NFL 2015

[MrHat]

I know SF is a dumpster fire, but they looked young, fast and hungry last night.

But holy hell, the QB play in that late night game was so atrocious.

Did they pull AP because he's old and tired or because he didn't study playbooks in his off time and kept missing blocks in the first half?

[Paelos]

I watched the first quarter of the SF game and turned it off because it was unwatchable. I won't stay up to watch garbage football.

I checked the score this morning. God the Vikings are bad. How did they lose that game when SF was just trying to run the ball at all costs?

[Shannow]

Trent Dilfer may be the fucking worst analyst in sports. After SF got a penalty for a false start (because the Vikings D line player moved by didn't infringe) he actually managed to say that he liked what the 49ers were trying to do and that it actually was better for their punter. Yes, because punting at midfield instead of converting a 4th and 1 is a good thing. 

Never mind that Berman was announcing. Fuck me.

Probably the first time I've actually deliberately watched an NFL game outside of the Pats or the Superbowl and this is what I get? Well at least the Hayne plane managed to put out the flames and wobble onto the runway. (Plus Bush got injured in the least surprising development of all time. Moving up the depth chart!)

[01101010]

I don't have ESPN so the NFL Monday night game can go get bent. At least I don't have to put up with Berman. Now can we get rid of Simms on Fox? Holy shit he irritates me to no end.

[HaemishM]

I didn't bother watching the Vikings/49ers game because I thought it would suck monkey ass. Looks like I was right.

I did watch the Eagles/Falcons game. Wow, the Falcons looked like a real team for 3 out of 4 quarters. They even managed to block! Coleman might actually be a pretty good running back but based on how bad the Eagles defense looks, that may be a false positive. Julio Jones is Julio Jones, so no surprises there (except that he stayed healthy). Holy shit, did Matt Ryan make two really boneheaded decisions with the football for the picks he threw. He apparently has a blind spot directly down the middle of the field like a horse with reverse blinders or some shit. Both picks were to a guy who he just never saw hanging out in the middle of the field and watching the QB's eyes. Bradford, OTOH, had about 1 quarter of competence preceded by two quarters of "WHAT DEFENSE ARE YOU READING? Because it's not the one on the field." But really, the Eagles lost that game because of Chip Kelly's coaching, IMO. Specifically, the missed field goal. He spent about 10-15 seconds on the sideline trying to decide whether to go for the first down or the field goal. That dilly-dallying meant that his kicking team had to scramble onto the field and rush the kick. And as a result, the kicker shanked it. I'm not saying he would have made it had they had more time but there's no reason in that situation to be making that decision with the 40-second clock ticking. Either you know you are going for it at 4th and X or less, or you know you are going to kick it on 4th down no matter what. You know that as a coach and you tell your offense and special teams what to be prepared for so they are ready. If it's that hard to make a decision, TAKE A TIMEOUT.

After that and the Giants bungling of the timeouts at the end of their game, I just have to shake my head at the coaching in the NFL. There's just no excuses for people paid this much money to get a simple thing like clock management wrong.

Congrats, Atlanta Fans. You might actually have a coach who can turn that dumpster fire of a defense into something approaching competence. In the shitty shit shit NFC South, you may even have a division winner. Tampa and New Orleans sure as fuck aren't going to be much of a challenge.

[Rasix]

That announcing combination, especially during that cluster fuck first quarter, was goddamned dreadful.  Dilfer is a bigger dipshit than Theisman. 

Simms has been awful forever. He's king of the "I knew that would happen".  It's a shame, because he was one of my favorite players as a kid.  I'm pretty sure his announcing has driven down the value of his rookie card.

[Paelos]

Congrats, Atlanta Fans. You might actually have a coach who can turn that dumpster fire of a defense into something approaching competence. In the shitty shit shit NFC South, you may even have a division winner. Tampa and New Orleans sure as fuck aren't going to be much of a challenge.

It's Carolina and Atlanta in my mind. Another two horse race to 9 wins, and whoever gets there takes the division.

