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Title: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 26, 2011, 02:18:22 PM
So, many of you (men and women) have tread this ground before.

Give me the benefit of your experience. What thing during the pregnancy or first couple of months of life do you wish you had known BEFORE it happened? There must be things you wish you had known about before they happened or said "Damn wish someone had warned me about that!"


Advice on choosing an OB/GYN or hospital.
Warnings about things to expect or prep for on the day of delivery.
Drugs? No drugs? Dolphin delivery in a pool? Under a tree with a druid?
Amazing things the wife did.
Things the husband should do or avoid doing as not to upset said wife.
Mistakes in decorating the nursery or in choosing furniture.
Did you use furniture or go the no furniture Montessori route?
Whats this whole Montessori thing?


I am your apprentice. You are my zen master of all things pregnancy. Teach me! For God's sake help me!  :grin:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Soln on July 26, 2011, 02:36:30 PM
Congrats!

I might say first of all to have people PM you the answers to some of those questions, because there are some topics (e.g. drugs,  sleep training, breast feeding) which new and expecting parents just go jihadi about.  You have been warned  :grin:

My two cents as a new Dad:
1. buy/rent a good breast pump early (ie. before baby arrives)
2. don't waste money on gourmet shit.  Ikea is your friend.
3. do invest in good BPA-free bottles
4. do SAVE MONEY BECAUSE IN THE US THERE IS NO TIME OFF FOR PARENTS (queue /Politics)
5. do bother to go to some new parent classes.  You will probably enjoy them.  And you will feel better being around other expecting parents.  And you can learn important things, honestly. And it will be something you and your partner can do together.
6. do learn about swaddling
7. do learn about sleep training, no matter what you end up doing
8. do get a Diaper Genie if you don't go the cloth and wash route (personal opinion, but they work -- no stink)
9. do not let your family, friends or strangers on the InterWeb scare you or make you feel unprepared or unworthy.  There is a whole crop of hyper-parents out there who buy too many books and over prepare.  You're not in competition.  Safety is first and after that you can decide what is possible.

On that last note, here are some highly recommended reads:
http://www.amazon.com/What-Expect-When-Youre-Expecting/dp/0761148574/
http://www.amazon.com/Your-Pregnancy-Week-6th/dp/0738211095/
http://www.amazon.com/Happiest-Baby-Block-Harvey-Karp/dp/0553381466/
http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156/
http://www.amazon.com/Brain-Rules-Baby-Raise-Smart/dp/0979777755/

EDIT:
10. get friendly help/relief.  You may feel you both do not need any intrusions the first week or month, but a few weeks after you bring baby home it's very helpful and healthy to have family/friends bring over some meals, watch baby, clean, get groceries... The first year/months are a marathon and the occassional break will help you and your partner.  The first year can be very hard on the mother (post-partum) and the couple, so take the occassional help if it's offered.  You can judge when it's too much.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: JWIV on July 26, 2011, 02:37:20 PM
Relax.  

If your area has mommy groups or local listservs, they're a great source of information  - http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/index.shtml is a good starting point if you're looking around.    

Once you figure out the Pediatrician you're going to use (and what hospitals they have rights to), I suggest you take the new parent class.  It covers a lot of whatever information, but does teach a few important things 1)What to do the day of delivery 2)gives you practice on driving to the hospital so you know where it is and 3)swaddling.  Swaddling is magic.  

Asking about birth methods and the like is inviting pain - people get their shit twisted about it like nothing else.  Do what works for you - your end goal is a healthy wife and a healthy baby - everything else is secondary.  Don't get so caught up on a birth plan that you forgot what you're trying to accomplish here.    Take this statement and double it when it comes to if you're planning on breastfeeding or formula.  

Every pregnancy is different every time.  With our first, it was easy outside of a few crazy mood swings.  The second, my wife was horribly sick/in pain for a lot of it, so I had to assume a lot of household functions.  Play it by ear.  Cravings, mood swings, hysterical crying are all normal.  Try not to laugh when your wife breaks out in a full body sob while watching a sappy commercial.  

I bought most of our nursery furniture off craigslist or local listserv's.  You could easily drop several grand for furniture that you'll be turning around and ditching in under 2 years.  Keep that in mind.  

no furniture montessori?  I know Montessori schools, but not entire sure what you're getting at otherwise, and you've got a bit of time for that.  Montessori schools are all about exploration and letting the child learn by doing - it's nice, but  :ye_gods: expensive.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Pennilenko on July 26, 2011, 02:39:04 PM
As far as pregnancy. Just be a man and listen to your women and meet her needs. Help out more. Keep your mouth shut and sympothise with her if she gets emotional. Every woman is different, the above are just guide lines. The listening part will save your ass though.

Because every woman is different every delivery is different except for one thing, it hurts. Here is another situation where listening to her and meeting her needs works wonders.

The best advice is literaly to listen to her and meet her needs.

When the baby comes if you havel istened to your wife and met her needs life is :yahoo: :yahoo:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Selby on July 26, 2011, 05:14:26 PM
Play it by ear.  Cravings, mood swings, hysterical crying are all normal.  Try not to laugh when your wife breaks out in a full body sob while watching a sappy commercial.
Definitely.  Hormonal mood fluctuations can be an utter bitch, and don't even try to blow it off as no big deal or her being unreasonable.

Other than that, be very supportive.  Listen to what she wants and help her out.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 26, 2011, 06:48:15 PM
no furniture montessori?  I know Montessori schools, but not entire sure what you're getting at otherwise, and you've got a bit of time for that.  

http://www.ehow.com/how-does_4882255_decorating-montessori-nursery-home.html

We had a friend who went a bit overboard? Literally the baby had a mattress on the floor. Although I guess its great for safety.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: JWIV on July 26, 2011, 07:25:51 PM
no furniture montessori?  I know Montessori schools, but not entire sure what you're getting at otherwise, and you've got a bit of time for that.  

http://www.ehow.com/how-does_4882255_decorating-montessori-nursery-home.html

We had a friend who went a bit overboard? Literally the baby had a mattress on the floor. Although I guess its great for safety.

We did the mattress on the floor bit, but that was when she was 1 1/2-2 and was threatening to climb out of her crib. 

As to the montessori nursey . . .  well, welcome to the insanity.  It's completely ridiculous, since your baby is going to spend most of its time eating or sleeping for the first 2-3 months, then it's eating, sleeping, attached to you for awhile after that.   But, the craziness hits us all -  you're responsible for a small proto-person and OH MY GOD WHAT IF YOU DO THE WRONG THING?!
 
Hence the birth of an entire overpriced industry dedicated to feeding into your worst fears and paranoia.



Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Viin on July 26, 2011, 07:38:51 PM
If she feels nauseous, have her try some Unisom.

Other than that, just take things as they come - no need to freak about things in advance that probably will never happen.

If interested, start looking at baby devices (highchairs, cribs, etc) and the current "best thing" for baby. Once you have the basic "best things" figured out (sleeping on back only, no pillows or sleeping with baby in the bed, etc) the rest is all opinion and conjecture. Go crazy or not. Personally, I find 'not' to be a lot less stressful.

Best advice I can give is: you get what you put into it.
If you want a low stress easy baby, be a low stress easy parent. If you want a high maintenance high stress baby, be a high maintenance high stress parent.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Salamok on July 26, 2011, 07:47:11 PM
A few points when considering drugs:
  • During the delivery there is a point of no return on getting an epidural, once you are past this it is no longer an option.
  • The older you are the more I would recommend drugs.
  • You really can't know for certain beforehand if a c-section is going to be needed.  If it is you are probably way better off if you have already opted for drugs.
As far as having a newborne goes, the first week is all omfg what did we get ourselves into? For us that feeling didn't go away until about the 6 week mark.  Once you hit the point where they wake up in the morning looking happier than you ever remember being in your entire life it becomes the singular most amazing journey/experience you can imagine.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Cheddar on July 26, 2011, 07:55:51 PM
A few points when considering drugs:
  • During the delivery there is a point of no return on getting an epidural, once you are past this it is no longer an option.

Don't be a hero.  I got a few kids... every wife regrets not starting off with one.[/list]


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Prospero on July 26, 2011, 08:18:24 PM
Buy something called a Miracle Blanket. It's like easy mode for swaddling and saved out asses in a big way. Go out and eat and watch movies and all that shit as much as possible now because it all goes away once the baby comes. Your new life will be more awesome than your current one, but you won't be seeing a first run movie/concert for awhile so live it up.

I think my only real piece of advice is parenting is hard, tiring, and super awesome. It may not seem like it, but everyone else has a hard time too. You'll both be awesome.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Trippy on July 26, 2011, 08:21:22 PM
Your new life will be more awesome than your current one
People say that but they are lying :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Prospero on July 26, 2011, 09:47:54 PM
Shhhhhhh! We have to give him hope.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: apocrypha on July 26, 2011, 10:08:51 PM
There is one important word of advice that covers all of this.

Relax.

 :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Arthur_Parker on July 27, 2011, 02:13:50 AM
Get as much sleep as you can now, you aren't going to believe how little you are going to get for the next few years.  First ten weeks is the worst, learn to change a nappy as soon as you can and don't let the kid sleep in the main bed.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Khaldun on July 27, 2011, 02:19:25 AM
Let's see.

1. Trust yourselves. This is more important after the baby is born than before. You will be surrounded by people (family, friends, medical experts, social workers, people on internet forums   :oh_i_see:) who will have lots of advice for you based on their own experience, on their professional practice, or on their semi-psychotic beliefs about what parents and children should be like. (You'd think only people who haven't had kids would be able to sustain crazy ideas about parenting, but it's not so. My brother defiantly kept up some of his beliefs about what he could reasonably expect of a toddler until he had his second kid and had been in my view really unpleasant at times to his first, and then he sort of threw in the towel and got real.)  If there comes a day when you have a feeling about what the right thing to do is, and "What to Expect in the First Year" is giving you advice that's different, go with your gut. If it's potentially a life-or-death decision, get a second opinion by all means, but if it's something like, "Should my kid be allowed to watch Baby Einstein" or "Do I really need to put a plastic plug cover in every single outlet in my house", trust your own judgment first and foremost.

Trust yourselves even in pregnancy. When my wife thought she was in labor (about three weeks early) we went to the hospital, because we sat at home for a while first and timed the seeming contractions. When we got there, the internist who came in was being a jerk and basically not believing she was in labor--for whatever reason, the machine they hooked her up to wasn't really picking up her contractions. We were more and more sure that she was (and the pain was getting pretty significant) so we eventually called the floor nurse in and asked for the drugs. The nurse was like, "Well, let me do the physical exam, because we're not even sure the baby is actually coming" and she was like hokey smokes you are almost fully dilated. Another thirty minutes and it would have been too late for the painkiller any way.

