f13.net

http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays (http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays)

This guy has started posting on twitter all the random crazy shit his 73 year old father says.  There are some real gems in there.  I think this one is my favorite.

"Don't touch the bacon, it's not done yet. You let me handle the bacon, and i'll let you handle..what ever it is you do. I guess nothing."

I am fairly certain that he's me from the future.  He's got the same name as me and everything.

(edit)

I have said these exact words.  I'm almost sure of it.


And this.

This is the best Twitter feed in the history of um. Twitter.

Gold

I think the statement that if you're the only one who shits in something, you own it, is pretty much an immortal classic bit of wisdom.

"When I used to live in Los Angeles, I used to step in human feces a lot."  :heart:

the image of that old bitter guy yelling and cursing with human feces on his shoes has got me chuckling.


This incidentally was my first tweet or twittering or whatever the cool people call it.  I somehow suspect just about everything else on twitter would be a huge letdown after this.


*spiffy the spellcheck wanted to change Los to Laos*

Great find, thank you for sharing.

yeah, really bravo on this gem.  :grin:

"What are you listening to?...I know who Hall & Oates are god dammit. It's the mustache guy and the gay man."

Oh, man, I laughed SO HARD at this.  Good job and thanks to all involved in bringing this to my life.

Fucking hilarious.

"Your brother brought his baby over this morning. He told me it could stand. It couldn't stand for shit. Just sat there. Big let down."

Why is someone claiming to be my son, goddammit.

"The dog is not bored, it's a fucking dog. It's not like he's waiting for me to give him a fucking rubix cube. He's a god damned dog" hahah so much win

A couple of recent comments:

Fiancee: I slept like a baby.
Me: You drooled all night and shit yourself?

Fiancee: I want to reincarnate as a cat.
Me: You want to clean your butthole with your tongue?

"Tennessee is nice. The first time I vomited was in tennessee, I think."

I've been following this guy for over a week now. It's all gold.

This might be the only thing to ever be worthwhile on Twitter.

Only because I wasn't able to get /velociraptor.

Maybe velocipede is still available.

Sorry hombre, you aren't 1/1000th as funny as that old bastard.

Stu is like a low-cost Oban.

Good catch!

We always keep a bottle of Clan MacGregor in the fridge. 36 months in the cask and a shatterproof bottle. Yeah, I kinda noticed the scotch thing earlier. Screw it. Suck my nuts fuckohs. Take your Glenrothes vintages and Jerez cask single malts and shove them in your manholes. I mean that in a nice way.

I wonder if the guy knows that a few hundred thousand people are reading his rantings.

He does and so does his publisher, he landed himself a book deal.
 (http://latimesblogs.latimes.com/technology/2009/09/mydadsays-twitter.html)

No! He dished Kate Beckinsale! That bastard! :ye_gods:

:awesome_for_real:

I was more referring to the dad. The guy posting the Tweets obviously knows the gold-mine he is sitting on.

At least he's in the loop now.

It's unfortunate as I think the Heisenberg-type principle will now apply in that as he knows he is being observed it will alter the outcome.

Yep.

:facepalm:

Her acting is only marginally 'better' than that of Eliza Douchecanoe.

"I'm having a Makers Mark, you want one? What? 7up? I ain't mixing fucking makers with 7up. Might as well put a lil' fucking umbrella in it"

Now that shit is a real life lesson... Father of the year

Pure.Win.

Keep posting them in here, I do not dare go to the site during office hours...NSFW and all.  :grin:

Where do you work? It's just some bad language.

And that same language is being posted in here, so it's not like this is any better.   :oh_i_see:

He works in a church, obviously.

Its probably not an issue of the actual content, just the URL.

Apparently levar burton loves this shit.

Its the URL mainly... bank... go figure.

"I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."

This guy created an 'Ask me Anything' thread on Reddit (http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/9pqjl/i_am_justin_from_shitmydadsays/).

Choice quote:
Q: Do you think your dad would be willing to post an "I am the dad from the shitmydadsays" AMA?
A: It's pretty hard to get him near the internet. He has a huge fear of it, not joking, because of that fucking Sandra Bullock movie the Net, and some weird report on CNN about identity theft he saw.

Fuck her acting. She's one of the few celebrities where I'd watch her doing something as simple as skinning a potato because she's just so god damn hot.

Kate can act just fine when asked to (see: Cold Comfort Farm). Her American movies, however, didn't require that.