f13.net

It's an idea I've been kicking around for a while. You all see those food commercials on TV for items at the chains, and they are always for a limited time. Sometimes, you wonder if they are any good. Sometimes they look so freaking bizarre you want someone to eat it so you can laugh at their misfortune. This thread will be that place. I can also recommend that people do their own reviews here using the scoring system, or they recommend stuff I should go try that they looks good/hilarious/revolting!

I start simply with an item that Hardees is offering in order to compete with the chicken sandwich varations that McDonalds and Chik-Fil-A have on the market. It's called the Chicken Fillet Sandwich. Here's an ad picture:


I'll be judging this, as I will all the items on a 1-5 score in four different categories: Taste, Presentation/Quality, Nutrition, and Value

Taste - The first impression of the chicken sandwich is that it's a fried chicken sandwich. It does taste like chicken, but it's a little uneven in the moisture department. On the edges the chicken is a little tougher and chewier than in the middle thicker section where it is very nice and moist. The breading is good and not overseasoned. You aren't blown away with salt or the chemical taste you'd get on a McChicken. As per usual, they are a bit heavy-handed with the mayo, so I would leave that off and ask for packets instead. Overall, it's better than most in the flavor department. Score: 3.5

Presentation/Quality - The first thing you notice is that the sandwich isn't wrapped. It comes in a box and inside it's got this folded paper burger-diaper so you can hold it. It's pretty fancy looking for a fast food sandwich. There are some things that detract from the presentation, however. Mainly, the lettuce and tomato suck. Now, I've never had a good fast food tomato, so I'm not going to spend long on that, but the lettuce could be more than just a leaf of iceburg. Chick-Fil-A does this much more justice with an actual green piece of Romaine that they serve on their deluxe. Score: 2

Nutrition - Hardees is always going to be the worst on nutrition. They make no apologies for that. The sandwich is 680 calories and 37g fat. Compared to Chick-Fil-A, that one is 420 and 16g fat. McDonalds is 510 and 22g fat. So, the long and short of it is that Hardees chicken is somewhere worse than eating any of the other chain's chicken sandwiches, or even a Quarter Pounder with cheese. I wouldn't eat it on a diet, or if you gave a damn at all. Score: 1

Value - The sandwich sells retail for $3.99, but I had a coupon off their main website for a buck off. So, for ~$3, I would say the sandwich is a pretty solid deal. You're going to pay $4.50 for a better sandwich at Chick-Fil-A though, so I wouldn't pay for the Hardees version unless you had the discount coupon. Score: 2.5

Final Score: 9

Rating System:
1-5 - I wouldn't even force-feed this to Bobby Kotick
6-10 - Meh, there's a reason it's for a limited time
11-15 - I'd eat this during a raid, or while watching college football
16-20 - FUCK YEAH, PUT THIS IN YOUR FACE!

Doesn't Onion AV do a column like this? "We Actually Ate This" or something like that?

Not sure. I figured we don't talk much about national food much here, so I'd open up the floor to trying stuff to see if it's as shitty as you'd think. I think next on my list are the Pineapple-Mango smoothie from McDonalds, and a Pulled Pork Sub from Subway.

Also, any suggestions on things yall see in the commercials I'll look at as well if they have it down South. Mostly I'm just doing this because I think it's fun for my own benefit and to sort of practice my writing in a regular format. However, if people like it all the better!

So this is sort of like animal testing on monkeys? I'm in.

I noticed Wendy's has a new Cheddar Baconator. The triple is the only way to go so you can get the full flavor profile. :grin:

Yes, that's exactly what it is.

I'd read it!

You know what would really add to this?  A picture of the food as it looked when you got it - not a marketing picture.  Everybody has a cel phone with a camera these days, so just use that.

Definitely.  Because marketing/advertising photos of food seem to have very little in common with what is actually served.  That would make a nice comparison.

To be fair.. the food in marketing is prepped using either best quality ingredients (This lettuce isn't green enough. Throw it out.) or substutes (lard is photographed in place of icecream since it won't melt).  It also is made by a guy who's making more than $7.50 an hour to make it look fantastic rather than slap it together ASAP.

If you've had food at a local restaurant (vs a national chain) that thought it was a good idea to put pictures on the menu, you see the difference.

I remember watching a show where it talked about food photography. It was probably an episode of Unwrapped. You're right about best quality ingredients of course but the actual food itself is required to be the real deal and not substitutes. This only applies to the food being sold, though. For example, the milk pictured on the cereal box can be lard since it is only selling the cereal. Same thing probably if ice cream is pictured on the box for apple pie or something.