2. Beware of experts of various kinds who have extreme views on one or another aspect of pregnancy, birth and childhood pushing those views on you unless you're independently committed to the same thing for your own reason. We had a good experience with the pregnancy class our hospital/health system provided until it got to breast feeding, when they allowed a serious La Leche League zealot to take over the class (to the evident annoyance of the tough old nurse who ran the rest of it). She essentially spent two hours screaming at us all about how formula was only slightly less evil than Hitler, how "nipple confusion" would kill your child in minutes if you ever allowed your baby to even touch a bottle for the first two months (even with expressed breast milk) and so on. Well, we're reasonable enough people and you don't have to convince me on the basics of breast-is-best, but when you're sleep-deprived, confused, emotionally wrecked and your baby is having trouble breast-feeding at 3 a.m. at four weeks old, it's hard to remember what your reasonable conclusions were. This woman's shrillness made us afraid to do reasonable things even when we'd thought at the time she was nuts--it got in our heads. So when we finally made a sensible adaptation, which was for me to take a 3 a.m. feeding with formula so my wife could get some sleep, it was amazing to us how well it solved every problem. Our daughter still was primarily breast-fed, but now we all got more sleep, everybody felt better, and there was no "nipple confusion" or anything else like that. Again, use your own best judgment about things, and keep in mind that in the first two months, you will be feeling a kind of stress you've never felt before.

A similar issue: drugs or no drugs. Every woman is different, don't listen to the friend who had an easy experience without drugs or the person who insists that you have to have them no matter what. Judge your own pain tolerance and feelings about medicine.

3. Don't buy expensive cribs, strollers, etc. Don't buy secondhand cribs, though, either. Buy a good, solid, basic model of what you'll need. I'd say: a good basic stroller, a good basic crib, a light travel stroller. You'll need a diaper bag that's comfortable. I have no guilt about disposable diapers, go with those. The so-called diaper genie (basically a thing that lets you throw away diapers in a way that supposedly conceals their odor) was a stupid device that was difficult to operate. Go with throwing them in ordinary garbage and taking out the bags frequently. If you're going to breast feed, get a good, comfortable breast pump. Get a comfortable rocking chair for breast feeding. Don't spend a lot of money on things that are supposed to soothe cranky babies until you see whether you have a cranky baby and what exactly calms your baby down. It's as likely that your baby, if cranky, will be calmed down by something that isn't a product you buy in a baby store as otherwise. (At 2-4 months, my daughter mostly got calm only if I walked around the house with her and showed her pictures on the wall and stuff. Also for some reason the song "Salvation" by the Cranberries would calm her down.)  

4. Get as much sleep as you can in the last trimester. If both parents can get at least two months of leave after the baby's born that is really great--it is much easier to deal with when you're both available 24 hours to handle the stress. If you like your parents, totally totally welcome your mother(s) or father(s) to be around if they can some time in the first month or two. My mother and my mother-in-law actually helped a lot in all sorts of ways, to an extent that really surprised me. Brings out the best in a lot of people.

5. The dirty secret that parents don't tell you is that the first three months of parenting are really really boring and stressful. Babies are at that point just little biological machines that poop, eat, scream and sleep. They have zero human responsiveness or emotion beyond that. You feel desperately responsible for them and desperately afraid of what might go wrong and desperately needy yourself for comfort, relief, sleep, etc. but you won't get the relational connection to the little bio-machine that you might have expected until that day when your baby actually begins to recognizably respond to you as a parent. The first smile you get that isn't just a facial contortion because of gas is the best fucking thing in the world, and from that point on, you have a strong motivation for everything that follows.

6. There is no way to not say the wrong thing at some point during labor. The partner's job on some level is to be a target. You're allowed to dodge thrown objects, though. I did like how my wife went from "This is the worst thing we've ever done, fucking hell, why did we decide to do this, FUCK FUCK FUCK" just before the epidural to "Oh, wow, we should have another baby, don't you think?" after it.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Setanta on July 27, 2011, 02:46:30 AM
Lots of good stuff in the above. All I can add is

Don't listen to other parents when they tell you how easy the pregnancy is or how wonderful their kids are. It's complete and utter bullcrap that will often make your partner feel worse about herself.

If she even considers the big E then don't talk her out of it.

At a young age, don't let them get caught up in technology - sure it's the new world but as a teacher, I'm seeing kids as young as 5 destroying their lives with it. You don't need a WoW addict as a kid and it does happen :( One of my teenagers hit this stage and I think I preferred her falling out of trees and breaking arms than that shit.

Never give up a moment with your child - they grow up too fast and there is nothing more important than time with them.

I have 5 kids (2 relationships) between 20 and 3 and regardless of the highs and lows of their lives, they are the best part of my life. Make your kid the best part of your family and your life.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Arthur_Parker on July 27, 2011, 02:50:50 AM
At a young age, don't let them get caught up in technology - sure it's the new world but as a teacher, I'm seeing kids as young as 5 destroying their lives with it. You don't need a WoW addict as a kid and it does happen :( One of my teenagers hit this stage and I think I preferred her falling out of trees and breaking arms than that shit.

That's good advice imho, my 10 year old nephew plays games all the time and my parents and sister don't understand why I won't buy my daughter "educational" PC games.  She'll be be into all that when she's a teenager no matter what I think, no sense rushing it.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Salamok on July 27, 2011, 06:52:51 AM
Don't ever have a kid to save your marriage but a cool benefit is you are now about to have something in common with your spouse that you are both insanely passionate about, it pretty much becomes an endless topic of conversation that the 2 of you never get tired of.

edit: oh yeah I'll go ahead and throw in my vote on the pro-diaper genie side, we had 2 the 1st one was difficult to change out but the second one (conveniently branded as the Diaper Genie 2) was much better, the smell containment is way better than a garbage bag.  You really don't want to have to run a smelly bag out to the trash at 3am.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Ghambit on July 27, 2011, 07:08:01 AM
I'm waiting for the artificial womb to be legal before I have kids.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Numtini on July 27, 2011, 08:18:50 AM
Trust yourselves and keep it as simple as possible. There's a huge industry devoted to making pregnancy seem terrifying (What to Expect is notorious on this) and to sell you crap you don't need.



Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: RhyssaFireheart on July 27, 2011, 08:19:57 AM
Don't ever have a kid to save your marriage but a cool benefit is you are now about to have something in common with your spouse that you are both insanely passionate about, it pretty much becomes an endless topic of conversation that the 2 of you never get tired of.

edit: oh yeah I'll go ahead and throw in my vote on the pro-diaper genie side, we had 2 the 1st one was difficult to change out but the second one (conveniently branded as the Diaper Genie 2) was much better, the smell containment is way better than a garbage bag.  You really don't want to have to run a smelly bag out to the trash at 3am.

Just don't become those parents who think everyone else wants to hear every little minute detail about the baby's development.  No, we really don't need to know the consistency, frequency and appearance of your child's elimination habits.  Remember you're fully functioning adults and able to talk about other topics when necessary.  


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 27, 2011, 09:28:53 AM
Okay some of this stuff I knew because of other reading habits, such as, not letting the baby sleep on their stomach or in bed with you (SIDS).

But WTF is swaddling? Ive heard this word used in connection with bible stories of Christmas and thats about it.

Good advice on saving money on the baby furniture! I would have probably gone overboard and bought the most expensive hard carved sustainably harvested wood shit money can buy.
Stroller. We probably will go overboard. My wife and I are active runners so we will probably get a running stroller and it seems those tend to be expensive.

Breast feeding versus formula. Not knowing a whole lot about either I guess from what I have read I tend toward neutral ground. I can see the health benefits of using primarily breast milk, but dont think formula is going to kill the baby if we need to use it on occasions. Although I confess Im confused by mothers/people who use ONLY formula and refuse to breast feed their kids.

Diaper Genie. Is that the plastic garbage pail thing with the roll of bags in it? You drop the diaper in, twist the top, and it seals the diaper in its on section of the plastic bag or something similar? My sister in law had one for my niece who I would care for frequently. It seemed to work okay.  Thought on fabric versus disposable? What about fabric around the house and disposable on the go?

Most importantly I haven't read to much on anyone's advice on doctors and hospitals (choosing them? things to watch out for?) and things to do DURING the pregnancy (rubbing vitamin e on the belly help? working out during pregnancy?). I would LOVE to get more of that. We dont have a doctor or hospital chosen yet and I imagine that will be the first hurdle we need to cross.

Thanks for all the advice thus far!!  :grin: :heart:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Viin on July 27, 2011, 09:40:12 AM
For a doc, find someone who really liked their OB/GYN and use them, even if it's a little bit out of the way. However, docs are usually associated to 1-2 hospitals in the area so you will have to deliver at one of those locations. If you were in Denver I'd have some recommendations, but I have none outside of this area.

As for hospitals, I think they are all pretty much the same, but you can take tours of the maternity ward if you care that much. The only thing I would insist on is private rooms. A place for you to sleep in the room would be a bonus.

We love our fabric diapers they are very easy and easy on the kid's bottom. We use Rump-a-rooz: http://rumparooz.com/
We use them even out and about, just carry an extra one or two with you and a stink/water proof bag to put the soiled ones in.
We do use disposables when on vacation or if we will be away from a washing machine for 24hrs.
I don't think we really started using fabric until she was 2 months, but that was mostly 'cause she was a preemie and a bit small to fit in the one-size-fits-all-but-snaps-smaller rump-a-rooz.

If you can find a boutique baby store, they may do what one of ours does: for $25 you take home 5 different types of fabric diapers and get to try them out. Keep the ones you want, return the others after cleaning and then buy 20+ of the ones you like.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Khaldun on July 27, 2011, 09:53:37 AM
Keep in mind with Ob/Gyn that you really want to feel somewhat comfortable with all the docs in the practice--because your preferred OB might not the person available when labor starts.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Rasix on July 27, 2011, 09:56:49 AM
Okay some of this stuff I knew because of other reading habits, such as, not letting the baby sleep on their stomach or in bed with you (SIDS).

But WTF is swaddling? Ive heard this word used in connection with bible stories of Christmas and thats about it.

Good advice on saving money on the baby furniture! I would have probably gone overboard and bought the most expensive hard carved sustainably harvested wood shit money can buy.
Stroller. We probably will go overboard. My wife and I are active runners so we will probably get a running stroller and it seems those tend to be expensive.

Breast feeding versus formula. Not knowing a whole lot about either I guess from what I have read I tend toward neutral ground. I can see the health benefits of using primarily breast milk, but dont think formula is going to kill the baby if we need to use it on occasions. Although I confess Im confused by mothers/people who use ONLY formula and refuse to breast feed their kids.

