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Topic: Internet Dating: Everyone's still shallow (Read 414008 times)
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Signe
Terracotta Army
Posts: 18942
Muse.
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I don't know that you are a sad fucker if you do internet dating. Just look at the people here who did it and seem pretty happy now. A few met other ways on the internet, too. It seems to work.
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My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
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Selby
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2963
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If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.
Seriously, there are considerably more things sadder than dating on the internet.
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Strazos
Greetings from the Slave Coast
Posts: 15542
The World's Worst Game: Curry or Covid
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Random question: How prevalent are gold-diggers? Or, how much/little do you end up publicizing your job? I imagine someone that puts lawyer down has a higher chance of getting a response, but also a higher chance of someone being primarily attracted to your job.
Just curious, as I'm not in a position to even consider this option, which...stinks.
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Fear the Backstab! "Plato said the virtuous man is at all times ready for a grammar snake attack." - we are lesion "Hell is other people." -Sartre
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Tale
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8562
sıɥʇ ǝʞıן sʞןɐʇ
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Random question: How prevalent are gold-diggers? In my brief experience so far, I've spotted a number of women asking for narrow ranges of professions/job seniority. For example, specifically wanting senior manager/company owner/professional. That looks like gold digging to me. But date #1 herself was a wealthy senior manager. Tradesmen are said to be popular (the type that are getting a good workout from their job). My profile makes it pretty clear I'm in the media, which always gets questions. I've also seen plenty of women stating they don't mind what you do for a living, it's about the chemistry between you.
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« Last Edit: January 29, 2010, 11:29:57 PM by Tale »
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Signe
Terracotta Army
Posts: 18942
Muse.
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Some might just want their potential relationship to be in the same place they are professionally, no? It seems it would be more comfortable if you had that in common. Especially, if they're looking for someone to start a family with. It seems foolish to rule out people who take close interest in your career.
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My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
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Nerf
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2421
The Presence of Your Vehicle Has Been Documented
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Random question: How prevalent are gold-diggers? Or, how much/little do you end up publicizing your job? I imagine someone that puts lawyer down has a higher chance of getting a response, but also a higher chance of someone being primarily attracted to your job.
Just curious, as I'm not in a position to even consider this option, which...stinks.
I'd say its not just the men who worry about gold-diggers, my current girlfriend (who I met on OKCupid) makes substantially more money than I do, and in the very initial phases was definitely a little bit concerned with possible golddigging.
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Signe
Terracotta Army
Posts: 18942
Muse.
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And you were still able to pull it off! Good job!
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My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
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Tale
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8562
sıɥʇ ǝʞıן sʞןɐʇ
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Some might just want their potential relationship to be in the same place they are professionally, no? It seems it would be more comfortable if you had that in common. Especially, if they're looking for someone to start a family with. It seems foolish to rule out people who take close interest in your career.
Where their own careers were not as advanced than the ones they were looking for in a partner, it seemed opportunistic. Without fail, these women were also recent immigrants. Maybe actual women, maybe profiles set up by a mail order bride scam.
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Tale
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8562
sıɥʇ ǝʞıן sʞןɐʇ
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Four dates in one weekend is hard work. I couldn't remember whether I'd already told #4 things I'd told #3.
Now that I've done this internet dating thing, I reckon meeting for coffee in the morning works best as an introduction, not plunging straight into a nervous evening blind date.
Turns out #2 lied about her past, but is utterly hot. Seeing her again tomorrow. The photo of #3 was so beautiful I kept my expectations low, but she looked exactly like her photo and was great company, so we're going out again in a week. Which is good, because I initiated that contact. And from what I gathered, #4 was disappointed because she had wanted a man with bodybuilder's pecs. WTF.
There's totally a #5 and #6. But now that I'm not on the "new profiles" list, the flow of contact being initiated has fallen dramatically.
That's the way it is, January 31, 2010.
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« Last Edit: January 31, 2010, 12:26:54 PM by Tale »
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Signe
Terracotta Army
Posts: 18942
Muse.
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Don't die of exhaustion or anything! Also, try not to be serial killed by some beautiful internet predator. I swear I saw that on some TV show not long ago.
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My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
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Azazel
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What is sperginess?
It's schildspeak for being an Aspie. Or attempting to affect the mannerisms of same. I'm a teacher. I've worked in mainstream primary in the past but I am currently in Special, (where I had some specialist training before I started teaching mainstream) with a class of teenage boys with various forms of ID including (drumroll) Autism and Aspergers - hence a lot of my professional development stuff has been in this field over the past severla years. I can't be bothered talking about how hard or not I work, or how much of the work is various forms of mandatory bureaucratic bullshit or how much "teaching time" is wasted on crowd control for the unruly fuckers that shit all over your classroom and the opportunities for the other kids (usually the sprogs of those parents who think it's your responsibilty to raise their kids for them), but any fucker who thinks it's an easy cruiseville job can just go and fuck right off back into their puddle of cluelessness. I will say it's not a job you get to "clock off" and then go home and forget about work until tomorrow. We never left. If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.
