date or he'll die.

And women, like dogs, can smell fear. Don't forget it.

Zepp, I was just bustin' yer stones. You go, boy.

I started dating this wonderful girl about 4 months ago.  For the first month, I didn't let on that I was a gamer:  hell, I almost hid my joysticks and gamepads so she wouldn't see them.

About one month after I met her, I called her up after work to see what was going on.  She didn't answer her home phone.  So I tried her cell phone...still no answer.  This was very unlike her, as she likes to talk at a specific time after she gets off work.  But this time, nothing.

She calls me back about one hour later, apologizing profusely.  "What were you doing?", I ask.  She answers, "Well, I was playing games on the Xbox and got tied up and couldn't answer the phone!".  Needless to say we now have an Xbox, and game on it constantly.

I think she's a keeper! :)

A million voices just cried out, "Go fuck yourself."

But they were drowned in envy.

I'm not sure which is more intriguing--her playing the xBox, or her being tied up...

/duck

/rimshot

Yeah, I realized that about a week later.  She could have left off the part about the stalker though!  I have a friend who sings "Every Breath You Take" to me to this day.  Fortunately no one believed her (except him, and only as a joke (I think)).

And about the Taco Bell, gimme a break!  It was college - that was high cuisine.

And yes, later the same girl started dating a friend of mine who's known around my hometown for being a drunken loser.  He predictably got wasted and wrecked her car.  Then broke up with her.  Last I heard (years ago, admittedly) she was still mooning after him.


Oddly enough, that in reverse is how I met my wife.  She asked, I wasn't interested.  So she kept at it.  After a while I went along with it.  Turns out she was right.

Me, I'm just glad I married someone who doesn't think my getting wasted and wrecking her car is awesome.

Funny, I'm hoping for the opposite, and that she likes games.

I'm never getting married.

Though I've been retired for years, I think I might hold that crown. I just don't like to brag and look all whorish.

But yeah...groupies ftw.

Hehe..not a title I'm worried about, and I would agree with you about groupies (did a bit of roadie work a LONG time ago). My story wasn't intended to brag really (well, not completely anyway), but to illustrate the point I was trying to make about what attracts women.

Strippers and other "sex industry" workers are sluts by default. They just happen to be women who work in an industry that promotes open sexuality. That doesn't mean they are all sluts, or even most sluts. Remember, a slut is someone who sleeps around indiscriminately. I'd wager to say that since most non-prostitute sex industry workers are generally hot enough to get almost any man (and some women) they want, they can pick and choose.

Of course, for strippers who are actively hooking and using the club as a place to meet johns, throw that right out the window, because those women's jobs aren't in the sex industry, those women's jobs are to get laid.

Not to get any motors running, but all of the sex workers I've known have always fucked their coworkers and coworkers' boyfriends.

Meet a lot of sex workers in the science field?

God bless them, every one.

You dork. I don't meet any gamers in the "science field" either. Do you have a life outside your job and this board? (snide tone unintended)

I think it's pretty obvious that I don't.

Well, he certainly owned you pretty hard, lily.

YEah. Big fat touche, Paelos!  :-P

Hey, new within-this-thread idea: what's the worst thing you've done or had done to you to get even for being dumped/dumping someone?

Besides my aforementioned claiming an ex as a dependent on my taxes, one time I was at his apartment to retrieve some of my stuff, and watched him key in his telephone access code, which I then used to erase all messages he received from women and/or potential employers. Yes, I became a supervillainess last spring. It wasn't pretty.

I told a girlfriend that I couldn't date her anymore because she was too fat. Total dick move, even though she was on the chunky side.

I told a girl in 7th grade that I was going to camp for the summer so she wouldn't call me. My sister ratted me out when she answered our phone after a week.

Umm...I kicked off the mailbox out of girlfriend's yard and smashed her car windshield in with it. Then I got on top of the hood and kicked it in some more.

Kind of a one time psychotic deal though, so don't think it was a pattern for me. It was partly justified too. I think.