Atlanta still hasn't solved the 3 major issues that plagued them last year

1 - Short yardage running. Need a 3rd and 1 to win the game? No dice, suckers.
2 - Offensive line play. They are signing Jake Long to try and shore up the problem. Jake...Long, mid-season no less.
3 - Pass rush. That Beasley pick is looking good already. He got bitch-slapped by pro-bowl tackle Jason Peters. He better hope it gets easier in New York and Dallas.

[Tannhauser]

So the trendy Vikings bandwagon is in danger from everyone jumping from it after one game?  You don't say!

[Paelos]

So the trendy Vikings bandwagon is in danger from everyone jumping from it after one game?  You don't say!

At least people didn't jump on the Jameis bandwagon early this year.

[Megrim]

So the trendy Vikings bandwagon is in danger from everyone jumping from it after one game?  You don't say!

Hey, I picked the Vikings to bangwagon this year, and I'm not going to quit now!

[K9]

Well I guess the Chiefs just wanted the loss that little bit more than Denver last night; what a rubbish game

Aside from Peters, that kid looked like a beast

[Paelos]

I think I had a KC -3 and an under parlay covered until the last minute of that game. 

Oh well, I snuck out my Cowboys, Green Bay, Miami parlay last week by the skin of my teeth, so turnabout is fair.

[sickrubik]

Amazing what happens when you let Peyton be Peyton.

[Phildo]

I just love this image.

[HaemishM]

Denver looked a bit lost.

They looked horrid.  It seems like their offense was designed to specifically hide the fact that Peyton's arm has gotten to the point where he throws a worse ball than Tebow.

I didn't get to see the Broncos/Ravens game but I watched last nights Broncos/Chiefs game. Holy shit is this ever accurate. Peyton's arm looks like it has all the strength of a wet fucking noodle. The ball has absolutely no zip on it. He reminds me of Kurt Warner during Warner's last year. He's an utter statue in the pocket, can't run anywhere and no longer has the arm strength to gun the ball into tight windows. His tight ends aren't as good as in the past. He doesn't have a masochistic 3rd down receiver like Welker. The Denver offensive line is literally tissue paper that can neither run or pass block. And somehow, Gary Kubiak has turned one of the most interesting QB's to watch into a goddamn utter bore by taking away his playcalling/audibles. Emmanuel Sanders is probably regretting his decision to go to Denver now, as he gets to suffer through the precipitous decline of a future HOF QB. This had better be Peyton's last year because it's going to look about like Favre's last year in Minnesota - and with that offensive line, I'm not sure I expect him to survive it because he is going to get KILLED. Somebody is going to turn what's left of his spine into a goddamn question mark, and we'll all get to watch seven of his vertebrae shoot out of his asshole. The Brock Osweiller era may be starting really soon.

The Chiefs weren't much better but at least they could run block (couldn't pass block for shit but Denver is good at the pass rush). However, Alex Smith looked to be about as good physically as Peyton only without the ability to read the defense. Without the ability to really throw the ball deep though, this team is going to have to rely on that very good defense to make the playoffs. The number of really bad turnovers the Chiefs coughed up was sick and Denver pretty much lucked into a win.

[sickrubik]

Did you not watch last nights game either then?

[Paelos]

Amazing what happens when you let Peyton be Peyton.

Why is that OC not fired yet? It's patently obvious that you're paying Peyton to run the show and all this under center clap-trap is some dickhead thinking he's smarter than the room.

[Trippy]

The offense they are trying to run is Kubiak's, not Dennison's so if anybody needs to be fired for poor play calling it's Kubiak.

[01101010]

The offense they are trying to run is Kubiak's, not Dennison's so if anybody needs to be fired for poor play calling it's Kubiak.

Which is full of ha-ha's. He should wait till next season when he is left with Brock. Trying to hem Manning into his offense is not going to work out for Peyton's survival this season. Unless the plan is to make an unequivocal showing that Manning is done and they'd have done better with a stronger younger QB. Either way, it will come back to bite Kubiak in the ass at some point.

