f13.net

I will now summarise everything that makes the Electra movie worth going to see:

Jennifer Garner

The chance to catch the Fantastic 4 movie trailer

That is all.

PS: The FF movie looks like it might actually be moderately good.  At least I didnt cringe during the brief flashes they showed of the Thing in action.

So I probably won't like it because I'm not into girls? The acting sucks?  The plot sucks?  No special effects making it at least fun?   Thanks for the informative review.  

Luckily I like you or I'd say something sarcastic.

Still think Garner looks mannish.

Well, just some clarification for Signe:

Disclaimer: I have never followed the Electra comics much, so I dont know how accurate the movie is when compared to them.

The acting was fairly mediocre, my main problem with it was mainly that I imagined Electra as a much stronger character, much more kickass and take names and forcefull personality.  Garner's Electra came across as more of an OMG what do I do next, I am almost out of my deapth, why me  whiny brat kind of person.

The plot was almost decent, if somewhat disjointed, but suffered alot from all the things I DONT know about Electra's background.  Very slight hint at Daredevil movie happenings, didnt like how they used Stick at all and other things.

It also somewhat let down as an action movie as well, 2 of the big villians get some screen time, and then die abruptly, without any really exciting fight scenes, and one of the scenes with some of the best potential for kickass martial arts goodness goes absolutely nowhere.

All in all, I would say it is a good rental, but I actually prefered Daredevil over this.

Not the best advertisement for a motion picture, that sentence...

=P

So basically what you're saying is that the parts of the movie that were supposed to be good like villians, fight scenes, decent rendition of the comic character...weren't.

Plus, the parts of the movie that we are supposed to forgive (i.e. plot, acting) because of how much we enjoyed the good parts.....sucked as expected.

Yup, that has 'rent and heckle' written all over it.

Bring the noise.
Cheers.............

She still looks mildly retarded to me everytime she emotes.

Nice rack though.

Thanks, Surf... heh. :)  Sorry I had to shame you into giving me more info.  I'll probably give it a go when it comes to cable.  We go to the theater so rarely that I like to try and  choose wisely.

It's flying with a 2% on Rotten Tomatoes.  Possibly the worst score I've ever seen.   Just for a comparison, even Fat Albert got 18%. Movies.com is weighing in so far with 0 positive, 5 negative and 1 mixed.

This is bad, even for comic book movies where you have to turn your brain off most of the time.  So likely, this movie has no redeeming qualities whatsoever and should be entertaining for people just perving on Jennifer Garner or completely comic book fanbois.

Jesus, 2%??? Even Halle Berry's Catwoman fiasco managed to score a 9%.

Should we be reserving this flick for a spot between Howard the Duck and Ishtar in the hall of shame?

Bring the noise.
Cheers............

Gigli pulled out a 7%, and it was referred to as the worst movie of the year.

(http://www.naomisworld.com/Thumbnails/Austin%20Powers.jpg)

I agree. She looks like a man, man.

Poor Garner. She's so good in Alias. Some people should never leave their comfort zone.

I'm beginning to imagine another great plot twist for Alias...

I'm not so sure I would call Garner "mannish".  Maybe handsome is the word, but I generally reserve mannish for Hilary Swank.

Elektra is SUPPOSED to be a bad ass coldhearted ninja lady death machine. A woman who could kiss you with a razor blade on her tongue and you'd smile as your own blood poured out of your mouth. A rough past and a cold steel present making up for it. Here is some recent Elektra related stuff.

Story by the great Frank Miller and art by Bill Sienkiewicz
Elektra:Assassin (http://www.wordsandpictures.org/elektra/maingallery.html)

As you can see if you read the story, shes a much more complex character than Hollywood portrays. Sadly.

But it has Zod!  It can't be bad, god damn you.

A great graphic novel. One I keep around on the bookshelf instead of cold storage with the rest of my comics.

Don't diss Howard, its bad but in all the right ways.  C'mon Lea Thompson has sex with a duck-man midget thingie!  How can that not be a good movie?

