f13.net

Seriously.  A Picnic table.

http://www.nbc10.com/news/15734256/detail.html

What happens between a man and his patio furniture is between him and whatever god he happens to worship.

Does he have a fence?  That'd be my line to cross.

I think he took the term 'woodie' too literally though.

Hey, I can see improvising with a knot hole or something, but a metal table? Beyond the pale.

The cad!

Waitaminute! Some "anonymous" tipster had three DVDs worth of picnic table porn! I didn't even know that stuff existed.

I wonder if WD-40 is an irritant on the penis.  Hopefully he wasn't dry-fucking that thing.

Best headline related to this story:

http://www.metro.co.uk/weird/article.html?in_article_id=132159&in_page_id=2

Just found this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbY0j02cNqY

Picnic Table comes forward for victim report.

Oh yeah, he fucked it.
That's what I found most odd, really. Nothing odd about a neighbor filming three DVDs worth of this stuff.

There are so many easier ways to go about this.  Did he really get off on the fact that he was fucking a table, or did he just need a hole that badly???

This story is the best office injoke of the year thus far. Thanks.

I wonder if the umbrella is jealous.

He's going to have to move somewhere that has never heard of the internet. Nothing like having your face plastered across the web with the label 'table shagger'. Maybe he can take robot sex (http://gizmodo.com/tag/robosexual/) for a spin instead. May not be rough enough, but it would probably be easier to take with him to Antartica.

edit: Fuck. I hadn't watched the video. How bad in bed does your wife have to be to make fucking a table seem like a good idea? And he has kids? Time to move out of state; that shit will follow you  forever in school.  I figured he was some loner living in his mom's basement. Clearly he needs to be committed.

I would have given the benefit of the doubt if he'd only humped the table once. I mean... maybe he was just in an experimental phase, or was really drunk and randy. But to think that not only did he bump uglies with furniture once, he continued to do it, in public.

I think the best line was had on QT3; post #12 (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=43404&#12)

I heard it was a very attractive table.

Have you seen the table?  It was fucking asking for it! All sleek and wet with the morning. Its dewey hole exposed to the world.  THAT TABLE IS A WHORE AND TRICKED THIS POOR MAN!

This wouldn't have happened if our sinful Western culture followed the moral teachings of the Middle East and made our tables were tablecloths at all times.

Yes. And people over there actually do it with their tables through a hole in the cloth so as not to expose too much plastic or iron.

 :grin:

This made me smile, thanks.

Yeh I Ilike this coment too ;) but I cannot condone this kind of opression of our tables.

Thank fuck it wasn't in Scotland this time.  That bicycle fucker a few months back undid half a decade's worth of good work from Connery and McGregor.

Better watch your cows as well from this police officer:

http://cbs3.com/topstories/officer.robert.melia.2.706410.html

N.J. Officer Allegedly Performed Sex Acts On Cows
Previously Charged With Sexual Assault On 3 Girls
MOORESTOWN (CBS 3) ― More charges have been filed against a Burlington County police officer who was recently charged with sexually assaulting three girls.

Authorities announced Moorsetown Officer Robert Melia Jr., 38, has been charged with four counts of animal cruelty after allegedly engaging in sex acts with cows between June and December of 2006.

Melia and his former girlfriend, Heather Lewis were previously charged with three counts of aggravated sexual assault and one count of criminal sexual contact with three girls in his Pemberton home from 2003 until 2006.

Melia is being held on $510,000 bail.