f13.net

I hate nuts.

Here, I'll quote that preempatively so you can just copy and paste and make a balls joke.


Anyway, I hate nuts and love Beef Jerky. Beef Jerky costs like $25-$35 a lb for good quality shit.

What other salty snacks exist that won't kill you. Potato Chips (along with Fried Chicken) are basically my favorite foods ever, so I'd really love an alternative that won't stop my heart and make me bleed rectally if consumed in bulk.

Rice crackers?

Common training foods when you crave something salty.

1. Saltines with.... (fill in the blank) in moderation
2. cheese sticks (50 - 100 cal each)
3. edamame with sea salt
4. olives
5. pickles
6. miso soup
7. pumpkin or sunflower seeds
8. sprinkle feta on watermelon or something
9. fresh tomato and sea salt
10. fresh cucumber and sea salt

Helpful?

Bouillon cubes are almost pure salt.  Sometimes some broth can help. 

Ugh, no.


Mmmmm, it is tomato season. I should've said I hate seeds of all varieties also. Just, the texture of all that shit throws me off. Edamame is probably a good choice.

I wish fucking Habanero Kale Chips weren't $1,000 a fucking oz.

I usually eat dry-roasted chickpeas as a salty snack.

I used to buy them from a local Indian grocery, but then I learned how to make my own and just did that.  I have five go-to recipes that I cycle through and they're all easy to make.  In addition to being tasty they're pretty good for you.  They're a little high in calories if you eat a lot at a time, but nothing as bad as chips, and they're high in protein so they satiate you for a while.  They're cheap too.  I can get a pound of dry chickpeas for under $2 at a local grocery if I buy around ten pounds at once.

Another trick I used when cutting was to eat frozen peas with salt while they were still crunchy.  Good texture and low cal.

Have you considered making your own jerky?  It's fun and not terribly expensive.  I made a lot of jerky when I was guiding in canada.  Good for long hiking trips.

Good point.  You can easily make your own jerky.

My South African boss makes his own biltong, which is a fantastic thick cut cured meat.  He makes it without any equipment, it just takes a few days to dry and cure.

Pretzels
Pickles
Cheese & Crackers

Edamame is so good

Do you hate pistacchios too? that's my go-to salty snack.  Apparently the fact that they take effort means your fat ass won't eat as many.

IT'S A NUT

This interests me. Going to indian grocery store tomorrow.

Make your own onion rings? Beer batter ain't hard to make, and holy moly are they good.

Mange-tout rolled in coarse salt.
Proper sharp cheddar, cubed and eaten warm.
Baked corn kernels.
Marmite on toast.

I like this because it'll kill me.

I'm not doing that.

You foreigners are cute. Only one of those things is food.

Peanut M&Ms. Oh wait, you don't like nuts.

Popcorn with a little hot paprika.  And/or dry garlic (or garlic salt if you're making unsalted popcorn).  Also, I never liked any sort of snack with peanut butter in it but Trader Joe's are awesome.  You know you can get that seasoning for the Chex roasted mix in a package now, too.  You could leave out nuts and and just use stuff you like.  It's good on popcorn, too.  Crispy seaweed snacks are really nice even though it sounds nasty.  Don't put your Marmite on toast.  Just buy a bag of Twiglets.  And drink it with Irn Bru so you get the full force of horrible taste and 12 ounces of poisonous ingredients that that will leave your mouth tasting chemically clean. 

I like crispy seaweed snacks and totally forgot about them.

Or you can go to Whole Foods and buy these:

http://www.saffronroadfood.com/our-products/crunchy-chickpeas/

A few of these things, as people have said, you can make yourself. Chickpeas are good. You can find them sold about the place but making your own is always far cheaper. Some means can get the same treatment but I find I get sick of them much faster than I do chickpeas.

Also I love rice chips (not crackers).

The wasabi ones are bausome.

Wasabi peas.

I'm considering building a little smoker and trying to reproduce jerky like you get at Oakridge Smokehouse or Buckees.  I go through a bag a day, so I feel you on the cost.  If I could make the really good stuff myself though, I'd pay the cost of the meat.

Salty plums!

Buckees jerky is exactly what got me back on the salty snack shit. Goddamn, it's the best stuff on Earth.

I can't imagine a world without peanuts, pecans and walnuts.

Popcorn's my go-to salt/ starch snack if there's no nuts in the house.  Though I'll second wasabi peas after some of the guys at the office had them. You just have to watch for the ones real wasabi addicts eat. Goddamn felt like my mouth was going to melt.

