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I'm currently doing my Valedictorian speech for school, and could use a few more sets of eyes and some advice, if anyone is available could you please PM me?

That would be greatly appreciated.

-Night

I suggest you take every opportunity to make reference to your penis.

Might I suggest the inclusion of "All of you motherfuckers are gonna pay, you are the ones who are the ball-lickers."

Oh, grats on being valedictorian, nerd. :oh_i_see:

I did that less than an hour ago at your house... enough already!

Just do a screaming rant. MAYBE YOU WILL GET ON YOUTUBE? EH?

Don't say anything. They will remember your silence forever.  :drill:

Did you watch a Kevin Smith marathon recently or something?

Oh, grats, Night.  Enjoy facing the #1 fear of Americans, public speaking.   :grin:

Thanks for the congrats... unfortunately I haven't been named Valedictorian yet, just a nominee... at my college its weird - you actually have to do all the work, the speech, and then your assessed on the criterion posted.  So its really a FFA of who wants to apply.

It's okay, I'd rather do public speaking than kill myself (I heard a random stat about Americans rather killing themselves than doing public speaking, am I correct?!)

I know, you could give a speech on grade inflation.  It would be rich with irony. 

This.

I have written speeches, but the last time I actually spoke to an audience was three years ago.

Haha they don't trust the valedictorian.

I don't think I'd trust myself either, who knows... maybe the committee will read one speech and then when I'm on stage, I will read an entirely different one. :awesome_for_real:

You should read one about racism against white people. I'd get the joke and that's what matters.

Not to sound like a cynic, but I give talks all over the country and find it really easy to do because a year from now, noone will ever remember that I did it. 

Enjoy the time, but don't take it too seriously.  If anyone remembers it, you did it right.  People take this shit way too seriously. 

Hey Nebu,

Thanks for words of advice, yeah, I didn't take it too seriously, but it was an experience writing it for sure.  I guess I'll keep you all informed on what happens in the next few weeks - the board will pick the top 3 applicants, and then after that - the Valedictorian.

-Night

I think that you should point out that the word valedictorian comes from the same Latin root as the word dictator, and that in British Universities the award is Dux which is the same name that Mussolini called himself to assert his leadership. You beat them all and you now command them. They cannot leave and go on holiday until you finish speaking. And you have so much to say.

I think Righ wins for best idea.

Fuck yes.

Follow it up with, "Filibusters through history: A Journey". Hell just read that title and see who decides to run before someone locks the doors.

Another option is to replace your speech with the script from a very verbal porn.

Seeing as I'm a visible minority, and talking about any time of dictatorship might possibly get me shot - I'd probably say no dice to that one...

On a side note, I could randomly be naked under my ceremonial robes... and no one would ever know!  Nix will witness my reign of terror as Valedictorian for our graduating class... right there in the front row.  Just don't look up.

Are you black?

Obama inauguration speech. Just change some key words. Bonus points for doing it all like Rodney Dangerfield or Bobcat Goldthwait.

Well articulated, but extremely offensive couch burning Bob Goldthwait is even better.

I know who I'm coming to for advice the next time I have to prepare a talk at work.   :drill:

I might need you to come up on the stage with me, we can enact a duo role.  We need someone else for the narrator.

Monocle Cat. :drill:

That would be the most regal porn enactment since that time we watched that British Porn video.

Indeed it would, and I'm seriously considering it now that I have been elected.   :awesome_for_real:
Nix and I contemplated actually ending it off with a Hitler salute...

I'll say what I said to you on MSN: Oh dear god.

Quoted for truth.

Wait wait, you are actually giving a speech now?

Dude, they can't take the diploma away from you. If you don't make this epic, you've wasted a once in a lifetime chance.

And if you're going to make it epic you need to record it for us all to see.

I'll record it if it's epic.

It'll be epic if he's not a big pussy.

Lol!  Damn it, peer pressure.

Whatever you do, write it down and then go over it a couple of times in front of the mirror.

It helps a lot. It also allows you to find the places where ad libbing will fit in best :D (especially if it needs "approval" first).

Whatever you do don't make it some uplifting tripe about how your generation is going to change the world.

Seriously, cuz our generation ain't going to be around to fix all the things the baby boomers fucked up.

Then he shouldn't post his speech :awesome_for_real:

Did he really write about that sort of thing? What a dick.

Edit: Seriously, a once in a lifetime opportunity to address an entire graduating body, fucking give it to them straight. Don't lie. Though, I suppose it takes a special kind of societal sycophant to become the valedictorian, so maybe I'm way off base and you really believe that shit.

So much to talk about... Cleaning up mess Baby boomers left us, while working for 70+ year old senile and drooling boss because most of BB will be working well into their retirement since they lived on borrowed money.

I can't wait for Reg to find this thread.   :why_so_serious:

You know he will. Elections were won on those kind of speeches. As someone who graduated from a Masters in 2008 and is still unemployed though, I'm with you. I'd tell them we're totally boned.

Masters in? Sometimes a masters can be like a degree in psych.

Most Awesome... you have won this thread :thumbs_up:

Accounting

Oh, well then, I have no words for why you're jobless. Come be Canadian!

In short, because most public accounting firms are laying off more people, and they can get almost free labor from interns who do the same work as first years. At this point, I would love to be Canadian if they could pay me and I wouldn't have to live in some god-awful province.

I'm very hurt by your words

Graduating first in your class does take a special kind of maturity and work ethic and certainly deserves some praise.  As long as people don't get caught in the trap that good grades = smart, I'm fine with it.  Good grades = Good at being a student.  If we stick to calling it what it is, then it's all good. 

Maybe that's the topic for your talk.  Valedictorian = excels at being a student.  Intellect will be defined by the number of new ideas you bring to the world.  Anyone can rehash old ideas.  It's what you create in your lifetime that defines you. 

YEA, THAT SPEECH HAS NEVER BEEN DONE.

Edit: I think this is the first time in the history of f13 I've poked at Nebu in 2 threads. It feels... weird.

There's a reason that nobody remembers their valedictorian's speech. Schild pretty much nailed why. Most of them are self-serving crap or idyllic fantasy "we are the future" crap.

I can take it. 

I don't know about what has been done and how often.  I've never gone to any of my graduations.  I think graduations are a waste of time.  Give me my paper and let me get on with my life, thank you very much.

This is the only good graduation related thing ever:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wear_Sunscreen

No college grad will ever write anything that good. My suggestion, let us hack apart your speech. You may be surprised at the results.