f13.net

So I'm not working and have a surgery in 2 weeks so can't really start working. But there's a casting call for Big Brother. I need a character to be in front of the producers.

Should I go for Misanthropic Bastard with a Grudge Against Humanity (i.e. Myself) or something else?

When is it?  How much time do you have to prepare a character?  We'll come up with something.  PLEASE DON'T BE YOURSELF!

It is in 10 hours.

I should probably wear denim shorts and a wife beater, shave my head and put a swastika on my neck. Then break it to them that I'm jewish.

Tortured Artiste.

Unfortunately, I don't look the part. Unless I wear the Guy Fawkes mask. I'd love to do that though.

I take it back.  Be yourself.  It's a bit difficult to know what they're casting for anyway.  The last season they seemed to be casting for idiots and sluts.   They've announced this season will be different, more of a mix of personalities and diverse ages.  You might be just the thing.  I might not like Affliction but wear your best Affliction clothing.  You have a look so you might as well use it and it's a recognisable, somewhat posh style.  Don't fib about anything.  Use your sarcastic voice... it's one of your cool things, imo.  If you make it, I'll laugh and laugh and laugh.  I am sure you will not make it to the end.  It's very likely that some of the sorts of morons they cast will force you to become a serial killer. 

Can you tell BB is one of my not very secret vices?  And Survivor, though that's not nearly as tasteless as BB.  I will be your number one fan.

Employ wild mood swings for absolutely no reason. Then tell stories about that time you were so drunk. Then attempt to hump the couch.

That should do it.

Well, yea, last season from reading the net was just a bunch of sluts. I figure I'm just good looking enough to get by this season according to what has been said. Thankfully the producers are doing the casting call. Also, I have more than just Affliction clothing, thanks. I'm probably going to wear a linen shirt with a Goatse shirt under it. I've no reason to hide anything.

My 3 concerns with the possibility of me being just a funny dick enough to make it are the following:

1. Are you allowed to smoke on big brother.
2. How many anti-heroes will they allow on the show? Am I allowed to make people try and kill me instead of vice versa. I really, badly want to get myself in a house with 14 gibbering retards and eviscerate them and all of american culture verbally.
3. No Net access. Good god.

Signe, really I know nothing about the show other than previous casts from reading the web, give me a rundown on it.

Also, no doubt they're going to ask "What would you do with $500k?"

To which, if I get on the show I will say: "Blow and hookers" in the diary room.

But to the producers, I'm thinkg: "Save Africa from Whitey." I hope one of them is black.

Tell them you want to purchase a whale so you can name it Mr. Splashypants.

Oh nice. Maybe they're filming the casting call like they do with all the other shows for a DVD. That would be worth owning.

You need to take as many smokes as you need for a whole season (and then some, because there's fuck all to do besides smoke, work out and talk to 13 people who probably have personalities that you wont gel with), because they wont buy you refills.

I've read that you should turn up EARLY for the casting call, because it cuts down the time you have to wait - you're given a number and called in order. And bring a book/game/music.

early? sigh. ok. I'll go like 2 hours early then, got nothing else to do.

Also, wow, I have to buy my own smokes? For 3 months? that's like, 10 cartons. Gonna have to get some duty free shit, heh.

Though, Bhodi has the good idea of putting myself through Withdrawal publically. It has merit.

Look up Dr. Will Kirby and Evel Dick Donato. Both winners who did just that, and two of the most popular players of BB apparently. If somebody hits somebody else, they will get removed from the house, so getting somebody so wound up that they want to hit you is awesome - just keep it for one or two people so that you don't get the whole house wanting you evicted. Oh, and lying to people while pretending to be sincere and then being honest in the diary room and laughing at the people you suckered will gain you huge fan credibility. Also it is a produced show - not really a game show, so being boring is death. I guarantee you that the cast are manipulated in diary room sessions so as to try and eliminate the boring people early and keep the fan favorites even when they're pissing off the rest of the house. You need some people on your side, but you also need enemies just as much.