Diaper Genie. Is that the plastic garbage pail thing with the roll of bags in it? You drop the diaper in, twist the top, and it seals the diaper in its on section of the plastic bag or something similar? My sister in law had one for my niece who I would care for frequently. It seemed to work okay.  Thought on fabric versus disposable? What about fabric around the house and disposable on the go?

Most importantly I haven't read to much on anyone's advice on doctors and hospitals (choosing them? things to watch out for?) and things to do DURING the pregnancy (rubbing vitamin e on the belly help? working out during pregnancy?). I would LOVE to get more of that. We dont have a doctor or hospital chosen yet and I imagine that will be the first hurdle we need to cross.

Thanks for all the advice thus far!!  :grin: :heart:

For swaddling, we used the "SwaddleMe". Swaddling is bundling them up in a blanket and you wrap them up tight with either their arms pinned to their side or out. The SwaddleMe make it easier to do, but you can use any blanket for this really.  It keeps them pretty calm and helped a lot with our son and sleeping initially.  He wasn't a collicky, but he was still a fairly fussy baby early on and swaddling helped a lot.

Diaper Genies are great.  It drops the diaper into a bag and then when closed it closes off the bag area.  Does a pretty decent job of eliminating the smell.  At some point you want to only be putting wet diapers and not shitty diapers in it.  I don't remember when we instituted the "poop goes directly to the can outside" policy, but that became necessary once his leavings started smelling worse.

I wouldn't use cloth diapers if you paid me.  Disposables have been doing fine for me.  I don't want anything more to do with his shit and piss than I have to. You do batches of laundry everyday even without that.  If you go disposable, get the good stuff. Don't cheap out and get Luvs or something.

edit:
As for breast feeding, do it for as long as you can.  You may have trouble with it, but it's worth it.  My wife had to stop when she had to go back on certain meds, but she wishes she could have done it for longer.

Buy lots of burp cloths.  Generic cloth diapers work great for this.  

Also, a simple sleep positioner will keep them on their backs pretty reliably.  Once they start getting out of their swaddle and move out of the sleep positioner, then it's pretty much out of your hands.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: JWIV on July 27, 2011, 09:56:53 AM
Okay some of this stuff I knew because of other reading habits, such as, not letting the baby sleep on their stomach or in bed with you (SIDS).

But WTF is swaddling? Ive heard this word used in connection with bible stories of Christmas and thats about it.

Stroller. We probably will go overboard. My wife and I are active runners so we will probably get a running stroller and it seems those tend to be expensive.


Think baby burrito.   You take a blanket, fold it a few times, and you end up with a snugly wrapped baby.  It does wonders for soothing newborns.

Check your insurance for well-mom/baby programs.  Some will help subsidize or reimburse part of the cost of a variety of items (we for instance got $300 back for our stroller because it was a jogging stroller).  

As for breast feeding - breast is best.  We tried breast feeding twice, but the wife's milk production just wasn't there, so we had to switch over to formula.  


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Merusk on July 27, 2011, 09:57:47 AM
Okay some of this stuff I knew because of other reading habits, such as, not letting the baby sleep on their stomach or in bed with you (SIDS).

But WTF is swaddling? Ive heard this word used in connection with bible stories of Christmas and thats about it.

I just heard recently SIDS is 90% of the time people forgetting or ignoring #1 & #2 and suffocating the child.   Even baby bumpers are a bad idea.  If you're paranoid about jr. bumping their head or shoving a hand/ foot through the bars, get a solid-sided plastic bassinet.

Swaddling is tightly-wrapped blankets.  Meant to keep an infant from moving or twisting about and simulate the tightness of the womb.

I'm a huge proponent of breast feeding.  Time and again studies have shown how beneficial it is for the child.  Even if you only maintain it for 6 months, it's better than not doing it at all.  I've seen some women try to make it a "you're just reinforcing stereotypes/ patriarchy" thing at times, but uh..  gee, I'll let Mother Nature know what a sexist she is.  :oh_i_see:  

That is indeed what the Diaper Genie is.  Emptying it you get a roll of diaper sausage.  It's amusing every time you empty it.  The newer models (DG 2) are apparently easier to use and have scented liners that help a lot.

Fabrics vs Disposables is an argument you'll never hear the end of.  Decide which ones you like, they're both horrible for the environment.  Fabrics because of the laundering chemicals & water waste, disposables because of plastics in the landfill. (though supposedly disposables are better these days as they use plastics that rot.)

We went with disposables because they're easy to replace when you're out and just easier all around to work with. Get a sams/ costco card and buy there. Ditto formula if you go that route.

Most of all, listen to yourself and your wife's instincts on things.  Don't let a doctor override you just because you think he knows best.  There's been lots of pushes to streamline and institutionalize what's a natural process.  Things happen at their own pace, and so long as there's no problems you shouldn't be pushed into anything you're uncomfortable with.  Most notably C-sections and inducing.    

Don't Panic.  Remember, people are built to do this.  They've done it for 10,000 years, most of it without specialists to help things along.  The specialists are there to make sure the baby and your wife don't die or suffer ill effects from complications, that's about it.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Arthur_Parker on July 27, 2011, 09:58:51 AM
Okay some of this stuff I knew because of other reading habits, such as, not letting the baby sleep on their stomach or in bed with you (SIDS).

The reason I said not to let the baby into the main bed isn't because of SIDS, though that's something you worry about for a while, it's because you are establishing a pattern of behaviour that's a pain in the arse to break.  My Mrs endlessly complained about about lack of sleep but didn't have the will to break the cycle for nearly 4 years.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Merusk on July 27, 2011, 10:01:01 AM
At least she finally broke it.   I had a co-worker who had continued to let his 7-year-old twins enter the room to sleep with he and his wife every night.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: apocrypha on July 27, 2011, 10:01:06 AM
Just don't become those parents who think everyone else wants to hear every little minute detail about the baby's development.  No, we really don't need to know the consistency, frequency and appearance of your child's elimination habits.  Remember you're fully functioning adults and able to talk about other topics when necessary.  

Oh GOD this a thousand times over. I love my friends, I love my family, I think their kids are great and am very happy for them. But for ~10 years now the single dominant topic of conversation amongst 90% of them has been their kids and I am bored to fucking tears with it.

Thank fuck for the remaining 10% who either, like me, have decided they don't want kids or who (and this is rare) have managed to do what Rhyssa advises.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Numtini on July 27, 2011, 10:17:11 AM
Swaddling is wrapping a newborn very tightly into a little bundle so they can't move their arms and legs. It is guaranteed 100% to make them calm and go to sleep or so said the nurses. Nora couldn't stand being swaddled and would wriggle loose and wail. She still hates being constricted in any way. Swaddling is one of those things that has gone in and out of fashion. If it works, it's great. If your baby doesn't like it, in the current maternal-political climate, it is very very much in fashion and you will be told your baby does like it despite all evidence to the contrary. They make some weird little blanket things that fold up into a swaddle and make the whole thing easier. Or you can just do a tuck with a baby blanket.

We never considered cloth here because they're bad for our local environment--we have water issues with phosphorous and nitrogen so incinerating disposables off Cape is way better than washing cloth on cape.

On spending a lot on furniture. My coworker was pregnant the same time my partner was and she and her husband went insane decorating the nursery. They painted the entire room lavender and pink, had a flowery runner around the top, had matching linens and even repainted furniture to match the pink motif and even hand painted their daughter's name on everything. Unfortunately their OB missed something on the ultrasound, namely their son's penis. God help them repainting with a newborn.

Good call on spending on the stroller though. This is something that is a big deal and makes your life a lot easier as it opens up options.

For hospitals, they'll let you tour their facilities. We only had two options and one was very plain jane hospital rooms while the other had hotel like birthing suites. Machines that go bing hidden behind panels when not in use, separate beds for partners, dvd players, wi-fi, etc. and an on-floor mini-kitchen with snacks including a 24 hour espresso machine. That was a no brainer and it made the experience a lot more pleasant.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Trippy on July 27, 2011, 10:28:31 AM
As for breast feeding, do it for as long as you can.  You may have trouble with it, but it's worth it.
Yes I expect he will have trouble breast feeding the baby. :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: JWIV on July 27, 2011, 11:02:33 AM
As for breast feeding, do it for as long as you can.  You may have trouble with it, but it's worth it.
Yes I expect he will have trouble breast feeding the baby. :why_so_serious:


(http://laughingsquid.com/wp-content/uploads/nursing-baby.jpg)


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Khaldun on July 27, 2011, 11:08:38 AM
Ok, sounds like the newer Diaper Genies work better, go for it. The old ones (9 years ago or so) really really sucked.

One thing we *did* spend on for our daughter's room that turned out well was a painting--kind of by accident we ran into a woman who did these great color paintings for kids, around when our daughter was 2 or so. She could say the five animals she wanted in the painting and it really turned out beautifully, kind of an heirloom painting at this point that's really given her room a consistent feeling in two houses. Don't spend for stuff kids will outgrow beyond what's safe and usable, but stuff that will be around for a while is worth a bit more.

Another area where you'll get shitloads of conflicting advice is sleep training past eight months or so. All I can say is that we tried a rigorous Ferberization and it didn't take, plus we hated the whole thing. Even Ferber thinks people overdid it following his advice now, apparently.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Merusk on July 27, 2011, 11:14:22 AM
Your last line reinforces a good point that most people miss.  Particularly anyone educated, as educated people tend to take advice as writ and law.

It's ONLY advice. You have to do what works for your family and your child.  Your kid is a little person.  It's going to have its own personality, character and habits. Yes, even straight out of the womb.  Kids are not the blank slates some like to think of them as.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Paelos on July 27, 2011, 11:22:02 AM
Get this onesey.

(http://images5.cpcache.com/product/noob-nerd-geek/275094975v3_225x225_Front.jpg)


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sheepherder on July 27, 2011, 11:36:49 AM
Although I confess Im confused by mothers/people who use ONLY formula and refuse to breast feed their kids.

It's so that when they grow up and people ask them why they're such an asshole that they can truthfully claim they were never breast fed.

Also, apparently Baby Einstein makes your kid retarded.  I loled.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Ingmar on July 27, 2011, 11:53:30 AM
My advice is, take every single piece of advice you get with extreme suspicion that it might be full of shit.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Arthur_Parker on July 27, 2011, 11:59:40 AM
That's true but I think teaching a 4 year old girl to talk like a pirate is always worth the time investment.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 27, 2011, 12:13:29 PM
At least she finally broke it.   I had a co-worker who had continued to let his 7-year-old twins enter the room to sleep with he and his wife every night.

Oh fuck that. That will NEVER happen in my house.
I like my sleep.
I like sex.
I sleep in the nude.