Actually, I did think of a helpful suggestion:

Roasted / Salted Plantains

I'd just go to Target/Walmart and get a food dehydrator and make your own jerky.

Tortilla chips are not as bad as potato and you can load them up with salsa, which is mostly veggies.

I have this problem too.

(https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/829607/daily/49/darksoul.jpg)

I'm trying to stop.

i love you

I... I don't even know what that is, and yet somehow I think that makes me a better person. :ye_gods:

Frito Lay Nacho Cheese w/ a Deep Friend Drumstick posing as a buffalo wing getting dipped into it. Basically, heaven.

100% correct. I picked it up last week while shopping for snacks.
That jar is liquid sin. I took two bag of chips home with it.
It was very fucked up.
I put it on everywhere, on chips, toasts, nuggets, the final test was ordering 10 pc KFC and just dipping on it whole Sunday.
The jar was devoid of cheese and full of guilt by the end of it.

I don't wanna buy it ever again.

Yea, Frito Lay Nacho Cheese was not something I had before I met my wife. She bought it once for a thing, it's like eating love in a glass jar with an unnatural color.

In other news:

1. Which Wasabi Peas are the best here: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss_1?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=wasabi%20peas&sprefix=wasabi+%2Caps&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Awasabi%20peas

2. Which Chickpeas are the best here: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_11?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=roasted%20chickpeas&sprefix=roasted+chi%2Caps%2C219&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Aroasted%20chickpeas

3. Which Seasoned Seaweed is the best here: http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_0_11?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=seasoned+seaweed&sprefix=seasoned+se%2Caps%2C184&rh=i%3Aaps%2Ck%3Aseasoned+seaweed

My latest salty-ish snacks since Trader Joe's finally invaded the hinterlands of Utar:

1) Longboard Organic Tortilla Chips and Cowboy Caviar salsa.

2) Boneless, skinless sardine filets in a can.

3) Joe's brand Belgian dark chocolate (ya, ya it's not salty, but it is bitter and oh so lovely).

The Hapis taste like your prototypical Wasabi Peas. The ones I usually buy when I'm at my local Japanese supermarket are the Kasugai ones (click on Kasugai on the brand list on the left to see them) -- not as day-glo green as the Hapis. I would, however, try to find some of the ones at Trader Joes without the perservatives and food colorings (also listed on that page) and taste if those are any good.

The Good Beans tasted really salty to me (Sea Salt flavor). Whole Foods also sells those so you can compare them to the Saffron Roads before buying in bulk. I didn't like the Cruncha ma-me (also at WF) for reasons I don't remember. Maybe there were really expensive?  (Yes I love salty crunchy snacks too.)

Only had the Sea's Gifts -- they taste fine to me. They don't fill you up, though.

Saw a list of 3 things. Got excited, then realized you are apparently an 87 year old ranchhand.

Edit: obviously responding to abagadro. Thanks trippy.

Quality sardines with a bit of lemon juice on crostini are yummy.

Edit:
Their 2 lb bars are remarkably good tasting chocolate.

You can get little 3 packs of the same stuff in normal sized bars. I've become addicted to that shit.

Echoing Trippy here on the wasabi peas: Kasugai is good. Wish they'd come in cans. Out of that list I've tried Koh-kae and Hapi but they're somehow bland, Koh-kae is a different variety of peas I think since it's from Thailand so you may want to try them anyway.

Not sure how you guys can stand wasabi.
They're not salty to me, irritates my nose and generally gives me runny nose instead of that 'crunchy salty' goodness from standard crinkle cut potato chips.
You americans are spoiled tho, such cheap prices on snacks, down here in Singapore - most imported crap like Doritos and stuff can buy me a standard meal in the food court.

Our oligarch lords know the best ways of keeping us fat and lazy.  We also pay less than a dollar for up to 44oz of sugary beverage treat in the summer months.

I'm intrigued by the idea of salty chick peas. How crunchy are they? I don't have the heartiest molars.

If you make them yourself you can make them as you like.

I have found that broasted chicken is a nice swap-out for fried. It is roughly the health equivalent of eating rotisserie chicken, so there's that as well.

I don't know about there, but here wasabi is mostly horseradish with a tiny amount of real wasabi.  Some people just aren't phased by the strength of horseradish like others.  My dad could slather the stuff on without a problem and I got his tastes.  Mom has a pinprick and is on fire.

Real wasabi though I find much more potent.

