f13.net

Because the movie forum is one-thread-one-movie, I figured I'd post this here.

http://teaser-trailer.com/movies-2011.html

If even half of this shit comes out this is going to be a bellweather year for really bad adaptations and sequels. I hope I'm being trolled because I don't really keep up too much with movies. If this entire list is bullshit or something feel free to give me a beating because again, I don't keep up with this stuff.

Notable Likely-Bombs:
Cowboy Bebop (I guess this wasn't a troll?)
Neuromancer
Monopoly (yes, the boardgame)
Mission Impossible 4
McGyver
Max Steel (yes, the 90's CG show for kids)
Mad Max 4
Kane and Lynch
Ghostbusters 3 (Thought the videogame ended up being "movie 3" since Bill Murray had told Akroyd no like a million times to doing another Ghostbusters movie since he rightly notes they are all very fucking old now)
Ghost in the Shell
Dark Crystal 2
Bioshock

Might be worth just putting this as a sticky in the movies thread. It's a good references of what to look out for this year.

If you think MI: 4 is going to bomb then you're high.

What the fuck, a Stretch Armstrong movie?

Yeah, I just remembered some of the shots they were doing with the jumping off that gigantic building in Dubai (a place that should be bombed to the ground IMO) and I imagine it'll be PG-13 and do well. I kinda automatically write off nearly anything on its 4th movie in my head.

It's called Ghostbusters 3 but it's really Ghostbusters: TNG with the passing of the torch done in no way as elegantly as having an ancient DeForest Kelly bitching about things.  Murray finally said he'd do it only if he was a ghost/ killed off in the 1st reel.   It's also scheduled for 2012.

Jesus, what the fuck.

Look at all that weebawoo.

What makes you think Neuromancer will be bad (not knowing anything about the production of the movie so far)?

I finally went and looked at the list.. you weren't kidding about sequels. Holy crap. And I thought it'd been as derivative as it could get..

I think I'm betting on the easy odds. Also remember that a majority of the population of the US will be like, "Neuro-whatsawhozit?"

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113481/ (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0113481/)

It just won't be as cool on film as it was in my head when I was reading it....

The portions of the list you quoted is a load of bollocks. The only one that is likely to come out this year for sure is MI:4 (directed by Brad Bird who did "The Incredibles") It's currently filming and due for release in December.

• Neuromancer has been doing the rounds for years and has often been green-lit, made it to script stage and never actually got into production. There's nothing solid at the moment - not even a director (although Joseph Kahn is the current speculation) so unlikely it will see release this year.
• Bioshock is scheduled for a 2013 release - definitely won't be out this year
• Cowboy Bepop movie had a script and Keanu Reeves attached but as of September last year (http://www.animenewsnetwork.com/news/2010-09-16/keanu-reeves-discusses-live-action-cowboy-bebop), hadn't been financed or green-lit for production.
• Ghostbusters 3 is at script stage, aiming for 2012 release.
• Max Steel, Monopoly and MacGyver are all in development hell - won't see any of those before 2012 at the earliest if at all
• Kane & Lynch was meant to have started filming last year but currently has no announced director so has stalled.
• Mad Max 4 has been delayed so won't be out this year.

There's always lots of adaptations and sequels out in any given year so that's nothing new but yeah, plenty of them this year. Lots of the major films already have threads in the Movie Forum (Thor, Green Lantern, Pirates of the Carribbean, Cowboys vs Aliens etc.) but there's a lot more coming out:

Conan (the Barbarian)
TinTin (animated film directed by Spielberg, written by Joe Cornish, Edgar Wright and Steven Moffat, starring Pegg & Frost, Daniel Craig, Andy Serkis, Toby Jones... )
Paranormal Activity 3 (yes, really!)
The Adjustment Bureau (Philip K Dick adaptation)
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier Spy (John Le Carré adaptation)
Brighton Rock (Graham Greene adaptation)
Super 8 (JJ Abrams unrelated follow up to Cloverfield)
Immortals (Greek mythology film about Theseus)
Never Let Me Go (Mark Romanek directing an Alex Garland adaptation of a Kazuo Ishiguro novel)
Animal Kingdom is getting good reviews (and directed by David Michod who also wrote and produced quite a good short called Spider (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jmbv8kevQ-E) I was recently introduced to)

I'm also going to plug two low budget Brit films called "Stormhouse (http://www.avpictures.co.uk/stormhouse.htm)" and "Deviation (http://www.deviationmovie.blogspot.com/)" which have both been filmed but neither have a distribution deal or release date yet. Both are aiming for 2011 release in one form or another. (DISCLAIMER: both films have been produced, written or directed by friends/acquaintances/clients of mine)

Mr. Popper's Penguins!  Man, I loved that book in the 4th grade.  Jim Carrey doing yet another kid's movie.

