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Well, ole Slay here ended up seeing a little hottie from my work here that decided she wanted to take me to Miami Beach in a few weeks. Me, living in Michigan and never having a woman offer to do anything this cool, obviously jumped on the idea. So we will be staying at the Royal Palms hotel right on the beach. I'm looking for anyone with some experience in Miami to throw out a couple good places to eat, things to see.

Any general advice, thoughts?

Go to Costco to stock up on condoms.

Play GTA Vice City.

Yeah, the minute you get there, drive to the gulf side. Fuck Miami Beach. :oh_i_see:

A college friend's family owns Mango's Torpicana so, if you want to go drop a bunch of cash go do it there.  Plus it's really great food, right in the middle of South Beach and a lot of fun.

They get the super hot Brazilian waitresses to do little dance shows and always have live music.  I personally prefer to sit at the tables on the sidewalk if the weather is nice.

Edit: also it's one of the bars on the beach in Vice City that you do stuff from.

You're bringing sand to the beach my friend.
90% of the entertainment on SoBe is related to drunken debauchery and general philandering; and the women are smokin.  If that's something your woman is okay with, can I have her?  :)

Truly though, just prepare yourself to really concentrate on HER and not the scenery.  I've seen too many times women take their men (or vice versa) to Miami only to end up disgusted and fighting.  And hey, she's not off the hook either... keep an eye on her  ;)

Do your homework and plan stuff to do OUT of Miami.  Like heading to the Keys. Fishing or diving.  Boar or alligator hunting or some such thing (you can pretend you're playing WoW).  But dont just plop on the beach and think everything will be cool.

What he said, the Keys would be cool. I'm serious about the gulf side though. The beaches are much nicer. Drive to one. Get a blowjob on the way.

Gulf side is nice and quiet.  Best shell hunting in the world (most of the shells "for sale" you see in the U.S. are probably from Sanibel Island).  Matter of fact, you can dive for prehistoric fossils over there (like Megalodon teeth).  Naples is pretty; good golfing.

Anyways, where da pics o' da hottie?   :drill:

p.s.
It's quite possible this "hottie" of yours is planning this trip to test your resolve in their relationship.  I'm not even joking.  Some women are like that.  Be mindful padowan.

If you want a quiet trip than go to the Gulf Coast, Miami will be much more fun though.

Go have drinks in the pool at the Fountain Blue (scene of a bazillion movies), go people watching on South Beach, stay out to 4 am club hopping, go fishing (or gambling) on a party boat, depending on how long you are there take a trip to the keys for snorkeling.

If you're there for the actual beaches then yes, head to the west coast of the state.  Key Largo has some nice diving and snorkeling.  Pennekamp Park is one of the only underwater state parks in the country, and includes a number of coral reefs.  If you want to see some of the Everglades, try Shark Valley.  The weather should still be nice enough for bicycling the trail there (it's paved), and I hear there's a tram now if you're lazy.

On the other hand, if you're there for the night life then ignore all the above.  I'd say just stay on Miami Beach but if you want better food that's not outrageously expensive, then you'll want to get off the beach.  Example: Joe's Stone Crabs, while it does have tasty stone crabs, is expensive and you'll wait forever to get in unless you know the fine art of bribing the maître d'.  It's been years since I've lived in Miami now so I don't know the names of any, but try to find a family run Cuban restaurant at least one night while you're there. 

Avoid downtown and the areas around downtown unless you have a really good reason to be there, like you're going to see a show at Gusman or you want to waste your time at Bayside or you like getting shot at (ok, it might not be that bad now, I don't know).  Don't waste your time with Coconut Grove, it sucks.  Unless you happen to be there the weekend of the big art festival.  Then it sucks, is overpriced and crowded, but at least there's something going on.  The Miami Seaquarium is old, old old.  Over 50 years old.  Key Biscayne itself has better actual beaches than Miami Beach, in my opinion, and Cape Florida at the end should be reopened by now (it was completely wiped out by Andrew).  It's more 'family beaches' there though, so you won't have the hot models who sometimes take off their tops there (or used to?  I think the prudes cracked down on that for a while).

Edit: Oh yeah, Carnival might still run day cruises out to the Bahamas or even the cruises to nowhere just for the gambling in international waters.  Freeport has at least one casino.

This ain't my first rodeo man :) We are both pretty recently coming out of long term relationships. She is moving to South Carolina in like 3 months. Of course, that might not happen after she falls head over hells for me like they all do. lol

Well, I do plan on fishing one of the days (as she actually can fish and enjoys it)...We both have about the same motivation level to do shit, which isn't much. I forsee a lot of beachin, some fuckin', some good eatin', some swimmin', some fuckin'. She actually was into chicks in college and so ya never know what I might be able to pull off late at night (yeah right, my game isn't that strong).

If it is a relationship test, I like the fact that she'll drop a lot of cash on flying my ass down to the tropics. Hell, she just passed my test right there. I'll spend a few hundred as to not be a chump though of course.

Pics will come after the trip... :P Any other cool things to do?

And the gulf side has shit for waves, I like to body surf. I did enjoy the Siesta Key(s?) a lot though, beautiful place.

Fixed.

IDK, I was at Cocoa Beach one year just watching perfect three wave sets come in. They weren't huge or anything, but plenty big to catch a ride on. You go to the gulf and good luck with that.

Cocoa in the wintertime is the one exception.  South Florida sux for waves though in general simply due to the Bahamas blocking the swells.  You have to get north of Palm Beach and off beaches that have been eroded by storms.

p.s.
Since your woman likes women, be advised south florida (broward county specifically) has pound for pound the highest amount of "gentleman's clubs" in the world.  I recommend Tootsie's and Cheetahs in Hollywood, FL.  Going in there with a girl is priceless.

If you want a nice restaurant with a nice lounge/club atmosphere.  Try "Bed."  You can eat on a bed there.... in slight privacy (enough for some folks)

She likes to fish?  Nice catch!

(Puns aside, that's awesome.)

This is for the bass fishermen out there, but when I first asked her about her favorite lure she named the same exact ones that I use....Yamamoto Senkos.

Then she told me she wacky rigged em, and I was....needless to say, impressed (but somewhat worried she might outfish me : )

Dude, no.  It's good if she outfishes you and you act cool about it.  It totally worked for my dad.

Plus you get cool anecdotes to tell your kids like how mom won third in the fishing tournament by hooking a 107 pound gar.

Okay...  time for an update.

Let's hear it man.

 :facepalm:

Hopefully he didn't go fishing with some football players.

Or tried to cross the road in front of a drunk football player.