f13.net

It looks terrible.....and I cannot wait to enjoy every minute of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=BOXnTZsaMq0

Hoped someone would throw themselves on this dagger and post this. Lucy Liu... sold me, along with the campy kung fu genre setting. Not sure what Russel Crowe is doing in it, but why not right?

Quentin Tarantino
Black martial arts master
intentionally campy costuming

It will be like paying to have someone shit on your face for two hours. Like that Southpark where everything is shitty, but people are too stupid to see it. It's exactly like that, except that it's happening to you, in real life.

so we can put you down as "must see!"?

fukin be there

I can't go see this movie because angry.bob says so.

Eli Roth and Rza wrote it. This does not make for good cinema. It will be a retarded, over the top wankfest in honor of cheesy, horribad kung-fu movies from the '70's. It might still be interesting if it doesn't make me think of Kill Bill. The trailer made me think of Kill Bill.

Samurai Apocalypse, meets the colossus.

Kill bill was ood when it was being over the top kung-fu parody. Well, maybe not GOOD but entertaining to be sure.

Kill Bill was a lot of things. Entertaining was not one of those things.

It's also directed by RZA. It should be noted that Tarantino only acts as producer on this film.

RZA (like anyone from Wu-Tang) grew up on Kung Fu flicks, and this feels like an homage. I'm excited for it. Not expecting necessarily GREAT things about it, but will hopefully give me that same memory of old Shaw Brothers flicks on KCAL and KCOP in the 80s and what not.

Wow.Totally not the reactions I was expecting. I saw the trailer and my only thought was "well, if I needed a sign that Russell Crowe's career is over there it is." This looks horrible. Just utterly horrible. I can't believe so many of you are excited by this.

Uh it's a cheesy Martial Arts movie.  It's like saying people shouldn't like Shaolin Soccer, The Drunken Master, etc.

No, it's not like saying that, not at all. It's not even like saying that about Shaw Bros like Kid with the Golden Arm or Five Deadly Venoms. This will be a shitty movie because it's trying to be like those but not understand why those movies are the way they are and people still love them.

Eh, I adore Kung Fu Hustle, so i will probably enjoy this movie in all of its terrible corny glory. Some of you asses totally fucking neckbeard the fun out of life.

I also loved Kung Fu Hustle; this doesn't look like it will rise to that level to me. Especially choreography/pretend-fighting-talent wise.

The trailer seems a little heavy on the Kill Bill-isms.  But I liked Kill Bill, and I guess since it's like almost a decade old now (wat) it could be sort of homagey or whatever.  At the moment, though, it looks kinda like Kill Bill 3: What's Happening on the Other Side of Town.

This. This movie, at least going by the trailers, utterly misses the mark. Also, something about the way it was filmed looked cheap to me. Now, that could, again, be on purpose but it still felt...off. This really looks like a movie that should be Direct to DvD and not be released in theaters.

Well, Kill Bill was in part an homage to Shaw Brothers era cinema. So.. yes, sort of. I'm also sure that RZA loves KB. I don't hate KB personally.

It's no Big Trouble in Little China, but I might check it out anyway. 

The movie is exactly as good as the trailer.

It's a damn weird blend that doesn't always work, but it moves along fast enough and the action isn't particularly surprising, but it's done well enough.

Russell Crowe looks like he wandered in from an entirely different movie.

Russle Crow as Jack Knife is like the anti Kwai Chang Caine, instead of a Chinese man attempting to look vaguely like a Cowboy, you get a Cowboy attempting to look vaguely like a Chinese farmhand or something.

Well, I downloaded the DVD and finally watched this. I have to say that I expected to dislike this movie, went in assuming it would be bad, but I wanted to watch a Kung Fu movie. I have to say that as I watched this film it really suprised me. I thought it would be bad, but as I watched it I was shocked that it was so much worse than I could ever have imagined. It was literally nothing but a RZA Mary Sue wankfest that was so shitty on every level that he had to have wrote this shit in a spiral binder in third grade while he was high as fuck. It was bad. So fucking bad. Not even cheesy bad, just boring as shit, bad everything bad.

I've heard that the original cut was 4 hours long.

This was on HBO or Cinemax the other day, I just got done watching it off DVR.

Yeah...it was far worse than I imagined was possible. The directing was shockingly bad. The simple concept of using moving images to tell a story seemed well beyond the director, editor and cinematographer. Much of the movie was a series of random shots from random angles forming no coherent action or sense of space.

The parts that were supposed to look bad-ass were laughably awful. A guy does something "cool" but the timing, camera placement, acting and staging are all way off and it looks ridiculous. When The Dude with the Iron Fists punches Metal Guy and their fists collide it looks like two weightless paper mache props barely touching each other.

I have no idea what the plot was because I fast forwarded through a lot of it, seems safe to assume it was awful.

In terms of craft this may be the worst movie I've ever seen. I mean, random shitty SyFy movies have low budgets and laughable acting but they can at least convey action and a simple linear progression of events. This was "get rejected from the worst film school in the country if this is your high school project" levels of incompetence.

Hmm my senile "Russel Crowe has never made a bad movie" father will have to watch this.  Of course it wont change his opinion since he suffers from some form of Russel Crowe Alzheimer's where he can only remember the few movies he likes.  Wish they could have titled this Master and Commander: Shipwrecked in China for some double damage.