Teenage Alien Ninja Turtles

[Sir T]

There's a line in an old Sydney Potier movie called "To Sir with love" that says "no man stays interested in a slut for long" and that's basically the problem. Yeah she's hot, but simple saying that the guys wouldn't bang her given the opportunity is missing the point. Yeah they probably would, but they would kick her out the door afterwards. And frankly once you have seen her "hi I'm hot" act for the umteemth time, it's just irritating. That's why Holywood cycles through hot females pretty fast.

Plus I read an interview with some of the guys on the production crew once and it was pretty clear that not one of them could stand her. The line that stuck with me is (paraphrasing, its been a while) "Yeah she's real hot when you are spraying glistener on her abdomen for the fifth time. Then we talk about how in the next movie Megatron should step on her as no-one would miss her"

[WayAbvPar]

Megan Fox at 18 was so hot I would drink her bath water.  However many plastic surgeries she has had since, it is at least 10 too many. She looks like a sweaty space alien.

Thank god I don't find her attractive any more, or I might be in danger of going to see this turd. Michael Bay is going to live until he is 90 and make movies the whole way, isn't he? 

[Bungee]

But once you get past the reptile brain part of your body, she's really kind of annoying.

I saw her on Conan the other day. It's exactly like that sentence. Comes in, smoking hot omfg is she hot and then she opens her mouth...

[Cyrrex]

I submit that you are all being totally honest with your proclaimed annoyance of her, and at the same time I'm willing to bet that you'd all agree to be her personal slave for a while, even if no naughty stuff was involved.

[Sir T]

... for about a minute. Then we would all leave as we would be in danger of punching her.

[HaemishM]

I submit that you are all being totally honest with your proclaimed annoyance of her, and at the same time I'm willing to bet that you'd all agree to be her personal slave for a while, even if no naughty stuff was involved.

I guarantee you, if there was no hate banging involved, there would be no reason whatsoever for me to hang around with her, much less be her slave. The minute sex came off the table, the personality comes to the fore. If she is as annoying as I think, I wouldn't want to be in the same room with her.

[Rasix]

I submit that you are all being totally honest with your proclaimed annoyance of her, and at the same time I'm willing to bet that you'd all agree to be her personal slave for a while, even if no naughty stuff was involved.

I'm not 20 anymore.  I'm married and have a kid.  Banging anonymous hot women hasn't been a real consideration of mine in a long time.  I'm able to evaluate actress on their various qualities, not just bangability.  

That being said, I don't really care about Megan Fox.  She has a dumb tattoo, but I'm willing to look beyond that. The turtles look creepy and the movie looked dumb.  I don't think I'll bother seeing this.

[TheWalrus]

You're making a mistake.

[Rasix]

I've been staring at beta vmware software all day.  You're going to need to be more specific.

[TheWalrus]

I'm sayin ghead and wait for it to come out on dvd or what have you, but it's worth watching. Not watching it all would be a mistake.

[Rasix]

Good to know.  PPV and HBO keep me happy.  I don't get to see movies in theaters.  Is there a name for movie-phobia? My son has it. Weird as hell.

[Lantyssa]

Dislikes-annoying-people-sticky-floors-yucky-bathrooms-poor-AC-unadjustable-volumes-and-super-expensive-treats-ia?

[Threash]

People confusing "i don't like her" with "i wouldn't bang her" are being obtuse.  I don't like her at all, i would still bang her even if she killed my dog.

[Evildrider]

Movie was alright.. The Turtles themselves were pretty well done imo.  The changes to the origins aren't too horrible, but I'd prefer the original.  I didn't like Shredder, but if this movie gets us to Krang in the sequel more power to them.

[Rendakor]

Dislikes-annoying-people-sticky-floors-yucky-bathrooms-poor-AC-unadjustable-volumes-and-super-expensive-treats-ia?

Several of those are just from choosing poor theaters. We have like 10 theaters within a half hour drive here, but I go to the same one every time because never once has the goddamn floor been sticky, the bathrooms are always clean, and they have like 8 credit card kiosks. Some of my friends still argue that Theater_X is 5 minutes closer or showing the movie 15 minutes sooner but I have chosen this hill to die on.

[Rasix]

I wish it was just that my son disliked the experience, he's never been.  It's more that he considers movies to be some sort of evil conspiracy to get him to stop doing what he'd rather be doing right now.  And bad guys.  There's always bad guys.  He'll get 15 minutes into anything and then it's time to shut it off. 

So, whatever.  He'll get over it.  Someday.

[Hoax]

In Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Megan Fox plays the TV reporter. When her unfulfilled character, April, tells her boss (Whoopi Goldberg) that she might know the identities of the vigilantes who’ve been standing up to an Asian crime syndicate that’s been terrorizing New York City, and that their identities might be those of her old pet turtles, the boss fires April. Ordinarily, an audience would be mad at Goldberg, whose dreadlocks and face are obscured by a giant, swinging wig that looks like the pelt of a dead Supreme. Not this time. TMNT is not a movie that cares whether April is good at her job.