[Paelos]

The offense they are trying to run is Kubiak's, not Dennison's so if anybody needs to be fired for poor play calling it's Kubiak.

I'm fine with firing him too. They never should have hired him in the first place.

[HaemishM]

Yeah, what you are seeing in Peyton is what happened to Schaub the last year he was in Houston. Just an utter deterioration of a solid QB into a blubbering mound of mush.

[Paelos]

Why did they fire John Fox again after winning the division for 4 straight years? Because that still boggles my mind.

[01101010]

Yeah, what you are seeing in Peyton is what happened to Schaub the last year he was in Houston. Just an utter deterioration of a solid QB into a blubbering mound of mush.

Which puts Peyton in a tough spot. He is good enough to operate as a coordinator on the field, but will he just tell his guys to dismiss the coaches and start running things or tow the line and get killed in the process as not to break morale? I think he has enough clout and experience that his teammates would follow him, but he doesn't seem the type to completely override the staff. All hypothetical, so don't start flinging poo at me.

[Trippy]

The offense they are trying to run is Kubiak's, not Dennison's so if anybody needs to be fired for poor play calling it's Kubiak.

Which is full of ha-ha's. He should wait till next season when he is left with Brock. Trying to hem Manning into his offense is not going to work out for Peyton's survival this season. Unless the plan is to make an unequivocal showing that Manning is done and they'd have done better with a stronger younger QB. Either way, it will come back to bite Kubiak in the ass at some point.

The plan was to run more so Manning doesn't wear out so quickly but Anderson got hurt so they are back to throwing the ball.

[WayAbvPar]

Why did they fire John Fox again after winning the division for 4 straight years? Because that still boggles my mind.

I think he was uncomfortable with the amount of autonomy they expected him to allow Manning.

[Paelos]

Welp Romo's broken and Dez is broken, we're fucked.

[MrHat]

Welp Romo's broken and Dez is broken, we're fucked.

Ya.

It's really too bad because the defense is better than people have made it out and that offense is always good with Romo+Bryant.

[Rasix]

Eagles are hard to watch. Terrible roster.

[MrHat]

Eagles are hard to watch. Terrible roster.

Bradford looks like he's terrified of being a professional football player.

[Tannhauser]

Welp Romo's broken and Dez is broken, we're fucked.

That's a shame, boys looked like a lock for NFC East Champs.  Long season ahead though.

[Paelos]

Maybe we hire Matt Flynn. Seems to be the option these days when shit has hit the fan.

[Paelos]

Seahawks look like shit.

[Mithas]

Seahawks look like shit.

Good.

Actually, I don't think they played all that poorly. Their defense really misses Kam Chancellor though.

Also, Aaron Rodgers makes fun of Russell Wilson:

http://deadspin.com/aaron-rodgers-makes-fun-of-russell-wilson-by-crediting-1732038175

[sickrubik]

Chris Harris JR > Richard Sherman

[HaemishM]

My Sunday started off bad with Liverpool getting a draw against a team they should have beat. And then I picked New Orleans/Tampa Bay as my first NFL matchup. FUCK ME. This game was fucking awful. Apparently this NFL season is brought to you by the color fucking yellow because PENALTIES. The competition committee must think we like seeing refs 15-20 times a game because in all the games I watched, there were flags galore, sometimes for no good fucking reason. But back to this game. Holy shit. Both of these teams are horrible and should be ashamed. New Orleans should be more ashamed though, because goddamnit if they didn't make the crab-thieving rapist look fucking competent. No real pass rush, no ability to cover anybody. And what's worse is that Drew Brees now looks very very ordinary. There were at least three passes that he should have made that he just didn't. One INT was because he just couldn't heave the ball downfield long enough. He did take a lot of hits early in the game which either hurt his arm or scrambled his brain or both. Their offensive line is just that... offensively bad, which also seems to be a theme in this year's NFL. Is it that hard to find 5 meatheads to fucking block these days? It's not like Tampa's defensive line is great either. Other than Gerald McCoy, they don't really have anybody worth nothing and yet they were shredding the Saints all day. And you know, I'm just betting that Drew Brees is pissed that New Orleans traded away their best receiving threat for a center and their offensive line is STILL BAD. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? Maybe Tom Benson's money-grubbing kids can submit that trade as evidence that Benson is fucking senile. I would say that Peyton should probably lose his job this season but really, he's having to piece together a team with used chewing gum and spit after their GM trades away their best talents for magic fucking beans.