Merusk, what was that bit about doctors trying to pressure you into c-sections or inducing? How do you know when its pressure because they want to move on to the next patient and your fifteen minutes with them are over, or its "holy shit we need to induce now!" ?

On spending a lot on furniture. My coworker was pregnant the same time my partner was and she and her husband went insane decorating the nursery. They painted the entire room lavender and pink, had a flowery runner around the top, had matching linens and even repainted furniture to match the pink motif and even hand painted their daughter's name on everything. Unfortunately their OB missed something on the ultrasound, namely their son's penis. God help them repainting with a newborn.

We talked while I was dying in the hospital. We both decided we want it to be a surprise. So our baby is getting something gender neutral like leaf green.

Is it okay to go more expensive on cribs if they are the convertible kind that they can use as beds as toddlers? Like this one which comes in sour apple green and converts to a bed.
http://www.rosenberryrooms.com/345-mix-two-tone-built-to-grow-crib.html
http://www.rosenberryrooms.com/143-blu-panel-crib-in-wheat.html

Looking at sustainable and environmentally friendly options, Im genuinely surprised no one in the US is doing more with cardboard nursery furniture.


These are awesome if you wanted to do a LOTR motif nursery. Only $5k per piece.  :awesome_for_real:
http://lrstudiofurniture.com/Pages/collectionpage.html


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 27, 2011, 12:19:38 PM
Another area where you'll get shitloads of conflicting advice is sleep training past eight months or so. All I can say is that we tried a rigorous Ferberization and it didn't take, plus we hated the whole thing. Even Ferber thinks people overdid it following his advice now, apparently.

Is that what you do with puppies? They cry at night. You take them out to pee/poop. They cry more when you put them back in the kennel but you just gut it out until they fall asleep?
Cause that sucked. But at least Im prepared.


That's true but I think teaching a 4 year old girl to talk like a pirate is always worth the time investment.

I have that accomplishment checked off. Had pirate day while babysitting a friend's four year old daughter. They said their kid spoke that way for the following week or so afterwards.
Teaching her that women are referred to as "wenches" by pirates, got me crossed off the baby sitting list when she used that one on her mom.  :grin:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Rasix on July 27, 2011, 12:24:20 PM
Your last line reinforces a good point that most people miss.  Particularly anyone educated, as educated people tend to take advice as writ and law.

It's ONLY advice. You have to do what works for your family and your child.  Your kid is a little person.  It's going to have its own personality, character and habits. Yes, even straight out of the womb.  Kids are not the blank slates some like to think of them as.


Yep.  My wife tended to put too much faith in the books/advice. A lot of what's written in these books won't apply to your kid at all, in good ways and in bad.

Sleep was an issue that was tricky for us.  It's always been hard to put my son to bed.  Kid sleeps like a rock though, and has moved back to doing 11-12 hours a night uninterupted.  So, I guess whatever we do works.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Salamok on July 27, 2011, 12:30:04 PM
Merusk, what was that bit about doctors trying to pressure you into c-sections or inducing? How do you know when its pressure because they want to move on to the next patient and your fifteen minutes with them are over, or its "holy shit we need to induce now!" ?

You can tell they are pressuring you into a c-section when then schedule you for one before she even goes into labor (some friends of ours had this happen to accommodate the doctors vacation schedule).  Most of the time our doctor wasn't even there so I can't imagine her schedule mattered one bit.  At one point about 3 hours into labor they told us the baby's heart rate was getting a bit erratic/kid was getting worn out and appeared to be stuck and they recommended a c-section.  My wife went ahead and opted for the c-section at this point figuring she had been pushing to no avail for 2-3 hours, in retrospect she wishes she had been able to just get a c-section from the get go.  I was a bit surprised by how much they had me assist during the natural labor portion, tbh I was doing things I'd rather not have and spent most of the time wishing I was at the head of the bed instead of the foot.

edit - o yeah once you start the kid on formula it can be tough to get them back on breast milk, bouncing back and forth between the two isn't always as easy as you would think.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: ghost on July 27, 2011, 12:30:10 PM
Here's a couple of things that we've done that I like.

1.  Baby led weaning (http://www.babyledweaning.com/)-  It rocks.  Not only are you feeding your baby something besides the shit they put in baby food, but they are working on their dexterity and (here's the shocker) you can actually eat at restaurants because the kid is busy eating too.  

2. No TV until age 2 (at a minimum)-  the child mind isn't really ready for the fast pace of television at any level.  

3.  Baby wearing-  get yourself a carrier.  They're great.

4.  Co-sleeping-  decreases the chances of SIDS and also helps with not having to get up at all hours of the night.  It's really only dangerous if you or the wife tend to drink till you pass out.  

5.  Breast feeding-  I do't personally do this (edit:  my wife does   :awesome_for_real:), but there is a ton of evidence that this is a great thing for the kiddos.  Of course not everyone can do it, but the immune factors alone make it worth doing, not to mention the orthodontic benefits.  


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 27, 2011, 12:39:45 PM
Merusk, what was that bit about doctors trying to pressure you into c-sections or inducing? How do you know when its pressure because they want to move on to the next patient and your fifteen minutes with them are over, or its "holy shit we need to induce now!" ?

You can tell they are pressuring you into a c-section when then schedule you for one before she even goes into labor (some friends of ours had this happen to accommodate the doctors vacation schedule).  Most of the time our doctor wasn't even there so I can't imagine her schedule mattered one bit.  At one point about 3 hours into labor they told us the baby's heart rate was getting a bit erratic/kid was getting worn out and appeared to be stuck and they recommended a c-section.  My wife went ahead and opted for the c-section at this point figuring she had been pushing to no avail for 2-3 hours, in retrospect she wishes she had been able to just get a c-section from the get go.  I was a bit surprised by how much they had me assist during the natural labor portion, tbh I was doing things I'd rather not have and spent most of the time wishing I was at the head of the bed instead of the foot.

edit - o yeah once you start the kid on formula it can be tough to get them back on breast milk, bouncing back and forth between the two isn't always as easy as you would think.

See thats good advice on the milk/formula thing because I wouldnt have known its hard to bounce back and forth and would have fallen into the trap. So get the breast machine and stick with milk.

Anyone got any other horror stories on docs or hospitals? Again just things to watch out for?


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Numtini on July 27, 2011, 12:49:50 PM
We drifted into cosleeping when we fell asleep before putting her back in the bassinet. It really works for us. Being an "other mother" it also made me feel a lot closer to her, I imagine it's the same for dads.

Spendy on a crib? If you want to spend that much on a crib, that's up to you. But you can get almost the same thing from Ikea for like $200. Contemplate how much the kid is going to care and how many people are going to visit the room its in.

And people get all competitive and they lie lie lie about their kids' milestones. There was a study that showed like 50% of kids were sleeping through the night at x months and 80% of parents claimed their kids slept through the night at that age. This kind of petty stuff comes up for me a lot with people popping into my cubicle for 2 minutes to chitter chat. Ignore them.



Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Rasix on July 27, 2011, 01:01:18 PM

And people get all competitive and they lie lie lie about their kids' milestones. There was a study that showed like 50% of kids were sleeping through the night at x months and 80% of parents claimed their kids slept through the night at that age. This kind of petty stuff comes up for me a lot with people popping into my cubicle for 2 minutes to chitter chat. Ignore them.


Oddly enough, I haven't really encountered that with work.  Most people here are brutally honestly about their children.  Faults and all.

A coworker and I disabused one of our other coworker's ideas about fatherhood over lunch today.  Guy is probably scheduling a vasectomy at the moment.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Paelos on July 27, 2011, 01:49:19 PM
Don't listen to anyone about your children. Raise them in a felt box.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Yegolev on July 27, 2011, 01:54:59 PM
The single, more important thing I wish I had known ahead of time was:
Chill the fuck out.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Viin on July 27, 2011, 02:20:24 PM
2. No TV until age 2 (at a minimum)-  the child mind isn't really ready for the fast pace of television at any level.  

I agree with this, but it's harder than you think.

The only thing I let my kid watch is the sign language video that went with her sign language class (which is great, totally do it - she can sign a ton of things now). I *tried* to get her interested in Curious George during a plane trip to Oregon last week, but she really wasn't interested.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Rasix on July 27, 2011, 02:44:10 PM
The single, more important thing I wish I had known ahead of time was:
Chill the fuck out.

Yah, I was a bit too high strung for a too long during the first year and a half.  More relaxed now, but it's always something I have to work on.

My son likes a few shows (Super Why, Max and Ruby, and Yo Gabba Gabba is hit and miss) , but doesn't really watch much TV.  Mostly it's impossible for him to sit still, which negates the opportunity to watch anything.  Loves YouTube, and we watch something for about 20 minutes every night, which helps him calm down before bed.   Yep, bad parent  :awesome_for_real: but he likes it and most of is somewhat educational. 


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: ghost on July 27, 2011, 02:54:35 PM
I don't think short stretches of videos are a big deal once they hit two years.  The quick paced changes and repetitive lighting, particularly with commercials, is what I think is bad for the under two crowd.  Also (as Viin noted) my kid seems much less interested in TV now.  If we have it on for something (like the Tour de France) he could generally care less.  We do let him watch some Thomas videos, which seem pretty harmless.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Yegolev on July 27, 2011, 03:14:59 PM
Thomas does seem harmless, doesn't it?

We opted for "funny cat videos" and it's been downhill since.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Prospero on July 27, 2011, 03:34:37 PM
We've definitely watched our fair share of YouTube videos. it started out with just animal videos (the Cincinnati Zoo has an awesome channel) but we've branched out to people on trampolines, homemade Thomas videos, and Top Gear.  :drill:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: angry.bob on July 27, 2011, 03:35:07 PM
Having just had our second kid 6 months ago as well as just finishing up my OB clinical rotaions here's my advice:

1) When her water breaks there's no need at all to freak out. labor might still be days away. Her water might break and she won't realize it. It's not at all like it's portrayed. When the water breaks you should still go to the hospital as the baby'as no longer in a sterile environment.

2) Get an epidural. Seriously. Unless she's had a fully inflated football shoved up her she can't fathom the pain she in for. And even if she has it's not the full picture since the football has pointy ends.

3) They'll make you leave the room while they're putting the epidural catheter in. Don't freak out or argue. Just leave the room, but stay close. My latest kid was literally born in the time it took me to go to the hospital lobby for Starbucks and to read the cartoons and letters in Time. or Life. Whatever.

4) As has been said before. Support your wife and try to do whatever she wants/needs. Happy moms with reduced stress make happy fetuses and babies.

Afterwards:

1) Her and the baby are going to sleep more than you think is possible for about a week. Enjoy it, it's the most peace and free time you're going to have untile they leave the house as adults.

Much more to say, esp. about gear and furniture but I have to go...