On that note, Unwrapped has always been one of my favorite shows. I've sat down and watched entire marathons. Is it marketing in disguise for the food they are talking about? Yes, but I still find the show very interesting.

However it does not regulate preparation technique.  So that perfectly evenly browned meat with the grill marks was actually browned and marked by an artist with a blowtorch, not by being cooked on a grill.  As you said, find the one perfect piece of lettuce, use an eyedropper to place the beads of moisture on the tomato slices. 

I think someone should take fast food commercials and edit in footage of the actual items they get from the restaurant to be part of the commercial. Unless someone has already done that, it's a youtube sensation waiting to happen. I would do it but I barely have the motivation to put on pants in the morning.

I will find my camera and do that. Good idea.

I think you should do a review of the largest shake Coldstone offers.  :why_so_serious:

Next up on the list is the Mango-Pineapple smoothie from McDonalds. Here's the really awful commercial for the product:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEIhYQsxmKc (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dEIhYQsxmKc)

Now, I like to play a little game in this ad called "Spot the Honky." I think there might be one smiling behind the black lady's arm at 25s in. I can't be sure though. He might be Puerto Rican. I think it's safe to say they aren't marketing this product at me.

Anyway on to the actual review. No pics of this one because it's just a smoothie in a cup. You're not going to get much on that shot. Also, I still can't find my camera yet. No, I don't have one on my phone.

Taste - Shockingly, the taste is not bad. You normally expect a lot of cloying sweetness from both mangoes and pineapple, but they've tempered the sweetness nicely. The blend is good, it's not icy and it maintains the same consistency throughout the whole beverage. That's a big problem for me on other blended drinks like frappachinos in the past. All in all, the taste is better than I expected, and it was very refreshing for a hot day. Score: 4

Presentation/Quality - Nothing fancy here. Smoothie in a clear plastic cup with a normal lid. Label sticker on the side says what flavor it is. Upon investigating the ingredients, I find out that it's a combination of a "fruit base", ice, and yogurt. The fruit base is a combination of pineapple juice, mango puree, OJ, pineapple puree, apple juice, and flavors. High fructose corn syrup is not listed anywhere. Points to them on that one. Score: 3.5

Nutrition - I had a small 12oz version and that was 220 calories. Considering the kind of caloric hogs you can get at McDonalds, this is certainly on the smaller end. I'll compare it to a Smoothie King version called Mangofest, which prorated to that size would be about 170 calories. So, slightly worse for you than that. Here's my main problem. 12 oz of just plain pineapple juice is going to be 190 calories and give you 150% of your daily vitamin C. 12oz of this has more calories and someone only gives you 40%??? Where did all my vitamins go? Score - 1.5

Value - It was $2.29 for a small smoothie. While that's not bad, it's not cheap either when you can get a double cheeseburger, a small fry, and a medium diet coke for $3. But you're expected to pay a little more for something healthier, right? Except it's not that much healthier as I've shown with the weird lack of vitamins and more calories. I'd say the right price some something like this is about $1.50, so they are off by 50%+ on their price point. Score - 1

Final Score: 10

Rating System:

1-5 - My dog threw up after I gave it to him.
6-10 - Good enough to try once, not good enough to have again.
11-15 - I'm having another one tomorrow.
16-20 - I'm having this stuck directly to my veins.

Oh what bad timing of the McRib LTO. I ate those just to say I did it... as if it was a mark of courage or bravery. Keep up the good work. I'll keep an eye out, but for reference, where are you? Reason I ask is that some places lack food establishments and would hate to be disappointed with a great review and being physically unable to participate.

Was it apple juice or apple juice concentrate?  I read that apple and pear juice concentrates are being used to replace HFCS because they have the same sweetening profile (lots of sweet, little to no flavor) but none of the HFCS stigma yet.

The extra calories were probably from the yogurt.

That's a good call. It is actually apple juice concentrate. Nice find.

And to answer the other question, I live in Georgia, right smack in the middle of Coca-Cola country.

Tomorrow I'm going to do a writeup on the new Pulled Pork sub from Subway. I'm not looking forward to that one, but they are blasting commercials for it at me.

I'll pray for your colon.