Game 2 - AMERICA'S GAME OF THE WEEK!!!!! If that's true, it must be punishment for the Global War on Terror because the Dallas/Philadelphia game was somehow infinity times worse than the Saints/Bucs. At least those offenses could score. Dallas actually wasn't that bad but you could tell that losing Bryant hurt their passing game. There was no real downfield threat. Also, losing Demarco Murray hurt their running game. I want to see them use McFadden as their featured back, but we all know that would only end with a random body part of his lying on the field separated from its owner for no good goddamn reason. I want to say Dallas's defense is good but then I see that they played the Giants and the Eagles so far this year. Which brings me to the Eagles who are holy shit WORSE THAN THE SAINTS. I'm not sure Bradford is going to last to the inevitable season-ending injury this year because he's fucking awful. I will grant him that his offensive line may be the worst in football (among a really crowded field of contenders). He looks utterly lost. Even Butt Fumble ran this offense better at times last year than he's doing now. He is running for his life on every play. And speaking of running, the Eagles are not. AT ALL. That offensive line couldn't block a wet fart. However, I still question the wisdom of signing Demarco Murray, a guy renowned for running really well behind a really good offensive line. He's a good power runner - he's not a scat back like LeSean McCoy or Darren Sproles or Ryan Matthews. What the fuck made Chip Kelly think he'd do well in a non-power oriented offensive line? I mean, the Eagles line wasn't any better last year but McCoy still ran the shit out of the ball. When Murray didn't have a good offensive line, he got hurt and was not nearly as effective. Which means that not only was Chip Kelly insane in all the moves he made (and that linebacker he got for McCoy... is hurt again), he wasn't crazy like a fox, he was just crazy. Unfortunately, Romo snapped his wishbone and the Cowboys get to see why Cleveland didn't want Brandon Weedon. And yes, I think Matt Flynn is available.  

Thankfully, my football palette was cleansed by Green Bay playing the offside trap against Seattle.  

That was a good game of football, made all the better for seeing Pete Carroll lose. And Russell Wilson throw a pick. Also, another Seattle defender just got drawn offside. Good thing your front office is fighting with Kam Chancellor over money. It's not like they need anyone to cover against the NFL's best goddamn quarterback or anything. Also congratulations on continuing to let your cornerbacks leave in free agency as well as your defensive coordinators. Good thing you kept Darrell Bevell. Holy fuck, this guy. You trade your pro bowl center for Jimmy Graham, one of the best tight ends in the league, then decide not to build your offense around him even though he's clearly the best pass catcher on your team by a country mile. Percy Harvin smugly says "Told you so." Speaking of idiotic coordinators, fuck you Dom Capers. I swear this guy is a defensive genius pre-game but goddamn Rain Man at halftime. I don't think I've seen a more consistent pattern of idiocy in my life. First two quarters, he shuts you down, forcing your team to make adjustments. Rather than making any adjustments himself, Capers just keeps doing what he's doing while your offense spends a quarter catching up and then gaining the lead. Green Bay will then go on to either 1) win with A-aron passing the ever living shit out of the ball in the 4th quarter and/or 2) the defense getting one or two crucial turnovers late. I really want them to fire Capers but I shudder to think who they'd replace him with.

Most of my fantasy picks this week shit the bed, including Phillip Rivers. I should have known Cincy's defense would disrupt him. Ah well, at least I won in the JV league.