[snip]

Anyway, Fox is not what’s wrong with this movie. In the Ninja Turtles universe (30 years of comic books, TV shows, movies, and toys), April was a constant cause for aggravation, getting into trouble so the Turtles could get her out. She’s a symptom of the movie’s Maxim-era priorities. When she happens upon the massive Turtles celebrating on a rooftop, they’re staggered by her hotness, especially [Michelangelo], who takes turns leching after her with a creepy cameraman (Will Arnett, naturally).

The show was never smart enough to make April a Nancy Drew or Brenda Starr. She was just a girl. “I was just a little girl,” says Fox this time. Mostly, she’s just asked to sit, listen, speak in exposition, and hang from stuff. Michael Bay is one of the producers, and Fox’s appearance here appears to be a kind of rapprochement after she described her time with him on two Transformers movies as like working with Hitler. He fired her from the third installment, which seemed rich to me. This is a director who’s still dreaming of being Leni Riefenstahl. In any case, one person’s burying of the hatchet is another’s five-year penitentiary stint.

http://grantland.com/hollywood-prospectus/teenage-mutant-ninja-turtles-movie-review/

[rk47]

The next turtles needs to take place in a beach so she wears less clothing that's all.
The nerd rage can burn forever as long my cockles are pleased.

[Cyrrex]

People confusing "i don't like her" with "i wouldn't bang her" are being obtuse.  I don't like her at all, i would still bang her even if she killed my dog.

The next turtles needs to take place in a beach so she wears less clothing that's all.
The nerd rage can burn forever as long my cockles are pleased.

This is all I am saying.  It is amusing to say the least when the nerd gallery resoundingly agrees with each other that the frequently dubbed world's most beautiful woman is, in fact, below their standards.  Sure, you might be willing to bang her if she asked nicely and you were allowed to pull her hair in anger and spew obscenities, but you'd kick that bitch to the CURB five minutes later, because that is how you roll.

Yes, she was hotter at 18.  Yes, she is still mind-shatteringly hot.
Yes, she is probably stupid and annoying.  My wife is stupid and annoying.  So is yours.
Sure, she looks all greasy and sweaty and that is yukky.  YUKKY I say. 
Yeah, her face is all swollen and crooked due to the plastic surgery. 
Either that or she has become a mother and the hormones will fuck you that way. 
Either that or your retinas are covered with Cheetoh dust.

[rk47]

*weeps with his dick in his left hand*

[Phildo]

And this discussion is exactly why she was cast in this movie.  Instead of talking about what a bad film it is, we have people arguing about having sex with Megan Fox.  Meanwhile, I watched a movie critic break down the plot of this film, and it's The Amazing Spider-Man.  It's just The Amazing Spider-Man with turtles and ninja robots.  This is a really dumb reboot of a franchise that already has one excellent film adaptation.  (OK, I'll admit that might just be nostalgia talking, but the original movie is at least pretty good.)

Also, the new turtles are creepy looking.

Here, Moviebob at The Escapist does a better job of explaining all this.

[Merusk]

Someday you too will be old and understand how lusting after vapid, mindless women gets old.  You don't believe us now, but it happens to us all. Even the ogling thread gets little more than a "yep, wow" from the 38+ crowd.

The show was never smart enough to make April a Nancy Drew or Brenda Starr. She was just a girl. “I was just a little girl,” says Fox this time.

So it's based on the 90's turtles and not the new incarnation where April is an active agent vs. a damsel in distress. Makes sense since in the new series April is a tween vs. a 20-something, but they could have made the shift. They just chose not to, which is typical of Bay's projects.

  (OK, I'll admit that might just be nostalgia talking, but the original movie is at least pretty good.)

Also, the new turtles are creepy looking.

It's nostalgia. The wife and son watched the original three this past weekend as some channel on cable was showing them all. The practical effects were still really good, but the over-all movie was "meh" at best.

[TheWalrus]

This is all I am saying.  It is amusing to say the least when the nerd gallery resoundingly agrees with each other that the frequently dubbed world's most beautiful woman is, in fact, below their standards.  Sure, you might be willing to bang her if she asked nicely and you were allowed to pull her hair in anger and spew obscenities, but you'd kick that bitch to the CURB five minutes later, because that is how you roll.

Yes, she was hotter at 18.  Yes, she is still mind-shatteringly hot.
Yes, she is probably stupid and annoying.  My wife is stupid and annoying.  So is yours.
Sure, she looks all greasy and sweaty and that is yukky.  YUKKY I say. 
Yeah, her face is all swollen and crooked due to the plastic surgery. 
Either that or she has become a mother and the hormones will fuck you that way. 
Either that or your retinas are covered with Cheetoh dust.

Not sure if you're genuinely an idiot, or are just really great at role playing one. Nobody here said she's below their standards. We're all just old enough to know that we wouldn't want to listen to somebody this stupid, self centered, and shallow, just for a fuck. I'm sure at this point you're just a walking cock that spurts at anything that has tits and moves, but one day there's a good chance you'll grow out of it. We're hoping anyway.