I like the McD's mango-pineapple smoothie quite a bit. But then again, I'm a sucker for smoothies and the McDonald's is right on the way to the freeway.  I tend to get one of those and a sausage biscuit on the way to work.  Yah, I'm a healthy guy.  :awesome_for_real:

I'm not going to downplay the flavor of the smoothie. Rasix is right, it is quite good. It scored a 4/5 on the meter because it really surprised me.

It just starts falling down when you compare it to other things you could be eating/spending money on.

We're reviewing fast food items now?  Aside from being pointless (i.e. if you vastly prefer one fast food chicken sandwich to another you're probably the same idiot who will only drink Coke to the exclusion of Pepsi) it's just hard for me to believe that anyone cares enough to drink a McDonald milkshake and then review it like some gourmand food critic in the NY Times reviewing a Michelin rated restaurant.  Or read said review.  But I suppose I'm just a cynical terd.

Well at least you are on the right track...  :awesome_for_real:

Does anyone regularly eat fast food that's not overweight (and over 25)?  If such a person exists they must have won the genetic lottery regarding metabolism.

Define regularly... Twice a week? 5 times?

I am 37 and have horrible eating habits. And yes, I do have great genes as my mother has only now started to put on weight in her mid 60s and only after she started having to take a drug regiment for arthritis.

The point isn't so much that it's food from national chains. I mean it was be pretty stupid to review Chick-fil-A's sandwich. It's been the same forever.

The point is reviewing the gimmick. I think the gimmick in advertising is a very interesting thing, especially while I'm watching sports. Often I wonder if it would actually taste remotely like what they are trying to sell "for a limited time."

It doesn't have to be fast food either, I'm also up for takeaway stuff from the other national brands like Outback, Chilis, etc if they are running some weird promotional item. Also, fun and frivolity and all that shit for those of us who still like to be amused.

Ok fair, I'm just saying if you already recognize that the limited time stuff is gimmickry then I don't know what the next move is.  It's all just essentially the same shit except they put barbecue sauce on something and call it a chipotle burger.  Right?

Totally. Which is why I'll pick it up and go, wow this is horrible. It's a burger with an awful sauce. HOWEVER, there are those rare times when they actually put out something that's so crazy/tasty it goes cult status. See: McRib or the Cheesy Gordita Crunch. And that's the journey. Is it a gimmick, or maybe they've stumbled across pure gold by total accident!

Also, I wouldn't take this column seriously if I were you. This is me just deciding to amuse myself in a public form. With sauce.

 :heart:

Shamrock shakes.

bonus if you added mint Absolut.

I was so happy when I was in Chicago around St. Patty's and saw them selling a shamrock shake. The McDonalds around here hasn't had them for the last decade.  It was just as good as I remembered.

Then I discovered it was part of a national promotion.  I put on 5# in a week.  :ye_gods:

You've caused me to turn a corner on your thread. And in life.

I rarely eat at McD's. But I will make an exception for the shamrock shake. (It's also gluten free).

Fruit juice concentrate isn't bad for you. Nor are calories the best criteria for judging how healthy something is. I'd just skip that section of your reviews.

Think of it as the nutrition facts on the back of the label. It's there if you want to look at it.

Heading over to McDonalds for lunch now (only place within walking distance, grrrr). I'd be tempted to try the McRib again, but the extremly not-meat-like consitency, combined with the obviously artificial sculpting used to make it "rib shaped" just scares me.

I would say that the obvious target for your reviews should be the KFC Double Down, but I don't want to wish death upon you.

Hahaha, the double down. That's on par with the KFC bowl that made me cringe. Actually after work today I'm going to stop by Smoothie King and review their Lean1 smoothie. Turns out they are offering them for a buck today only if you go on their site. I figured I'd check it out at that price.

The bowl was disgusting, but sadly if you duplicated it at home - it was really yummy.

Ok so last night I went to pick up a Smoothie King Lean1 Smoothie to review. They released a coupon for it as one day only, and a 20oz version was only $1. The smoothie comes in three flavors which happened to be vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry. I decided to go with strawberry because I equate fruit flavors with smoothies.

