f13.net

Anyone? Thoughts? Predictions?

BTW in relation to it you MUST watch the Mark Wahlberg skit on SNL. Funneh!

Trailers make it look like they got it completely wrong on all levels. 

The commercial is confusing.

"Max Pain is looking for God" or "Max Pain is looking for what God wants hidden"  which is it?

Looks like ass, and no, not roller girl ass.

I plan on going into this movie with rock-bottom expectations.  ROCK.  BOTTOM.  And it's entirely possible I'll still be disappointed.

PG-13

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Assume I know nothing of the story line, which I dont. How did they get it wrong?

Play the game. You can get both Max Payne games bundled for $15 on Steam.  Neither game is really long.

Would it be as awesome as watching a really bad movie with that guy from the funky bunch?

My wife was watching the Ellen show when I got home and Walburg was on it. He said there were three things he dreads explaining to his kids: Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch, Calvin Klein underwear ads, and Boogie Nights.

I don't remember people with wings in Max Payne.  Hopefully the movie will not have the crying-baby levels.

 :ye_gods: :ye_gods: :ye_gods:


"The flesh of fallen angels ..."

Hopefully the combined shitfest that this movie is going to be, plus the Happening will kill his career.

I am getting the sense that they're basically basing the movie around that quote and discarding the actual plot.

There is still a possibility that the shots in the trailer of valkyries (or whatever they are) are from hallucination sequences or something, and that it all fits in with the original plot about drugs and betrayal and whatnot.  If so, that'd be pretty cool.  But I'm going to try not to be crushed if it turns out to be a mediocre ripoff of Constantine (itself a mediocre at best adaptation of its source material).

I think "Marky Mark" has shown to be a (suprisingly) cool actor.. but it's like he's reverting to his younger days, where he made stupid role choices or things not up his alley. Actually, he keeps doing this. After Basketball Diaries, he played in some lame shit. Finally got smart and did Boogie Nights. Then reverted back to shit (Rockstar, Planet of the Apes). Kept making forgettable shit, and then does good job in Invincible and an Oscar-nomination worthy turn in Departed. Now back to shit.

[edit] All of these choices probably/basically comes down to him wanting to be some big blockbuster/action star. Or his agent wants that. Either/or.

He's not that though.. He has it in him to be a respectable actor, but has none of the cheekiness of a Will Smith or Bruce Willis, or even the dopey coolness of Keanu Reeves.

And on that note, Keanu would have made a Max Payne film not only watchable, but re-watchable. And fucking funny. And done something to make it very quotable or memorable -- he does it every damn time.

That's pretty much exactly what they did.  Mind you I didn't think the movie was great, or even good.  It's the kind of thing I'd watch on Cable if it happened to be on while I was flipping though the channels.  It has some nice imagery though, I'll give it that much.

ORLY?  If the game did one thing well, it was imagery.  So that review's actually pretty promising.

I must chime in again though and wonder why there's hope at all... The gameplay was ok, but the story, the characters, the acting -- it was completely stupid. The portrayal of the mafia was even worse than the type you'd find in a Steven Seagal movie.

They pretty much cut the mafia out entirely, instead just focusing on Aesir Corp.

it was utterly max phail. I can't stand it. Wtf are they thinking? They had a good script written for the game, and they decided to skew it and ignored it altogether.
Terrible.

I have a house now. I dont do games. I do yardwork, and paint and replace cedar siding shingles and install garbage disposals, etc etc.

Are you fucking INSANE!!!!11! Rockstar was le awesome!
And The Happening wont kill Wahlberg's career but it will probably squash Shyamalan's down for awhile. It SUCKED. As did his last one about the chick who lives in the pool.

Refresh my memory about Rockstar then! I can't remember a good thing about it (except the funny ending credits, where he spoofed his own Marky Mark persona).

I didn't mind the lady in the pool thing actually... haven't seen the Happening though.

If you grew up during the big hair band days of the late 70's and 80's you will understand and love Rockstar. If you were to old or to young for this era...you just wont like it or get it.  But I think Mark did an awesome job in that role and thought the movie was a scream over all. Come on, when British actor Jason Flemyng pulled off his wig and simultaneously came out of the closet was a great scene and bit of scripting.

DONT WATCH THE HAPPENING. Especially if you still want to wake up in the morning respecting M. Night Shamalan. Trees and plants kill people with secret phermones. No there is no trick ending. Yes you know the cause from the get go. It sucks.

Well, I was a kid in the 80's, but hated just about all cockrock except VH and Motley Crue. Was a little skaterpunk. I can appreciate the stuff now, but I just don't remember that being a good movie. Will take your advice on the Happening though.