Rotten Tomatoes gives Howard 28% so apparently its miles ahead of Elektra anyway.

I think you mean between Anaconda and Deep Blue Sea.

Or possibly Shark Attack 3!

Judging by this clip (http://www.fantastic411.com/20sec.mov), the Fantastic Four looks to be much worse.

Nah, I actually liked the FF trailer.  Of course, I liked the Electra trailer when I first saw it too.  Only time will tell I guess.

They should have based the movie on that series.  'Course it'd end up rated NC-17, but it'd be worth it.

Now I must go root through my back issues.

Jennifer Garner is NOTHING SPECIAL.  I really, really don't get why she's this amazing babe.  She's really not.

If we're looking for babes:
(http://www.vanhelsing.net/photos/vh_prd11.jpg)

(http://www.mtv.com/shared/media/news/images/b/beckinsale-kate/sq-kate-beckinsale-underworld-sony.jpg)

THOSE are mediocre movies with eye candy that make them worth watching.

Gotta agree there, Kate almost made thoose movies worth watching.

Jennifer is real. Kate isn't on the level of "scary" just yet, but she's well on her way.

EDIT: It's not like I'm some big Garner fan though. If this becomes a thread about chicks in general, then it's easy enough to find a thousand famous women that are hotter than both.

I think Jennifer Garner is quite pretty.  What bits of her do you think are mannish?  I just don't see it at all.  Most of the women you sad men post piccies of are pretty.  I'm sure one of the main reasons they're in the sort of films they're in is just for that reason, no?  Now if you want to talk REALLY pretty:

(http://www.krystalpr.net/Bas.jpg)

I have had the pleasure of meeting this under talented, over made up "man".  He is every bit as pretty in person as in his pictures!  I would have flirted but I'm no lesbian!

How dare you slander Deep Blue Sea!

If you like him, don't cut him short. I'm by no means a Skid Row fan, but I'll be the first to admit that Bach is one hell of a vocalist.

Yes, he can sing... as long as it's an epic rock ballad.  I should have said under talented music, not man.  Sorry about that.  He is awfully pretty.  I yearn for his hair.

Nothing made those movies watchable. Particularly not her horrific acting.

Her jaw's a bit square, especially in proportion to the rest of her face.

(http://a.abc.com/primetime/alias/images/profiles/bio_garner.jpg)

If you shave her head, she looks like a drag queen.

Oh... that's a terrible picture of her!  I bet she wishes that one would disappear.  I only saw one episode of the show and, I guess because of the hair, she always reminded me of

(http://www.sonypictures.com/classics/runlolarun/photos/images/fp-2.jpg)

this lady, who starred in one of my favourite films.

One film that'd make a pretty cool game, I must say.

That is, if movie based games are worth making at all.

Yes, Jennifer Garner is very mannish looking, mostly due to the lower 3rd of her face. Without a lot of time spent by the clothing and makeup departments she is very plain-Jane. Half the girls who work at Starbucks are better looking.

Kate Beckinsale is an order of magnitude hotter. She also has a delightful British accent. She is without a doubt much much "prettier" in the clasic sense. I would go as far as saying she is one of the best looking women in Hollywood today.

I also have a thing for Claire Forlani, although I don't know what she's been in lately.

Waaaait a minute, Margalis!  Aren't you a girl?  I have always thought you were!  Geez... I'm really bad at gender, aren't I?  I always thought Furiously was a woman, too... til I saw his pic.  He's a big, muscley looking bald headed bloke!

Bah!  Lost another one to the other side.  :(

(I'm hoping you're just a lesbian or something)

I would just like to add to this discussion that a co-worker of mine who generally likes the crappiest of crappy movies thought Elektra was crappy.

So it must be VERY crappy indeed.

I'm a man baby! Unless you want to think of me as a really really butch lesbian.

I get that a lot actually, since my nickname has the word "gal" in it. But alas, I am a member of the fouler sex. I will take you thinking I was female as a complement. (Not sure how, but I will work something out)

Doesn't everyone have a friend like that?