Here's your promo shot:
(http://www.smoothieking.com/images/hp-main-promo-lean1-generic.jpg)

Taste - Right off the bat you get a tart taste from the smoothie. The guy who made it says it reminds him a little bit like the beginning of a strawberry starburst, and I sort of see what he's saying. The flavor profile has three elements as it shifts from the initial tart, to an average strawberry sweet, to a very bad chalky aftertaste that you just can't seem to avoid in these protein powder type drinks. They mask it well enough on the front end, but it's there. Also, this smoothie is really thick and makes me think more of a milkshake than a smoothie. It is not refreshing and you would want some water to drink with this. It would NOT cool you off. Overall - 2

Presentation/Quality - Smoothie comes in the standard 20oz styrofoam cup that keeps it cold. It has the proper color for strawberry and you can watch as the guy makes it from scratch, so the quality of the ingredients is obvious. The protein powder they use is Lean1 which I believe retails for about $40 for a 2lb cannister. I don't believe they are cutting corners here on the quality or the ingredients. Overall - 4

Nutrition - The smoothie runs about 300 calories for the 20oz version, which isn't bad for the amount of supplements you're getting in the powder. It's basically going to give you 33% of your daily value of most vitamins, which you can see on Lean1's website, and about 20g of protein. I'd say that nutritionally, it appears to be on the surface pretty good for you. However, as usual I'm always wary of powders and protein products like this so I knock it a little for that. Overall - 4

Value - For me, it was a steal at a dollar. That being said, it obviously doesn't cost that every day. However, they seem to be running promotionals on this thing all the time so you can get one for $1.99 pretty easily. I believe the actual retail cost is $5. So, my advice is that if you can jump on the coupons for it, it only makes sense to go try it out for yourself to see what you think about it. I'm tempted to do that to see if the other flavors are much different. Overall - 3

Final Score: 13

Rating System -
0-5 - I think my server shit into a cup
6-10 - Healthy for you, tastes like fish.
11-15 - Worth it if you like the protein drinks
16-20 - Tastes like liquid win!

Usually protein drink things are safest in chocolate, I think being able to add cocoa for little or no nutritional 'waste' i.e. the macronutrient split, makes it easier to get it tasting right. Fruit flavours, and vanilla especially, tend to be very hit and miss.

However if you want to have a protein drink thing I can't imagine why you wouldn't already be buying protein powder or similar. If you're going to have a smoothie as a treat or for the vitamins just have a fucking smoothie. 'Healthy' compromises like this always end up being less healthy/radically more expensive than the healthy option and still taste crappy.

Not everyone gets to have a blender & refrigerator in their office to be able to make a smoothie in the middle of the day.

The KFC double-down is salt choked awesomeness.  I would recommend it to anyone for their single meal of the day... and a large water to go with it.  No soda, you're going to need to wash that thing out. 

Why is this "For a Limited Time only"? Is the food going to be fatal?

Because they will kill you?

He's only doing specials and limited-time things.  Like the old Hardee's Frisco Burger, the McRib or the various Whopper variations that BK offers as promos.   He's taking the hit so you don't have to.

The sugar sauce is whats gets me with the MCrib. The whole items is what I expect out of a low price mystery meat microwave dinner item.

Ok next I'm considering reviewing the following:

A - Wild Berry Frosty Parfait from Wendy's
B - Angus Cool Deli Sandwich from Arbys
C - 6 Grain and Granola Pancake Breakfast from Cracker Barrel
D - $6 Lunch Combos California Club Sandwich from Chilis
E - Pulled Pork Sub from Subway - Ingmar rated as Ok, but lacking in value compared to an actual BBQ place.

Go ahead and vote if you like one of those more than the other for the next one. I'm going to pick one this weekend.

I say E, because I want to see how bad pulled pork from Subway can be.  The rest sound too safe.   Well, the Arby's sandwich sounds a bit nasty as well.

Got it. I'm not in America so I'm safe from this food, but I'm enjoying the thread; American fast food is pretty amazing.

+1

I'm looking for a way to get out of that sub and you bastards just won't let me, will you? WILL YOU!  :grin:

I'd like to see C Paelos. The last time I ordered American pancakes there were enough for two people.

I actually had the Subway pulled pork sandwich for lunch today. I won't give the in-depth Paelos review, but I'd rate it as OK. Their BBQ sauce is awfully bland, and it is (for Subway) expensive at $8 for a foot-long, just enough that you could go to a real BBQ place and get a better one for not much more at all. At 1100-something calories in the foot-long it also isn't going to be qualifying for the Jared diet anytime soon.

In other words, while this is much better than a McRib, if you live near any kind of decent BBQ place you should go there instead. Subway is a fine place for their healthier-and-cheaper stuff but this doesn't really qualify on either count and the flavor is nothing special at all.

Now that Ingmar has freed Paelos from the pulled pork, I vote B.

