A Totally Useless "What We Talked About" at Lunch Thread

[cmlancas]

This thread might be the shittiest shit shit thread of shittown.  In fact, a grief title after I donate might be something like "let me tell you about lunch."  But, I keep saying I'm going to do this, but then I always forget.  So, I'm starting it here because well, if you guys find it funny, then god knows the uninformed masses have to chuckle, right?

Well, here's the idea in this thread:  I have a foursome I eat lunch with every day, and they're hysterical.  Here's a short rundown of the folks who'll be starring in the show:

M, 62:  A highly successful Cuban-American woman who's the translator for our department. In stereotypical fashion, she loves baseball and Marco Rubio.
C, 47:  A hippie living in a redstate, enjoys belly-dancing, yoga, and  owns a funeral home with her husband.  Their funeral home company car is a smart car that has a sticker on the back stating, "our other car is a hearse."  Oh, and unofficially,  their funeral home's slogan is "we put the fun in funeral."
E, 26:  A ridiculously nice (think of the nicest person you know and multiply it by 30), somewhat conservative girl from wholesomeville, USA.  Corrupting influences in her life aren't notches in bedposts but episodes of South Park.
J, 44:  A former Naval submariner,somewhat  reserved and quick with the one-liner.  Glued to his phone, he's constantly sharing news stories and pop culture happenings.  Makes it easy to settle on conversation topics when he's around.
Me, 26:  A wanna-be comedian pursuing a PhD whose pop-culture and movie references rival nerd references of Big Bang Theory (yes, everyone on the interwebs can outnerd me in one way or another).  Also, grew up a baseball player, computer gamer, and Lit major, so kinda all over the map.

First episode in T-minus one hour.  

[cmlancas]

Edit:  Thanks schild.

[Paelos]

Ask them about shutting down Strasburg!

[cmlancas]

Episode One:  The other F word.
Starring:  Everyone except M

After heading through the cafeteria, we all sit down to the usual corporate banter:  how's your week going, I like your hair--the usual.  After ten minutes of this, J starts to try to tell a story quietly but can't stop laughing. We work in a place that's extremely, extremely conservative, so his hushed tones are warranted when he starts telling the story of an inappropriate license plate he saw last week.

J:  I was on the interstate this morning and saw a car with the license plate: F-E-L-T-C-H. 
Me:  *looks around hurriedly*  Does anyone actually know what that means, other than me and him?
C:  Never heard of it.  Why, how bad is it?
E:  Yeah, is it a racist slur or something?
Me (to E indirectly):  Uh, well...I...can't exactly say it out loud.  I mean...well...here.  Let me pull it up on urban dictionary.
Me *pulls up feltch on UD* // http://feltch.urbanup.com/250271
Me *shows first to C*
C (completely shocked):  No way, that's not even real.  With a straw?
C *passes phone to E*
E:  Oh my god.  Really?  Who would do that?

About five minutes pass where people pass incredulous looks and wonder how someone would even think to do that to someone else, much less put it on a license plate.

The good old corporate lunch topics.

Fake edit:  In the interest of full disclosure, there were more people here who contributed and this happened a couple weeks ago.  I just wanted to start with one of the funnier ones first.

[shiznitz]

This thread might have to be re-titled "You had to be there" but it is still early yet. 

[Signe]

Err.  Exactly how many men are involved in that?  If I hadn't clicked on the link, I would have said you made it up.  Three, right?  Or two.  Two or three.

[cmlancas]

The first line of the initial post acknowledges this could be complete and utter shit.  Just trying to see if it has substance or not, and the srsbns forums seems like a good place to start.

Also, two men, me and J.

[Signe]

WHAAAAT!!!  You've actually DONE THAT??? 

[cmlancas]

WHAAAAT!!!  You've actually DONE THAT??? 

Oh the joy of ambiguous pronouns.  Two men involved in the lunch table.

As far as the other, I suppose it's all about how you like to party.

[shiznitz]

As to feltching (and I did not know there was a 't' in that word), it refers simply to the oral removal of semen from an anus via another's person mouth.  The number of people who put the semen in place and/or opted to remove it is irrelevant to the definition.

[cmlancas]

As to feltching (and I did not know there was a 't' in that word), it refers simply to the oral removal of semen from an anus via another's person mouth.  The number of people who put the semen in place and/or opted to remove it is irrelevant to the definition.

Also true-- I didn't know there was a T, but that's the way the story went.   

[Merusk]

Feltch is also a common last name, As you can see from this Google search.  Probably what the case was here.