Signe - you're so very English -- "favourite" indeed.  I haven't seen that since high school.

And Lola is love.

Hey!  I'm not British at all!  I just live there lots.

Actually, I think of Julianna Margulies.

You must be from the Ottoman Empire, right? Puns are fun.

I always thought the avatar gave it away. I mean honestly, how many women would have a Dirty Harry avatar?

And Kate is teh hawtness.

Now, if you want a non shitty movie to see that opened this weekend (well, opened to a wide release), see In Good Company.  Don't believe the trailers, it's not a romantic comedy in the slightest.  

It was very good and suprised me a lot.  I really enjoy it when movies don't take the easy way out with their plot lines.  Being well acted and well paced also lead a lot to my enjoyment of the film.

Elektra up to 7%! Now it can claim to be as critically praised as Gigli!

Beckinsale was the only thing the prevented me from ripping Underworld out of my DVD player and pissing on it by the 15 minute mark. What killed that movie was a moronic plot, trite cliched vampire angst, and the uber-supar were-vampire-wolf-guy.

How unwatchable was Van Helsing? Unwatchable enough that I never bothered to watch it.

Bring the noise.
Cheers............

While she was fairly meh in Mystery Men, she absolutely made Meet Joe Black worthwhile. While it is a decent modernized version of the classic Death Takes A Holiday, Forlani absolutely ties the movie together and makes you empathize with Death for wanting to claim her as his own.

Plus, the sight of her in that dress at the end of the film....my god. That's my idea of what a glamorous Hollywood actress should look like. Classy, elegant, understated, and sexy all at once.

For visual reference:
(http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/universal_pictures/meet_joe_black/_group_photos/brad_pitt6.jpg)

Bring the noise.
Cheers............

Van Hellsing was horrible. I think my brother summed it up quite nicely, "Van Hellsing was just dare to see if someone could put Dracula, the wolfman and Frankenstein into the same movie." Kate didn't really look that good through most of it either (she just wasn't that attractive in it, I don't know what it was).  I think it would take more than a hundred dollars to get me to watch this movie again. Just not worth the 2 hours of having your intelligence insulted from all angles.  

Underworld almost crossed over into the "so bad, it's good".  She was hot in this. The movie was just bad. It felt like the brain child of someone that wore duct tape and a lot of black clothing in high school and struggled through remedial reading.

So bad, it's good doesn't work unless there's Joel, Crow, and Tom Servo in the front row.  Underworld sucked ass.  Even if Kate had been naked it still would have been too painful to watch.

And I just saw The Hulk last night, Ang Lee needs to die.

I just wait for Elektra to make it to the HBO 24/7 movie rotation.

I think you need to get your Y chromosome checked, I think you may have lost it.

Look, both Underworld and Van Helsing were big fat greasy bags of suck. Kate made neither movie watchable. They were just that fucking bad. Tribes in Africa committed genocidal slaughters from being made to watch either of those movies.

Elektra: Assasin would have made a great movie, straight off the page. But, like Daredevil, I'm sure Hollywood tried to cherry pick bits and pieces from all the stories involving Elektra, and ended up making a mismatched fumetti of shit. With Jennifer Garner.

It takes no time at all to find Kate boobies on the internet.  Actress boobies only save a film if you've never heard of a computer.

I enjoyed watching Van Helsing.  I was under the impression from the beginning that the whole thing was a return to melodrama- a tongue-in-cheek portrayal of the "ultimate horror film."  The grainy black and white at the beginning of the film set that context for me.  With that in mind, understanding that it was going to be cheesy and was likely /meant/ to be cheesy, I enjoyed myself.  

How can you not laugh at a line like, "No!  I do not feel love!  Nor hate!  Nor sorrow!  And yet... I will live forever."

I just can't convince myself that anyone wrote that seriously.  So from that perspective, watching it like someone would watch Plan 9, I enjoyed myself quite a bit.

I just completely devalued my opinion, didn't I?

Well, we both agree on something for perhaps the first time, which means we are either absolutely 100% right in every way or horribly, horribly wrong.