Thanks Ingmar! I'm crossing that off the list.

I'm learning towards the Arbys Angus Sub now. It has potential to be good or a total disaster.

Do the wrap. That way, you don't have all of that tasty bread to mask what could be an awful sammich experience.

The one thing I refuse to do is cold wraps because they all make me want to vomit. There is nothing good about a cold flour tortilla ever.

I vote for the pancakes as well.

PANCAKES!

Pancakes for real!

Seems like a late rally for pancakes is taking the lead! That's actually convenient because I'm traveling to Florida for the weekend and there are Cracker Barrel's along the way.

Based on that logic, you should also do a Stuckey's pecan log.

Considering they have been selling those since the 1930s, I don't think it qualifies as a limitied time.

Yes, but think of the gastrointestinal horror. Also, Stuckey's.

Ok so the Cool Deli Angus Sub from Arbys went on sale in my inbox, so I used a coupon to get a combo for $5. I figured at the very least I could eat a small curly fries. Arby's curly fries are the bomb.

Ad pic:
(http://daddyforever.com/postimages/2011/Arbys-Angus-Cool-Deli.jpg)

Real pic: (I borrowed from another site that looked most like mine.)
(http://farm7.static.flickr.com/6003/5957930560_b44cfa966f.jpg)

Taste - I will give them a lot of credit on the beef portion of this sandwich. It tastes like very good roast beef that's been cut for a sandwich. It's tender, it's not in regular slices, and there's the ovenroasted edge to it that gives it a smokier flavor. If I blindfolded you at Subway, for example, I don't think most people could tell the difference between a ham sub and a turkey sub there with all the ingredients. This, however, you are certain is beef, and it's tasty. After that, though, the rest of it is total shit. They put way too much crap on it, and it covers up the taste of the good beef. Too bad, because the beef can't save this sandwich. I'd love it on something else. Overall - 1.5

Quality/Presentation - They went WAY too far with the toppings. It's just too busy. You have lettuce, tomato, cheese, mayo, vinegrette, pickles, and banana peppers. For starters, pick either pickles or peppers. Don't do both. It just overpowers everything and makes the beef taste sour. Second, the cheese is of the lowest quality they could find. It's supposed to be "swiss" and in fact it is processed cheese crap in white slices. It tastes like nothing except oily foulness. It's a shock that they improved the quality of the beef and covered it in shitty cheese. Only the beef gets a nod here. Overall - 1

Nutrition - 640 calories, 310 from fat, 35g fat, and 1760mg of sodium. HOLY.SHIT. That's a lot of fat and sodium. Also, half the thing is fat? Gross. Just take a teaspoon of salt and eat it by the way, it's pretty much the same as 1700+mg in a third of your recommended calories. Here's the shocking part: A Quarter Pounder with cheese has 130 less calories, 6g less fat and 600mg less sodium than this sandwich. I don't feel better knowing that. Overall - 1

Value - The sandwich retails for $5. According to serving size it's 340g in weight. Compare this to the $5 footlong sub at Subway which is 466g. So you're paying for 30% less sandwich at Arbys and getting worse nutritional value to boot. I don't think there's any way I would pay the full $5 for this ever again. Horrible. Overall - 1

Final Score: 4.5

Ranking System:
0-5 - I'm a worse human being after eating it
6-10 - Hmm, could be worse
11-15 - I don't even need the coupon to buy one
16-20 - Where's the Beef? In mah belly!

 :evil:

Is that roast beef different than what's on their regular sandwiches?

Yes, it is. It's pretty good on the beef.

Shoulda done the wrap. Also, pecan log.

Quit trying to push your log on me.

I learned my lesson long ago about eating "healthy" smoothies.  There's just nothing right about a thick dollop of pureed fruit in a cup.

Yeah.  You're in deep shit when you honestly believe you're eating "healthy" *(i.e., wight loss) when you drink a 400 calorie smoothie.  Fat City baby@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Depends if it is replacing a meal entirely or not.

Fruit, fat free yogurt and low-fat milk is fairly healthy. Not a horrid breakfast or lunch.

I'd argue that there are better ways of controlling your calories than just making everything low fat, though with the caveat that if you're not changing anything else it's an improvement at least. The thing I had referred to was the Protein smoothie thing. A smoothie is delicious (although hardly low calorie) but compromising stuff like that so it's 'healthy' usually results in a shitty version that's still not particularly healthy. Frankly I think people would be better off factoring having something like a good smoothie into their calories for the day (or just as the occasional treat) and actually enjoying them rather than having a very so-so alternative that still isn't that good for them.

