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Topic: Useless Movies (Read 169746 times)
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Velorath
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Blame China for the continued existence of those movies.
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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on the list of things I want to blame china for, the transformers doesn't even hit the top 50
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Samwise
Moderator
Posts: 19229
sentient yeast infection
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RedLetterMedia has made a running gag over the last week of posting fake review videos of the new Transformers movie. It's past Adam Sandler levels of contempt.
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"I have not actually recommended many games, and I'll go on the record here saying my track record is probably best in the industry." - schild
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Cyrrex
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10603
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Not that I care overly much about it, but my first thought was indeed that this is what we get for having to cater to the Chinese market. But thinking over it further, I think it is just as much about the international market in general. Although anecdotal, my wife is a good example of this. When exiting this particular movie we begin discussing what we thought about it. I said it was awful, my two boys (12 and 15) who are somewhat more Americanized than my wife and have better inherent English ability were pretty "meh" leaning towards the negative. We could all agree that these TF movies, while never great, actually seem to get worse and worse. My wife, born and raised in Denmark, never quite sees it the same way. She thought it was okay, or at least on par with lots of other, better made action flicks. The utter cornball, horrific and offensive dialogue? Flies straight over her head. This goes for tons of movies and TV shows. The truly terrible stuff just looks like average stuff to her.
I guess it is about appealing to the lowest common denominator, or something.
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"...maybe if you cleaned the piss out of the sunny d bottles under your desks and returned em, you could upgrade you vid cards, fucken lusers.." - Grunk
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Ragnoros
Terracotta Army
Posts: 1027
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My honest theory is that Michael Bay is trying to figure out just how awful and offensive of a movie he can make before people will stop paying money to see it.
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Owls are an example of evolution showing off. -Shannow
BattleTag - Ray#1555
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Cyrrex
Terracotta Army
Posts: 10603
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I think Spielberg attaches his name to that stuff as well, though I don't know how much of a part he really plays. That man's career is really inexplicable. He was figuratively shitting gold back in the day, but at some point he must have exploded an important vein in his head. Has he made anything in the last decade that didn't make me want to punch a kitten?
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"...maybe if you cleaned the piss out of the sunny d bottles under your desks and returned em, you could upgrade you vid cards, fucken lusers.." - Grunk
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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Watched Lego Batman last night.
I was bored and irritated the whole way through. I think there was exactly one laugh.
Did I have expectations set to high or summat ?
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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NowhereMan
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Posts: 7353
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The dialogue probably has something to do with it, non-native speakers even if they have an extremely good grasp of the language still don't quite get the difference between meh and terrible dialogue. In a lot of other countries I suspect subtitles also do a better job than the writers on those movies. The action itself with Transformers (and all Michael Bay films) is grand and loud and has good effects. I think perhaps Americans have a pretty unique thing of rating the quality of big, explosiony action movies. I kind of lump them all together myself although I haven't seen the TF films past the first one to judge if they've gone down hill. The first one was fairly dire and didn't deliver any of the characters or plot I was hoping for from a Transformers film.
Lego Batman: I laughed a bit at it but the plot wasn't as well done or thoughtful as the Lego movie. I think it was fun as a kids movie but it was more a Dreamworks than a Pixar type kids movie. They saw what worked in the Lego movie but didn't really have the ability to pull it off. I think it's fair to compare them though, they clearly went in using that previous success to sell it.
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"Look at my car. Do you think that was bought with the earnest love of geeks?" - HaemishM
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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Elena loved it even on, I think, 3rd watching for her now, so it's defo a kids one, but I really expected more for me. It just wasn't there.
Also, I thought for a Batman bit, the voice chaps were all awful. The only thing that broadly made me smile was the two scenes harking back to all the other Batmen. But even that became overdone by the final fight scene with the Adam West Fight-Words.
I dunno. I'd like to think I'm not just being IronCunty, but it really didn't work for me on any level.
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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Merusk
Terracotta Army
Posts: 27449
Badge Whore
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Watched Lego Batman last night.
I was bored and irritated the whole way through. I think there was exactly one laugh.
Did I have expectations set to high or summat ?
No, I said the same thing when it came out. I was so bored I fell asleep after the Batman history joke. It was, to me, like watching a movie aimed at 6-8 year olds with no real jokes for parents. I enjoyed The Secret Life of Pets more.
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The past cannot be changed. The future is yet within your power.
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Khaldun
Terracotta Army
Posts: 15164
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I tried watching it on a plane. I thought it was dumb, I could only put up with it for about twenty minutes.
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calapine
Terracotta Army
Posts: 7352
Solely responsible for the thread on "The Condom Wall."
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Trailer for a film that is out already quite a while Russian SF action film. I would say "ЇЍDЭPԐЍDЭЙҪЄ DДЧ" but it does seem to be a bit more story heavy. Anyway, watch yourself. There are english subs, just need to be turned on: Attraction Official Trailer #3
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Restoration is a perfectly valid school of magic!
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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Despicable Me 3, continuing the Minions Trend of being fucking garbage and running this franchise into the ground.
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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Signe
Terracotta Army
Posts: 18942
Muse.
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Did Elena like it, though?
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My Sig Image: hath rid itself of this mortal coil.