Bombay mix.  My fav was the KCB Bombay Mix and Cofresh London Mix.  You would LOVE them.  You should go down to the Asda and get some! 

You could probably get them from one of those online places online, too, though.  I used to buy Twiglets and Ritter Marzipan bars from one of them (not for me).

Anyone mentioned pickled gherkins? Vinegary, crunchy, salty. Good ones pack a punch. Not really finger food though, unless you like dripping vinegar everywhere.

Also, pickled eggs can deliver a hefty dose of umami.

I'm a chili-head. The worst thing real or fake wasabi is gonna do to me is make me take a sharp inhale and then continue to eat more. If I had my way, I'd buy habanero potato chips instead of jalepeno potato chips but the wife would murder me. There's a local burger joint who had a ghost chili pepper on the menu as a special once and it didn't even faze me, but I'm pretty sure they lied and it was just habanero as the only other time I've had ghost chili I thought a fire titan had just clipped his toenails into my mouth.

Seriously, for a serious topic.

Make your own jerky.

Buy lean cuts on sale, my butcher knows when I'll be showing up. Top round works pretty well and goes on sale for really cheap. My biggest problem with making homemade jerky is that I'll then eat a couple pounds of beef in a day or two because I cannot stop eating the stuff. I would take my homemade jerky over bacon, maple syrup and buffalo wings. I'm completely ruined for commercial jerky.

I used to have one of those dehydrator doohickies and they're decent, but now I just use the oven. It's not going to last long enough to worry about being picky.

Also, don't dry it until it's hard. The cure takes care of that stuff.

Now I want some jerky.

Son of a bitch, I just read how to make jerky in a regular oven. Too easy. Ugh, buying 10 lbs of beef.

Sky, what's your personal process and what marinades do you make?

Squirrel girl taught me that peanuts are actually a legume. So that gets around your hatred of nuts.

I'm lazy. I buy the mix that is sold for hunters in the redneck store with guns. Not walmart, the real huntin' store. It's got packets of cure and spice. I always use the cure for the weight, but I sometimes use my own spice (though theirs isn't bad). So a dry spice method, I guess.

I slice it into about 1/4" strips and lay them out on the counter, blot it dry on both sides with paper towels (both sides, takes a while).
Then mix the cure and spices into a shaker and distribute half, flip strips and distribute the other half.
Strips go into a large zip top bag, squeeze the air out and into the fridge for whatever it says in the instruction (like a day or two).
Put the oven on low. Strips go onto a wire rack set into a sheet pan. I have a convection oven, so I set the rack just below the fan so it blows over the meat.
Flip occasionally. When it starts looking dry, start testing the thinner strips.
Test often.
Remove when they don't seem raw anymore, this is kind of a 'you know it when it's right' thing, I've been making jerky for over 30 years hah.
Don't dry it until it's tough!

I let it cool on the counter and then bag and put in the fridge just in case. Between testing, cooling and general snacking a 2lb round usually disappears in two days. But it's so good I can't stop. When I first did it in the oven, I used to crack the door, but I find I get decent results with the door closed on the new oven and save a lot more on the energy bill.

Looked at the bag I have in the cupboard. I just use the kit stuff, I'd probably buy the cure alone if it weren't limited to 7lb bags.

http://www.himtnjerky.com/

(http://24.media.tumblr.com/4a1e53fd28477683faea688255decf67/tumblr_mgfwyn1deP1rnz84fo4_400.gif)

 :Love_Letters:

Aaand there's an email coupon for top round at $3/lb.

(http://i1.ytimg.com/vi/jxJFnv9yaVw/hqdefault.jpg)

Alton Brown's beef jerky recipe (http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/beef-jerky-recipe.html) is pretty fantastic, though the method is a bit...  unusual - a box fan and air-conditioner filters are involved.  I've done it that way and in the oven - the fan-dried stuff tastes better to me, but the oven is a million times quicker. 

As for that recipe, it's pretty good, though I add a bunch of black pepper, a little brown sugar and triple the red pepper content, though.

Do you close the doors and draw the blinds as you eat that stuff in shame?  Austin has gotta be some sort of queso capital, I can think of at least 5 places that have amazing queso and there is at least 1 place I can think of that has at least 5 amazing queso's.

While we are on the subject of salty awesomeness, the Ghirardelli Sea Salt Caramel and Dark Chocolate squares are amazing.

Frito Lay Nacho Cheese is not queso.

It's a new element.

Just over 4lbs of top round processed and curing for the next 24 hours...thanks for the reminder, schild!