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Polysorbate80 on July 27, 2011, 03:54:28 PM
We drifted into cosleeping when we fell asleep before putting her back in the bassinet. It really works for us. Being an "other mother" it also made me feel a lot closer to her, I imagine it's the same for dads.

I hated it at first with our first child, and couldn't wait to get her moved out into a crib.

That crib wound up never being used, and went into storage somewhere.  We never even hauled it out for the second child, who at 2 1/2 is still sleeping with us.  Passing out/waking up with the little tot snuggled in next to you is a pretty darn good feeling, tbh.

(A king-sized bed definitely helps, though.)


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Rasix on July 27, 2011, 04:03:14 PM
Brave man.  Kid hasn't slept with us a single day.  Dude wiggles around like he's got ants in his pants. Earlier you could put him in one corner of the crib for the night and the next morning he'd be in the opposite corner facing the other direction.  He's slept in positions I'd call "faceplant".

Just wouldn't work with us.  Plus, I'm unwilling to change that much.  My gaming time comes when everyone is knocked out and I'd rather not wake him up. 

I think the progression went:  sleeping on dad, in car seat, in swing for about 6 weeks -->  bassinet until he was too big --> crib  --> no plan for bed yet.  I'd rather not give him the option right now.  He's too strong willed/stubborn and would never sleep if that were an option. 



Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 27, 2011, 04:09:35 PM
Is putting baby to sleep face down on your chest while watching a movie less dangerous than putting the baby to sleep face down in crib is?
Cause Im looking forward to that as a dad.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Rasix on July 27, 2011, 04:13:31 PM
Is putting baby to sleep face down on your chest while watching a movie less dangerous than putting the baby to sleep face down in crib is?
Cause Im looking forward to that as a dad.

Well, I could watch/feel him breathe, so he was doing good.  :awesome_for_real: I miss it a little.   It's more like their face is sideways resting on your chest.  It's pretty awesome.

I watched an entire season of Entourage with my son sleeping on me.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Prospero on July 27, 2011, 04:21:23 PM
I can't remember which of the multitude of things I read that said having the baby sleep face down on a parent's chest doesn't increase the chance of SIDS the way sleeping in a crib does because your breathing encourages the baby to breathe as well. It's pretty much of the best things ever for an hour or so. Less so after five hours.  :ye_gods:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Merusk on July 27, 2011, 04:39:20 PM
Plus you're not typically fully horizontal when the kid's on you, so they're not having to fight the full weight of their body to breathe.

It's not as fun when they weigh 70 pounds and still lean on you to sleep on the sofa.. but you still get a kick out of it.

They didn't make me leave when they gave my wife the epi.  Quite the opposite, in fact, as I was the one given the job of "make sure she doesn't sit up or she'll paralyze herself."

I enjoyed torturing my wife when she was in labor.. but we have that kind of relationship.  The meter would spike and she'd say "Oh!" and I'd say "oh, c'mon that one wasn't nearly as high on the meter as the one you just grunted at."    I also waved a Dr. Pepper (her favorite drink) in her face with the first as she was grumbling about sipping only water.

The universe, however, got me back when I heard the epistiotomy.  I can still hear it in my nightmares.  No, really. *shudder*

Sand:  We had one of those cribs. (Well the ones they can't sell now that the side folded down.)  It was great.  We used it for both kids until the age of 5, so we got 10 years of use out of it.  We'd still be using it if we'd had more kids.  Much prefer it to the whole bassinet/ crib/ toddler bed/ twin bed path.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Yegolev on July 27, 2011, 04:55:22 PM
Is putting baby to sleep face down on your chest while watching a movie less dangerous than putting the baby to sleep face down in crib is?
Cause Im looking forward to that as a dad.

This is why you get one of those strap-on baby carriers.  For movies and games, a forward-oriented baby is best.  I played video games with my son strapped to me and, well, he's looking to be at least as big a game dork as I am.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Yegolev on July 27, 2011, 05:11:19 PM
Since I don't have a PC anymore, my wife wandered by and saw this.  She wanted to elaborate on my terse suggestion.

Making rules like "no sugar" and "no TV" are a trap.  Just be moderate and play it by ear.  Parents who set up these rules are inevitably faced with a situation in which they have to either be a jerk or rescind the decree.  Either one of those is bad, so be cool about everything.  Sometimes soda is OK, sometimes TV is fine, sometimes a four hour marathon of Kirby's Epic Yarn is also fine.  Make rules that matter about things that matter.  Tailored to your little person, also.

My wife has a friend that made a "no PG movie" rule and now the poor girl can't watch any of the later Harry Potter movies.  She refuses to rescind the rule, regardless of the content of the movie.  A better tactic would have been -- wait for it! -- be cool and play it by ear.  As gamers/movie enthusiasts, we all know ratings are for idiots so my best advice is from my GamerDad days: watch or play everything yourself.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Soln on July 27, 2011, 07:58:50 PM
re. swaddling and breast feeding, see the links in my post. 

Also, do go to some night classes.  Yes they are teh ghey but they will teach you and you can PRACTICE important stuff like holding, feeding, baby and SWADDLING.

I never ever got the hang of swaddling, even with the miracle blankets etc.  And our kid could kick out of anything.  But according to my brother and thousands of other lucky people who get their kid to sleep, swaddling works.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: CmdrSlack on July 27, 2011, 09:25:25 PM
My experiences:

If you can get your old baby furniture from mom & dad, do it. Molly's dresser was mine when I was small, and was my mom's when she was born. She's the oldest of 4 and is 65, so the thing has some age. Before el kiddo was born, I sanded it, tried to restore the Owl & The Pussycat mural on the door (Imagine 4 drawers on the left, a tiny "closet" on the right), realized I was out of my element and primed and painted it. I left the body white, did the drawers 2 green, 2 yellow, did the cabinet door green, did the hardware in the opposite color. Molly loves it because it has history. She now sleeps in my old bed, and has a table & chair that were my mom's, then mine, now hers. It's a great way to instill family history.

The birthing process can get fucked up. We were on state of IL-provided health care. Molly was a week overdue, so they forced us to induce. That did not go well. My wife was all "no drugs for me" until about hour 33 of induction. Our doc was a German woman. At one point, the kid's heart rate dropped, they had to puncture the sac, etc. The doctor was crying. I took her out in the hall, cussed her out in German and sent her back in there to save my kid. Molly ended up as a c-section and my only regret is that I was the first to hold her. It should have been her mom. To this day, she is largely imprinted on me, and I figure that was part of it. The upshot was that she didn't have a goofy-looking head.

Learn to fold the baby burrito. It is the love.

Sleeping kid on the chest is le awesome. They smell like rainbows and unicorns and new baby.

Even if you do the "no kid in the bed" thing, just wait. We were fine until about age 4, when we moved into a 2 story townhouse. She's on the first floor, we are on the second. Our bedroom is now a novelty and she wants to sleep in the loft.

You will get less sex. Deal.

Breast feed as much as possible, we had a hard time and ultimately had to swap to formula. At very least, she got the early ubar milk, which is the shit the kid really needs.

Diaper genie > all.

Chill the fuck out. At least one of you needs to be mellow.

I worked from home and ran a law practice for the first 18 months. Bouncy chair/swing is awesome. I was also lucky that the World Cup was on, letting her watch that was a good bonding time, even if it was perhaps a bit early for TV. She mostly drooled and giggled when I got excited.

Music, music, music. Any kind. My daughter loves Bad Religion, Ziggy Marley, The Clash, They Might Be Giants, Springsteen, The Velvet Underground, John Coltrane, Miles Davis, &c.

TV will be inevitable. If you are good at voices, you will be expected to do them. Avoid Internet memes. Right now, she is fascinated with Annoying Orange and Charlie the Unicorn.

Don't be afraid to let your kid fuck up and hurt him/herself. So many parents (my wife included) freak the fuck out about every little risk. So long as the behavior isn't life/limb-threatening, let it slide. You will be freaked out. It is ok.

Beyond that, I have nothing. Molly starts kindergarten in less than a month and I'm off my rocker because she'll be on THE BUS. THE FUCKING BUS. I don't know why that tweaks me out, but it does. I am sure it will be fine, but man does it tweak me out.

If you speak a second language, use it at home. Molly knows some basic German, which is cool. She also knows some Spanish. Primarily though, it's "Fingern Raus!" and "Mach Schnell!"

Most importantly, have fun. I sing her to sleep every night with Thunder Road and Radio, Radio (Elvis Costello). Sometimes we throw in London Calling or Train In Vain for variety. If you like comics, Marvel has some kiddie comics that are based on the main IPs that are lots of fun.

Your kid will be whomever he or she wants to be. You can only guide and whatnot. Forcing the kid into a mold is a bad fucking idea.

In closing, I wish I wrote this (http://www.themorningnews.org/article/the-punk-dad-manifesto).


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Talpidae on July 28, 2011, 12:51:31 AM
Oh fuck that. That will NEVER happen in my house.
I like my sleep.
I like sex.
I sleep in the nude.

All 3 of these will stop.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Teleku on July 28, 2011, 01:21:11 AM
I'm a total bachelor, and am not stupid enough to get married and have children (thank you Al Bundie).  However, several family members have moved on to having children, and I have an adorable if aggressive 3 year old nephew. 

From all that I have known, living close at hand at points:
Oh fuck that. That will NEVER happen in my house.
I like my sleep.
I like sex.
I sleep in the nude.
All 3 of these will in fact stop, as Talpadae said.  Give it up.  Stop hoping now.  I lived on the edge of people with new born children for a time, and lost all of this just in that short time.  There is no hope for you as the actual parent.  I'd re-link the Zombie picture I posted in the funny pictures thread, but that would be "arrogant".  From what I can tell Children are an awesome life change in their own right, but its a totally new life change that you have to dive into head long.  Your old life and habits are fucking destroyed after the first child, especially if your a parent who is actually worth half a shit.  The complete shitball parents are the ones who try to pretend their still at the height of college drunk fuckfest after having a child.  Its not true.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Merusk on July 28, 2011, 03:44:09 AM
They'll stop only if you let it.  None of the above stopped at my place, only paused for the hectic first few months.  Hell, the sex didn't stop even that long, just enough to let her heal up.

Children are a life change but they don't run your life.  Not unless you want co-dependent little brats, that is.  You're the parent, make the rules, enforce them and remember that at all times.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Setanta on July 28, 2011, 03:45:43 AM
TV will happen (about 2 for my youngest).

If so, choose shows that you will enjoy (repeatedly) so that you spend time with them rather than leave them to their own devices. Explain the shows to them and get their impressions, you'll be amazed at how savvy kids actually are.

I rate "Shaun the Sheep" right at the top of the list but you might have to settle for the "Timmy" spin-off".