Oh, I forgot about that british actor... it was supposed to be based on Rob Halford coming out of the closet, right..? And Mark's character was the dude who replaced the real Halford for awhile, I think..

Kind of.  Originally it was supposed to be about the Judas Priest story, but there wasn't enough hate, drama or drugs with the real band to make the story interesting for Hollywood (especially since the band didn't care that Rob was gay and just wanted to continue touring), so the band parted ways midway through production and we ended up with what we got after some re-writes (originally called "Metal God" or something like that after the JP song).

I don't know anything about Rockstar (or much about Rob Halford), but I concur with this statement. The Happening is quite honestly the worst piece of contrived, loose-ended, megalomanically directed bullshit I've seen.

THEY TRY TO OUTRUN THE FUCKING WIND - AND SUCCEED!

And yest still more plausible then living through a nuclear blast inside of a refridgerator!

The first two-thirds of the movie were tedious and stupid.  The last third was FUCKING HILARIOUS.  Thanks to that, I was smiling when I left the theater, despite having blown that much cash on an awful movie.  There's stuff after the credits, something like three minutes worth of kinda pointless footage, so people inclined to wait through the credits should do so.

And it was still a better movie than Indiana Jones Sells Out.

I don't recall this, did someone suggest this? To be frank, my attention wasn't at its best.

*Tarami has lost 10 nerd points. Tarami has delevelled and now holds the rank of "Chess Club"*

I like chess. :awesome_for_real: What crucial reference did I miss?
<google>
Oh. The new Indiana Jones. Then I'm proud of missing the reference!

I think he should gain points for not seeing it.  Good Nerds just pretend like the movie never ever happened.

But, but, but they raped Indy! THEY RAPED HIM!

Great nerds watched it so they'd have something to rantblog about.

Blogs are distinctly un-nerdy. Everyone has one and everyone rants on them. I want another reason. :awesome_for_real:

not having playing the Max Payne games before.

Hi Movie you sucked worse than Doom. Heck even Super Mario Bros from more than a decade ago was more believeable.

great filming though nice colors and sharp pictures. but my god the story is the trash.

I actually enjoyed Doom. I just tried to think of it as a cheesy action/horror flick.

Yeah Doom was ok. Better than AvP and other such shit that I compare it with.

I wanted to see this movie but then I read that the story was by a first time scriptwriter. Combine that with the supernatural stuff and I got "first time writer wants to change the storyline of the game and make it his." Max Payne is about 2 things: the bullet time and the noirish story.

I think this is why most video game movies suck btw. They change the story. If the story is good enough to make a game about it, leave the fucker alone and turn it into a movie. Admittedly some games don't have stories, but a lot of the ones being made into movies do.

I finally got around to watching this (unrated director's cut) and don't see the hate.  Granted, it's been so long since I played Max Payne that I can't remember the storyline at all, but the movie was good.  It was a little slow at first, but it picked up near the end and I felt satisfied.  I think you all just hate movies.

I didn't hate it, but I wasn't overly impressed by some of the casting choices. Mila Kunis as a tough, gun toting arms dealer?

Saw it last week. It simply wasn't that good, and I'm overly tolerable of Mark Wahlberg.

Just watched it yesterday.  I have never been able to see Marky Marky as a tough guy.  Every time he pus on his serious face, it just looks like he is about to explode in to a fit of giggles.

I think it is either his cheeks or lower jawline.

That plus the fact that I never played the game really made the whole thing hard to watch let alone understand.

I watched it last night. I'm not sure where to start with what they did wrong but it wasn't Max Payne. It had none of the noir feel and very little action for what it should have been. It also had to many distractions like the black dude in the opening scenes who is apparently only there so the other guy can tell him about Max's wife and daughter. Show, don't tell people.

While watching it, my wife decided she wants a Mossberg 590 for Valentine's day, so the movie wasn't a total loss.

I know now exactly how fucking much I loved the Max Payne games.  Enough to carry this movie and prevent me from hating it. 

Caught it on HBO last weekend and I liked it. Story fell apart there at the end, but still good imagery and stuff.

I'd like to see the Director's Cut, maybe it flows a bit better. I feel like a scene or two is missing from the last half of the movie.

That's basically my problem with it - there's some issues in the first 3/4's of the movie that I can easily ignore, but it really hits the bad CGI and OVERACT NOW trap in the last half hour.   

What the fuck was this movie made for? The real villain was transparent about 3 minutes into the movie. Most of the dialogue seemed to be missing half of its context. The angel imagery felt added just to provide something interesting to look at.