I used to make jerky in my dehydrator all the time but started to get weirded out by the warnings about nitrates I was reading.  I guess I could go back to Alton's recipe (which I liked the flavor of) rather than the dry cure I was using that had all the nitrates in it. Or I could say "fuck it" and make it with the nitrates. I had the same issue as Sky in that if I made the shit I would eat most of it in two days.

Since we are talking about foods that are bad for you... I love me some Ritz Crackers with Sharp Cheddar Easy Cheese.  Yes, the stuff in the can.

The high sodium content was also a factor in me abandoning jerky a bit.  I need one of the scienticians around here to weigh in.

It's jerky.  Die happy and well-preserved.

I've had to pass by Buckee's three times in the past two days on long road trips.  Jerky was acquired in each instance.  You may not want to listen to an addict.

Garlic Parmesan Thin Triscuits... God, I love them... and some of that sharp Cheddar spread but not in a can.   

Cracked Pepper and Olive Oil ones are awesome too.

I just had some foil pack olives with lemon oregano seasoning that were really tasty but hella salty. Jalapeno stuffed olives are good if you're a pepper person.

I despise olives. Not sure why either, they should be up my alley. They just disagree with my mouth and mouthparts in every conceivable way.

Indeed. Olives, to me, taste like sadness and regret.

This is the Correct answer.

The only times I like olives are on pizza or in muffaletta.

Tinned sardines, possibly in tomato and chilli. Of course that's assuming that fishy fish isn't immediately out but that's a pretty decent healthy snack.

ooo.  I haven't seen cracked pepper and olive oil.  I keep a look out for them.  I have the same problem with some olives.  The black ones are okay if they have the pit in but the pitless ones taste wonky.  The green ones with pimentos are great in martinis but I can't eat them afterwards, usually.  Anyway, the very few times I've had martinis someone will grab all the stuff on the toothpicks and put them in their glasses.  I can't be arsed to do anything.  But, in general, I keep away from olives. 

Also:

Marmite on toast is NOT the answer.  Might as well toast some bread and slather ear was all over it. 

And sardines?  NO NO NO!  My grandfather always smelled like sardines, booze and ciggies.  You don't want to eat anything that smelled like my grandfather. 

It's the vegemite my darling, or me.

Too busy eating falafel flavored chickpeas.

Did you make it yourself?

Yes, I made $4 working, and went to Whole Foods and purchased a bag with American Dollars.

You bastard. I haven't even thought of sardines in I don't know how long and suddenly I now have 10 cans (along with some nice rye and mustard).

Geez, Mr. E-Schild, when did you become so snarky?  Oh right... before you were even a grown man.  It's why we love you.

WASABI PEAS, A SNACK ADVENTURE:

Hapi Hot Wasabi Peas: Pretty good. Tastes like you imagine a Wasabi pea tastes.

HEB / Central Market Bulk Wasabi Peas: Great pea flavor, great wasabi flavor, slightly better than Hapi.

Hapi Spicy Sriracha Peas: Better than any of the Wasabi Peas (oh no!!!!)

World Peas Wasabi Peas: Yea, not so bad. The worst of the wasabi peas, but still totally edible.

World Peas Texas BBQ Peas: Liquid smoke. This shit is gross. Inedible trash.

Edit: Still waiting on a few other things, including World Peas Sichuan Pepper Peas.

Trader Joes has the best snack foods ever.

You almost can't go wrong with things there.  For Salty try their peanut butter filled pretzels.

I can't stop eating peas.

Sriracha Peas are still the best. Sichuan peas fucking sucked. Pretty pissed about that. It needs something to accent the pepper, maybe garlic? Either way, World Peas in general suck.

I mentioned that one, too.  I'm not sure it was this thread but I did make an announcement once.

You are so not getting to be Miss America with that attitude, missy.

In related news, I've binged on enough jerky to be good for quite some time.

I used to love beef jerky when I was little.  I don't think I've had it since I was like 10 or 12.  My auntie had a little Italian deli and used to bring us the out of date beef jerky, stale marshmallow ice cream cones, giant wax lips and those tiny wax bottle of some vile beverage.  (and nice Genoa salami) My BIL doesn't eat red meat, just fish, and from time to time, I've notice some salmon jerky lying around.  I've been too scared to try it though.

You should be scared, that's how you get pregnant.

My fall back has been sardines, be careful and buy the more expensive brands as the cheaper ones tend to be full of scales and bone.

Other than that it's almonds and jerky.

Oh, salty things?

Garlic Olives. (at 5$ a jar I avoid them).