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: slog on July 28, 2011, 04:24:33 AM
Here is my piece:

When something goes wrong do the following

1) Stop
2) Ask yourself "Is this really that important"

(It almost never is)










Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: SnakeCharmer on July 28, 2011, 05:49:53 AM
Schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine chedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine Schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine Schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine.   Get a schedule.  Keep a schedule.  Do not veer from it.  They adapt to it and expect it far faster than you ever will.  Trust me.  Feed at 6am, 9am, 12pm, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, 12am, etc. 

Pets and such are great around babies.  Helps their immune system early on.  In a nation of sterilization freaks, we let our kids get dirty.  We let the dog give them a kiss.  Our kids are extraordinarilly healthy despite going to MDOs and PreK3 programs.  Is it good genes or the fact that our house isn't an operating room and letting them get dirty is a good thing.  Don't soak them in antibacterial spray every 5 minutes.  Swipe the pacifier across your pants leg or run it under some water and plug it back their mouth.  It won't hurt them - they are MUCH tougher than you think.

Loose the binky early.  Both of our kids never missed it passed 6 or 8 months, but it is useful early on for building the suck reflex.

Breast feed as long as possible and avoid mixing a bottle in.  Causes nipple confusion and ultimately makes them want the bottle only since it's instant gratification and they don't have to work for it.  HOWEVER, if the kid isn't getting enough food (you'll know) and is wanting to eat every hour on the hour, you might think about going the bottle route.  If it's a problem with the wife's nips not producing enough or producing fast enough or whatever else, she'll likely feel like its her fault.  Cue this with rampant hormones and she'll overreact to it.  My wife had this issue, and she turned into a zombie right quick trying to keep up with our son's feeding habits.  Finally, I pushed the bottle and overnight our kid turned into a different kid.  Eating every 3 hours, etc.  It was glorious.

If you keep to the above schedule for feeding after 3 months, drop the 3am feeding.  If they scream to high heaven, ignore them as best as you can.  Reason being is that you condition them to expect a bottle at that time if you come running every time they cry.  My son cried for about 10 seconds, then feel back asleep.  Getting 6 straight hours of sleep was then oh so glorious.  Eventually you can drop the midnight feeding.  My kids both slept from about midnight to 6 am, then 9pm to 6am very early on.

DO NOT LET THEM SLEEP IN YOUR ROOM.  DO NOT USE A BASSONETTE.  Neither one of our kids has ever slept in our room overnight with us.  Ever.  Not when they're sick, not when the weather gets bad, etc.  Ever.  Their room is their room.  Our room is ours.  Boundries.  Set them early.  Do not start habits of letting them sleep in between you. 

Do not overspend for kids furniture they will outgrow in a hurry.  Yard sales, hand me downs.  Clean it, slap a coat of paint on it.  Done.

Bouncy chairs are indeed completely awesome.

Socialize them early and socialize them often.  Take them to restaurants.  Teach them proper behaviour early.

If they fall, don't make a big deal about it.  They'll fall and immediately look at you.  If you overreact, they will too.

Music, all the time.  Doesn't matter what kind, although I'd discourage the speedmetal.  Something kinda slow, melodic - blues,  reggae, etc.

Limit TV.  Make TV a privilege.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: ghost on July 28, 2011, 06:35:09 AM
We should rename this thread "The Wall of Text Extravaganza".   :why_so_serious:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Paelos on July 28, 2011, 06:57:46 AM
Seriously, why WHY would you ask from baby advice from a bunch of nerds on a gaming forum?

WHY GOD WHY!


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Merusk on July 28, 2011, 06:59:30 AM
Because we've had sex and kids and are nerds and geeks like him.  We understand your confusion, chaste monkey-man.  :grin:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Numtini on July 28, 2011, 07:44:13 AM
This is better and more sensible advice than you would find on 99% of mom's blogs and forums.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Salamok on July 28, 2011, 10:01:23 AM
Schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine chedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine Schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule schedule routine routine routine routine routine routine

This backfires sometimes, Children love rituals (almost to the point of OCD) and it is easy to keep adding little bits to a ritual just for the cuteness factor.  At it's worst I think our put baby to bed ritual was well over 45 minutes (which is cool once in awhile but 7 days a week it is a bit much).  We finally managed to prune it down to around 10 minutes but that didn't happen without some serious protest. 

Finding a short get your child up, dressed and happy w/o a fit ritual is essential, but you wont really need that one until they start having an opinion on what they wear.

I'd also recommend starting plagueday care as soon as you can (I think that is 6 weeks).  Great for socializing and building up your kids immune system plus they teach your kids all the pre-k stuff and generally have fairly strict schedules (more rituals!).


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Prospero on July 28, 2011, 10:57:00 AM
Here is my piece:

When something goes wrong do the following

1) Stop
2) Ask yourself "Is this really that important"

(It almost never is)



This. Most rules you will come up with are pointless.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Rasix on July 28, 2011, 10:59:14 AM
The "no kicking daddy in the balls" rule is grounded in solid logic.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Prospero on July 28, 2011, 11:03:06 AM
Yes. Also no headbutting in the balls. Damn that hurts.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: luckton on July 28, 2011, 11:06:39 AM
My 2 cents:

What works for some people's kids may or may not work for yours, but don't deny help.  Take every bit of advice that everyone feeds you and throw it into a pile.  When the time comes that you need to deal with something, start taking things from the pile and throw it at the mom/kid until you get resolution.

That said, my wife and I had our kid sleeping 5-6 hours through the night by the time he was 3 months old.  The key is a strict feeding/nap schedule that ensures he gets enough nourishment during the day that trains his body to be able to handle going through the night without fussing.  PM me if you want the details.

Also, invest in a white noise machine and play it when you're trying to get them to sleep.  It simulates what your kid's heard in the womb for 9 months and gives them a sense of calm, plus blankets out other noise that might disrupt them.



Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Khaldun on July 28, 2011, 11:19:57 AM
All I can say is that making too many rules or decisions in advance of actually having your particular kid is a big mistake and leads to much unhappiness in the end. The most fascinating and humbling thing about a baby is that they express very distinctive personalities at a very early date, well before they can speak, in fact. Would you make a lot of precise rules about how a person you might someday have a date with and get married to will have to act before you've ever met them? If you do, you're going to have a hard time finding people to date and marry. Children change the culture of your house and family because of who they are. Deciding right now that you WILL sleep in the nude or they WILL NEVER watch TV or anything else of the sort is a big mistake.

Kids, by the way, are also brilliant little intuitive anthropologists. Do not think you can hide any obvious or repeated habits or personality quirks from them. If you say, "TV is bad for you" but watch a lot of TV, it may be a while before they actually say anything about that but they're going to notice it at an extremely early age.

My daughter still hasn't read my work on children's television wherein I argue that bad TV is basically ok for most kids, but I figured I had better own my arguments and accept my own advice rather than get caught out later on on a decade's worth of hypocrisy.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Slayerik on July 28, 2011, 12:02:11 PM
Well, after four kids here's what I got...


Get them in the crib.



My first slept with us until she was about four. It caused some serious issues.

My 2nd (two years later), was in his crib as soon as we were able.


Fast forward seven years, and my girlfriend is nursing one year old twins. They sleep in bed with her. It's what she wants, and is easiest for her. I have a mattress next to the bed that allows for mommy/daddy time and for me to sleep happily all night. I honestly think that if it would have been one kid, we would have had it in the crib no problem. Twins ain't no joke, and nursing them......not sure how she has done it!

Get a good rocker.
Learn the bouncy knee technique while you are rocking. Bounce and butt pat while standing.


If your baby has colic, buy www.coliccalm.com  - it saved our sanity with the twins.


That's about it. Tell your wife/GF how beautiful she is a lot. Don't push for sex/affection too hard...especially if she is nursing (a lot of physical contact and messed up hormones).






Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Viin on July 28, 2011, 12:08:22 PM
DO NOT LET THEM SLEEP IN YOUR ROOM.  DO NOT USE A BASSONETTE.  Neither one of our kids has ever slept in our room overnight with us.  Ever.  Not when they're sick, not when the weather gets bad, etc.  Ever.  Their room is their room.  Our room is ours.  Boundries.  Set them early.  Do not start habits of letting them sleep in between you. 

I agree with this 100%. We let the kid sleep in our room for maybe a week before moving her into her crib. Of course we went in and checked on her every 2 hrs for a couple of months, but boy did it help our sleep and relaxation.

But Khaldun is right, you can't plan too far in advance - have the kid, see how it goes, re-read this thread after having the kid home for a week and then make adjustments based on this advice if you want.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Salamok on July 28, 2011, 12:48:59 PM
Some of the lifestyle impacts of the formula vs breastfeeding debate:

1 - Formula sticks to the ribs a bit longer so they will sleep longer periods between feedings.
2 - Formula based poo is mucho stinky compared to breast feeding based poo.
3 - No drinking during the breast feeding period, if there is a night out with some drinking I think she is supposed to toss the milk for the next 24 hours or some such.
4 - My wife breast feeding our child for the 1st 6 months pretty much got me out of the night time feedings, this is entirely dependent on milk production so ymmv.
5 - Rent a high end breast pump, the affordable home model ones are all crap.

Personally I left the decision to breast feed entirely up to my wife and think she is a total saint for putting up with it for 6 months.




Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: ghost on July 28, 2011, 12:57:54 PM
Formula is also completely nasty, barely nutritional shite that I wouldn't feed to my dog.  It's only purpose is to feed babies that cannot breast feed, for whatever reason.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: RhyssaFireheart on July 28, 2011, 01:11:41 PM
Yes. Also no headbutting in the balls. Damn that hurts.
LOL!  I never thought about this until my brother's family came to visit.  At the time, my 3.5 year old nephew was the perfect height to head butt my brother in the balls and I watched the nephew run full tilt into my bro once.  Apparently, the kid's done it often enough my bro just automatically shifts his body enough to avoid pain.

Also, invest in a white noise machine and play it when you're trying to get them to sleep.  It simulates what your kid's heard in the womb for 9 months and gives them a sense of calm, plus blankets out other noise that might disrupt them.

One thing some friends did was to not be extra quiet while the kids were sleeping/trying to sleep in order to get them used to a certain level of noise.  That way they wouldn't have to tiptoe around the house while the kid was in bed and didn't worry every little noise was going to wake the kid up.  It certainly made things easier for us when he hosted D&D nights and we didn't have to talk in whispers. 


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Rasix on July 28, 2011, 01:21:12 PM
My son wasn't collicky, but we had him listening to the soothing sounds of a hair dryer on repeat for quite a while.  We were eventually able to ween him off it without too much trouble.  Worked wonders however when we were desperate to get him to sleep and that seemed to be the only thing that helped.  