Sorry? Aren't you single, virginal, and bemoaning of same throughout this thread? Any method of meeting people or communication is valid. Even people who meet on WoW. It's fucking 2010, not 1995. I'd also happily wager that the people that met their partners online in this thread are less of a "sad fucker" than your Mr."I can't get a woman! I have Aspergers! Just look how detached and emotionless I am when I type in this thread!" routine. Makes me want to slit your fucking throat with a shard of glass. Apparently. (Maybe you are, and maybe you're not, but you do appear to be trying way too hard to be so - a self-affected identity. On the internet!) Four dates in one weekend is hard work. That's the way it is, January 31, 2010.
If we're going to vicariously follow your misadventures, we need more details. How did she lie about her past? What was her deep dark secret? Tune in next week! At the same time, I'm quite happy all this mating and courtship bullshit is long behind me. This post needs more smilies. Ah rambling posts when you're tired FTW.
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LK
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4268
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We never left. If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.
Sorry? Aren't you single, virginal, and bemoaning of same throughout this thread? Any method of meeting people or communication is valid. Even people who meet on WoW. It's fucking 2010, not 1995. I'd also happily wager that the people that met their partners online in this thread are less of a "sad fucker" than your Mr."I can't get a woman! I have Aspergers! Just look how detached and emotionless I am when I type in this thread!" routine. Makes me want to slit your fucking throat with a shard of glass. Apparently. (Maybe you are, and maybe you're not, but you do appear to be trying way too hard to be so - a self-affected identity. On the internet!) I tried to look up what a self-affected identity was and couldn't find it. Never denied I wasn't a sad fucker myself, and if I did somewhere that I forgot about, then I'll set the record straight: I'm a sad fucker. You're right. You can pride yourself on knowing that you've integrated into society better than I have and have a firmer grasp on reality and other people than I can claim to. I mean, I don't know how better to drive this point home in a way that would resonate, and it might be an impossibility because, lol, internet, but what you and everyone on here do so easily is a fucking monumental challenge for me and something I WANT to be able to do. Don't think I haven't learned from my mistakes in this thread; it's been very educational, and throwing myself out there, shamelessly pathetic that I am and giving you as much knee jerk and/or mocking fodder has helped heaps to better me. Unlike grunk or some other shit bag, I'll actually listen and try to compute and change based on the feedback. I mean, do you seriously think I still think the way I did since the start of this thread? Are you too used to rigid idealogy or people who refuse to change positions or admit personal growth because that'd give you the win? I don't really care. If mocking me helps you feel better but helps me become a better person, then go right ahead. I think later on I'll be posting about the size of my dick and how it correlates to my inferiority complex. You can make fun of me about that for a couple pages. Not a response that I'd call an Olbermann (Frank acceptance of a critical analysis of one's self without argument or retort), but it'll do. Regarding dating websites, from my experiences, the explotiative and sludge of society tend to congregate in these places.
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"Then there's the double-barreled shotgun from Doom 2 - no-one within your entire household could be of any doubt that it's been fired because it sounds like God slamming a door on his fingers." - Yahtzee Croshaw
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Samwise
Moderator
Posts: 19227
sentient yeast infection
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I tried to look up what a self-affected identity was and couldn't find it.
It means that you sound like you're trying to act like more of a sad fucker than you are (I cannot relate to any of you hu-mans, my life is a void of empty despair, oh woe upon me and my unique snowflakiness), either because you're fishing for attention, because you want to confirm your latest self-diagnosis, or because you want to convince yourself that your problems are so crushing that you shouldn't bother to deal with them. Odds are good you have no idea you're doing it, but it's still kinda annoying.
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"I have not actually recommended many games, and I'll go on the record here saying my track record is probably best in the industry." - schild
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Tale
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8562
sıɥʇ ǝʞıן sʞןɐʇ
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If we're going to vicariously follow your misadventures, we need more details. How did she lie about her past? What was her deep dark secret? Tune in next week! She indicated she was never married, but there's a divorce in her past. Not a big deal. People can live together for decades without getting married, split up and don't have to mention it. Hers is not a simple story, but I don't have a problem with it on first hearing. Can't be more specific because it's a unique story.
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« Last Edit: February 01, 2010, 12:32:25 PM by Tale »
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LK
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4268
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OK, I'm speechless. Grats.
My natural inclination is to write something long and winded in response or try to somehow save face or post something you'd EXACTLY expect me to post right now, but I'm just gonna tell myself to fuck off on this one.