People who assume fruit=healthy and so thing that a blueberry muffin and a smoothie is a good way to start the day when trying to lose weight is a different thing just because some people don't seem to realise fruit not only has calories itself but doesn't magically negate the calories in all the sugar, butter, etc. that's added to it.

Yeah that's what I was referring to.  I work with people who eat salads drenched in gobs of bleu cheese dressing and then polish it off with some pizza because, after all, they had a salad.  They consider it a great mystery why they're fat.

Best I can figure it's a form of willful ignorance in an age where all of the knowledge of human civilization is a few keystrokes away.

Oh, that's why there is a salad bar at CiCi's.

That is exactly why.  Anything that helps us lie to ourselves.

Good thing FiCi's is nasty because all you can eat pizza is like a deal with The Devil.

This weekend I went to Cracker Barrel to review the pancakes. They didn't have the granola ones I originally thought were on the seasonal menu, so instead I had their summer pancake special, the Multi-Berry Pancake Breakfast.

Pic take by my friend Ashleigh of the meal:
(http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/12/pancakesx.png)

Taste - In a word, awesome. The pancakes are fluffy on the inside and have a softly crispy edge on the outside. The berries are fresh and they give you a raspberry sauce to go with real maple syrup to cover the dish. It's fantastic. The eggs are eggs, but the turkey sausage is nicely spiced and doesn't have that overly fatty taste you get from normal pork sausage. All in all, I'd say it's very very good. I also added a little bit of hashbrown casserole because that's my favorite thing at Cracker Barrel for breakfast. Taste - 5

Quality/Presentation - The food all looks very good, except for the eggs. The pancakes are fresh off the griddle, the berries are fresh cut that day, and the raspberry sauce has bits of fruit in it. The turkey sausage tastes better than the stuff I get at the grocery store. I give it high marks for the quality and the service as well. Our servers were very nice, took care of our drink refills, and even discussed the NFL lockout and our teams with us. Overall - 5

Nutrition - I'm not going to pretend it's good for you, except for the fruit. Pancakes covered in syrup aren't the best for you. In fact, Cracker Barrel doesn't even publish their nutritional info. That fact should be enough to let you know it's probably the only meal you should eat in a day. Overall - 1

Value - The whole dish covering two plates costs $7. That's a great value in my book, as it's on par with somewhere like IHOP in cost, but sooooo much better in terms of flavor and quality. I don't think anybody would walk away from this meal hungry and/or feeling like they paid too much. Overall - 5

Final - 16

Ranking System:

0-5 - I should have used these pancakes to wash my car
6-10 - I think the maple syrup is just sugar mixed with brown food coloring
11-15 - Better than IHOP
16-20 - Better than my grandma's pancakes. Don't tell her or she'll kill me.

Holy crap that looks good.

When do we start placing bets on when all of this food kills you?

If we keep getting pictures like that one, we can get WUA to draw a chart chronicling the rate of increase in the size of his gut to help predict it.

Haha, luckily I eat healthy the rest of the time. Today after that breakfast I'm eating my 270 calorie breakfast, a nice lunch of black beans, brown rice, chicken and veggies, and a dinner of lean steak with whole wheat pasta, homemade tomato sauce, and salad.

Ok here's the next list for those of you that like to pick what may or may not kill me.

A - BK Chicken Minis, I saw a commercial for these this week. Think fried chicken sliders.
B - Au Bon Pan's Lobster Salad Sandwich. Lobster and mayo! What could go wrong?!?! Off the list, no locations nearby.
C - Einstein Brothers Triple Decker Bacon Club. Does it strike anyone else funny that they would serve bacon?
D - Papa Johns Double layered Pepperoni Pizza. It's got big and little pepperoni, adorable!
E - Dunkin Donuts Big N' Toasty breakfast sandwich. I have a bad feeling whenever they put an 'N in something.

B. Cheap lobster.  I wish ill upon your entrails.

Lobster Salad Sandwich, on a Monday.

You people must not live in the north east.

A lobster roll is pretty standard around here.  Everyone has a version of it.

I'm going to vote for D because I don't understand what double layered pepperoni is.

B. Will Au Bon Pain bring the, uh, pain?

Double-layered pepperoni is just like it sounds. Two solid layers of pepperoni on a pizza.