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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Yes, she loved it. (It's really bad tho.)
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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Sir T
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Posts: 14223
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I thought the Minions in the first movie were used perfectly. Not too much so as they didn't spoil the gags, kept the focus on the main characters. The other movies... Urrgh...
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Hic sunt dracones.
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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I guess it depends on your view of the minons. I find them fucking annoying and while funny in the first one, it's a one-note joke that wears quickly.
Whereas, Mark Kermode, the film critic I most listen to, did his review of this film where he liked it entirely due to the minions.
Who knows !
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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Just watched Adjustment Bureau and boy that's a better movie than I remember despite being a bit heavy handed.
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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It's ok, I liked the romance, but it got very, very, very 'God-y'
I do not like too much God in my films.
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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I appreciated them only saying angels once. But more to the point, the god stuff bothered me less here because the overall premise was more interesting. I also like the whole free will is an illusion thing coming from on high rather than some nonsense corporate overlord like it does in so many sci-fi movies.
But mostly, it was just way more entertaining than I remembered.
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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The Circle is maybe one of the worst 5 star-studded movies I've ever seen.
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HaemishM
Staff Emeritus
Posts: 42632
the Confederate flag underneath the stone in my class ring
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Yeah that one looked like total trite bullshit from the first trailer. Like The Net only with a less interesting premise.
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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The net was great for what it was. The circle was absolute dogshit.
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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Wait, was that the one where aliens have captured everyone and they have to be in some kind of stupid alien game show where only one survives ? I liked it. Because lots of people died and Darla was in it.
On the matter of Dogshit, however, I just watched that Fantastic Potter Cash Ins and Where to Find Them.
Jesus fuck.
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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what? The circle was the Netflix Tom Hanks / Emma Watson tour de force that was clearly written by retards. The Net was a Sandra Bullock vehicle from the mid 90s.
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Ruvaldt
Terracotta Army
Posts: 2398
Goat Variations
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Circle (what Ironwood is talking about) and The Circle (the Hanks/Watson movie) are two different movies. Both available on Netflix, but neither worth watching.
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"For a long time now I have tried simply to write the best I can. Sometimes I have good luck and write better than I can." - Ernest Hemingway
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Ironwood
Terracotta Army
Posts: 28240
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what? The circle was the Netflix Tom Hanks / Emma Watson tour de force that was clearly written by retards. The Net was a Sandra Bullock vehicle from the mid 90s.
Yeah, in that case I don't care. About either.
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"Mr Soft Owl has Seen Some Shit." - Sun Tzu
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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The Dark Tower - 95 minutes (lol) IT - 135 minutes for the first HALF
so
yeah
9/8 can't come soon enough
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Engels
Terracotta Army
Posts: 9029
inflicts shingles.
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Jusdt saw Buster's Mal Heart this weekend on Netflix. Its sorta a bizarre movie a la Jacob's Ladder and the Lost Room. Its one of those you can probably watch 3-5 times without really locking down precisely what's happened. I think this is a good audience for it: https://youtu.be/W8ilR2b3QLs
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I should get back to nature, too. You know, like going to a shop for groceries instead of the computer. Maybe a condo in the woods that doesn't even have a health club or restaurant attached. Buy a car with only two cup holders or something. -Signe
I LIKE being bounced around by Tonkors. - Lantyssa
Babies shooting themselves in the head is the state bird of West Virginia. - schild
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Abagadro
Terracotta Army
Posts: 12227
Possibly the only user with more posts in the Den than PC/Console Gaming.
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Seen chunks before, but sat down and finally watched all of Aguirre, the Wrath of God. Great film and you can see how it influenced a lot of Coppola and Malick. I think Fitzcarraldo is next for me.
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"As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”
-H.L. Mencken
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Khaldun
Terracotta Army
Posts: 15164
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Be sure to watch the documentary about the making of it afterwards.
Aguirre is super-great, though.
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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wow The Mummy is terrible
100% terrible
every part of it
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schild
Administrator
Posts: 60345
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I only got through half the movie last night
it somehow gets worse
this is the worst
I can't think of a big budget movie that is worse than this movie
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HaemishM
Staff Emeritus
Posts: 42632
the Confederate flag underneath the stone in my class ring
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I would have been surprised if it was any other way. The concept was supremely dumb - let's franchise characters that haven't really been considered front-line characters for at least 15 years. Then let's attach it to a movie series that had one campy great surprise hit, two really disappointing sequels and two or more (I forget how many Scorpion Kings they made without the Rock) really terrible bombs as spinoffs. OH and let's pay big name stars like Tom Cruise to star in it and make it serious business forgetting the entire campy nature that made the Branden Fraser version so successful. Surely this will make us Marvel Disney bucks!
It was pretty much doomed to failure.
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Khaldun
Terracotta Army
Posts: 15164
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What's really interesting is all the dumb shit around the movie about it establishing a "franchise". None of these dumb motherfuckers running the studios now seem to have even the vaguest idea of how to go about doing something like that. All they can see is the Marvel and Star Wars people and they go, "oh, that's easy, we can do that, what IP do we have sitting around, we just take the IP and buy some directors and movie stars and get a big ad budget and bam! we gots this".
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