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Title: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Shockeye on February 16, 2005, 12:26:54 PM Quote from: CBC Keanu Reeves film banned in Brunei (http://www.cbc.ca/story/arts/national/2005/02/16/Arts/constantine050216.html) Last Updated Wed, 16 Feb 2005 12:13:33 EST KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA - Constantine, the supernatural thriller starring Keanu Reeves, has been banned in Brunei. The government's Censor Board deemed the film unsuitable for public viewing, an official with the board, Ahmad Kadir, told the Associated Press on Wednesday. However, Kadir did not give a reason for why the film will not be shown in the Islamic sultanate. Based on the comic book Hellblazer, the movie stars Reeves as a world-weary exorcist who battles evil as atonement for a mortal sin he committed in his past. He teams up with a police officer played by Rachel Weisz to investigate the mysterious death of her twin sister, and in the process the two travel through the world of demons and angels that exists below Los Angeles. At one point in the film, the Canadian performer calls God "a kid with an ant farm." The climax pits him against a white-clad Satan in an effort to prevent the forces of evil from taking over Earth. Brunei is known for having what may be the strictest censorship regulations in Southeast Asia The country's censors are especially vigilant when it comes to movies and songs thought to be offensive to Islam. Constantine opens in North America on Friday. It debuted last week in Malaysia, Brunei's closest neighbour. The censors in Malaysia, which is also mostly Muslim, removed several swear words and attached a warning regarding "non-excessive violent and horrifying scenes," but did not object to the religious content. Reeves, who was raised partly in Toronto and maintains Canadian citizenship, has appeared in films like Speed, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, and River's Edge. Egypt banned the first two Matrix films, which also starred Reeves. However, they were allowed into theatres after appeals. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: Llava on February 16, 2005, 12:38:02 PM Who the fuck is Keanu Reeves?
Quote from: Shockeye Reeves, who was raised partly in Toronto and maintains Canadian citizenship, has appeared in films like Speed, Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, and River's Edge. Oh, ok. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: schild on February 16, 2005, 12:39:28 PM did you seriously just ask who Keanu Reeves is? You see, that's the sort of thing that makes baby jesus cry until he bleeds.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: Llava on February 16, 2005, 01:09:42 PM That's pretty much why I asked. I thought that the portion of the article giving some backstory on Reeves seemed a little unnecessary, so I thought I'd act out the kind of situation that would occur if that paragraph was really needed.
It is pretty hard to imagine someone going "Who the hell is Keanu Reeves?" Maybe if you live in Malaysia. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: Kenrick on February 16, 2005, 01:11:12 PM did you seriously just ask who Keanu Reeves is? You see, that's the sort of thing that makes baby jesus cry until he bleeds. Wake up and smell the witty sarcasm. :wink: Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: Signe on February 16, 2005, 01:21:20 PM Who is baby jesus?
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: schild on February 16, 2005, 01:22:22 PM Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: HaemishM on February 16, 2005, 01:28:18 PM I really hope they didn't ban it because it sucked copious amounts of monkey cock. Despite the addition of the WHOA man as the lead, the changes in the story made for no good goddamn reason, and the blessed shotgun of WHOANESS, I'm hoping it transcends all the negatives to at least be a good movie that is totally detached from the character it is based on.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: Signe on February 16, 2005, 01:28:52 PM So... if Gary Coleman is baby Jesus, who is David Hasslehoff?
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: HaemishM on February 16, 2005, 01:31:12 PM The Holy Goat.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: Rasix on February 16, 2005, 01:34:28 PM Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: SirBruce on February 16, 2005, 01:37:24 PM What happens when Stevie Wonder shaves himself? Bruce Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: WayAbvPar on February 16, 2005, 01:38:32 PM I am mentally trying to give you a tumor as we speak. Let me know how that works out.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Woah." Post by: Miasma on February 16, 2005, 01:39:23 PM That's pretty much why I asked. I thought that the portion of the article giving some backstory on Reeves seemed a little unnecessary, so I thought I'd act out the kind of situation that would occur if that paragraph was really needed. The backstory was totally unnecessary but the story is from the CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation), our government funded channel. They feel the need to point out the citizenship of every celebrity we have inflicted on the world.It is pretty hard to imagine someone going "Who the hell is Keanu Reeves?" Maybe if you live in Malaysia. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: HaemishM on February 16, 2005, 01:41:14 PM You gave us Rush. You are forgiven.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Shockeye on February 16, 2005, 01:42:13 PM You gave us Rush. You are forgiven. Didn't Bryan Adams destroy all that good-will? Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: HaemishM on February 16, 2005, 01:44:13 PM CUTS LIKE A KNIFE!!!! BUT IT FEELS SO RIGHT!!!!