Several people have gone into the house with deliberately low supplies of smokes and have given up on-air. BB does provide patches now. Not only does it make good TV, but its a merit badge for the producers, I guess.

Do you get paid just for being on the air like a regular job? Happen to know if there are benefits? I'd rather not waste time at the casting call and just be a total dick the whole time instead of letting them think I'm worried about my welfare.

There's a stipend, but its not good money or anything. I've heard variously that its between $750 and $1000 a week. Figure on 12 weeks if you make it to jury sequester.

Jury sequester is usually in a mansion on a nice tropical beach somewhere.  They might not give you TV, but they keep you amused.

I loathe to admit, I've watched every season of it. Each season about have the cast is beautiful people, and the rest is taken up by steriotypes. Typically at least one each of a Gay, an old fogey, a Christian dingbat, someone of any other religion, and anti social type. Really comes down to just being someone that Joe Public will get a kick out watching go through an emotional breakdown, or being the breakdowner to the other houseguests.

They likely are looking for outgoing, off the wall, quirky, yet stable enough to remain in control. They had a few problems in early seasons with people who lost it and got violent. They'd rather you just destroyed your oponents emotionally. Or if you are willing to hookup with everyone in the house - that might get you in as well. They love the showmances.

Good luck.

This is my forte.

Yea, but I mean, I don't even know what sort of tasks/contests are on the show. I'm going in blind here, explain how a season plays out for me.

Also to note, in the last few seasons, they have had a number of opportunities to win stuff along the way during the game. Last season, two people won $10k, and one won a motorcycle.

You can smoke as much as you want outdoors, but food varies. They have food competitions through out to determine what you eat. If on the loosing end, you can end up on gruel and condiments for a week at a time.

I had worse for 12 weeks, so the food does not scare me. As long as there's no lame ass Survivor LET'S MAKE AN ASS OUT OF THEM BY MAKING THEM EAT RAW SNAKE AND BUG SHIT type stuff, I'm cool. Otherwise, I'm going to starve myself. Because I can. I have training.

If you're only going 2 hours early, you're still going to have a long, LONG ass wait.  When they did the calls for Survivor, American Idol and The Apprentice in Cincinnati, there were people camped out for DAYS ahead of time.  Fuck, some dingbat was going from city to city for Apprentice, hoping he'd make it in at the next call if he didn't make that one.

Just be yourself, an arrogant East Coast art and film snob who lives in Arizona of all places.  :drill:  If you need motivation, just think of all the SWG threads and steer the topic to whatever film you feel like eviscerating today.  Iron Man is topical, and you've got your hard-on against it.. so that'll work.  :grin:

Ok, quick summary.

Starts with a competition for Head of Household - often a quiz or puzzle competion. Winner gets his own room and is safe for the week. He has to nominate two people for potential eviction.
After that, typically a food or luxary competion, which is ususally some over the top silly physical contest.
Then the Veto competition. Usually six people play, including HoH and the two nominies. Winner has the option to veto one nominee, who the HoH has to replace with someone else (who can't be the veto winner) Veto competion is often physical, sometimes skill based, sometimes endurance based.
Then finally, secret vote by the rest of the house to kick out one of the two nominees.
Then another HoH competition, which the HoH of last week can't play in.

Last 7 people booted form the Jury, who get sequestered and who pick between the final two players for who gets $500K and who gets $50k.

Last season also had a fan callin vote for a $25k prize to one of the jurors.

Usually one of these per season, but its typically not for one of the important competitions.

God damn. Reality tv is gay.

Keeping that truth to yourself might improve your chances - or not. Maybe this year Big Brother goes for somebody who insults the audience, which totally would make me watch for the first time!  :awesome_for_real:

Reality TV does need it's Andy Kaufman. And supposedly this last season, Big Brother 10 is a last hurrah since the lease runs out on this house and they don't seem to want to pick it back up.

Same here.

Do you guys down south get your own set of retards, btw ?