She sleep with your father or something? That seems harsh.

Well, not exactly answering the new question, but close enough (plus I'm bored at work).

One of my roomates in college was a real video collector.  Pretty much every movie he rented he copied and kept in his extensive pirated video collection of about 150 tapes.  He really liked my best friends girlfriend, however he pretty much kept quiet about it when she/they were around.  All three of us considered each other friends at the time.  I always told him that it wouldn't be cool to shit in someone else's yard, ESPECIALLY if you consider them friends!

I guess he felt his opportunity has finally arrived, so he decided to break them up by telling her that her boyfriend was always cheating on her.  He was real slick about it, just casually dropping lines like "Hey, did you see that girl your boyfriend was hanging around with today?  Is that someone he knows?" and other stuff like that.  This eventually caused the two to break up (after spending every waking moment argueing about it).  He promptly invited this girl for a weekend getaway and disappeared with her toward the end of my Junior year.

So my buddy comes over (the newly single one) and we get drunk, and plot our revenge.  Naturally our eyes fall on his pirated tape collection, and our plan starts to form.

We can't simply smash the collection with a hammer (well, the idea DID come up), since we figure he has grounds to call the police and report the damage.  No, we have to use our heads this time, and come up with a GOOD plan.

So I am in school to get my Electrical Engineering degree, and I remember that the previous year we did some labs concerning high voltage transformers.  Ones that take regular 110V wall AC power and generate 10kV or higher (step up transformers).  I remember that one of them has a really large iron core with an air gap in the middle.  When the thing is energized, there's enough magnetic flux going through there that the whole thing hums loudly.

So you can see where this is going:  I run to the EE building, and borrow a transformer.  We plug that puppy in, and proceed to run EVERY FUCKING ONE of this dudes pirated tape collection through the air gap in the transformer.  This fucker will erase credit cards, render floppies useless, and hold paper clip so hard you can't physically remove it from the housing.  We then carefully re-arranged the tape collection back in it's place and drink ourselves unconscience.

About 5 days later, my roomate comes into my room very distressed looking:

"We [me and my new GF] want to watch a movie but my VCR is acting up", he tells me.
"Oh?", I respond.  "Let's check it out."

Sure enough, the tapes now contain only fuzzy garbage and random streaks.

"Weird", I say.  "Did you try a normal tape?"

So he puts in a movie he bought (we didn't touch those ones), and sure enough it works fine.

"I don't get it.", I say.  "Surely those tapes should be fine."

This guy looks like he is going to throw up.

Then, to put the proverbial icing on the cake, I snap my fingers and say:

"I know what must have happened!  I bet there are power lines running behind that wall, and since you kept the tapes there the electrical field must have messed them up.  I have heard of this kind of thing happening before on floppy disks."

So he slumps off to his room to cry over losing his collection of stolen tapes.  :evil:

That reminds me:

I was dating (well, seeing) this girl and quickly realized it wasn't happening, but she was really into me.  So I did the cowardly thing and just stopped answering the phone.

Well, she called like 10 times one evening and my roommate got tired of hearing it.  He answered, she asked for me, and he said "He doesn't want to talk to you any more."

She never called back.

I became more forthright after that.

Teh Winnar is U!

I've never been one for post-breakup revenge.  I'll complain about the girl a lot if I felt I was wronged, but I was never so spiteful as to do anything more.

I have never been dumped. I was refused a second date once. However, this is not studliness, just overcautious dating habits.

No, she slept with some grotesque looking deformity named "Zeke".

Of course, there's more to it than that, but I'd rather not get it into it.

Sounds like a recipe for chlidren with webbed feet.

Well, he did resemble a toad somewhat. Except with a face covered in blackheads.

  Gal I dated had two email addresses, I knew both passwords. Signed her up for all kinds of porn sites, then answered all the automated "Are you sure" notices through her ID.

That'll learn her.

Not sure if this makes me feel better or worse, but it's funny nonetheless. (http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=2829)