Hockey trumps Bryan Adams. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: SirBruce on February 16, 2005, 01:44:47 PM I am mentally trying to give you a tumor as we speak. Let me know how that works out. Something is definitely growing, but it's naht a tumah... :wink: Bruce Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: schild on February 16, 2005, 01:45:32 PM I'm about 6 seconds from deleting the above post.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: WayAbvPar on February 16, 2005, 01:46:40 PM CUTS LIKE A KNIFE!!!! BUT IT FEELS SO RIGHT!!!! Hockey trumps Bryan Adams. I'll see your Bryan Adams and raise you the H-Bomb of celebrity exports: Celine Dion. Some things just can't be forgiven. Bruce, I will mail you what is left of my lunch once the vomiting stops. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Miasma on February 16, 2005, 02:03:18 PM We have to use people like Jim Carrey to offset the damage done by the likes of Celine Dion and Alannis Morissette.
I was looking up how to spell Alanis's last name and found out this happened today (http://www.kesq.com/Global/story.asp?S=2958148), so now you're stuck with her! Edit: Typo and removal of a smiley I didn't like. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: HaemishM on February 16, 2005, 02:07:20 PM GODDAMNIT COCKWHORESHITFUCKASS CUNTRAG
RAGE! Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: WayAbvPar on February 16, 2005, 02:22:46 PM Quote We have to use people like Jim Carrey to offset the damage done by the likes of Celine Dion and Alannis Morissette. See, to me, you are just digging your grave further. I hate Jim Carrey with the fire of a thousand suns. I wish Carrot Top, Gallagher, Sinbad, and Jim Carrey would all catch a flight togther Buddy Holly style. Alanis is whiney and annoying, so she should fit right in as an American broad. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Llava on February 16, 2005, 02:37:17 PM I like Jim Carrey, I just have a hard time figuring out why.
Though Eternal Sunshine was good. I think it's his public appearances that do it for me. Him having a conversation with Stephen Hawking on a cell phone while he was on Conan O'Brien was just classic. "I just finished watching Dumb and Dumber. You really are a genius." "No, you're the genius." "No, you are." "No, you." "No, you are." "No, you." "No, you are to infinity." Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: pants on February 16, 2005, 08:53:19 PM IMDB says
Quote According to the director at the 2004 Wizard World Convention in Chicago, the decision to make John Constantine American was made because Keanu Reeves was cast in the part and it was felt he couldn't play a convincing Brit. Here's a case of stating the bleeding obvious. My brain still hurts after seeing him in Dracula. And I so want Constantine to be good, but I know it will suck. Liverpudlian angst in damp London was part of the fun of the comic. Along with drinking lots of beer and smoking Silk Cut. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Signe on February 17, 2005, 05:43:29 AM It's probably a good decision, though it doesn't matter to me. He has yet to convince me of anything.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: MrHat on February 17, 2005, 07:10:15 AM It's probably a good decision, though it doesn't matter to me. He has yet to convince me of anything. Whatever, I'm convinced he can travel in time and space. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: stray on February 18, 2005, 05:37:17 PM So anyways, I just got back from seeing it....
Read Hellblazer instead :| Though I guess it's worth mentioning that the friend I went with said she enjoyed it. I'm not sure why, as I can't see how the movie version would make sense to anyone not familiar with either the comic or religious backstory. It was definitely a cool looking movie, but I thought script went nowhere, with just a little payoff towards the end. Surprisingly though, Keanu was actually good in it (no really, I mean it). Not exactly who I think of as John Constanine, but he was alright. Oh, and Tilda Swinton is hot. Even when she plays a guy. EDIT: Hmm...I'm not sure if "hot" is the right word for her...I'm not sure what it is. Something good though. EDIT: If this film makes money, you know which Vertigo title is coming next, right? /sigh Just like Hellblazer, it'll be too much to condense, I'm afraid. If they get Depp to play Jesse, Jared Harris as Cassidy, and Robert Rodriguez to direct, maybe that'll be enough to win me over. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: schild on February 18, 2005, 06:21:37 PM There are a handful of directors that could do Sandman.