I vote for E.

Seconded.  :why_so_serious:

Lobster and mayo I say!

It's just two different sizes of pepperoni.  The type you usually see on pizza. the smaller round ones, and the type you usually see on subs that are just bigger in size.

It's a tie. Eat them all!

I love me some lobster...But fastfood lobster with mayo?  Makes me want to hurl thinking about it.

I will have to disappoint you. Turns out the only Au Bon Pain in Georgia is at the Atlanta Airport, which I won't be visiting until Labor Day. So, that's getting delayed.

Pick something else.

In that case, I pick C - the "Triple" in that triple-decker makes me think of triple-bypass.  :grin:

Can you go wrong with bacon?

Voting for E because what the fuck is it? And because we have no Dunkin Donuts in this country anymore. The one there used to be on Leicester Square has been replaced with a shop with suspiciously similar signage called Donuts and Baguettes.

People confused and frightened by Lobster Rolls, no Dunkin Donuts?  It's like bizarro world.

Yeah, Dunkin Donuts tried to get a foothold in Hungary twice (second time they operated as part of Pizza Hut stores) and failed pretty badly both times. It's a pity, I liked their stuff.

edit: for this reason I must vote for E as well!

Jewish bacon ftw.

My favorite restaurant does seasonal menus, and you can generally order anything from past menus if they still stock the ingredients. About once a year I go for the Monster Truck Burger. A fat burger (not sure the weight, 1/3 at least) with lettuce, tomato, onion, large pepperoni, bacon, cheese and an over-easy egg (I'm probably forgetting some toppings, it's massive). The yolk running through the whole thing fills it with win. But it's about 5" tall, so you have to adopt the stance to eat it.

Ha!  Once or twice a year I'll get a huge burger... the kind where once you pick it up, I don't put it back down until its either gone or has beaten me.  Setting it down for even a moment causes a chain reaction in the space-burger-time continuum and the whole thing falls apart. 

Hungry now...

Looks like C and E are the frontrunners. I'll probably grab one of those tomorrow and do some testing.

Dude, fast food Lobster rolls, in Atlanta.  That lobster would have been frozen longer than Ted William's head.

Panera also has a lobster roll special for the summer. When you buy it they make sure you're aware it costs 17 dollars.

Panera in general is going to be a notch ahead of all this other stuff quality-wise, go for the other lobster.

RISE!

I'm doing this again for the summer because #1 - My job is boring as hell in the summertime, and #2 - Food joints roll out all kinds of crazy crap in the summer. As usual, I'll pick things on my own and do my best to post the real photos when I can. Any major food chain that exists in the Atlanta area is up for a review nod, and I take suggestions. Think it could be really shitty? I'll at least give it whirl. Wonder if it's worth the limited time only? I'll run the numbers!

First item on the docket: Wendys listed a new Frosty concoction, The Strawberry Shortcake Parfait. It looked completely unmanly and tasty so I had to order one.


Taste - Pretty damn good. The strawberries aren't too sweet, and neither is the shortcake pieces. That was a concern going into it. There is a tart taste and I do love the shortcake bits. Not too many which would overpower the sort of strawberry shake thing this has going. It's very refreshing on the hot day I had it. Taste - 4

Quality/Presentation - It's sort of a smashed together thing rather than a true "parfait" so it loses points on that. I'm also not in love with putting whipped cream on everything. Overall - 3

Nutrition - Honestly, not bad for the dessert item. It's not huge so don't go into expecting some super-sized DQ Blizzard item. In my mind it's sized nicely enough to get the flavor without overpowering you with sugar shock. It's 370 calories, so it's not light by any means, but you compare to a strawberry shake at most places (Strawberry shake at McDs is 570 calories), and it's not the worst thing you can eat for a treat. Overall - 3

Value - It costs $1.79 so I think that's actually reasonable. It's below my $2 threshold where I'm willing to take a flier on something frivolous in the drinks/dessert department. It's about the same price as a medium cup of coffee at Starbucks, so you don't have much to lose in my opinion. Overall - 4

Final - 14

Ranking System:

0-5: This made me allergic to strawberries
6-10: I would have rather had the regular Frosty
11-15: Lovely girl, tastes like...strawberries.
16-20: Outdoes the Strawberry Shortcake cartoon series

Burger King Bacon Sundae - Make it happen!

(http://blogs.ajc.com/food-and-more/files/2012/06/baconsundae.jpg)

Somehow i knew the fucking bacon sundae was going to get requested.