Actually, most of us are just thinking anything that misspells "Neu" in front of "Romancer" screams ironic Puffy Shirts and winking Spandau Ballet cameos.

But everything old is nostalgically new again (again) so why shouldn't New Romanticism be dragged out in front of the culture club cart.
And shot.
But why, dear god, on film?

jeezus christ ur dum.

Also,

Dark Crystal 2?  HAHAHAHA

edit: So as to be slightly helpful.  Neuromancer != New Romancer.  Neuromancer == Mind Reader (Neuro-mancer).

Dark Crystal 2 was I think initially supposed to be 2010, just lots of delays.

That is probably the guiltiest of my guilty pleasures. It is absolutely terrible, but I watch it every time I run across it. And I fucking LOATHE Keanu Reeves!

If they don't totally fuck Neuromancer up, it could lead to a lot of really cool stuff. More Gibson movies, maybe some Stephenson stuff...I can dream, can't I?

/ditto

It's got that campy vibe and Reeves in his cardboard cutout character is entertaining along with the gesture UI that even predated Minority Report movie.

Gibson wrote a screenplay for Neuromancer (link (http://www.scifiscripts.com/scripts/neuromancer.txt)) back in 1990.  Didn't get made. (He also wrote the screenplay for Johnny Mnemonic too so he can't blame anyone else for not adapting it well.)

American.

Clearly they should get Adam Ant to do the Neuromancer soundtrack.

 :facepalm:

Totally with you on this one, although I probably have pleasures guiltier than that if I were to really start digging.  The bigger issue with Neuromancer is that as a concept, it's already horrifically dated.  This will lead to them trying to modernize all the technology, politics, and history in the story, and lead to it being an absolutely huge clusterfuck of stupid.  I can hope for otherwise, but this is Hollywood we're talking about here.

The Jim Henson Company has been trying to make Dark Crystal 2 for almost 15 years.  They were close to going with it as their next project before switching to Farscape back in '97 or '98.


Most of these "Movies in 2011" seem to be about as accurate or relevant as the Publisher's release date for GRR Martin's next installment of A Song of Ice and Fire.

Pretty much everything in the TBA section at the end is a list of "Hey, here's stuff people have talked about at some point or another.  These could come out in 2011."

If you want to see an actual confirmed schedule of 2011 stuff I'd just check Box Office Mojo's release schedule (http://boxofficemojo.com/schedule/).

Hah.  We watched Johnny Mnemonic a month ago after I found out the Information Society song Mirror Shades was about Jane/Molly.  I'd forgotten I had seen it, and it's laughable, but there's so little cyberpunk out there. :sad:

I would totally make you go see that with me, too.

I am choosing to read this as if it were scathingly, satirically tongue-in-cheek. Because if it isn't, I'm afraid my faith in humanity is on a dip heading straight for the Mariana Trench.

2011 alien movie dogs are inception?

Now my post just looks silly all by itself here  :cry:

Don't respond to spammers.  Thanks. 

Bioshock could actually prove to be interesting, if they get a decent writer for the script. 

Not a single movie on that list I care anything about seeing.

'Big Lebowski 2' in the works? (http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2011/02/01/big-lebowski-2-in-the-works/?hpt=T2)

WHAT. NO.

 :ye_gods:

All good memories must be throughly violated.

If there's any Coen Brothers sequel that could work, I guess it is that one?

I was kindof hoping for Fargo 2. 

The woodchipper wanted too much.

Hah.  If they do another Lebowski I hope they don't fuck up the overall feel.  I absolutely loved the first one, as I'm sure a lot of others around here did too. 

I guess nobody saw the update the same day that link was posted, with a rep from the Coens saying there is no Big Lebowski 2 in the works.  Which I guess makes the project about as substantial as most of the other movies mentioned in this thread.  The thread topic should be changed to "Movies someone mentioned in an interview that aren't actually being made right now".

Bioshock..?

I'd have said BioForge would have made a far better movie candidate.

Relevant to movies that will never release:

http://www.cracked.com/article_19012_5-hollywood-secrets-that-explain-why-so-many-movies-suck_p1.html

I'm not sure why #5 is true.  There are so many good books out there dying to get made into movies.  Ender's game, for example, would be a great movie and probably very relevant politically. 