Added bonus is that he sleeps through the monsoons now without a problem. He isn't as sensitive to noise when sleeping as I am, but I'm pretty sure being trained to wake instantly when he cried attributed to my current condition.

Yes. Also no headbutting in the balls. Damn that hurts.
LOL!  I never thought about this until my brother's family came to visit.  At the time, my 3.5 year old nephew was the perfect height to head butt my brother in the balls and I watched the nephew run full tilt into my bro once.  Apparently, the kid's done it often enough my bro just automatically shifts his body enough to avoid pain.

If you've got a boy that likes to wrestle/rough-house, you have to be constantly alert.  Son did a backwards dive on the bed straight into my eye socket.   It's hilarious hearing a 2 year old yell "WRESTLE!" and then attempt to tackle you.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: CmdrSlack on July 28, 2011, 01:21:48 PM
Yes. Also no headbutting in the balls. Damn that hurts.
LOL!  I never thought about this until my brother's family came to visit.  At the time, my 3.5 year old nephew was the perfect height to head butt my brother in the balls and I watched the nephew run full tilt into my bro once.  Apparently, the kid's done it often enough my bro just automatically shifts his body enough to avoid pain.


Yes. This becomes habit. My main risk is when Molly tries to jump onto me when I'm on the couch, but one soon develops a sixth sense for junk protection.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: RhyssaFireheart on July 28, 2011, 01:26:49 PM
Yes. Also no headbutting in the balls. Damn that hurts.
LOL!  I never thought about this until my brother's family came to visit.  At the time, my 3.5 year old nephew was the perfect height to head butt my brother in the balls and I watched the nephew run full tilt into my bro once.  Apparently, the kid's done it often enough my bro just automatically shifts his body enough to avoid pain.

If you've got a boy that likes to wrestle/rough-house, you have to be constantly alert.  Son did a backwards dive on the bed straight into my eye socket.   It's hilarious hearing a 2 year old yell "WRESTLE!" and then attempt to tackle you.
It does help to show that kids are much more resilient than many people think and if you let your kid get hurt every once in a while (little stuff like skinning a knee or bumping their head) then they won't get worked up over every tiny injury.  Watching my nephew wrestle with Cayman, who outweighs the kid by at least half again, was just hilarious.  Kid got knocked down a few times just to Cayman could lick his face but he never got upset or cried about it.

Also, don't be afraid to say no when necessary, and then stick with it.  If they aren't used to getting everything they want, kids will usually grow up to not be entitled little shits that scream and whine at the drop of a hat.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Yegolev on July 28, 2011, 01:42:49 PM
Things I learned as a dad include:
1. Reflexively covering my nuts when I see movement.
2. Tolerate the smell and other sensations of shit.
3. Proper method of holding a small person at arm's length while they flail wildly.
4. Suspect every noise is some form of trouble.
5. Do not show anyone anything that might conceivably become a pet.
6. You have to do the voices, and it's also fun so don't be a jerk.
7. Everyone has the same problems as you, with subtle differences.
8. Nod sympathetically as the wife complains about her breast size.
9. Turn sideways when a kid runs at you.  No clotheslining.
10. Children are unable to reach the same logical conclusions as I am, so be ready for anything.
11. Miniature version of yourself and/or your wife, so get ready for that shit if you can.
12. Another child would cause me to explode in a wet pulp.
13. Keep your balls tucked.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: ghost on July 28, 2011, 02:06:57 PM
Things I learned as a dad include:
1. Reflexively covering my nuts when I see movement.
9. Turn sideways when a kid runs at you.  No clotheslining.
13. Keep your balls tucked.

This is all you really need to know as a dude. 


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Khaldun on July 28, 2011, 03:09:25 PM
Seriously I had no idea how often fathers get punched, kicked or stepped on in the junk by babies and toddlers of either gender until I had a kid. Also eye and ear gouging is pretty common, but it's the junk-smashing that gets pretty old pretty fast.

Of course now my freaking basset hound has decided that her mission in life is to wait until I'm not looking and dickpunch me, so this chapter of my life has continued past the point of my kid becoming rationally aware that it's a bad idea to step on daddy's lap when he's sitting down.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Selby on July 28, 2011, 05:41:56 PM
As much as everyone is touting breast milk being best, realize that not everyone lactates enough and that you may require formula out of necessity.  People assuming and commenting on how you're a shithead parent because you aren't breast feeding is a pretty self esteem damaging thing.  Be as supportive of her as you can during this time if you happen to run into this situation.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Viin on July 28, 2011, 06:45:06 PM
Some of the lifestyle impacts of the formula vs breastfeeding debate:

...

Also, it'll help her shed the pounds much much quicker than not. But, as Selby says, it can be hard for a mom and it makes them feel terrible if they can't produce enough milk so you have to be super supportive of anything they do. There are things she can try to get her milk production up, so she shouldn't give up right away but it can make them feel like terrible mothers.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 28, 2011, 08:07:37 PM
Seriously, why WHY would you ask from baby advice from a bunch of nerds on a gaming forum?

WHY GOD WHY!


Because I find the average IQ on here vastly ahead of that of the general public I might encounter on a random daddy website.
We havent told the family or any local friends yet until we hear a heartbeat (Aug 12th appt) and make sure the pregnancy is viable. I havent even celebrated yet personally. It will lessen the pain should we need to go another route.
But deep down inside Im excited and wanted to talk about it and share it with someone, and maybe learn something in the process.



So whats with the music thing everyone keeps recommending? I'll be honest Im not much of a music guy anymore. Everything modern from Justin Beiber to Flaming Lips is shit. And listening to the old favorites like REM and Smiths makes me melancholy. I even only generally listen to NPR in the car.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Yegolev on July 28, 2011, 08:23:01 PM
I think the musical efforts are mostly to counter Yo Gabba Gabba and other incredibly infectious and inane tunes.

Although I always liked Yo Gabba Gabba more than anyone else around here.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Salamok on July 28, 2011, 08:42:37 PM
The wiggles and backyardigans are about the only kiddie show music I can stand repeated exposure to. 


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: ghost on July 28, 2011, 09:49:39 PM
random daddy website.

Wait.  What?


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: ghost on July 28, 2011, 09:52:30 PM
Seriously I had no idea how often fathers get punched, kicked or stepped on in the junk by babies and toddlers of either gender until I had a kid. Also eye and ear gouging is pretty common, but it's the junk-smashing that gets pretty old pretty fast.

I have set nasal fractures of at least a dozen women who weren't paying attention and got head butted by their kid.  Yes, the nuts aren't fun to get hit in, but the nose is a big problem too.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: CmdrSlack on July 28, 2011, 10:00:55 PM

So whats with the music thing everyone keeps recommending? I'll be honest Im not much of a music guy anymore. Everything modern from Justin Beiber to Flaming Lips is shit. And listening to the old favorites like REM and Smiths makes me melancholy. I even only generally listen to NPR in the car.

Sharing your music with your kid is awesome. When we are in the car and Molly asks for Bad Religion or The Ramones, it makes me smile. Every night, singing Thunder Road to her puts her to sleep. Sometimes I have to double down and sing London Calling or Radio, Radio.

My hope is that this builds lasting memories of the time we spend together.

We also play the D&D boardgames. She likes Ashardlon more than Ravenloft because she likes the bigass red dragon model.

Having a tiny person with whom you can share the shit you love is absolutely epic.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: ghost on July 28, 2011, 10:09:24 PM

So whats with the music thing everyone keeps recommending? I'll be honest Im not much of a music guy anymore. Everything modern from Justin Beiber to Flaming Lips is shit. And listening to the old favorites like REM and Smiths makes me melancholy. I even only generally listen to NPR in the car.

Sharing your music with your kid is awesome. When we are in the car and Molly asks for Bad Religion or The Ramones, it makes me smile. Every night, singing Thunder Road to her puts her to sleep. Sometimes I have to double down and sing London Calling or Radio, Radio.

My hope is that this builds lasting memories of the time we spend together.

We also play the D&D boardgames. She likes Ashardlon more than Ravenloft because she likes the bigass red dragon model.

Having a tiny person with whom you can share the shit you love is absolutely epic.

I want your kid.  I hope mine turns out that cool.  So far the only thing that he does that I like is ask for the Star Wars Cantina Song in the car.  Unfortunately that is all he will listen to.....


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Fordel on July 28, 2011, 10:34:48 PM
5 - Rent a high end breast pump, the affordable home model ones are all crap.

This is the only bit of advice my sister told me to impart to anyone who asks about these sort of things.

Get a good breast pump, rent it, buy it, whatever, make sure its a good one. My sister thought she could make do with a hand pump version... that idea apparently lasted a entire 3 minutes before she sent her husband to get a real one.




-edit- The only other thing I would add, is don't be too proud to ask for help. If you have willing and able parents, grand parents, uncles, aunts etc... let them help you. Don't abuse their help, but don't be afraid to take it.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: CmdrSlack on July 28, 2011, 10:36:02 PM
Quote
I want your kid.  I hope mine turns out that cool.  So far the only thing that he does that I like is ask for the Star Wars Cantina Song in the car.  Unfortunately that is all he will listen to.....

My daughter is an odd duck. She's 5 and already doing basic math, can spell 3 letter words.....and some 4 letter words I wish weren't so phonetic ("Daddy, shit is spelled S H I T...Shhhh....It!")

She is a pro at bagging and boarding comics, yet insists that hers remain un-bagged and boarded.

Our LCD set is broken right now, so she suggested that she watch a movie on the laptop. She is also more proficient at the use of an iPad than my wife.

We let her listen to 90% of the music we own. Lots of rap/hip hop we try to avoid as we don't want to explain the N-word to her. One uncle is black, the other is Mexican, so she has some "street cred," yet having the kiddo drop the N bomb is a bad plan. I haven't yet exposed her to Big Black either because she likes to know album titles and "Songs About Fucking" is kinda not so much. NIN, Ministry and KMFDM are also on the "do not play" list so far.

She also likes Laurie Berkener and the Ziggy Marley kid's album. We bought her the Johnny Cash children's album and she likes that as well.

We took her to see TMBG at the Lincoln Park Zoo when she was 6 months old. That sealed the deal on her love of music, I like to think.

I try to only limit her based on "holy shit it is late and the kid needs to sleep" or "ZOMG that is even inappropriate based on my lax standards." She's getting quite good at Garageband, and seems to prefer the drum kit sets over the 808 and other drum machines.

That said, she's a tiny me and has a highly developed rage response and is a bit of a drama queen/emo kid at times. But then again, she is 5.



Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Rasix on July 28, 2011, 11:13:08 PM
Seriously, why WHY would you ask from baby advice from a bunch of nerds on a gaming forum?