There's only one direct that can do Transmet. Terry Gilliam plz now. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: stray on February 18, 2005, 06:43:12 PM Oh...Forgot the usual:
Theater or Rental? Constantine was the effort of a first time director, and I suspect much was cut against his will. If the DVD is a director's cut, I'd say wait for that. There's good performances all around, even from Keanu, but especially Swinton and Peter Stormare (Fargo). It's just that a lot of the story (and backstory) was glossed over. The film definitely has potential, so if there's more left to it, wait for them to put it back in. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: stray on February 18, 2005, 06:49:49 PM There's only one direct that can do Transmet. Terry Gilliam plz now. Or Alex Cox could do the Hunter film he was never allowed to finish. Either/Or. I think both would be great. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Llava on February 18, 2005, 09:29:08 PM If they made a Transmet movie, I would die. It would be a good death.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: schild on February 18, 2005, 09:30:14 PM When I wrote "direct" up there, I meant "directOR" but you already knew that, right? :oops:
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Viin on February 19, 2005, 05:19:51 PM Actually a pretty good flick, if you are into that sort of thing. Lots of hell, angles, demons, satan, catholic
Make sure you watch the previews carefully, you'll see Keanu in another movie acting just like Neo! Again! Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: stray on February 19, 2005, 05:55:35 PM Make sure you watch the previews carefully, you'll see Keanu in another movie acting just like Neo! Again! Hmm, I thought he played a good cynic/asshole, and was actually funny at times (and I'm saying this despite me not liking the movie). Nothing like Neo. Keanu made up for a lot of sins with Constantine imo (well, as far as Keanu is capable of doing that. Don't expect an Oscar worthy performance or anything). Not one "Whoa" throughout the entirety of the film either. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: SirBruce on February 19, 2005, 06:57:20 PM I think he's saying is, in the previews you'll see when you see Constantine, you'll see another movie which he stars in and in which he acts like Neo. Not that he acted like Neo in Constantine.
Bruce Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Viin on February 19, 2005, 08:17:59 PM I think he's saying is, in the previews you'll see when you see Constantine, you'll see another movie which he stars in and in which he acts like Neo. Not that he acted like Neo in Constantine. Yah sorry, that's what I meant. I do think he did a good job in Constantine. There's another movie coming out (A Scanner Darkly (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0405296/), a Philip K Dick book) where it seems (at least from the previews) that he acts like Neo. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: SirBruce on February 19, 2005, 08:44:01 PM Wow, according to the message board on that thread, aparrently there as a big dispute about whether or not this film was going to be delayed. Also, the trailer is attached to the Batman trailer and it is aparrently being shown at some theatres, but not others, as some theatres were told to cut it.
Bruce Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: HaemishM on February 21, 2005, 09:09:14 AM My theater did not have "A Scanner Darkly" in front of the movie.
I liked it a great deal, and this is coming from an old skool Constantine fan, from as far back as his first appearances in Swamp Thing when Alan Moore was writing him. IF, and for some this is a big if, you can get over the change in setting from England to LA, AND the changes in Chas's character, it's a good movie to watch. The Chas character, IMO, suffers the most from the transition, but it's acceptable. The imagery was well done, and the direction was, again IMO, superb. The things I noticed most were the framing of images, very often using the almost direct center of the screen to bisect the frame into equal halves, with some form of vertical element in the background to emphasize it. He also put a lot of little funny touches in the background, like a shot behind a walking zombie (who carried the Spear of Destiny) with a billboard in the background that said "Got Faith?" Really funny stuff. Reeves did good enough in the role, which is about all you can ask out of him. He's never going to give an Oscar-worthy performance, but he did "Bill and Ted" the role. Rachel Weisz is the hawtness. Tilda Swinton just doesn't do it for me, but played the role well. Gavin Rossdale (yes, from Bush) was a pleasant surprise as Balthazar. I think it's worth seeing in the theatre, because there's a lot of good effects spectacles, and a decent story. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Shockeye on February 21, 2005, 09:10:35 AM My wife and I are going to see Constantine tonight. If it sucks you will be to blame and I will demand a refund from you, Haemish.