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1731141/


It's been "in development" for like 20 years.

You'd think these people don't like making money.  It's not like they're trying to make Battlefield Earth into a movie.  Nerds would come out in droves for any number of these classic sci fi books. 

See: Number 4.

Also, you just summoned WUA to rant about things nerds on the internet like vs. things normal people like.  See: Serenity

Yeah, I got that part as I moved along.  But #5 by itself shouldn't be a hold up.  I would love to hear some WUA ranting. 

Nerds don't go to movies.  Just ask Serenity, Scott Pilgrim, any Dune adaption, etc. etc. etc.

And no, Harry Potter and LotR aren't nerdy.  Both have sold hundreds of millions of copies, and are beloved by people who will never touch another fantasy book ever.


Also, I think Ender's Game is unfilmable without ruining it.  I mean...  it's about a bunch of 8 to 10 year olds who commit genocide.

 :ye_gods:

Why would this be unfilmable? 

Anyway, Ender's Game is just an example.  There's plenty of good regular fiction out there as well.  There shouldn't be a lack of good stories to tell. 

Because children are sweetness and innocence. Or see half the episodes of the latter half of Star Trek the next Generation.

Ah.  I see.  Maybe so.

Do you really need me to explain that?  Who is going to watch that, really?  I mean, 7 or 8 year old Ender kicks multiple other 7 or 8 year old children to death.  That's before he murders an entire species.  Ender is basically Clausewitz as an 8 year old.


Plenty of good fiction gets made into film/TV.  We know it as the mid-brow Oscar bait, or critically acclaimed premium/basic cable tv series.  

What you really mean to say is "how come big budget effects films are all Lowest Common Denominator and mediocre?"  Said question really answers itself.

We can hope that, as technology and effects work advances, the cost of doing a niche appeal movies becomes more feasible.

I wasn't trying to prod you into an argument.  I just didn't know if you meant only because of this reason or if there were some technical reasons otherwise, e.g. like Dune, that would make it a problem.  As far as who would watch it-  it's a very popular book, even amongst the non-science fiction types.  It might do better than you expect. 

Children of that age are innocent, self-absorbed, amoral little bastards... who can still be sweet, sometimes.  


No.  The problem is that some things that work on the written page fail as a visual work.  No one wants to see small children who are still supposed to be sympathetic do that.  Lolita is an interesting book, but no one ones to see a simulated pedophiliac relationship on screen.

It's the same reason why we have dozens of movies where we have a sexual disorder portrayed as some version of sex addiction/nymphomania, and none where the hero is afflicted with chronic masturbation or an attraction to their own fecal matter or <insert another hideous example here>.  

Nah, he's Hitler. No, really. (http://peachfront.diaryland.com/enderhitlte.html)

Ugh, Hitler comparison.

Ender is more Bomber Harris.

Nah, he's Hitler. No, really. (http://peachfront.diaryland.com/enderhitlte.html)
[/quote]

Could have been worse. Could have been Wesley Crusher.

There are technical reasons, since significant portions of the action is supposed to be the zero gee game or the MMO-thing.

Realistically, it's difficult enough to find one or two good child actors (hence why Dakota Fanning was in everything for a while).  You would need to find a pile of decent child actors and film FAST at an age where any of your kids could go through a growth spurt and cause issues.


The fact is, if Ender's Game were made into a movie:
1.  Young children would be replaced by emo 20-somethings playing 15 year olds.
2.  Bean would turn into the female love interest.
3.  The game would likely turn into something resembling the game in Starship Troopers.
4.  To beef up the action scenes, the "kids" would now actually pilot the ships to get lasers and explosions and whatnot.
5.  Either the military or the buggers would become Snidely Whiplash, card carrying Villains.
6.  Ender's assaults would become justified beatings of bullies (who would survive) rather than insane overreactions.


As much as I love the film version of Shawshank, I still hate the fact that they changed what happened to Andy's rapist.  In the novella, it's never confirmed but Andy pays/bribes/manipulates other inmates into crippling his rapist.  In the film, to keep Andy sympathetic, it's the mad dog prison guard that beats the guy into a wheelchair.

They usually change stories in the film from book transition.  Children of Men is another example of changing a lot of little things that in my opinion didn't damage the overall story too badly.  Bladerunner was changed quite a bit from the base story.  There were a lot of changes in the Dune movie.  Okay, Dune is a super shitty example :grin:. 