[Evildrider]

Not sure if you're genuinely an idiot, or are just really great at role playing one. Nobody here said she's below their standards. We're all just old enough to know that we wouldn't want to listen to somebody this stupid, self centered, and shallow, just for a fuck. I'm sure at this point you're just a walking cock that spurts at anything that has tits and moves, but one day there's a good chance you'll grow out of it. We're hoping anyway.

There is a reason duct tape was invented.   

[Phildo]

I really tried to re-rail this thread, but you guys didn't listen.  Fine.  Let's talk about Megan Fox some more.

[Sir T]

  (OK, I'll admit that might just be nostalgia talking, but the original movie is at least pretty good.)

Also, the new turtles are creepy looking.

It's nostalgia. The wife and son watched the original three this past weekend as some channel on cable was showing them all. The practical effects were still really good, but the over-all movie was "meh" at best.

I remember thinking the film was ok when I watched it in the theater. Enjoyable, but I had no desire to see it again. However, the sequels were atrocious.

Now to thankfully move on from the subject of some annoying woman, lets look at some fake "Controversy." Yes this is a few weeks old but it kinda shows the marketing for this...

http://www.buzzfeed.com/emilyorley/paramount-deletes-controversial-911-teenage-mutant-ninja-tur#4jky2yu

The poster shows the Turtles jumping from an exploding building, and the Australian release date is listed as Sept. 11, 2014. Particularly since the franchise is set in New York City, many found it offensive.
 
(spoilered due to sise)

The poster shows the Turtles jumping from an exploding building, and the Australian release date is listed as Sept. 11, 2014. Particularly since the franchise is set in New York City, many found it offensive.

Many people quickly commented on the poster.

    Rosie McCarthy @Rrrrrrxox

    Wow Paramount... you sure messed up with the TMNT poster
    6:11 PM - 29 Jul 14

    natalieholt1982 @natalieholt1982

    WHO thought that poster would be a good idea considering date?? Or did they just think no one would notice or indeed care? #TMNT
    6:08 PM - 29 Jul 14

    Martin Wefail @wefail

    What a thoughtful poster for 9/11. RT @ParamountAU Check out the official poster for #TMNT in cinemas September 11!
    10:15 AM - 29 Jul 14

    Nerd Truth @NerdTruth

    What was Paramount thinking with this #TeenageMutantNinjaTurtles poster??? https://t.co/iEjFVS0zcz
    5:55 PM - 29 Jul 14


The poster has also been deleted from Paramount Pictures AU’s Facebook page.

Request for comment to Michael Bay went unanswered.

Update: Paramount Pictures Australia issued the below statement to BuzzFeed:

“We are deeply sorry to have used that artwork for the marketing materials promoting the September 11 opening in Australia. Combining that image and date was a mistake. We intended no offense and have taken immediate action to discontinue its use.”JULY 29, 2014, 5:58 p.m.

And by god those turtles are hideous.

[Cyrrex]

This is all I am saying.  It is amusing to say the least when the nerd gallery resoundingly agrees with each other that the frequently dubbed world's most beautiful woman is, in fact, below their standards.  Sure, you might be willing to bang her if she asked nicely and you were allowed to pull her hair in anger and spew obscenities, but you'd kick that bitch to the CURB five minutes later, because that is how you roll.

Yes, she was hotter at 18.  Yes, she is still mind-shatteringly hot.
Yes, she is probably stupid and annoying.  My wife is stupid and annoying.  So is yours.
Sure, she looks all greasy and sweaty and that is yukky.  YUKKY I say. 
Yeah, her face is all swollen and crooked due to the plastic surgery. 
Either that or she has become a mother and the hormones will fuck you that way. 
Either that or your retinas are covered with Cheetoh dust.

Not sure if you're genuinely an idiot, or are just really great at role playing one. Nobody here said she's below their standards. We're all just old enough to know that we wouldn't want to listen to somebody this stupid, self centered, and shallow, just for a fuck. I'm sure at this point you're just a walking cock that spurts at anything that has tits and moves, but one day there's a good chance you'll grow out of it. We're hoping anyway.

I may or may not be a genuine idiot.  I am posting in a thread about a TMNT on a gaming website that has a higher-than-average nerd quotient, and I find it beyond amusing when 8 out of 10 posters claims in profound terms how repulsed they are about the female in question, who they clearly find to have sharp knees and would not bang.  Or they find her annoying and stupid.  Or they dislike her (perfect) fake tits and artificial tan.  Or how she has clearly had work done on her face.  Or how she has a bitchy looking expression.  And so on.  It could have just as easily been about any of dozens of other female actresses, all of whom by most measurements most normal people would consider to be utterly out of their league.  As such, I respond back here with snark, embellishment, and even a little bit of troll.  Mostly for the fun of it.  Partly because my eyes are bruised from all the rolling. 

[Hoax]

I wish you would spend half this much effort posting in the T&A thread instead of shitting up a thread about a shit movie.

[Cyrrex]

Pet peeve.  Sorry, i'll stop.

[Surlyboi]

You forgot her toe thumbs.