f13.net

I figured we needed a baseball thread, mainly so I could post this and watch Haemish's head explode-

Mark Prior out indefinitely (http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2012934)

In other major league news, the Mariners have no pitching, no bench, and are headed for a big pile of mediocrity. They should lose some entertaining 12-9 shootouts, however.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!


Dammit!  I guess I'm going to have to get my cat who fetches to try and walk on for the Cubs this year....

I see my amazing ability to screw over any pitcher I draft is still in full force.  I had my first fantasy draft last saturday, and who do you think my first pitching pick was?

I'm going to start just drafting pitchers I really hate now.  Looks like Pedro Martinez is going to be my first pick next...

Motherfucking cockbag crotchpheasants. I think the Cubs trainer needs a new post in Uganda.

I am so afraid for the Cubs chances this year. The entire NL Central division is just a jumbled mess. I don't see one clear-cut winner. Yes, that includes the Cardinals. The Cards have better pitching than last year (on paper), but they are going to seriously miss Womack and Renteria both at the top of the order and in the field. Grudzie will be a better 2nd baseman, but ECKSTEIN? He will not replace either one of those guys. And losing Matheny will be huge.

The Cubs lost a lot of power, but gained... well, not much really. Hairston CAN be a nice sparkplug, but you have to play him. If Walker is the everyday 2nd baseman and Hollandsworth is the everyday LF, where's he going to play? Patterson is NOT a leadoff man, and never will be.

Houston is just in a shambles. No Beltran, shit, no healthy outfielders worth a damn, Bagwell won't ever be a great power hitter again, Clemens is on the cusp of retirement, and Petitte is who knows? The bullpen is thin. The rest of the division is probably going to be better than last year, but still with missing pieces. The Brewers are the dark horse. The Reds need better pitching. The Pirates need better pitching and power.

Watch the Marlins. They will win the division this year if the Braves don't. The Phillies... who knows? Underacheivers are never predictable. The Mets... no team chemistry, and still missing parts. The Nationals... don't make me laugh. The Giants will be better provided they can be healthy; they are the favorites for the West. The Dodgers won't gel right, the Diamondbacks are a waste of money, no one can pitch in Colorado, and the Padres... well, the Padres could make something happen. They are younger than the Giants, but play in a non-power park. Their pitching will have some weird adjustments to make on the road.

Yankees, Red Sox... fuck, I hate the AL East.

The AL Central will be interesting. Look for the Twins, Tigers and Indians to compete, with the Twins winning it. The Sox and Royals will suck. I really can't see what the Sox have done this offseason that's a help. The AL West is the Angels division to lose. They have the better team than the Rangers, but the Rangers have Orel as the pitching coach. If he can wrangle their young arms into shape, look out, because that offense can only get better. But the Angels really are the team to beat. Putting Steve Finley in center between Anderson and Guerrero is just magic.

Yes, and <insert AL team here> will make it to the World Series if the Yankees don't.

You know, I'm starting to think the Cubs would do well to just put Santo back at third.

Speaking of Santo....hey Haem, did you see "This Old Cub" yet?  They were selling it up here in Chicago around Xmas, don't know if you could find it down there, but if you can, you have to watch it.  It's an excellent documentary.

I've heard about "This Old Cub" but haven't seen it yet. I need to see if Netflix has it.

Hey, you watch Aramis Ramirez this year. He is going to hit 40 homers. He is the heir to Santo at 3rd that everyone has been looking for for years. Shit, if Prior and Wood stayed healthy, both of them have "Hall of Fame" stuff. But somewhere, someone is not doing something right for them to keep having these nagging injury problems. I am afraid that we'll all come to regret Clement leaving.

Without Wood and Prior we have Maddux and Zambrano and whomever else we bring up from the farm teams, right?

I mean Maddux was good years ago, but I don't think he has the stuff anymore and Zambrano is too erratic.

Too bad.  Much as I like to see the Cubs lose, I'd rather beat up on their first-stringers than some no-name replacements.

Zambrano has #1 stuff, I believe. He just has a #2/#3 temperment, which causes him more losses than it should. Part of their process with him has been beating that shit out of him. Maddux is still going to give you a good 5-6 innings, will walk very few, and give up less than 4 runs a game most days. And no matter who the starters are, the Cubs aren't doing shit this year if their bullpen is what it was last year. And I don't just mean closer, I mean top to bottom. Rusch was pretty much the only good story out of that pen last year. The rest... weren't. They need a lefty who isn't hurt (Remlinger) and can find the plate 3 out 4 pitches. So far, no one but Remlinger in their system, or Rusch, has been capable of doing that out of the pen. I'm hoping Rusch repeats his last year performance as a starter, because he was decent.

And of course, if their hitters don't learn to play BASEBALL instead of HOME RUN DERBY, they won't do shit. They got to get on base more.

Bonds may be out for the season (http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/baseball/mlb/specials/spring_training/2005/03/22/bonds.out.ap/index.html?cnn=yes)

Oh dear lord please let it be true! It couldn't happen to a more deserving cockholster. Interesting timing- MLB is under the gun to test for steroids, and suddenly Bonds has an owwie!

Anything that can keep him from passing Babe Ruth and Hammerin' Hank is good for baseball. The guy is a sack of shit.

Suck it, bitch. Cry more, you smug-faced sack of monkey shit. Your singular actions have besmirched the game I love, and made a mockery of fucking spring training. I hope you never lace up the shoes again, you juiceheaded testicle-shaver. Sit on your steroid-induced throne of shit and eat all of it.

You know, I'd not have been nearly as hateful had he just come out and said, "Yeah, I juiced. Yeah, none of what I did when I broke one of the most cherised records in the game of baseball was illegal at the time, but it was and is cheating, and that makes me a big pu-pu-pussy."

But he can't do that. No. He has to act like every-fucking-one of us is too goddamn stupid, that we would actually believe him when he said, "I didn't know it was steroids, but I used it anyway."

Fuck you, Barry, I hope your days in this game are done.