Sorry.
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"Then there's the double-barreled shotgun from Doom 2 - no-one within your entire household could be of any doubt that it's been fired because it sounds like God slamming a door on his fingers." - Yahtzee Croshaw
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Draegan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10043
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If you're doing Internet dating, you're a sad fucker.
Sorry, not quite. Many people do it these days. I hear more and more stories about people meeting online. The internet is just not for geeks and nerds anymore... in case you didn't know.
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Nebu
Terracotta Army
Posts: 17613
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I hear more and more stories about people meeting online.
I know quite a few happy couples that met online. So much so that I've considered it using it on occasion. I don't think meeting online is all that different from being set up by a friend or meeting at a party. It even has the benefit of helping to determine if the person can communicate by text. No small feat in the era of texting.
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"Always do what is right. It will gratify half of mankind and astound the other."
- Mark Twain
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Lantyssa
Terracotta Army
Posts: 20848
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Regarding dating websites, from my experiences, the explotiative and sludge of society tend to congregate in these places.
They're everywhere. They need companionship just like anyone else. There are also plenty of nice, normal and slightly off-kilter but okay people online, too. The point of a dating site is to open up possibilities that one would not otherwise have. Maybe your lack of proper social filters makes it harder for you to spot the good ones (gods know mine need work), but it's quite possible to meet decent people, too. Remove the outliers and the people who are left are probably okay. An attention whore or needy bastard isn't going to make themselves seem average.
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Hahahaha! I'm really good at this!
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murdoc
Terracotta Army
Posts: 3036
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Two of the nicest, most attractive people I know met online. I feel sorry for those sad fuckers.
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Have you tried the internet? It's made out of millions of people missing the point of everything and then getting angry about it
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LK
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4268
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Point taken, but drive it home for a couple more pages so the shame from my knee-jerk response forms a nice, black shell around my heart.
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"Then there's the double-barreled shotgun from Doom 2 - no-one within your entire household could be of any doubt that it's been fired because it sounds like God slamming a door on his fingers." - Yahtzee Croshaw
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Trippy
Administrator
Posts: 23626
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The photo of #3 was so beautiful I kept my expectations low, but she looked exactly like her photo and was great company, so we're going out again in a week.
Pics or it didn't happen
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Sir T
Terracotta Army
Posts: 14223
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Woman I know advised me recently to go for a dating agency or an online dating thing. Her reasoning is that at my age (37) because I have dated much, I simply don't have the skill or experience to date properly. She argued that dating like everything else is a skill, and if you have never done it you will be hopelessly outclassed in a sea of experienced people.
Kind of sobering, really. Probably will go for that, but I'll probably make an ass of myself as usual even if I get on an actual date.
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Hic sunt dracones.
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LK
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4268
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Woman I know advised me recently to go for a dating agency or an online dating thing. Her reasoning is that at my age (37) because I have dated much, I simply don't have the skill or experience to date properly. She argued that dating like everything else is a skill, and if you have never done it you will be hopelessly outclassed in a sea of experienced people.
Kind of sobering, really. Probably will go for that, but I'll probably make an ass of myself as usual even if I get on an actual date.
The type of skills you're talking about are what I assume you get growing up in grade school and high school amongst other kids. Also, willing to learn by trial and error at great humiliation to yourself should you error.
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"Then there's the double-barreled shotgun from Doom 2 - no-one within your entire household could be of any doubt that it's been fired because it sounds like God slamming a door on his fingers." - Yahtzee Croshaw
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Sir T
Terracotta Army
Posts: 14223
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The only social skill I got in Primary school was "how to get beaten up by 10 kids at once" so no help there.
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Hic sunt dracones.
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NowhereMan
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7353
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I wouldn't say great humiliation, aside from the possibility that you can magnify little mistakes massively in your own head. There's an extent to which humiliation can really be something that only you notice (of course that's versus people who massively humiliate themselves and are oblivious). Skill at dating is something you get from dating. It's only something you get in grade school if you do a lot of dating there (and even then it isn't something which directly translates to dating in later life). It's a case of being aware that you want to talk to someone and wish to present yourself as an eligible partner for them. It requires somewhat different social skills from interaction with friends because 1) there's more pressure on (especially if they're hot, god knows most of the dates I've spent with girls I've fancied have been some of the most horrifically dull evenings of my life because I cannot talk to cure girls) and 2) you want to be finding out stuff about them while hiding your own craziness/issues. Obviously not to a weird extent but the whole thing is like a job interview where you're both applying and vetting and like job interviews you're probably not going to be a natural and even if you are you have to be prepared that they still don't feel you'll fit in.