WHY GOD WHY!


Because I find the average IQ on here vastly ahead of that of the general public I might encounter on a random daddy website.
We havent told the family or any local friends yet until we hear a heartbeat (Aug 12th appt) and make sure the pregnancy is viable. I havent even celebrated yet personally. It will lessen the pain should we need to go another route.
But deep down inside Im excited and wanted to talk about it and share it with someone, and maybe learn something in the process.



So whats with the music thing everyone keeps recommending? I'll be honest Im not much of a music guy anymore. Everything modern from Justin Beiber to Flaming Lips is shit. And listening to the old favorites like REM and Smiths makes me melancholy. I even only generally listen to NPR in the car.

Listening to people here is a good idea, because I'd like to think we're not going to sugar coat the whole experience.  Honestly is valuable. Plus, we're a helpful/knowledgeable lot.

Even if  you're not that into music, which I am not, start memorizing something you can sing softly.  While my voice died with puberty, apparently I was good enough for my son.  Singing helps calm them down.  So does just hearing your voice.  I have a few nursery rhymes and songs that helped keep my son calm and soothe him to sleep.  It's never too earlier to read to them either. 

My son likes the Wiggles, Yo Gabba Gabba and Gigglebellies (found them on youtube).  It's nice now, though, that he doesn't request music in the car.  I got sick of listening to the same CD for hours a week.  I think it'll be a little while before he really starts developing any sort of music taste, although for now he gets to listen to my alternative stations.

The iPad is great thing to have with a young kid. My son already has a game he can play at 2.  He rocks Fruit Ninja pretty hard. Nothing like seeing him slide his hand across the screen, slice some fruit, and yell "KIWI!" really loud.   It's also invaluable for long trips when they're having trouble sleeping on the plane. 


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: 01101010 on July 29, 2011, 06:26:41 AM
For me personally, this is the most terrifying thread on any forum I have been a part of. That said, carry on and I will go back to lurking and cringing.  :awesome_for_real:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Numtini on July 29, 2011, 07:53:34 AM
Since two of us recommended them, a quick note that Ikea cribs. They apparently have them temporarily off the market to make certain they comply with new US regulations. They're expecting to have them back in a few weeks.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 29, 2011, 09:05:58 AM


Even if  you're not that into music, which I am not, start memorizing something you can sing softly.  While my voice died with puberty, apparently I was good enough for my son.  Singing helps calm them down.  So does just hearing your voice.  I have a few nursery rhymes and songs that helped keep my son calm and soothe him to sleep.  It's never too earlier to read to them either.  

Got that one covered. I memorized the song from the movie "Three Men and a Baby" that they sing to her to put her to sleep. Used it on my niece when she was born.
http://youtu.be/EL-D2K0jOIw

Wiggles and Yo Gabba Gabba kinda disturb me. Something about other grown men dressing up and singing to my future kid....


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Polysorbate80 on July 29, 2011, 09:20:45 AM
Things I learned as a dad include....

4. Suspect every noise is some form of trouble.

4a.  Suspect the lack of noise is some form of trouble too.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 29, 2011, 09:27:53 AM
random daddy website.

Wait.  What?

They have these sites on the internet for expectant and new fathers?


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Slayerik on July 29, 2011, 09:48:53 AM
Things I learned as a dad include....

4. Suspect every noise is some form of trouble.

4a.  Suspect the lack of noise is some form of trouble too.

Beat me to it.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Merusk on July 29, 2011, 10:02:33 AM

Wiggles and Yo Gabba Gabba kinda disturb me. Something about other grown men dressing up and singing to my future kid....

Said with no scorn:

You're too uptight and your definition of "a man" is flawed.  You will understand further when you're doing utterly goofy things that make you look "like a wimp/ fool/ idiot" for your own kid. 


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 29, 2011, 12:32:14 PM
Merusk,

You misunderstand. Me doing it is okay, as I said I have a niece and Im used by friends for babysitting. A group of other men in tights doing it professionally not okay.

Ive just never been a fan of the live action type kid's shows. I was more comfortable and entertained watching the animated shows like Sponge Bob, the Backyardigans, and Max and Ruby.


Some of this is what worries me. LOL
http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-creepy-childrens-tv-shows.php


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Numtini on July 29, 2011, 12:45:38 PM
Quote
Ive just never been a fan of the live action type kid's shows

You didn't grow up in the drug induced neon-rainbow haze of Sid and Marty Croft?


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: 01101010 on July 29, 2011, 01:01:35 PM
Quote
Ive just never been a fan of the live action type kid's shows

You didn't grow up in the drug induced neon-rainbow haze of Sid and Marty Croft?

Capt Kangaroo and Mr. Greenjeans. ...I'll be in the tub with a box of razors if anyone needs me.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Yegolev on July 31, 2011, 04:32:59 PM
Things I learned as a dad include....

4. Suspect every noise is some form of trouble.

4a.  Suspect the lack of noise is some form of trouble too.

Yes, the corollary is often more frightening, too.  I forgot about it because it is so rare.  However, it's like if you are on an airplane and suddenly things get QUIET....

I do not immediately suspect the grown men who work in children's entertainment are maladjusted.  Rather, I suspect they are simply successful musicians or entertainers.  Like Biz Markee. :oh_i_see:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: JWIV on July 31, 2011, 04:35:52 PM
Things I learned as a dad include....

4. Suspect every noise is some form of trouble.

4a.  Suspect the lack of noise is some form of trouble too.

Yes, the corollary is often more frightening, too.  I forgot about it because it is so rare.  However, it's like if you are on an airplane and suddenly things get QUIET....


The worst for us was after we had moved our first child into her own room (around 6mo) and basically were having to fight the urge to go every hour to check on her.   I'm pretty sure she slept better than we did that night.



Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on July 31, 2011, 08:52:52 PM
Quote
Ive just never been a fan of the live action type kid's shows

You didn't grow up in the drug induced neon-rainbow haze of Sid and Marty Croft?

Capt Kangaroo and Mr. Greenjeans. ...I'll be in the tub with a box of razors if anyone needs me.

Yeah I was a Capt Kangaroo kid as well, liked him, at least the crusty old dodger didnt try to sing to me.
I didnt like Mister Rogers even as a child, weird old fart and his sweater collection.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Numtini on August 01, 2011, 06:12:06 AM
Anyone else for Rex Trailer and Major Mudd?


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: ghost on August 01, 2011, 06:27:30 AM
random daddy website.

Wait.  What?

They have these sites on the internet for expectant and new fathers?

I have no clue.  It seems doubtful. 


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Polysorbate80 on August 02, 2011, 08:22:00 AM
Today's childrearing lesson:  watch out for shit the kids leave on the stairs.

Separated two ribs falling down the basement stairs last night.  Me no likey.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: ghost on August 02, 2011, 12:19:43 PM
You can get CPS called on you for that.


Oh, you meant your ribs.   :awesome_for_real:

That sucks man.  I know how bad that can hurt.  Hope you feel better soon.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: luckton on August 02, 2011, 12:20:53 PM
Anyone else for Rex Trailer and Major Mudd?

Sorry, grew up on 80s/90s content here.

Reboot, anyone?  :grin:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Ingmar on August 02, 2011, 02:31:10 PM
Quote
Ive just never been a fan of the live action type kid's shows

You didn't grow up in the drug induced neon-rainbow haze of Sid and Marty Croft?

Capt Kangaroo and Mr. Greenjeans. ...I'll be in the tub with a box of razors if anyone needs me.

Yeah I was a Capt Kangaroo kid as well, liked him, at least the crusty old dodger didnt try to sing to me.
I didnt like Mister Rogers even as a child, weird old fart and his sweater collection.

You know there's a dude inside of Big Bird, right?


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on August 02, 2011, 07:49:11 PM
Quote
Ive just never been a fan of the live action type kid's shows

You didn't grow up in the drug induced neon-rainbow haze of Sid and Marty Croft?

Capt Kangaroo and Mr. Greenjeans. ...I'll be in the tub with a box of razors if anyone needs me.

Yeah I was a Capt Kangaroo kid as well, liked him, at least the crusty old dodger didnt try to sing to me.
I didnt like Mister Rogers even as a child, weird old fart and his sweater collection.

You know there's a dude inside of Big Bird, right?

Shut the front door! No there's not!
 :grin:


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Sand on August 23, 2011, 09:39:40 PM
Just read about this today. This has got to be one of the, if not THE, most disgusting thing I have ever heard of.


http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/08/23/placenta-its-whats-for-dinner_n_934141.html
Quote
New York Magazine recently wrote a very comprehensive piece, "The Placenta Cookbook," that explored human afterbirth eating (mostly in pill form), which is becoming more popular among an apparently growing niche of people. There are supposed but not widely-researched health benefits -- such as combating post-partum depression -- that have gotten women interested in eating their own insides-turned-outsides. The article is chock-full of fascinating yet disturbing anecdotes, such as a woman who craved organs while pregnant. “After I gave birth, I threw a chunk of placenta in the Vitamix with coconut water and a banana. It gave me the wildest rush... It was definitely physical,” she said.

The rise of this "afterbirth empire" has not only resulted in dehydrated placenta pills and placenta jerky, but also a women's rights issue. There have been cases of parents requesting to keep the placenta post-childbirth, and hospitals denying the claim. "My placenta, my choice," explains the article.



Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Lianka on August 23, 2011, 09:54:05 PM
Ugh.  Absolutely disgusting, and this is coming from a woman who spent her day cleaning up baby puke! 


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Numtini on August 24, 2011, 09:30:40 AM
This has been in and out mostly among hippie dippy new agey types going back to at least the late 60s. I remember horrifying my mother by asking her to explain an article about it back in the 70s.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: CmdrSlack on August 25, 2011, 07:40:46 PM
Get vinyl copies of Pet Sounds and Bruce Springsteen & The E Street Band Live 1975-1985. These are surefire sleepytime albums for my daughter.

YMMV.


Title: Re: Pregnancy and Babies!
Post by: Stormwaltz on August 25, 2011, 09:37:56 PM
Just read about this today. This has got to be one of the, if not THE, most disgusting thing I have ever heard of.

Obligatory link: http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2005/10/17/

My wife gave birth to our latest (Elijah, on June 3) in our bathtub, about an hour before the midwife was able to get here. She called me in as I was in the middle of writing my "I won't be into work today" email, and I was greeted by the sight of her standing with one foot on the side of the tub and catching the little fellow as he came out. SHE IS AN AMAZON.

That placenta has been in a (blessedly opaque) Tupperware bowl in our freezer ever since. I think she intended to bury it in the backyard and plant a tree on it. I treat it like I treat the Madagascar hissing cockroaches one of the concept artists keeps at work; I pretend that it's not there, because it's not (yet) my problem.