You have been warned. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Paelos on February 21, 2005, 10:40:39 AM The NY Times said it was almost as dumb as "Van Helsing", but it fell short.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: HaemishM on February 21, 2005, 11:17:12 AM The NY Times said it was almost as dumb as "Van Helsing", but it fell short. In no way shape or form was it as stupid, vapid and worthless as that steaming pile of cinematic excrement. Whole clans of retarded children with two teeth in their entire collective heads give Van Helsing two doodies down. Constantine was much better than that. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: stray on February 21, 2005, 11:23:03 AM The NY Times said it was almost as dumb as "Van Helsing", but it fell short. In no way shape or form was it as stupid, vapid and worthless as that steaming pile of cinematic excrement. Whole clans of retarded children with two teeth in their entire collective heads give Van Helsing two doodies down. Constantine was much better than that. I'll at least agree on that. Not even close to that kind of bad. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Samwise on February 21, 2005, 11:27:27 AM I liked it. Keanu was really bad in some scenes, but you learn to just kinda tune him out.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Shockeye on February 21, 2005, 11:28:41 AM The NY Times said it was almost as dumb as "Van Helsing", but it fell short. In no way shape or form was it as stupid, vapid and worthless as that steaming pile of cinematic excrement. Whole clans of retarded children with two teeth in their entire collective heads give Van Helsing two doodies down. Constantine was much better than that. You make me sad. I own Van Helsing on DVD and quite enjoy it for what it is: mindless entertainment. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Ironwood on February 22, 2005, 02:12:04 AM You make me sad. I own Van Helsing on DVD and quite enjoy it for what it is: mindless entertainment. Van Helsing took mindlessness to new levels. I could quite literally see synapses and neurons being dragged out of my head and floating towards the cinema screen when I went. It was bad. It could only be worse if they'd cast The Count from Sesame Street. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Shockeye on February 22, 2005, 02:17:48 AM You make me sad. I own Van Helsing on DVD and quite enjoy it for what it is: mindless entertainment. Van Helsing took mindlessness to new levels. I could quite literally see synapses and neurons being dragged out of my head and floating towards the cinema screen when I went. It was bad. It could only be worse if they'd cast The Count from Sesame Street. You are a cinema snob. You and schild should room together so you can screw each other in the ass while quoting lines from Jim Jarmusch films. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: schild on February 22, 2005, 02:19:40 AM I'm not too keen on the screwing in the ass part, but you only wish you could quote lines from Coffee and Cigarettes.
Fucking Philistine. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: stray on February 22, 2005, 02:41:04 AM (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v231/lonestar627/Misc/phillistine.jpg) "What's a Philistine?" Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Signe on February 22, 2005, 05:22:07 AM Artsy Fartsy Film Snobbery ftw!!!
See, my sweet Erical lad... I'm not the only one who's noticed! :-P On a side note: I thought Van Helsing was poo, too. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Ironwood on February 22, 2005, 06:41:47 AM You are a cinema snob. You and schild should room together so you can screw each other in the ass while quoting lines from Jim Jarmusch films. You're not correct. One of my better cinema experiences was seeing Predator 2 for the first time. I'm by no means a cinema snob and, frankly, shouldn't even be put in the same sentence as Schild whom, I'm hoping, is actually going to grow up one of these days. Or possibly inherit some taste. :wink: Case in Point : I have no idea who the hell Jim whatshischops is. However, that doesn't negate the opinion: Van Helsing was a Baaaaaad movie. Really, really terrible. It didn't even make any internal sense. It was awful and the only reason I can think of anyone liking it is if they have a real thing for Jackman or Beckinsale. Hell, LXG was better and it scraped ! When it comes to music and films, I have a wide range of tastes - I'll usually like anything. But I know what I don't like.... Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Paelos on February 22, 2005, 07:27:45 AM Van Helsing was bad. You don't even have to know movies to know it was bad. If it was the only movie you ever saw, and you had nothing to compare it to ever, you could still proclaim it utter shite.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: HaemishM on February 22, 2005, 07:38:38 AM Jim Jaramusch is a boring art fag. I've been able to sit through one of his movies in all, the rest just made me fall asleep.
Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Signe on February 22, 2005, 07:43:25 AM You have to wonder about a lot of these movies. They spend a fortune on them but seem to neglect every thing but the glittery bits. The dialogs are wretched, there is hardly any character development (which I think is really important, especially in these comic book - fantasy sorts of films), and they must pay the directors to sit and drink coffee at the local Starbucks or something. I enjoyed the Spiderman and Batman films, for the most part, and it seems they spent a lot more attention to those things. Although many of them have adult content, the fact that the plots suck, the acting stinks and the dialogs are mostly inane witterings, seem to suggest they are either geared towards or created by small children who don't care for anything but shiny bits. I really enjoy the shiny, too, but it would be nice to have all the other bits along with them.
I don't envy the job that Haemish and the others have taken on. I notice that many times they save their reviews for the DvD release... even they don't want to spend any dosh on what they know will be a waste of popcorn money. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Llava on February 22, 2005, 02:39:41 PM I enjoyed the Spiderman and Batman films (http://us.ent4.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/warner_brothers/batman___robin/arnold_schwartzenegger/ourgovernor.jpg) I'm sure you didn't mean this one, though. Title: Re: Brunei, "Your film is no good for us." Keanu, "Whoa." Post by: Signe on February 22, 2005, 02:57:11 PM I enjoyed the Spiderman and Batman films (http://us.ent4.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/warner_brothers/batman___robin/arnold_schwartzenegger/ourgovernor.jpg) I'm sure you didn't mean this one, though. Heh... that is the one I didn't see. |