That thing is an abomination. I must try it.

There's a burger joint here that has the "Fat Elvis Shake" which is a milkshake with peanut butter and bacon and it's AWESOME.

I'll go really weird and suggest something that I think is actually good. Don't know when they started offering them down there, but McDonalds McBistro Chicken (cripsy, southwestern specifically) is to me, probably the best sandwich they've ever offered.

Place  (http://www.burgatorybar.com/)in Pittsburgh - this is actually pretty damn tasty and fairly intoxicating.


edit: spelling is fucking hard today...

So I had the bacon sundae. I couldn't finish all of it, because it was huge, but I will say that it didn't make me want to wretch. Into the review:

(http://a.scpr.org/i/d9800512186fe57890300c1317ab3157/40070-six.jpg)

That's a picture of what mine looked like, not the actual one I picked up. I forgot my camera in the office and couldn't wait to get back before melting time.

Taste - First of all, when you remove the lid you immediately get the smell of hickory bacon right off the bat. Normally this makes you salivate until you remember it's on top of softserve and sweet chococaramel sauces. I'll say this about it, soft serve was good, fudge was ok, caramel sauce was great, and the bacon was quality. Together? It's hopelessly weird tasting. You get the sweet on the front end, and then the bacon fattiness creeps up on you, followed by a salty punch at the end. Your mouth gets confused. It feels like you tried to smash dessert and breakfast together, and the sum off all the parts isn't greater than the individual pieces. Overall - 2

Quality/Presentation - You see everything, which is good and bad. They obviously went for good bacon so I give them a point here, and I actually like BKs soft serve better than any other FF joint, including the DQ. However, it's a fucking bacon sundae. WHAT? You can't make it look appetizing. It's just terrifying. Overall - 2

Nutrition - Really? No. It's not. At all. Nobody in their right mind would ever recommend this. It's like 550 calories of pure unadulterated gluttony. Overall - 0

Value - The Sundae is $2.49 and it's pretty damn big. I couldn't finish the whole thing because A - It's too much, and B - I felt dirty halfway through it. I was eating it quickly in my car because I was afraid somebody might see me with it. Sorta like making out with the fat chick at the back room of a party. Overall - 2

Final - 6

Ranking System:

0-5: I didn't think they could fuck up bacon, yet here we are.
6-10: Somewhere, a million Rabbis cried out, and were suddenly silenced. Because it's terrible.
11-15: Bacon Good. Ice Cream good. Together, great!
16-20: So good I told my cardiogist to fuck off.

I have a feeling that I'd like it more if I made it from scratch at home.  I might have to do that soon.

Ok so I'm going to be focusing on some dessert items over the next few weeks because that seems to be where the majority of the push from food promos are landing this summer. This time, it's the McDonalds Smores Signature Pie. Supposedly it's like one of their regular pie that tastes like a Smore.

(http://img341.imageshack.us/img341/4953/pieq.jpg)

Taste - I wasn't expecting it to be that good, but it is. There are two things that make this really great. First, the crust is different than a normal pie. It's got a crunchier, more graham flavor that imitates the cracker. Second, it's really marshmallow in there instead of what I expected to be cream. The combo of the chocolate/marshmallow/graham really imitates the real thing. Taste - 5

Quality/Presentation - The signature pies forgo the normal slits that you get in an apple pie, and they have this sort of oval shape in the middle. They did a strawberry cream version of this earlier in the year, and frankly, it looked like a vagina. Somehow I was never really able to shake the vagina pie image since then. That's probably a me problem. I would still prefer the old cut though. - 3

Nutrition - It's 290 calories, 12g fat so it's not good for you at all. It's also not the worst thing on the dessert menu either, so that's saying something. The McFlurrys win that award by setting you back over 600 calories. Don't eat those. The Rolo one is over 700. A more reasonable option is a vanilla cone that's only 170 calories and 4.5g fat.  Overall - 3

Value - It costs $.89 so you're getting a good bang for the buck on the item. I can't really give it the full 5 though because I remember when pies were 2 for a $1, and now they are upgrading. I don't mind the upgrade, but still, 2 for a back was the ultimate in fat guy value - 4

Final - 15

Ranking System:

0-5: I'd rather eat a mud pie
6-10: I don't want S'more.
11-15: All you need is love, but a little chocolate doesn't hurt.
16-20: Ladies and gentlemen...sexual chocolate!

i lold