Anyway, simply changing the story line a bit doesn't make it a bad translation into the film medium.  And I'm convinced that if they can do Brokeback Mountain with gay cowboys the US can handle a little xenocide of some aliens performed by little kids.  If anything, I could see them changing it to where Ender had no idea that they were fighting the buggers, either then or in the future, thus making them mostly inculpable for their actions.   

Jurassic Park always stands out to me as the best example of a good translation. They changed many things, but didn't lose the essence or soul of the book. I think in many ways I like the portrayal of Hammond better in the movie as a deluded grandfather who tosses cash around more than the money-grubbing soul-sucker who ends up dead in the book. They also sort of gloss over the fact that dinosaurs are breeding in the movie while that was all BFD in the book.

The lawyer still gets eaten though. Good stuff.

 :uhrr: :why_so_serious:

Someone's got Hitler on the brain.

Hmmm.

Interesting that you say this, because at least the first two are explicitly said by Card in a post-book comment on the audiobook version of the later books of the ender/bean series (I'd have to go back and re-listen to figure out which). He explained that hollywood continues to try and sneak the first in, specifically by using words like "around" and "within 4 years of". He's holding firm and refuses to endorse any movie that would destroy the book in that fashion. At the time, he was tentatively optimistic about this new movie.

Speaking as a fan (well, until I read the Hitler piece) I think any attempt at a movie of Enders Game would be an utter fucking disaster from start to finish.

No.

Just Don't.

Hey, does anyone remember Petra wandering around the barracks naked ?  I think that'd TOTALLY be kept in the movie.

 :pedobear:

 :ye_gods:

It would be pretty difficult to have her wear a tank top or some such. 

Hey, maybe he could tickle Stillson into submission and give Bonzo Madrid a wee noogie or a purple nurple.

 :oh_i_see:

I suspect they could alter the story just a bit and avoid that little problem too. 

(http://dl.dropbox.com/u/1411632/mac.jpg)

Long Tall Sally, she built sweet, she got everything, that Uncle John need.

Maybe they could get Paul Verhoeven to direct. 

He already made that movie.

It was so good he should make it again.

As far as I can tell, the way to make a movie that grosses a billion dollars is to find some internet nerd's childhood and then rape it. Transformers, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, whatever. If thirty-five year old men with action figure collections are pissed off, you're doing at least $300 million domestic.

If on the other hand "oh man the geek demographic will love it" then you're probably flushing money down the toilet. Scott Pilgrim couldn't even beat that horrible Marmaduke movie with the CGI dog that nobody liked.

Far be it from me not to appear when specficially invoked. Also, god doesn't exist, mechs are stupid, and UO rules.

Time to rape Quantum Leap then.

I was sure they'd done that.  Wasn't there a 'leaping into body and time' film recently ?

It has nothing to do with 'nerds' really, just nostalgia. Transformers,GI joe, Star wars(new ones) all take things that adults with disposable income remember as kids and show them again.  You didn't have to be a nerd to have watched transformers even a couple times and that's the hook that gets people into the seats. One reason A-team failed is it came out 5-10 years too late, the audience who would remember it as kids were just a bit too old, nostalgia based movies need to hit the 20-30 age range.

This GQ article is more insightful and more appropriate to the current discussion than the Cracked article.  (http://www.gq.com/entertainment/movies-and-tv/201102/the-day-the-movies-died-mark-harris)

Even so, I still disagree with his conclusions if you look outside the studio backed films that have budgets of $100m+

Bad Teacher is going to be awesome.

:ye_gods:
 :heartbreak:

They did make a movie out of Lolita though...

I noticed Gary Oldman in the new PG-13 Red Riding Hood commercial. I wonder if it's any good.  :|

Twice.  How many people watched either?  Not alot. 

And most of them were wearing raincoats.

I'm more interested in seeing him in "Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy".

Oh, hell yeah. I've never read le Carre, but that's something I've been meaning to pick up. I've been nudging through a Queen & Country novel and wouldn't mind another dose in that same vein.

I think the BBC did a 8 hour TV series on Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy. A bit on the dry side, to be honest, but most of le Carre's early stuff was a bit fastidious that way.

At the very least, it's a fantastic title.

It's not exciting action but it's a really great series. One of those lazy Sunday afternoon things that is just really enjoyable to watch. Somehow I don't think it will in any way resemble the movie.

Holy shit, Farscape suddenly makes a lot more sense.

Thanks, that was a really interesting read.