So has anyone watched Elektra since it went to DVD? My neighbor let me borrow it earlier.

I liked it. I'm confused as to why this got such a terrible rating. It wasn't "great" or anything, but it really wasn't bad at all. It's just a martial arts film with some comic book elements -- and a very hot chick in red. Garner was kind of cool (especially towards the end), the fight scenes were OK, the effects were good (but not overkill), and none of the actors stood out as completely horrible (the little girl was irritating maybe, but not horrible).

The story sucked. That much is true. But it was still better than Underworld, Catwoman, and the China O'brian movies. I'd put it within the realm of Resident Evil and the first Tomb Raider --- fun, mindless, entertainment with a female action lead. And like those, it's fairly enjoyable if you don't dissect the story too much.

I'm not all that familiar with the Elektra comics either, so this isn't fanboism (or whatever) talking. I'm just someone who heard nothing but bad things about it and decided to see for myself. I was sort of in a masochistic mood, but Elektra ended up disappointing me -- I enjoyed it.

I liked it. It wasn't amazing or anything, but it was entertaining enough. Certainly better than Dare Devil.

Since someone posted Kate Beckinsale, you should really check out a pic I saw a month or two ago. A fairly bad horror flick named Haunted (http://imdb.com/title/tt0113269/?fr=c2l0ZT1kZnxteD0yMHxsbT01MDB8dHQ9b258ZmI9dXxwbj0wfHE9aGF1bnRlZHxodG1sPTF8bm09b24_;fc=4;ft=203;fm=1). Lots'o'Kate's boobs and a couple full nude shots.

Daredevil - I thank Hammy for making that movie good for me by recommending the superior director's cut.

I saw Elektra on ppv recently. It was better than I expected it to be. Nothing great, but it worked on generic action movie level. It was certainly better paced and less bipolar than Daredevil.

I can understand the reason fans of the comic might hate it - especially the criminal missuse of a cool villain like Typhoid Mary. As for the average movie goer though, I'm a little suprised at the level of hatred. It got, what 9% on the Tomatoe meter?

You left off how drop dead sexy I am.

Wow, lateness.

So way off topic, but c'mon people. Selma Hayek is WAY WAY HOTTER! I am a hetero chick, and even I can see this.
(http://www.lafactorianyc.com/images/pros/shayek.jpg)

Check out the waist-to-hip ratio on her! Stunning. All Hollywood women look like little prepubescent boys compared to her.

Yeah, Selma is nice. VERY NICE.

Selma Hayek is probably one of the most beautiful women in Hollywood today or any day.

Also, if you hated Daredevil, you really should watch the Director's Cut. It's still not a great movie, but at least it's a more complete movie than the theatrical release. This necroposting reminded me that Elektra is out. I'll be watching it once I'm finished with Finding Nemo, the Incredibles, and the Corporation.

Look at Kate in Pearl Harbor or Serindipity.

Kate Beckinsale has a very appealing face, nice eyes, nice hair.

Selma Hayek is sexually appealing but not all that attractive, if that makes sense.

Wanna know who got amazingly hot?

Anne Hathaway.

And of course, Scarlett Johannson

Actually, singers turn me on more than actresses or models.

Jewel (pre-suck), Beth Gibbons (Portishead), Brody Dahl (The Distillers), Stevie Nicks (pre-old), Ann Wilson (even heavy I think she's hot), the Mangiano chick singing with Jefferson whateverplane/ship currently, Susan Tedeschi.

Hrm, I don't think I can agree with that. Her sis is still good looking though.

I saw this live performance of Barracuda the other day, from the 70's, on what looks to be some Euro version of "American Bandstand". My jaw dropped. Ann Wilson looked perfect. And with that voice, her sister couldn't even compete.

Well yes, Salma Hayek is a billion kinds of sexy.

And I'm about to make lots of people jealous by saying that my girlfriend really, really resembles her with shorter hair.

Good for you. I think I met her 4 sisters, 8 cousins, 2 aunts, and mother in San Antonio.

What I'm really lacking around here is blondes and redheads.