I think when that particular craze started we tried with the addition that the candidates had to drive a taxi to pay for the stuff they needed. Yep, Google agrees and says it was called Taxi Orange.

We only had public Television at that time though, and they had to explain in an open hearing why they used the taxpayers money for that crap.  :grin:

You Teutonic types are just packed full of weird.

From YOU, I'll take that as a compliment.  :awesome_for_real:

The more I actually read about this show, the less appealing it is.

Do it anyway.  Not for the money, but for our amusement.  At least see if you can get a call back or something.  AMUSE US.

Dammit.

The guy who was supposed to drive me, since I've been up for like 16 hours, flaked out and went drinking with his boss. As such, he's going to get punched. He's actually a forum member here, but I'll let him pipe up since I know he won't be able to control himself.

You should have driven yourself!  Dammit.  You are not dead to me, but you are somewhat critically injured!  (http://www.invision.smileyville.net/smilies/dbg_aggressive.gif)

I think I got someone else to drive me. I'm working on it!

Signe isn't at her computer right now, but she says:

OMG! Hurry!

This made me watch "Man on the moon".

Thank you  for that.

If you haven't left yet, Schildy, YOU BETTER GO NOW!

So why, exactly, do you need a ride?

I'll answer for him just in case he's actually gone.  He's really, Really, REALLY tired and doesn't want to drive.  And he might get lonely, too.

These kind of threads let me know who actually pays attention on the weekends, and those who just use this site as a workday diversion.

.... you know, when you called me I was already at the bar. so i take no accountability for you not having a ride.

Better drop it Schild, he looks angry and he has some sort of awesome cyborg arm.

Big Brother sucks anyway. You don't want to be on it.

Edit: When I posted the above he had an av of a guy with a powerglove.

Its perfectly safe for him to be on it - he won't be watching it if he is. What you're saying is that you don't want him to be on it in case you feel compelled to watch. I understand.

UPDATE: Schild fell asleep anyways so none of this matters. However, for those showing up for the F13 get together there will be no doubt that he'll outright blame me, so just be prepared for a very involved rant.

Score another one for internet peoples not following through on anything.

Wake him up.  He can still make it if you speed!

Too late, but: I would have thought you best chance would be the whole "super ego about computer games" thing. I'm sure they don't get many of those. Not with some sort of social skill and "omg awesome" Affliction clothing, anyhow?

Can't someone take him to another city to do it?

Blaming implies the possibility of  me being wrong. (Almost never the case).

And considering I'm not a woman or management at a white collar corporation, the phrase "failure of communication" only works with those two groups. Also, I don't stutter. I'm a dick, for sure. But I do not stutter.

Also, it's not worth a rant. Had I actually stood in line, I probably would've ended up yelling at the producers for my time for their system of casting calls being a total bucket of shit and how the world invented appointments to combat that sort of shit.

I probably would've seen the line and left anyway. The bar wasn't answering calls the moment the clock hit 5pm. Maybe they weren't before that, or maybe it just wasn't worth answering the phone because every question would be do you have any Wiis? how long is the line?

We should just start our own reality show.  "The Masters of Cake: The rise of Ookii and Cory as they take on the cake-baking industry!"  It has the potential to be the greatest show of all time.  :drill:

That's just raw delusion.

I prefer to think of it as a case untapped potential!

You all suck.

Damn, even I would have given it a watch if ole Schildo had made it. And I never watch network TV.

I certainly could see Schild fitting into a group like this (http://www.bigbrother.com.au/housemates.htm).

I know a girl who works for Days of Our Lives.  Want an audition?

Edit: upon reflection, I remember hearing that they cast Corey The Party Dude.  But seriously, I wanted to see Schild live with him!

I've been watching a bit of the Aussie BB.  Travis' voice is EXACTLY like Eric Idle's Monty Python woman voice.  It's creepy.

I've only seen Travis in the ads but... his voice is like nails down a blackboard.

(http://www.bigbrother.com.au/images/Travis_141x237(1).jpg)