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"Look at my car. Do you think that was bought with the earnest love of geeks?" - HaemishM
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Trippy
Administrator
Posts: 23626
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Lorekeep, you should take a break from this thread.
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shiznitz
Terracotta Army
Posts: 4268
the plural of mangina
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Woman I know advised me recently to go for a dating agency or an online dating thing. Her reasoning is that at my age (37) because I have dated much, I simply don't have the skill or experience to date properly. She argued that dating like everything else is a skill, and if you have never done it you will be hopelessly outclassed in a sea of experienced people.
And is this woman happily married or still dating herself? This comment reminds me of conferences/seminars where unemployed people gather to talk about job hunting strategies. Talking to other unemployed people isn't going to help you find a job.
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I have never played WoW.
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Sir T
Terracotta Army
Posts: 14223
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And is this woman happily married or still dating herself? This comment reminds me of conferences/seminars where unemployed people gather to talk about job hunting strategies. Talking to other unemployed people isn't going to help you find a job. She's dating herself.
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Hic sunt dracones.
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Nerf
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2421
The Presence of Your Vehicle Has Been Documented
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And is this woman happily married or still dating herself? This comment reminds me of conferences/seminars where unemployed people gather to talk about job hunting strategies. Talking to other unemployed people isn't going to help you find a job. She's dating herself. Tell her to find a man before she doles out any fucking advice if she wants you to actually listen.
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Tale
Terracotta Army
Posts: 8562
sıɥʇ ǝʞıן sʞןɐʇ
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She's dating herself.
Sounds like a euphemism.
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NiX
Wiki Admin
Posts: 7770
Locomotive Pandamonium
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This thread makes me feel warm inside.
The best kind of dating service is having Signe pimp you out like you're her only child.
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Lantyssa
Terracotta Army
Posts: 20848
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The type of skills you're talking about are what I assume you get growing up in grade school and high school amongst other kids. Also, willing to learn by trial and error at great humiliation to yourself should you error.
I didn't began learning social skills until my 30s. Extreme shyness, high amounts of social anxiety, Aspie-like behavior likely caused by being celiac mixed with a high-wheat American diet. Anyone can learn. For most people it's more of an intuitive trial and error. The funny thing about Aspies is they're trainable. It may not be a full understanding, but it comes by analyzing those actions, mimicing them, and practice. It needs to be approached from the perspective as a learned skill rather than "something people instinctively know". Sure people will throw curve balls at you, but it's not like they haven't been doing that all along. Now you at least have the skills to occasionally tag it anyways. Everyone risks humiliation. You remember more of the details of 'failure' than anyone else. Some people find a bit of social awkwardness cute. Get competent enough to survive social situations and strangely an annoying trait to you becomes an endearing quirk to others. Your ever thickening blackened shell of a heart shouldn't care about humiliation anyways. Dating is just an extension of all that. I've mostly avoided it personally. I'm better in small groups where I can observe and give the occasional interjection. The one-on-one stuff is really scary. (Incidentally it is how I've gotten to know every person I have started a relationship with.) Even if internet dating isn't for me, maybe not for you either, it has its place. Recognizing what works for you and doesn't is vitally important, but keep in mind your needs will be different than a lot of others', too. Sounds like a euphemism.
Wrong thread...
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Hahahaha! I'm really good at this!
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Murgos
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7474
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And is this woman happily married or still dating herself? This comment reminds me of conferences/seminars where unemployed people gather to talk about job hunting strategies. Talking to other unemployed people isn't going to help you find a job.
Where your analogy breaks down is that applying to lots of jobs will help you find a job. If you have little or no experience dating than I can think of no better way to get experience dating than to go on dates. So, yes, Sir T, go online and get out there. Yes, you will be horrible the first time, don't worry about it.
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"You have all recieved youre last warning. I am in the process of currently tracking all of youre ips and pinging your home adressess. you should not have commencemed a war with me" - Aaron Rayburn
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Endie
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Posts: 6436
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Four dates in one weekend is hard work. I couldn't remember whether I'd already told #4 things I'd told #3.
This is very true. I went through a couple of months of juggling four girls (the Student, the Colleague, the Lap Dancer and the Secretary - very Jungian but you start to think in stereotypes) like this (no, none of them thought they were the only one so don't get mad at me) and I started prefacing everything with hedges like "I think I mentioned that" or "I still love the time that" because I kept repeating stories or thinking that I was perhaps doing so. That's not the biggest problem with that approach to dating, but it's a factor.
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My blog: http://endie.netTwitter - Endieposts "What else would one expect of Scottish sociopaths sipping their single malt Glenlivit [sic]?" Jack Thompson
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Margalis
Terracotta Army
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I work best in groups of one.
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vampirehipi23: I would enjoy a book written by a monkey and turned into a movie rather than this.
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